Ultimate-Guitar’s 2008 Holiday Gift Guide

I’ve conceded that Santa might not be getting me that Dean Razorback I’ve been asking for this year. I’ll chalk it up to not being worthy enough, but some have hinted that the $1,600 price tag might have played a small role. I guess I should just be happy that my other holiday wish – that Chinese Democracy would finally be released – came to fruition. Oh, wait. That was my wish as a 19-year-old circa 1995. Thankfully there’s still plenty out there to keep a beginning, intermediate, or professional guitarist occupied during the holidays, and those gifts don’t always have to leave your loved ones penniless, either.

This year the staff at Ultimate-Guitar has compiled a list of possible gift ideas that are geared towards those who don’t have Slash’s bank account, and we wanted you to join in the fun as well. We recently asked our readers what they’d want for Christmas if money was no object, and the results are in. Some of you were deadly serious about your wish list, and as we anticipated, a good chunk of the responses leaned toward a slightly more twisted point of view. Included at the end of our gift guide are some of the most entertaining responses, many of which have nothing whatsoever to do with playing the guitar. But hey, who are we to stifle your creativity?

Guitars That Won’t Break The Bank

Ibanez ART100 Artist Series

With a body that looks more like a Paul Reed Smith than your run-of-the-mill Ibanez (think Vai and Satriani), the ART100 is a single-cutaway beauty that is an affordable indulgence. Running about $299, the Ibanez has received shockingly good reviews and some claim it stays in tune better than a Les Paul. Users have recommended upgrading to a higher-quality pickup, but that glitch might just be worth overlooking for the price.

Dean Dave Mustaine V VMNTX Signature

The too-good-to-be-true price tag ($499 retail, but deals are available for $299) might scare some of you away, but this Dave Mustaine signature is no flimsy recreation of the original.

Featuring a bolt-on neck joint, basswood body and maple top, the V delivers that perfect Megadeth-tinged sound and consistently stays in tune. That’s a tall order when you dip below the $500 mark. While you’re waiting to take the financial plunge on Mustaine’s other models like Gears Of War or Angel of Death, the VMNTX should tie you over nicely.

Epiphone Les Paul Standard

Many of us grew up worshiping the likes of Slash or Jimmy Page, who always had their trusty Gibson Les Pauls in tow. Most of us, however, will have to pad our bank accounts a bit more before graduating to those beauties. Epiphone is known for inexpensive “copies” of all the great Gibsons, and depending on which model you select, you might just get a winner. While you can’t go wrong with the façade of any of the Epiphone models, the Les Paul Standard has received generally positive reviews from consumers. The consensus seems to be that this is the perfect guitar for the intermediate player who is seeking a reliable, durable guitar. The Les Paul Standard runs a bit more than other Epiphones, but sites like Musician’s Friend are currently selling these models for about $549.

Straight From The Pros

VOX Satchurator

It seems like all of our favorite guitar gods have been feverishly working at building the ultimate in gear and accessories over the past few years. One of the more recent additions comes from Joe Satriani, who worked with VOX to create the Satchurator distortion pedal. With high gain levels and the ability to still deliver quieter tones, the Satchurator has been embraced by those who are seeking to emulate Surfing With The Alien.

Zoom G2G George Lynch Signature “Mr. Scary” Pedal

While the Satchurator will undoubtedly satisfy Satriani devotees, the new signature pedal from 80’s icon George Lynch is designed for a much wider audience than just Dokken fans. Lynch has been working to capture a combination of pretty much every sound you can imagine – using a microchip to record an assortment of stomp boxes, tube pre-amps, vintage amps, EQ settings, and much more along the way. Whether you like a delay-heavy style or are striving for that early Metallica vibe, the G2G covers it all. The pedal features 40 original patches from Lynch himself and runs $119.

Dean DimeTime Pickup

The number of Dimebag Darrell disciples continues to grow, and the good people at Dean are ensuring that his memory and signature style carry on for future generations. The long-awaited DimeTime pickup was given a personal touch, with Dean focusing on the precise tones used on Cowboys From Hell – as well as enlisting the help of Dimebag’s guitar tech Grady Champion in the process. The DimeTime pickup is one of Dean’s newest additions, but the company also has a motherload of other Dimebag-related paraphernalia that is a must for any Pantera fan.

Marshall Limited Edition Kerry King MG10KK 10W 1x6.5 Combo Amp

This is quite a baby amp in size, but it packs a punch. Users have commented on how loud it gets, particularly considering it’s running on only 10 watts.

This practice amp doesn’t try to confuse you with a million different knobs, instead putting the focus on only 4: Clean Volume, Overdrive Gain, Overdrive Volume, and Tone. When it comes down to it, the brutal sound is what has sold metal players on the Kerry King Marshall.

Stocking Stuffers For Shredders

The Gripp Hand Trainer

Running around $5, this is one little item that counts as more of a stocking stuffer. It’s unassuming in appearance, but the Gripp Hand Trainer works as a hand/forearm strengthener to help you play for a longer period of time. While you can’t take your guitar to school or work, the Gripp Hand Trainer is small enough to use anywhere. Obviously you won’t turn into Randy Rhoads with just a squeezable ball, but it’s still a useful tool that will aid you in your practice regimen.

Outlet Tester

This looks as far from rock and roll as you can get, but it might just save that beautiful vintage amp that you worship. If you want to protect that old Marshall (or even any new equipment) while gigging on the road, put an outlet tester on your list. Priced around $10 and available at most hardware stores, you’ll save your amp from being fried. Most vintage pieces do need a little more TLC, and taking the time to use the outlet tester a few minutes before a gig will save you years of heartache.

DR Handmade Extra Life Strings

Oh, the colors. Once you get over the aesthetics of DR Handmade Extra Life Strings (“Red Devil” and “Peacock Blue” are particularly eye-catching), it becomes quickly evident that these strings are up there with Elixirs in terms of quality. The brand has earned top ratings in both tone and playability, with the main complaint being that a small amount of paint can rub off from time to time. Even with that setback, the guitarists who have tried out the colored DR Handmade Strings usually come back for more. This is one of the pricier stocking stuffers at a retail price of almost $50 (yikes), but on the plus side you won’t need to replace them anytime soon.

Dunlop Pyrex Glass Flare Slide

Anyone who’s a fan of Joe Walsh, Jack White, or Billy Gibbons has heard mastery on the slide guitar. You’ll get a different sound depending on the type used, but there’s a new slide that has gained attention for its twist on an old classic. The Dunlop Pyrex Glass Flare Slide is a shatter-resistant slide that excels in delivering in a warm, middle-harmonics tone. If you’ve been thinking of delving into a bluesier sound, the Pyrex slide will deliver effective results at a reasonable price of around $7.99.

Express Yourself

Steve Clayton Custom Picks

With the popularity of do-it-yourself T-shirt design sites like CafePress, it’s refreshing to see that pick guru Steve Clayton is expanding that idea past apparel. If you are looking to give a unique gift to your buddy (or yourself), check out the custom pick shop at http://www.claytoncustom.com. For $24.99-$450 (depending on the quantity and style), you can design everything from the shape and gauge to the text/design and material of your picks. If you steer away from generic gifts, the Steve Clayton custom shop will be a godsend.

Strap Graphics

Have you ever felt that your guitar strap might be improved tenfold if only you had your own face emblazoned on it? If you’re not that self-absorbed, then perhaps a buxom blond will do just fine. If you like the idea of the Steve Clayton custom picks but prefer something a little more eye-catching onstage, check out Strap Graphics. At http://www.strapgraphics.com/custom.php you can upload your own design and select such specifics as the strap width, leather color, and stitching. Running $59 and up, the custom-made straps are made of high-quality leather and are currently being shipped free during the holidays.

Oddities

Iron Maiden Eddie’s Evil Brew

This gift has absolutely nothing to do with playing the guitar and it’s only available to those in Europe, but we couldn’t resist putting it on the list.

What better way to class up that next party of yours than to bring along a bottle of Iron Maiden Eddie’s Evil Brew? Although we have no idea how this merlot tastes, there’s something downright charming about seeing Eddie’s shining face staring back at you as you dine with grandma and grandpa.

Dave Mustaine’s Black Gold Blend

There’s only one thing stranger than seeing an Iron Maiden image on your merlot bottle, and that would be Dave Mustaine’s silhouette donning your coffee container. We were given the tip off on Dave Mustaine’s Black Gold Blend from none other than a Megadeth bulletin on MySpace, so this is the real deal. And we’re all in luck this time – unlike Eddie’s Brew, the Mustaine Blend is available in the US and runs a reasonable $14.99. Check out www.networthcoffeebrokers.com to find out more details on this bizarrely cool holiday gift.

UG Readers’ Selections: Santa, Sex, And A Texas Ranger

We went the traditional route with our staff-written holiday gift guide, providing some logical, wallet-friendly ideas for guitarists. But our tiny list doesn’t even begin to cover the desires and wants of the UG community, and our recent survey made that crystal clear. Oh sure, the most popular selections were the standard “guitar” (60 percent) or “amplifier” (20 percent) answers, but we were surprised to find that not far behind was a wish for “talent.” Sad, yet intriguing.

Some of you chose to get a little more creative with the wish list, and at times that originality came close to equaling vulgarity. Of course, you certainly got our attention. The following UG readers’ selections are unusual and might come in a far second to a Strat or Les Paul, but as one person pointed out, there’s really only one gift that keeps on giving: Chuck Norris’ fists.

Santa’s Mom

While most jokes using “Your Mom” as a punchline are comic gold, this one takes humor to the next level.

We have to admit that seeing 75 people collectively suggest “Santa’s Mom” as a must-have holiday gift was a tad disturbing. May we suggest Santa’s 20-something-year-old daughter instead?

A Bigger…Well, You Know

If a guitar does not appear to be in your future this Christmas, asking for a bigger member is worth a shot.

And if by chance you do grow an inch or two, we salute you.

A Guns N’ Roses Reunion With All The Original Members

Axl, you know that it would be the ultimate step in rebuilding your career. Sure, Chinese Democracy made a fairly solid showing internationally, but a reunion with Slash, Izzy, Duff, and yes, even Steven would likely win back all those fans you alienated over the past 15 or so years. We probably have a better chance of getting struck by lightning, but let us believe in Christmas miracles.

Jessica Alba Looks, Yngwie’s Speed And Control, and Chuck Norris’ Fists

We’re not sure if a boy or girl asked for this gift, but it matters not.

Anybody who mentions Chuck Norris is a badass.

Honorable Mentions:

“Sex”

“Playing skills so that I can kick ass in the school concert and show those snobbish posers what real guitar playing is”

“Enough watts in my amp to destroy a house with just one chord”

“Ultimate-Guitar playing skills”

“A penguin that can shoot lasers from its eyes”

“Marta Peterson from Bleeding Through”

“A guitar with 612 necks”

“A girlfriend with 12 necks”

“Sex, drugs, and heavy f**king metal”

By Amy Kelly
Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2008

Comments

[Horlicks]

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

[MangeRamone]

awesome

[samerika]

The art100 is a pretty good guitar for its price, i remember playing it this year in january in germany and i was impressed how good it sounded.

[nightraven]

kerry king marshall MG?

[gnomieowns]

"sex"

that's the UG I know!

[samerika]

gnomieowns wrote:

"sex"

that's the UG I know!

Lol that's why i used to love Ug, it got boring after a while though.

[ctb]

Kerry King - lolol
Some of those last suggestions - LOLOL

[Athetosis]

Dave Mustaine coffee. Nice.

I saw the name and thought it was hair dye at first.

[Tootie2000]

Chuck Norris

[CapnKickass]

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

It's your mom's century.

[mikko 9119]

Ok. My "Kensai's rear end" wish didn't make this list.
That makes me sad

Checked.

Lol @ Chuck Norris.

[JoshOnLama]

Chuck norris :P

[MusicalMinority]

Hah, overall good list, give or take the MG.
$50 strings though? What in the world?

[rafa7008]

“Sex, drugs, and heavy f**king metal”
Way to go UG!!

[morgy159]

A girlfriend with 12 necks, WTF?

[Shabalaba]

I actually laughed at the "Dave Mustaine’s Black Gold Blend"

It should have a slogan "Who knew selling out was so tasty?"

[ierostyle]

CapnKickass wrote:

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

It's your mom's century.

comedy genious????? probably not

[ierostyle]

morgy159 wrote:

A girlfriend with 12 necks, WTF?

12 necked girlfriend, does that mean 12 heads as well??? or one very long one?

[ebuenano]

chuck norris
im a bad ass

[G-loony]

ierostyle wrote:

CapnKickass wrote:

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

It's your mom's century.

comedy genious????? probably not

Dunno about you but it did made me giggle... Although it's a you're mom joke.

[Odlid]

this is awesome

[I Spitfire I]

lol, at least 3 of those honorable mentions are mine

[DiveRightIn63]

I got an honorable mention

[OversoulFF]

Anything mentioning dave mustaine or megadeth is automatically badass!

[thelizardprince]

im sure the grip is really meant for guitar players
:P

[OversoulFF]

i wish when i bought a guitar or a amp a hot chick came with it

[Fusanti_RHCP]

WOOHOO

Guitar with 612 necks was mine!

[Guns-N-Roses94]

EPiphone Les Paul Standard is such a sweet guitar !!
goin' to buy it

[Bullethead]

never been a dean fan, is the v really that good?

[guitaringnathan]

Athetosis wrote:

Dave Mustaine coffee. Nice.

I saw the name and thought it was hair dye at first.

lol i just thought it was another megadeth greatest hits collection

[fender456]

DR strings rock

[Melodic_Rocker]

Sex, guitar.... sex with said guitar

[dinosaur sr]

I definetly said a guitar with 612 necks

[dinosaur sr]

i think...

[wasd123]

lol i put the art100 in the wish list

[nuttyboy]

I got a special mention at the bottom

ha, that's so cool!

[FuZzY(aus)]

nice list

[lightleggy]

a nice Epiphone les paul, really cheap and good =)

chuck norris

im a baddass

[JamesxHetfield]

I want the new EVH Wolfgang when it comes out.

[SOADriff]

****in loved this article

[exez]

I LOLed with the "ultimate-guitar playing skills"

[fastlanestoner]

good stuff!

[Havok19]

MG!!??

[awsomeguitarguy]

“Playing skills so that I can kick ass in the school concert and show those snobbish posers what real guitar playing is”

SO, SO TRUE

[MrWeenie]

****ed it up....its meant to be:

Shabalaba wrote:

I actually laughed at the "Dave Mustaine’s Black Gold Blend"

It should have a slogan "Who knew selling out was so tasty?"

actually, i'm fairly sure all the proceeds to go a charity to do with helping disadvantaged children of sorts.

[tona_107]

CapnKickass wrote:

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

It's your mom's century.

baaaaahahahahahaha you showed him

['Leviathan']

“A guitar with 612 necks”

Haha, I remember writing that.

[TheChaz]

'Leviathan' wrote:

“A guitar with 612 necks”

Haha, I remember writing that.

It seems that about 5 or 6 people on here remember writing that.

[The Tak]

If a guitar does not appear to be in your future this Christmas, asking for a bigger member is worth a shot.

And if by chance you do grow an inch or two, we salute you.

lolo i salute th guy who came up with that

[SabbathStoner]

lol I asked to nail Katy Perry..... why isnt that on there?

TheChaz wrote:

'Leviathan' wrote:

“A guitar with 612 necks”

Haha, I remember writing that.
It seems that about 5 or 6 people on here remember writing that.

actually, there were about 100 people, writing "guitar with ... necks" and about 50 people writing "woman with 12 necks", "d*** with 12 heads" and so on

[the boogieman]

nice to see some love for the ibanez artists

best guitars you can buy new for $300 and under

[Mr_Romero]

lol, i wanted a G N'R reunion and it came up, awsome!

[PurpleBear102]

I said "a 12 incg shlong... and I'm talking 'bout width " but they changed it

[MegaEgga]

awesome list, I'm getting the Satchurator!, looking forward to trying it out!

I laughed so hard at 'woman with 12 necks'... i mean wtf!?

[crying2dastars]

a Ibanez RG370DX Electric Guitar (Black)and a poster of Chuck Norris with a BB gun

[Taker43153]

I sent in a bigger penis as a joke too. lmao

[BloodRain]

“Ultimate-Guitar playing skills”

nice one lol

[jcmac502]

Taker43153 wrote:
I sent in a bigger penis as a joke too. lmao

yeah we all no its a joke...

[Jeremy82]

I Lol'd at the Kerry King amp picture, its funny how he is trying to look badass with that tiny amp XD

[Caleb27s]

chuck norris chuck norris CHUCK NORRIS

[deafening]

kerry is lovin that mg, lmao

PHAIL i cant believe UG suggested that amp

[xl AtoMiXm4x lx]

"Jessica Alba Looks, Yngwie’s Speed And Control, and Chuck Norris’ Fists"

The best in the article!! I really lol'd reading it, great jog UG.

[451F]

I should have suggested a penis pump...

[head86]

gotta love the Les Paul.

[[x]Huffy[x]]

I'm the one that said Marta from Bleeding Through!

[peachygnr]

CapnKickass wrote:

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?
It's your mom's century.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

[rictazero]

“Marta Peterson from Bleeding Through”

...yes, please...

[g0tstr1ngs?]

CapnKickass wrote:

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?
It's your mom's century.

roflmao

[[x]Huffy[x]]

rictazero wrote:

“Marta Peterson from Bleeding Through”

...yes, please...

I said that.

Awwwrightttt....

[Gunsandammo90]

“Playing skills so that I can kick ass in the school concert and show those snobbish posers what real guitar playing is”

Oh hell yeah!!! nothing is better than rubbing a snobby posers smile off there face with a ****ing awesome guitar solo. then hit them in the head with there guitar. then laugh about it. hahaha

[a7x lewis]

"Marta Peterson from Bleeding Through"
dude.... i wanted that too!

[vegetassj4]

I think I put the pinguin one... I was on something so I might be wrong...

[D&DLover]

My wish for a larger member didn't come true

[scearus]

"Sex, drugs, and Rock N' Roll" is the true motto.

[Guns-N-Roses94]

GUNS!!!

[DOOdooroCK]

lol tha penguin w/ laser is funny

[andrux12]

sex yeah xD

[g.timko]

Horlicks wrote:

'Your Mom' is comic gold? What century is this?

I detect a hint of sarcasm. in the article.

Check'd

[Astyan]

I should have asked for time travel thanks to Michael Angelo Batio. Shredding his quad necks guitar creates space distortions that allow people to teleport in to the future. For real.

[YamiJoey]

"A guitar with 612 necks"
"A girlfriend with 12 necks"

YJ

[FantomLord]

"Marshall Limited Edition Kerry King MG10KK 10W 1x6.5 Combo Amp"

You're kidding right?

[HavokStrife]

That was pretty good stuff... the DR strings are the best, and don't all that fool anyone, their colored strings are 10 bucks a set, I don't know where they got that 50 dollar price at. They do fade, almost immediately where you pick, and throughout the neck over months. But, honestly, I can put a set of red 11's on my Jackson and have them last for like 5-6 months or I could put out 30 bucks for regular strings that I don't like as much to last that amount of time, that aren't even comfortable!

[psionideguitar]

Chuck norris and the amp that can destroy a house

[silverchairman]

“Enough watts in my amp to destroy a house with just one chord”

Just like the one on Back to the Future

Man that would be sweet

[S.D.M.F.]

A guitar lesson with Randy Rhoads would of been good.

[Deep*Kick]

hells yeah an MG would crush Chuck norris!

[ChucklesMginty]

Yay, I got a bigger…Well, you know. Thanks Santa.

[Jimi's shadow]

a penguin that can shoot lasers out of its eyes. F***ING HILARIOUS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

[[B]C [R]ich]

i gotta question where you got your price for the DR strings...
where im from i can get a pack for 14 bucks canadian
whered you get 50 bucks?

[>jktt<..brah.]

SabbathStoner wrote:

lol I asked to nail Katy Perry..... why isnt that on there?

LOL! good call , she's on my " todo list " to
hmm she's hot

LMAO , i just put her onto my " To Do list "

[static_music34]

the Dave Mustaince coffee is actually really good, had some last week.