I can't tell you how much my desire to compose and play music has grown. All of my blues, from the darkest parts of hell and misery here on earth, are released when I self-express. Earlier today I was in a funk, a dark place and I was mad as hell, I should've known that I was to play. My only option was to turn my guitar's gain all the way up and pour my feelings out into the microphone so that I could hear my pain dissipating into the air. This wasn't enough though, I had to keep going at full speed and intensity for half an hour and this got the job done, at least for a little while. My hell was still present. It wasn't until I put another hour and twenty minutes into composing and working with licks over a heavy track, and then recording those ideas that I truly started to feel better. It was a feeling that was going to last, one that wasn't going to be short lived.
Afterwards I'm still in my car listening to previous things that I've recorded, like something I recorded two nights ago, and something I just finished recording. Its in my blood and whenever I get mad at the world its only through composing that I get fixed, I can talk to people again. Composing, writing and singing is my outlet but the misery blocks me from seeing what I truly need to do. Maybe the feelings haven't been fully expressed in previous songs. This is why it's important to keep going and who cares if you have more than one version of the song. Too many times I let this get the best of me, being one-version minded. Now I have several versions of songs and they get better with each passing take. As time goes on and I keep practicing, I get better and my ideas come to fruition and I can start to truly express the way that I feel and what I REALLY want to say.
I haven't been the only one to go through this and from their pain, the ones who have gone before me, I benefit. I took a pair of licks today and went to town on them, the more pain I experienced the more I needed to push through to stay sane and keep focused on the task at hand. Thoughts of a negative nature plagued my mind and the harder I fought the harder I played.
Without some kind of guide from the great players that have come before me I'd be totally lost. I used to think that this was a complete waste of time, trying to learn from somebody else, when in actuality it was an arrogant way of thinking. I've now humbled myself and consistently take the time to learn from those who have been tested and tried throughout their careers and have rallied through all the way to the end. These guys have a lot to offer, and I'd be wrong to not take advantage of this. If it worked for them, it can work for me too.
I'm not done yet, not for the day and not in my musical life, and I don't think I will be for a long time to come. I could go for another hour or so before I have to get back in there and fight again. I have to read that new article on EVH and get re-inspired and later on I will most likely play again since it's not even midnight yet. All day I've been thinking about composing and self-expression. Its Saturday, so I thought I had a day off but that's a lie, I started watching TV and the violence and torment within me began to eat at me. I threw a book across the room, banged my fist onto my desk and then yelled at the top of my lungs to no avail. My guitar was calling me and I had no idea.
My microphone was propped up in its natural stance as if it were purposeless, and then it hit me, that feeling that rises when you see yourself playing in front of a crowd. Little did I know that all this gratification would come from banging out some music, I put every thing and everyone on hold and stood in the trenches until the light started to seep through the cracks. The more that I wrote the more that I wanted to stay there. It's too good to be true to think that what I just did was enough or that it will last. In the world of music, or at least in my world there are things inside that I need to release and express. What I'm doing is not enough, at least not for me, I need to blast through some more rhtythm and scorching lead to get to where I wanna go.
I am a guitarist, songwriter, lyricist and guitar teacher. I teach guitar lessons in the Miami, Fl area and if you would like to know more about music and playing guitar you can visit these links for more songwriting information.
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