101 Rules For Extreme Metal

Here is a little something I found done by some guys on a radio station here in New Zealand, it's the 101 Rules For Extreme Metal:

01. You must listen to (and name) at least 100 metal bands (power metal not included) before you are extreme.
02. Hair must be shoulder length, longer, or completely shaved off.
03. Drummers must weigh either under 60kg, or over 140kg - No in betweens.
04. Band logos must be totally undecipherable.
05. Song tempos are only allowed to register under 40bpm (extreme), or over 240bpm (extreme).
06. Thank-you list must comprise of every extreme metal band in existence (even if you have never met the band or heard their music).
07. The police picture of your ex-vocalist’s suicide must be used for the next album cover.
08. Drummer must be limited to blast beats and grind beats (even at 40bpm)
09. Profess the glory of Satan, especially if you are an atheist.
10. Sing about ancient cultures, and invent your own language to sing in.
11. Develop cancer or a tumor of some type.
12. Refer to 1
13. Wear every manner of injury inflicting clothing - manacles, bullet belts, spiky shin pads etc.
14. Sing about the dark lord and/or gore on your first album, and then onto politics and life on all proceeding albums, apparently you 'have matured'.
15. Wear black. Always.
16. Drive a funeral car as transportation for the band.
17. Release an album, then a year later, re-release it with a bonus track just to make people buy the album again.
18. Record twice as many songs as you plan to release, then ten year's later release the album as a collector's item.
19. Record a whole bunch of new songs, add a high frequency hiss, and cut the low frequencies, then release it as 'pre-band demo recordings'
20. Guitars must be shaped so that they may be used as a grievous weapon.
21. Never ever have the same band line up for any album or tour.
22. Feud with the band members that move on to other bands (good publicity).
23. Pretend that you 'hail from Norway'.
24. Do as many side projects that are humanly possible in your extreme time budget. One band, at least, must feature a female singer (your wife, cause no one else is extreme enough).
25. Albums should either be less than thirty minutes, or exactly sixty six minutes and six seconds.
26. In summer, black clothing can be hand torn into singlets and shorts to deal with heat (NEVER use scissors)
27. Have a royal throne for a toilet seat/table seat/car seat etc.
28. Marry a girl with so many piercings, she has more metal in her than a Massey Fergusson tractor – and can never get through a metal detector at the airport.
29. Have 52 metal t-shirts - one for each week of the year.
30. Play only Jackson and/or B.C.Rich guitars.
31. The first letter of every album titles must start at A, and then progress through the alphabet. (Altars of Madness, Blessed Are the Sick, Covenant...)
32. Become a 'specialist producer' of extreme metal, and build your very own studio in the heart of the Norwegian forest (helps with Forest Metal).
33. Forest metal is running round a dark forest, with a $10 Casio Keyboard, and a $5 microphone, records your new 'extreme atmospheric project'
34. Sing about serial killers only after you've met one and formed a relationship with them.
35. Never play in key. Chromaticism is the only way.
36. Let keyboard players 'jump' from band to band (it’s the only jumping they're allowed to do).
37. Claim to have burnt down a church and gone to jail for it (even if you really haven't).
38. Say the word 'EXTREME' and cross your arms in a X shape when you shout it, as often as possible
39. Play the bass without a plectrum.
40. Play drums barefoot, or in white socks if feeling especially extreme.
41. Call everyone 'Sons of Satan' even if you are addressing a female.
42. Be involved in the porn industry in any way possible, preferably as an actor called 'Penetrator' or 'Frosty-Spire'
43. Play only Axis bass drum pedals.
44. Take speed to be the fastest band on earth.
45. Smoke weed to be the slowest band on earth.
46. Guitars must be tuned lower than Ab before they are considered extreme.
47. Guitar solos must not sound anything like Yngwie Malmsteen or blues – solos must be so fast that fingers bleed.
48. Resurrect shitty black metal bands, call yourself 'cult' and then release albums with the shittiest possible production (by referring to rule 33).
49. Television viewing media is restricted to 'The Simpsons' and 'Homicide'.
50. List 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' as your all time favourite movie, only after 'Debbie Does Dallas'.
51. Tour every country possible, but NEVER EVER New Zealand.
52. Support established extreme metal acts, become famous, and even bigger than these acts, then never have anything to do with them again.
53. Drummers: 3 bars of blast beats followed by 1 bar of drum fill. Repeat. Do not deviate from this pattern, failure to follow these instructions may make you less extreme.
54. Marshall amps suck - Mesa Boogie amps rule.
55. Never use your real name, claim your extreme parents gave you the name ‘Persecuter’ at birth.
56. Call your band 'The Next Generation in Extreme Metal' (don't forget to cross your arms) even if you sound like you came straight from the 80's.
57. Make sure your band name is the same as another band's name in the other hemisphere.
58. Cite Darkthrone as a major influence (even if you have never heard them).
59. Have even more disturbing album artwork than the last 'yesterday' extreme band. Hire a professional uber-gore-meister-artist (primarily yourself - don't forget to change your name).
60. (a) Murder a person in another band to elevate you to extreme infamousness - publicity helps.
60. (b) Then write the rest of your albums from jail
61. Say that you've recorded at Morrisound Studios, Florida, USA, with Scott Burns as producer.
62. Organise tours with at least 9 bands on the bill - $6.66 tickets.
63. Have competitions on stage to see which of the nine bands can play the fastest.
64. Always have two (or more) bass drums.
65. Head band until you get told by the doctor that those headaches indicate the possibility of serious brain damage. Carry on headbanging anyway because it is extreme.
66. When singing live, always do 'vocal bails' - do a low growl, because you know that when you go pussy high, you are going to fail it miserably.
67. Refer to 1.
68. Tell everyone that you are going to write all album material by yourself because the music and lyrics are headed in the wrong direction.
69. Join your wife's band.
70. Record an extreme metal video in ONLY ONE (1) of FOUR (4) possibly locations i) A Church, ii) A Graveyard, iii) A Forest, iv) A Castle.
71. If rule 70 ends up being too extensive, paint your band practice room black (it should be already, unless you are un-extreme), wear all black, and have different coloured instruments, so that viewers can only make out them, and your faces (which are white).
72. Bite a dove's head off (or substitute for any form of fowl).
73. All band photos must involve you holding a gun or axe.
74. All band photos must feature naked women looking like your loyal slaves.
75. Get rid of your drummer because he is too slow - get a drum machine instead.
76. Sing in as many different bands as you can possibly whore yourself too, and be totally un-committed to any of them. Unreliable as f@ck = extreme.
77. Record a Slayer cover.
78. After a band 'calls it a day', attempt to contact Rob Halford to start a new band.
79. Or alternatively, Phil Anselmo to resurrect a dead band.
80. Rip off as many samples from horror movies as possible to use in your extreme album. Copyright is for pussies.
81. Triggered drums are the only way to go, even if your snare sounds like a 6" tom.
82. Experience a heroin overdose, live through it, and say that you had to come back because Satan told you that you must piss more people off.
83. Say that you are a Satanist and that you only listen to black metal.
84. Say 'Morbid Angel is the best f@cking death metal band in the world".
85. A toilet is the best place to keep beer and alcohol chilled.
86. Kill your offspring if they become house/trance DJ's.
87. Admit you used to air guitar to KISS and that Gene Simmons is your God.
88. Listen and air drum to Motley Crue's 'Dr. FeelGood' album (yes its ok to do that).
89. Splatter as much fake blood on stage and your audience as stated in the rules of accordance in hiring your venue.
90. Wait, rules are for pussies.
91. Try to get your long hair stuck in as many people's mouths as possible in the audience.
92. Sing so brutal and low, so that people, who even know your lyrics, can't sing along, thus sound pussy in comparison to you. Exert your Extreme Dominance.
93 Recording a jam session in a blizzard on the snowy slopes of Norway is part of the pre-production for your new album.
94. Destroy as many hotel rooms as possible while on tour.
95. Beware of power metal album covers that look like black metal album covers - deception can be brutal.
96. Your middle name must be that of a weapon, succeeded by the word 'The'. eg. "John 'The Missle/Axe/Torpedo' Smith".
97. Wearing leather pants means they must be tight enough to show a dick print.
98. Corpse paint is compulsory when meeting the in-laws.
99. Lay down the smack on all people not as extreme as you, exert your dominance extremely.
100. Work/Live by a steel factory and claim that 'metal has been in my blood from a young age'.
101. The most important rule of extreme metal: “In order to create art of the most truest form, one must live it.” Kill yourself and die, and only then can you write and perform the most extreme of extreme metal possible.

Hope you Enjoyed.

Comments

[Emenius Sleepus]

lol that's quality. I'll give you a 5

[cannonball_900]

Nice article.Not bad.I like your sense of humor.Or maybe ur not trying to be funny..who knows..But nice article neways

[fridge_raider]

lol ,great.

[Oswald]

Just because it is fun.
I will give you a 5.

[masterofmuppets]

that was great

[Geldof the Grey]

I:
A) Don't feel like reading this.
B) Can't believe you think that copying someone elses humour is worth 5 stars...

Where the hell are backup_guitar's articles?

[Whiskey Leech]

quite good lol

[CK91]

Im going to refer to 1. lol

[spike_8bkp]

1. Been Done. Fun stuff. So stereotypical.

[frigginjerk]

it's been done, but it's amusing. i'm glad this one came off as an obvious joke, because whoever did the last one like this accidentally made it look serious, and mayhem ensued.

[garagerocker69]

lol

[Wimphyz]

Most funny thing i ever seen here hehe

[lambo202]

You forgot the major KIWI requirements.

Choke in World Cup Rugby
Really really really love sheep

[BibaLin]

lol, love it, its the most hilarious thing i've ever seen in years.

[pinkerton]

"96. Your middle name must be that of a weapon, succeeded by the word 'The'. eg. "John 'The Missle/Axe/Torpedo' Smith"."

Succeeded should be Preceeded. I'm not one to give people a hard time about this type of thing, but today i am feeling like an asshole.

[KevinHallX]

hey wait, i get the feeling like some of those are making fun of metal bands not trying to help them, thats not nice at all! :P

[starbomb13]

this is just a joke.there is no such thing as "101 rules to extreme metal",you don't have to dress a certain way or anything,it's all about loving the music.

[Snyper]

funny, typical metal aritcle/jokes
11 wasnt funny though, some great metal musicians died and had their lives ***ed up because of cancer
:cheers:

[guitar36]

funny!

[Mr_Fooz]

funny stuff although power metal kicks ass and anyone who doesnt think so can lick my balls. Long live iron maiden.

[Tijmen]

I would say true. Extreme metal sucks.

[koreazz7]

lol really funny shit! 5/5

[DrowningPool]

lol that was neat!!

[Pantera]

You are ***ed up in the brain.. and i like it.
keep up the eXtreme!!! mind.

[Nicholad]

I live in norway and I have never seen a blizzard

[Oswald]

I live in Sweden and I havent seen a blizzard either.
Are your name really Nicholad?
It dos not sound norwegian?

[Sephirangel]

brilliant.....am in a metal band and will keep these tips in mind :P

[UseYourBrain]

yeah lol last time someone did this everyone thought he was serious and all hell broke loose.

[joyful womble]

QUALITY! EXTREME QUALITY!

[nasty_santa409]

^^

no it's not. music shouldn't be about following rules. do whatever you want. that's what makes your music original. If all metal bands were like this, then the world would be pretty damn boring.

[PunxNotDead7688]

Dude!!! Morbid Angel is the best ***ing death metal band in the world. Then Dark Funeral.

[ChurchNSkate]

lol...dude its all the same shit...get it right you aussies

[MetalRawks]

^mate new zealands not in australia. By the way nice article

[ad_lib_oz]

UNBELIEVABLY FREAKIN HILARIOUS. METAL CRACKS ME UP

[ad_lib_oz]

honestly! it does!

[Solus Custos]

That's funny man. I love it!

[griff1987]

I hear the men in white coats are comin to take this author away...

[undead_bunny]

funny dude! woke me up. lol :P

[Worm with Face]

meh...

[emokid182]

can anyone translat kg into pounds for me?

[Towllie]

...that wasnt even funny,
1 star b!tchass!

[FlyingFuc!<]

sounds like Spinal tap! X(arms) extreme!

[_3Dblasphemy_]

ha thats great
i agree with the morbid angel bit.....

[mrweijia]

someone said: Dude!!! Morbid Angel is the best ***ing death metal band in the world. Then Dark Funeral.


wow....


and 11 is not nice at all.

[pluckin crazy]

well looks like i go by each of these rules...So im ready to rock n ***in roll

[devcon1]

oh god... what the hell.... its funny buts its not all true

[BongHead]

Ah! hahaha! that piss funny man, im gona live by it, an number 82! ***ing awesome!

82. Experience a heroin overdose, live through it, and say that you had to come back because Satan told you that you must piss more people off.

[ShredHed789]

thats cool lol

[Glaze]

thats funny lol

[NoBC14]

some of u ppl like griff1987 obviously didnt understand that this was a joke...

But anyways i thought it was hilarious (5 stars)

[guitardude72565]

:-I

[JenJen]

hahahahahahahahahahahahah
ah nice

[(sic) Breed]

ha!! thats gold!! Norway though?? hmmmm, Im thinking Sweden!!

[LedZeppelin]

that was EXTREME....

[_3Dblasphemy_]

INGENIOUS!

[Ababil_Albarn]

hahahahahah!!!!!! the ar...the articl... hahahah!!!! (can't say a word because of laughter)

[Laser]

That's great man, you must be really bored. It was hilarious though

[EkoMaster]

It took me like half an hour to read that, but good job.

[EkoMaster]

LedZeppelin- that was EXTREME
I bet he didnt cross his arms in a big X.

[panamarocks26]

[dimmu borgir]..... by the way, good article

[pill2comawhite]

ide like to give u a 6

[twobelts]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH



THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS. DEFINATLY THE BEST THING IVE READ ON THIS SITE!!!!!

[datawraith]

lol haven't heard stuff like that in awhile

[Zephead]

very nice. can somebody do boy bands???? i really want to start one but am not shure how to start.

[DemonicKnight73]

Too long to read for me in its full but for what I read... good stuff... very stereotypical. I give it a 4...

[shinkyo00]

haha its funny keep it coming

[GuiTarPlaYnPunK]

nice

[CvPrEpKiLLaH]

that's the funniest thing ever! one thing tho... esp ltd guitars are better for metal than bcrich and jackson... ever seen the f series?

[willio]

that was so mad i laughed the whole time

[thatguy]

I'm just starting a one on boy bands

[perfectfifth]

They should make a new spinal tap based on things like this they should call it like "this is (insert nu-metal name)" it would probably work. I really hate nu-metal

[linkinguitaro]

I started reading the first quarter of it...than gave up..pretty good for the part that i read....%..imean 5

[jetman_james]

im going to print this article. i know its a joke but some of it is true. and the rest would just be funny to do just to be a dumbass!

[apocalypze]

LMFAO!!! \m/\m/ DUDE!!! That's sum funni sh*t!! Thanx for my new favourite e-mail to all my mates & band members (past and present, aka - rule #21)

ChurchNSkate.... New Zealanders are NOT aussies u dumb ass... Aussies rock so very much harder :P Nah we're all rockin to the same tune... metal 4eva \m/

[6slip6knot6]

lol, bad sh*t, but overall the article was good.

[blistabass]

11. is the only not funny one.

[twocenttip]

hey, i'd send this to my granny cuz its funny, but i don't like bad language very much so i'll send it to my aunts.

[jwilliams]

Damn funny, rule 38 lol

[TONfan01]

this be funny man!!!
extreme funny w/crossed arms!!!

[metallicafan180]

great article. i rate it 100 stars!

[harvestersorrow]

thats great, highest stars possible!!

[guitar_freak333]

I love metal, but i dont think anyone can do all 101,

[IllegalMOFO]

great shit, man. i have 24 out of the 101 done.

[slash_andrew]

what the hell was this guy smoking?

[tragik]

I think that's almost as funny as the guy that gave the "101 rules for pop-punkers" because that one was funny too. 5 - stars

[wayne69]

sodding hilerious i hope more of these things come out

[rockinlewis]

ha ha ha ha ha funny

[adamk991100]

Now that's what I call a good article!!!

[pyro_the_bear]

yeah, i like extreme forms of heavy metal but that was fun, reminds me of alot of bands

[ronnie_sjr]

HAHAHAAHA

[Mr. Clean]

good stuff, reminds me of "Spinal Tap" lol ~5 stars

[Super_Sexy_Owen]

lmao, funny article, very useless, but VERY funny

[Kroach]

we should try to boost the number of votes to 666 to add to the Xtremeness ^-_-^

[Cradl_of_filth]

hahahaha you should get more 101's

[Ozzyfan2005]

good article

[MetalUpTheAss]

Cooler than Arnold Schwarzenneger on acid. 5 stars.

[DR132]

lol thats awesome...XTREME!!!\m/ 5 stars \m/

[theDreamer]

55. Never use your real name, claim your extreme parents gave you the name ?Persecuter? at birth.

lol..

[aperfectmistake]

lol this is my favorite article i have read on this site

[r_lightning]

hahahaha funny article!
you truly have a great sense of humor *5 f*cking stars*

[poodlehat67]

isnt that thing about crossing your arms into and x what rappers and people that think theyre cool do?

[monkeyspks]

You made that up? HAHA!

[King is god]

is limp bizkit extreme metal?

[BadReligionAndy]

Bit boring that, you coulda done 10, not 101!!

[_3Dblasphemy_]

FUCKING HILARIOUS ARTICLE!

HAIL! \m/

[lacey_the_crazy]

Made me laugh...although I feel sorry for any drummer trying to follow these "rules". To say that they conflict would be a bit of an understatement. He'd have to be a total schizo.

[Tyler the Great]

LOL great laugh there. Sometimes you gotta lay off the disses though, lots of it is really good actually.

King Is God, Limp Bizkit is a joke. Extreme metal is like death and Venom, LB is just pop-crap.

[Dogwillhunt]

You forgot a couple:
1. Open every song with a low gutteral growl that turns into a loud scream.
2. Wear a black leather jumpsuit with the crotch cut out.

[me(n)tal man]

lol man keep up you eXtreme work.....2

[TWISTEDFender]

54. Marshall amps suck - Mesa Boogie amps rule.

dude, that is so nu-metal. Marshalls may not be the best, but Mesa Boogies do suck. Few, if any metal bands use them.

[Cookie_master]

Lol this is the most phetatic article i've ever read.. Rules for listen to music.. Whats next?

[raise_the_dead]

hahaha, this is good stuff. Keep it up

[lost_it_again]

07. The police picture of your ex-vocalist?s suicide must be used for the next album cover.

that's extremely ***ing disrespectful, you should be ashamed of yourself

[Gitaris Giler]

90. Wait, rules are for pussies.

THIS EXPLAINS IT ALL.....101 RULES FOR EXTREME METAL IS ALL BULLSHIT.....

BY THE WAY, MORBID ANGEL IS THE BEST F**KING DEATH METAL BAND & DARKTHRONE IS THE KING OF BLACK METAL BROTHERHOOD!!!..

[LeoKhenir]

Fook, I can't be a drummer anymore (refer to rule 3: Drummers must weigh either under 60kg, or over 140kg - No in betweens.) since I weigh about 90 kg.. Crap. I've read some similar stuff elsewhere on the web. They were: 101 for Black Metal, 101 for prog Metal and 101 for nu metal. I'll go dig them up now.

I laughed EXTREMEly (arms crossed here) hard.

[LeoKhenir]

Oh, and that thing about band logos being undecipherable: I found a shirt in the store the other day, held it up to the manager and asked "what the fook does it say here?" and he replies "Err, I have no idea... Wait, now as you hold it up far away I can see it, it says "Enslaved". Now you must go and dig up the Enslaved logo so you can see my plagues. However, some logos are understandable. I mean, look at Darkthrone's and Mayhem's...

[MEZARKABUL]

I hope he doesn't mean it when he says you need to tune your guitar down a lot, never play in key and solos shouldn't sound like Malmsteen but just pure fast...where's the melody in that?

Playing out of key all the time? Jeez, i hope no band does this in the world because they sure would suck hard!

I don't even tune my guitar down half a step and i only would if i had to. But normally i play riffs and stuf around the A string and most the time in the key of A. Sounds so much cooler than playing the same riff tuned down 50 billion steps.

[GNRobsessed013]

Hahah that was funny.

[Sirnogbert]

i agree with all these steps, but one of the most important rules of extremeness, or hardcoreness as i call it cbecause rules are for pussies ( that contradiction is also hardcore). SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE

[shadows666]

You must also prophesy the coming of the dark lord at all your concerts and hold human sacrifices on stage.
F***ing Sweet article. Great, no, the most extreme rules to live by. EXTREME IS MY MIDDLE NAME!!!..

[#1Angusfan]

32. Become a 'specialist producer' of extreme metal, and build your very own studio in the heart of the Norwegian forest (helps with Forest Metal).
33. Forest metal is running round a dark forest, with a $10 Casio Keyboard, and a $5 microphone, records your new 'extreme atmospheric project'

a.)cant say ive heard of forest metal
b.) since when do keyboards fit in with metal?

38. Say the word 'EXTREME' and cross your arms in a X shape when you shout it, as often as possible

might just be me, but it just doent fit with metal, more of a skateboarder type thing.

anyway, overall, i like it. good advice for anyone. 5 stars

[#1Angusfan]

King is god:
is limp bizkit extreme metal?

*** no

[WeepingDemon]

you dumbass...heres the only rule of metal..1) make a band, if it turns out heavy enough, your metal

[x_themetalfan_x]

by #1Angusfan

b.) since when do keyboards fit in with metal?

Wow. You sir, are a ***ing moron.

[crazygluedmybut]

HAHAHAHA. i can't believe you took the time to write it. lmao. it sucekd by i cracked up.

[jeremy_chan101]

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA
AH i swear i was laughing like sh!t hahahahh.

- 46. Guitars must be tuned lower than Ab before they are considered extreme. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

[5:15_Whofan]

did i detect a few 'mayhem' references? 5 stars

[dimebag7]

hahah thats sweet love it

[LedZeppelin]

Some of the Chuck Schuldiner references were downright mean. The man's dead, people, and created one of the greatest bands ever.

[buckethead101]

lost_it_again wrote:

07. The police picture of your ex-vocalist’s suicide must be used for the next album cover.


that's extremely ***ing disrespectful, you should be ashamed of yourself

Kinda related to what happened to MAYHEM. Right

[vlady264]

LOL that's so true!!
And thet's so hularious!!!
5!!!

[zargoth]

# 52

[FromADyingFetus]

This thing kicks ass

[the.iron.maiden]

ok. power metal is still metal.
for 97: a tip for anyone. if you have pants that tight, let it go dude.its not worth it. not cool. keep yourself alive. especially if you are female. didnt anyone think of that?

[9_11_4]

yeah i agree with the iron maiden.. females can be exteme.. however i can name any extreme bands that are purely female
CORRECT ME PLEASE SOMEONE

great colum thingy

[DonnyM]

I can't believe I'm Australian and I just gave some New Zealanders a 10. Ugh.

Fuck it was funny though.

[rattlehead999]

sweet article.

[stratman13]

Brilliant satire.

[punksucks23]

classic

[Nor'Easterbass]

punksucks23 wrote:

classic

yep, this was hilarious. good job, still laughing.

[Nor'Easterbass]

ps. 62, 79, 80, and 86 are all pretty good. orginality...just what UG needs, haha.

[Celticknife]

The sad thing is that 51 (Never tour New Zealand) is true ;_;

[Qaphela]

funny

[[ubv]Joe]

You might wanna watch out, people might murder someone in another band like you said, and blame it on you...

I'd take it off if I were you, you could seriously get in some deep shit if someone actually did that.

[Jaknife]

starbomb13 wrote:

this is just a joke.there is no such thing as "101 rules to extreme metal",you don't have to dress a certain way or anything,it's all about loving the music.

hm, somebody missed the fact this was a joke.

i thought it was hilarious.

[Ghorak Bishak]

55. Never use your real name, claim your extreme parents gave you the name ?Persecuter? at birth.
Best rule.....ever!

[Saintsatan]

EXTREEEEEME!*Crosees arms*
Morbid Angel is the best f@cking death metal band in the world!

That's hilarious but insulting to proper metalheads...

[Anarion614]

TO THE EXTREME!!!

lol i love metal and i find this hilarious

[hemi-san]

its cool but somewhat goth influenced. alice cooper was metal but but he is otherwise a civilized person. good guy

[HopePoisoned]

I've read this before, but 101 Rules of Black Metal was better (i can't remember the website, ****ing hilarious is all i remember) "Unreliable as f@ck = Extreme" lol

[sidney7777]

Rule #102: if you want to be a death metal vocalist, watch a lot of Sesame Street

[NUMBER1]

its just like my life. funny stuff man

[gyzer_8970]

hahaha i like #23

[iml84myd8]

best article I've EVER read anywhere. I forwarded it to all my friends who THOUGHT they were extreme, but haven't read this yet.
10 thumbs up

[[faint]]

hahaha donnyM your so rite, this was a great article even though a kiwi did it.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

EXTREME

[WoMD]

lol reminded me of my self, black clothes(always), jackson guitar, long hair, mesa boogie amp, sing about death and destruction wow lol

[ivan_2894]

just great...#75

[gatiur]

pretty nice, have you ever watched "Metalocalypse"?

[jewbaby667]

This IS Dethklok, so just be Dethklok

[fnoof]

Dude that is ****ing Xtreme. I dont care if it takes the piss or or not and i love metal =D i can tell that youve read alot about Count Virkernes of Burzum too xD

[ShamiqSevenfold]

97. Wearing leather pants means they must be tight enough to show a dick print.

lmfao,rofl

[Funeral Moon]

It's fun to laugh at yourself. haha. Good copy of someone else's work.

[dio_dude]

Lol. Fuken funny stuff man.

[Fiddelers elbow]

Loving the Count Virkernes referrals

Funniest thing Ive read all day

[spider_guitar]

disrespect to chuck schuldiner on no. 11
glad you think dying of a brain tumor is funny

[akosininio]

^ Nobody thinks it's funny man, but it's a ****ing joke, dun take it too seriously

[EricC89]

If your did this as a joke and are trying to be funny, then good job, you succeed. If you are being serious, well then I have no comment for this idiotic cry for help. Either way, I enjoyed this and thought it was funny.

[HelloHalo]

Win. Epic win. That is all.

[Ultimatum08]

lol this is hilarious

metal is obviously ridiculous

which is what makes it so ****in cool

[laddiesman360]

dont you mean only use gibson guitars

all other guitars are for gays and hippies

[Renegade_Elite]

laddiesman360 wrote:

dont you mean only use gibson guitars

all other guitars are for gays and hippies

dude ur the queer hippie

Sweet frickin article

Rule 15: Always wear black. I DO!

[Cpl_Metal_Head]

Fuck man thats hilarious!!!!

[G.Krizzel]

''75. Get rid of your drummer because he is too slow - get a drum machine instead.''

That was the best

[mad00002]

Good work! Pretty funny stuff.

[Shaned]

haha i love this kind of humor
+1 for the writer

[Depression]

ad_lib_oz :
UNBELIEVABLY FREAKIN HILARIOUS. METAL CRACKS ME UP
ad_lib_oz :
honestly! it does!

****ing mallcore fag :P

[Depression]

good guide, thanks a lot.

[corrda00]

i live by these rules. metal forever

[bazman13]

**** yeah

[_brandon]

\/ \/
/\TREME! (crosses arms in the shape of an /\)

[_brandon]

\/
/\

[MorbidVirus]

Old and boring.

[fred_slayer]

this is shit man, whats the link with the drumer weight???

[isabiggles]

Noticing number 7..

It wasn't the police's picture. Euronymus took the picture himself when he found him.

[lambogojo]

3 letters lol( oh wait i wrote 25)

[freedomdeceptiv]

hahaha, shit this is hilarious. I luv Metal! i dont play with a pick :P im gonna follow this haha... Refer to #1

[Wizard_of_Aus]

DonnyM wrote:

I can't believe I'm Australian and I just gave some New Zealanders a 10. Ugh.

Fuck it was funny though.

My sentiments exactly.

Morbid Angel are second to Psycroptic.

And that was ****ing hilarious. Stay brutal.

WHERE IS THE LINE ABOUT ALWAYS USING THE WORD BRUTAL !?!

That's gotta be rule #102.

[muxthebest1]

Forest Metal FTW

[oldmetallica]

More like a 101 ways to sound like shit....The world would be a better place if it would have stayed at thrash and not gotten any "heavier"....

[IpodAddict.]

Ha ha LOL Thats soooo Steriotypical buh in a funny way!!!. but on a seroius note thats pretty bad. u dont have to be like that if u like metal. i'm not.

[Trivium_Child]

Fuck yeah man!

[zatara92]

if this is meant to be funny, then thumbs up

but if ur serious, dude, this is metal. there are no rules. u just do what u wana do. thats wat makes a metalhead

[grille]

****ing awsome. Relly loved reading this.