131 Ways To Tell If You Are A Mallcore Kid

Ok people, I am following up the 101 Rules For Nu-metal with another little piece. This one is called 131 ways to tell if you are a mallcore kid. Have a great day.

01. Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans, and you think tattoos and piercings are "sexy."
02. "Rip," "Suck," and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music.
03. You think ICP is funny.
04. You think Korn is a metal band.
05. When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy kEwL.
06. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison.
07. You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G. Warrior you just get a confused look on your face.
08. You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore.
10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthaf--kin' s--t."
11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'Sync".
12. You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands.
13. You call things "the s--t."
14. You own a Dr. Suess hat.
15. You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson.
16. You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus.
17. You have a tribal tattoo.
18. You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you!
19. You think black metal bands are trying to copy Kiss with their image.
20. You say things like, "Korn rulz and always will! If u dun like them you sux!"
21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music."
22. You think the cops probably want to steal your pot.
23. Your music collection consists of less than 100 items. Most or all of these names appear in your collection: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Pantera, Mudvayne, and Static-X.
24. You say some rap is good.
25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name.
27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either.
28. You know who Wayne Static is and think his hair is kEwL.
29. You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre.
30. You don't realize that Rob Flynn disgraces his past in Vio-lence with every passing moment he spends in Machine Head.
31. You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol, and one alien.
32. You think death metal is Satanic.
33. You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness.
34. You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album.
35. You don't realize that Pantera ripped off Exhorder after deciding to cease and desist with glam.
36. You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!!
37. You consider The Black Album "old Metallica".
38. You think that Roadrunner is an underground label.
39. Best Buy meets all of your music needs.
40. You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as Mushroomhead, Taproot, and Drowning Pool.
41. You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed.
42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video.
43. You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars.
44. You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public.
45. You say you hate the government yet can't name more than five people who actually work in the government, and one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV.
46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest.
47. You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap.
48. You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it.
49. You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Judas Priest ever were".
50. You're constantly in danger of tripping over your wallet chain.
51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that fag from Orgy.
52. You think Stormwitch, Anvil, Destruction and Blood Feast are new games for N64.
53. You think Slipknot is "The heaviest f--king band on earth, ever. Nothing could top that, dude."
54. You think Linkin Park mosh pits are "violent."
55. Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't.
56. You actually go out and buy the bands played on Farmclub.com
57. You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it.
58. You look like Fred Durst.
59. You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry.
60. You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL.
61. You know every lyric to all of Eminem's albums.
62. Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "worship-Satan, kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister s--t."
63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs.
64. You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money on.
65. When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Motorhead.
66. You've heard real metal and you don't like it.
67. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks.
68. You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town are "tight."
69. You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band.
70. You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are "dissing" your favorite band.
71. You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-mall metal sites (with bad grammar and obscene language, of course).
72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist.
73. You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your math teacher tells you to "knock it off!"
74. Every time a new mallcore band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their CDs at FYE, in the mall.
75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans.
76. You think the singer from Mudvayne is really hot.
77. When somebody mentions Slayer you think God Hates Us All.
78. You say the first Coal Chamber album doesn't sound like Korn.
79. You get confused when somebody says the singer from Tristania is better than the singer from Kittie.
80. You say Hot Topic isn't a trendy store.
81. Your hair is more colors than a hippie's shirt.
82. Your idea of Death Metal is Fear Factory.
83. Your screenname has more X's than ever thought imaginable in a 16-letter space.
84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th.
85. You think Cannibal Corpse started "death metal."
86. Your closet is full of Jncos and Korn/Slipknot/Mudvayne shirts, all with bleach stains and holes and fringed ends.
87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat.
88. You don't know what happened to Danzig after The Misfits.
89. You use your index, pinky and thumb when making the metal salute.
90. Your idea of underground is Spineshank.
91. The more dented, scratched, stickered up and destroyed your guitar is, the better it is.
92. You think that by rebelling against your parents you're actually accomplishing something.
93. You've hit a "gravity bong."
94. You think of Cold as being emotional.
95. You consider yourself a black metal fan because you recently found out about Phil Anselmo's side project "Viking Crown."
96. You think Cradle Of Filth is black metal.
97. You deny that Slipknot and Korn are mainstream, yet they are constantly aired on MTV and widely available in malls.
98. You really think Marilyn Manson mames animals on stage.
99. All of your friends look exactly like you with slight differences like whether the lip piercing is on the left or right.
100. Your idea of a diverse musical taste is Blink 182.
101. You own a skateboard.
102. You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass.
103. You worship Slipknot but don't know who Anal Blast are.
104. You think every band Metal Edge Magazine mentions is metal. Not to mention go by what bands label themselves, no matter how false it is.
105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them.
106. You don't know that Korn ripped off a Morbid Angel song. The breakdown of Morbid Angel's "Angel Of Disease" sounds exactly like Ball Tongue. (Angel Of Disease-1993, Ball Tongue-1994)
107. You say "y'all."
108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands.
109. Whenever your parents or other adults are around, you cough to hide the obscenities when you have a Korn CD on.
110. You think no one listens to Eighties Metal anymore and if they do, they're at least fourty years old.
111. You think Chris Barnes has the "deepest voice."
112. Your parents make you go to church and you think you're evil and blasphemic by wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt when you go with them.
113. The first time you ever heard Morbid Angel was when you saw them with Pantera and Kittie.
114. When someone mentions grind, all you can think of is Anal Cunt.
115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a mallcore nerd and foolishly try to fight them.
116. You think people who don't like mallcore don't listen to it because they can't understand it.
117. You think people who don't like mallcore can't take "hard music."
118. You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world.
119. You think Corey Taylor is "da best f--kin' metal singer ever."
120. You think Slayer are the godfathers of "death metal."
121. When someone mentions Hellhammer, you think of the drummer of Kovenant.
122. Your only use for vinyl records is as a frisbee.
123. You like Primus, but don't know who Possessed were.
124. You would cream yourself if Ozzy autographed your copy of the Reunion CD.
125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck.
126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal.
127. You think Brave New World is the best Maiden album.
128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol.
129. You obstinately deny the influence of rap in mallcore even though many of them claim rap influence.
130. You've never heard 80s Sepultura.
131. Last, but not least: the first time you hear of Meshuggah is when they play Ozzfest this summer.

Comments

[metOLIca]

This has to be the best thing i have ever read, and it is all so true, the amount of people who say to me, who listens to Metallica, (as in Kill 'Em all and Ride the lightening)and people whosay the 80's is out Korn and Slipknot are in...why dont you listen to SLipknot, im glad somebody finally agree's with me, Excellent Article...

[Valhalla]

Your an idiot.

[chaz man]

Pretty funny article.

[Luk]

Not really THAT funny... sounds more like you are pissed off, rather than making fun.

[starbomb13]

the article is full of shit-just your opinion, but's it's amusing.

[dotheevolution_]

i got to reason 45 or thereabouts and realised you were just another heavy metaller having a whinge about all these kids who claim to be into your music. go off and cry in a corner

[fatboy]

Argh *** off. Let people do what they want, I wish some 'mallcore' kid kicks your ***ing ass.

[Blackbullet]

ha ha, yep its true- mallcore kids are little shitheads

[Jaeger]

wow. let's collect MORE stereotypes about people who like music that's different from your tastes.

125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck.

that's interesting, since this entire article, not to mention the last one, is making fun of music you don't listen to. *cough*hypocrite*cough*


and not only that, you're a moron. Ozzy isn't the godfather of all metal? name a heavy metal band that predates Black Sabbath. oh right, you can't. because there are none. douchebag.

i listen to early Metallica. i can tell you that black metal originated in the Scandinavian countries with bands like Emperor and Darkthrone, and that church burnings were an integral part of that music scene.

i also listen to Linkin Park, occassionally enjoy limp bizkit, and happen to think Korn is fairly talented. even if you don't like them, you have to admit that they have a very original sound.

why does UG let you post rat feces like this?

ugh.

[jakalope]

i agree with jaeger, do your homework.knob.

[m2j]

ya, it seems u read that other one and tried to write something just as funny...but failed...

[Xx_banx]

THE COPS DO TRY TO STEAL MY POT! and whats wrong with having a tribal tatto.
fag

[ExistenceCN-]

It's only your opinion you retard.Nothing you stated was a fact.The people that are "mallcore" [God,I hate labels] don't really listen to metal anyway.They are just in Hot Topic because they think it's a "cool,weird" place and like to look at the chains and fake spikes/etc.. Freakin idiots.Too bad there isnt another store you can buy band[bands sometimes not ever heard of] shirts at that isnt owned by Abercrombie[crap].Oh well, I suppose you can always order them online.

[Valhalla]

Thought I would stop by again, your still an Idiot.

[Wickedcarny]

STarted out pretty good, then just got kinda boring by the end. THat and the fact 90% of the bands you mentioned they might know...i garuntee they dont lol. Im sure most of them dont even know Machine Head or Coal Chamber let alone anything else.

[Melchior]

i am superior to you in every way, bow before me... knob

[GoodCharloteSux]

This is pretty funny..... I disagree with a few things
THERE is nothing wrong with skateboarding and you can buy some of the bands you mentioned that were not "mall bands in the mall".
Coal Chamber are ok but they are what they are
System of a down is a really good band and i dont care what anyone one says. They are mainstream but they ARE NOT NU METAL
I find 80 hilarious

[kryptonite22]

Most of those were pretty similar to be honest, but quite funny in places. Maybe it's an American thing, but what the hell is "mallcore"? Sounds like it's another name for Nu-metal to me?

[arelt89]

How stupid....

Anyway that sounds completely like a friend of mine.

[gavencaplon]

pretty funny stuff..I was laughing until you had to go and mention Tool..
disappointed that you had to go and mention them..They are my favorite band ever so dont go trashing them..

[alienfingersCR]

man, you repeat like 5 times things about slipknot and 20 about korn, do things betta ya moron,

[Pyr0]

I can compress it into 2:

1) You like nu-metal
2) You dress funny


basically you expanded those.

[frigginjerk]

or better yet:

1) I like KoRn, but nobody else is cool enough to like them.
2) I like obscure metal bands.
3) I judge people by the clothes they wear.
4) I somehow managed to stretch these four points into 131 friggin points about the same thing.

[psychodelia]

yeah rather boring it was all about bands... the nu-metal one was funnier cuz they didnt need bands to make every single point. i didnt bother finishing the article. i dunno what the hell this mallcore crap is but it sounds like some of my friends except they have a musical taste that is much more expanded than just metal, so most of your points do not apply to them. you tried too hard

[psychodelia]

46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest.

oo sorry i dont... guess that makes me "mallcore" then

[Unforgiven Otlw]

Oh come on and lighten up -- It was ment as a joke, and if you dont find it funny then dont bother reading it. I thought the Slipnot mask as a gimmick one was really funny and true. And as for whats wrong with tribal tatoos, I dont personally like them (although a friend of mine got one) but I always think of what I read somewhere that was funny: "If you are going to get a tatoo, dont get a tribal symbol or Chinese characters. Because lets be honest, You dont know what they mean, and you had to have someone else explain it to you." I think its funny but if you want one, go for it, your choice.

[bryon]

nicely done dude

[horazonblade]

Unforgiven Otlw - YOU WATCH RVB!!!! Hahaha thats Frickin Awsome! But ya, that article started good, and ended very repetivly. and lemme say....

28. You know who Wayne Static is

Well if you wrote that in the article obviously you know who he is. Also, Staind is a good band, Sabboth was the grandfather of metal, Slayer (whose God Hates Us All CD is mighty impressive to say the very least), definitly helped harder, faster metal into the public eye so I think that merits a title of grandfather too, and 666 is, read Revalations chapter 13:16-18 you moron, verse 18: "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six" thats 666, moron. Tool is talented. Talyor can sing very well. "You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music."" now thats just ignorance. "You think Korn is a metal band." Under the general considerations and stipulations for the term, yes, yes they are concidered metal.

[horazonblade]

oh ya, hyder (writer of this article) is a douche bag, thats my own personal ammendment to this list

[abass]

You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness.

that funny

[anynamehere]

It was ok.

84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th.

What???? I don't follow

[jeeba jaba]

you basically say the same thing over and over again and just really seem to drag the article on and on its a little bland, seeing as how your making constant refferals to korn and other nu-metal bands i mean hey they may not be that great but neither is this article

[Encore_God]

128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol.

Read your Bible. I think you'll find it is.

[kooldonuts]

good articl;e except for the part where he knocks skateboardign and pot smoking, gravity bongs rock!

[meatpuppets7994]

funny stuff man

[bleed_the_freak]

good but tooooooo long

[just some guy]

ok, i don't normally say this, but this article is crap. i hate people who sterotype.

[needaband29]

I laughed my ass off...although i did resent that "y'all" thing, that's redneck talk, and I don't want anything to do with that mallcore bullshit (I'm a redneck, and proud of it). So many kids at my school fit into that category. Such faggets.

[horazonblade]

/\ 10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthaf--kin' s--t." Hahahha

[Man Made Errer]

Okay, not that great, but it had some funny parts......other one was better.

[NiTrO_FrEeZiNg]

Erm...666 IS the number of the beast...

[Unseen_hero]

omfg, the "heavy metalers" at my school. They fit the ***ing bill on like 100 of them. Fucking awesome

[lyingfromyou118]

10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthaf--kin' s--t."

51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that fag from Orgy.

Hm... I think you just called the guy from Orgy a fag...

[thepringlesman]

The guy who wrote this is an ignorant. Man, if u dont like mallcore kids or nu metal then shut up and dont say anything about it. Keep listening to your music and shut the *** up. You are no one to judge them. And teh one that pissed me off the most was about the 66 sign. Dont say stuff if dont know what you are talking about. I am going to advice yout get a life. People that write 131 things about other people apperently have nothing to do with their time. So dude, go and get yourself a girlfriend or jack off or soemthing.

[Wimphyz]

Pretty funny execpt some things..

[Smashing Aztec]

that was some hilarious stuff and you definitely nailed it with all that stuff you said about Korn, and how mallcore kids can't name any real original metal bands

[musicsaviour]

OK I'm English and have never heard of a mallcore kid... but I guess it's just another word for a nu-metaller.
HELLO!!! You don't even have to read the fricking Bible to know that 666 is a Satanic symbol. IRON MAIDEN people amazing British heavy metal band. *sings* 6 .. 6 .. 6.. the number of the beast!
Honestly some people... moron get your facts straight!
All you people seem to do is moan about people's taste in music, honestly thats low. Your not much a of a METALLICA fan if you think REALOAD was a good album!*cough-bulls**t-alb
um-cough* Finally for all you metallica "fans" that don't like Kill em All , Ride the Lighting, Master of Puppets all aren't really metallica fans......FOOLS!

[haines62]

i did smoke on 420 and have hit a gravity bong, that shit has nothing to do with music from what i have experienced not to mention that the cops in my town really do try to steal my weed

[musicsaviour]

OK I'm English and have never heard of a mallcore kid... but I guess it's just another word for a nu-metaller.
HELLO!!! You don't even have to read the fricking Bible to know that 666 is a Satanic symbol. IRON MAIDEN people amazing British heavy metal band. *sings* 6 .. 6 .. 6.. the number of the beast!
Honestly some people... moron get your facts straight. Also people that think they are a METALLICA "fan" and think RELOAD was a good album are idoits!*cough-bulls**t-ab
lum-cough* If they don't think Kill em All , Ride the Lighting, Master of Puppets are good albums then they should be hanged. GOD BLESS CLIFF BURTON!
AND people all you do is seem to moan about other peoples taste in music (It really is low), be a bit more open minded.

[musicsaviour]

OH S**T SORRY 4 double posting my computer is wacked!

[Zeke5000]

that was the best article ive read in a long time. That was halarious. my friends are all like that and seem really stupid. 7 out of 10 days of their spring break was spent looking at cds at fye. They have their parents buy them all marilyn manson clothes and now their friends are buying it too. HAHAHAHA that was the funiest thing and the most true

[ZepHedJack]

42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video.

Extreme owns your sorry ass

[drivthru182]

May have been said:

The people who are saying the author is an idiot, is mallcore themselves, and either ashamed or ignorant.

[JPaul17]

i like slipknot, metallica, blink 182 and slayer. i wear jeans and a t shirt, and i dont say yall. this is the worst stereotyped article there is, because it was so long. i hope some mallcore (ive never heard that word before) kid comes and shoots you with a bb guns while telling you korn is cool and saying yall

[undead_bunny]

damn...that article sucked....only 1 or 2 things were funny...like all the Korn bashing!

[hobo8917]

this article is dumb, and repeated itself many times during the whole thing...it wasn't even funny

[Parabola4223]

i cant believed you dissed tool, thats going a little to far but i have to agree, ppl dissin this are mallcore themselves

[deftones17]

there is nothing wrong with listening to system of a down or TOOL... so my advice to you is to change those or choke on my nightstick.. deftones rule!

[da_loyde]

ha all true except the pot ones im not mallcore at all but im a crazy stoner

[korn11]

dude why do you hate korn so much this article WAS SO FUNNY just because people listen to different bands than you doesnt make them less metal or less hardcore than you thnk you are anyway you are just a little kid who complains ohh know i was listening to this music first no one else should listen to it jesus get over it dude

[gryftorsguitar]

lol i think alot of you are takin this way to seriously. hes jusk jokin around throwin out a bunch of stereo types.i think its funny. i wonder how long you stood at the computer thinking of new #s though, even though u did repeat alot

[biohazardous56]

thats was the funniest thing ive ever read

all of these guys here are talking this way to seriously
just some newbs who havent opened them selves up to all kinds of music.
oh man i loved the one about the vinyl as frisbees

keep them coming

[Corosed]

Im thouroughly amazed that from your enlightened point of view (because thats just what this is, a point of view) that you would not realize how utterly moronic it was to sit at your computer and type out 131 ways of saying one thing... IM BETTER THAN YOU... I don't know if thats how you meant for it to come out, but thats how it is. Most of the people who agree with you, just want to be accepted. I cannot believe you would treat music with such disrespect. Music is THE universal language, everyone has their own way of speaking. I don't know why you seem to think your is so much better than everyone elses. Care to elaborate?

[biohazardous56]

man these guys bitch and moan too much they need to get a stick out of their whiny, offended, musically un inlightened ass.

[nasty_santa409]

Jeezuss Christ, what a terrible article. It was funny sometimes, but it was mostly terrible.

[WipeMyButton]

I give you props on making an interesting and funny list for me to read, but some things on here I disagree with. I love Korn. Not because they are popular, but because I genuinely like their music. I'm going to be honest. I don't know everything about metal or death metal or whatever, but I know what I like, and accept other views in music (unless you like kiddy pop like Good Charlotte). Very amusing. Rock on bras!

[civildp1]

I agree with you. I actually saw the former lead singer of my band in most of the list. IT was too repetative though. Cut it dowm to 100 and you'll be good. I also think that most of the people who blasted you and said this was just your opinion are mall core and want to hide it.

[nasty_santa409]

You forgot one by the way,

132. You own an ACDC or Kiss t shirt but have never heard any of their music.

I'm serious. one time i saw this one girl with an ACDC t shirt and i went up to her and I was all, "cool you like ACDC. what's your favorite song by them?" she said, "I don't know. I haven't really heard any of their stuff." "then why do you wear that tshirt?" "because I saw drew barrymore (or whoever, i forgot what she said) wearing one in charlies angels 2." fukcing posers.

[ben_got_staind]

u r right but more like what u r mad at those bands but otherwise its not bad

[PapeR CuTTT]

....I aint readin all that sh!t ..i cant even count to 131..

[Realm of Shadow]

i hope the dude who wrote this took a really long time writing and probably wasted 4 hours of his life he will never get back. Tool is a great band. Metallica is awesome. and you DID NOT diss Pantera, cause Dimebag and Phil are freakin metal gods. you obviously know NOTHING about metal, and u just wanna pick on other people's tastes.
dont be mad cause your a no talent shit that can't play an instrument well enough to get signed to a label. you diss these bands after you get a major label deal and sell millions of albums. oh.. whats that? you havent? no surprise. shut your holde!

[KevinHallX]

this whole "holier than thou" attitude from you "true-metallheads" gets old really fast. someday us nu-metal dorks are gonna rise up and lay the smack-down on the lot of ya.

[scumfuc_69]

fu(k it all... does every band need to be placed
in a different genre if some people don't like 'em?
that's dumb.
I noticed a couple of hypocritical statements in that
list, 'cause later he contradicts himself.
Anyway, *** it, I don't care, I just think it's retarded hown you people try to bash each other over stupid shit; the author of this article included.

[ILIKEMUSICALOT]

You guys who are bitching about how this guy is dumb for writing this article. It was just a joke. SHIT, I COULD DO IT ABOUT PUNK ROCKERS and I LOVE PUNK, I wouldn't give a damn. HELL, someone out there hear my plead, make "100 Ways To Tell If You're A Punk Rocker," I'd be glad to see how true it is. I like punk, but I'm no punker, even if some of my friends call me that, I don't agree with it.

[Emenius Sleepus]

Contradictory
Repetitive

Sounds like a pisstake on 101 Rules but a much worse version.
" " " ripoff of the same article... and of itself
By the end of the article the author of this horrendous work placed himself in a pretty obscure and tiny group and started sounding like a lot of "hardcore punkers" that comment on Good Charlotte and Blink articles.

Verdict: shit

[Emenius Sleepus]

oh yeah,... 101 rules was a joke, this was just moronic shit

[Klown]

dude i agree with like 90%, personally, but come on, pantera.. they are great.

it seems like you dont know how to do anything but complain.

[Klown]

oh yeah, and Korn may be nu metal, but they do it good. at least they got some orginality.

(obs. i do listen to "real" metal, i live in sweden, and i do enjoy it alot.)

[bass_ic_mick]

who cares if u like it or not cos everone listens to different thing so who r u 2 judge someone! and then don't say "oh just cos u r a mallcore" well cos i mostly listen to punk!

[hyder]

hey people...ha...you guys should stop getting so worked up over this...seriously.....it was meant as a JOKE!!!.....i am pretty dorky wth my music choice myself...i have lifehouse painted on my rooms wall....so eat ur heart out .......this was just meant as a jab at all the posers i keep running into...........so lighten up and ROCK ON!!!...and listen to wtevr pleases you......if you find this funny...good for you...if you dont, ignore this and go crazy with your disturbed CD.....

[hyder]

and btw i wrote the other article too.....so thsi is not a ripoff....

[Nirvana07]

this are ain't lying

[Rocker3829]

for those who say y'all, man you better be kiddin, I agree with most of it, but if you weren't jokin about talkin bout southerners like me it'd be on

[FlyPaper]

wow.... this is some f'in bias shit.... just because you tihnk all that doesn't mean everyone does.

[Ace From Space]

well... i hate 'mallcore' kids but some of these points aren't too valid.

and i will admit ive gone into a hot topic... but only to buy a Black Sabbath shirt.

[dscat12]

HEY FUCKER! Some of this has some truth but your list was too long. So long in fact that you probably started writing about yourself. If not I apologize and you can return to your room in your mother's basement and masterbate while listen to your "authentic metal"! CARRY ON!

[dscat12]

Oh shit! I'm sorry Hyder! I didn't read that posting you put 7 above this one. I mean Lifehouse? I'm so ***ing sorry! Lifehouse? Dude! Lifehouse? I actually feel gay now for saying that band name three times! Maybe it's like when you say Beetlegeuse? If you say Lifehouse 3 times then a gay man appears! And I said it 3, oh wait! 4 times! I gotta stop before I start really fagging out!

[IndigoBanana]

wow, that was pretentious. you gotta be pretty up yourself to come out with stereotyping shit like that.

[iamjosh]

hey guys calm down... its a joke! though i admit, the 101 numetal rules was funner.

oh, and whoo Anal Cunt!!!

[be-back]

No I haven't heard MESHUGGAH at Ozzfest but I downloaded bunch of songs, and yes I don't listen pussy stuff like N'Sync/ stimberlake stuff is for hiphop.

[knifey]

haha.this is so funny.this guy read the last one and thought he'ld be funny with this one except... everyone now hates him. dumbass

[the_beastly_one]

haha, pretty funny. If you want to hear some Anal Cunt, download "I sent concentration camp footage to america's funniest home videos".

[spine2600]

i guess the guy didn't think he contradicted himself enough in the last article he wrote, so he made this article.

[CHEAPROYALTY]

Xx_banx:THE COPS DO TRY TO STEAL MY POT! and whats wrong with having a tribal tatto.
fag

dude thats awesome. everybody else is trying to rag on the dumbshit who wrote this and your totally oblivious....but your right tribal tatoos are cool. about the pot though thats kinda there job dumbass

[niamh]

anynamehere:
It was ok.

84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th.

What???? I don't follow

It's a reference to this
http://www.urbandic
tionary.com/define.php?te
rm=420

[RatiugLink]

27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either.
-I don't mind girls having their ski jackets open as long as they are hot.
105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them.
-Steve Vai plays a 7 string at times. Is he a "mallcore kid"?

[RatiugLink]

Your article pretty much says "if you don't think exactly the same way as I do then you are a mallcore kid". I sure as hell am not, but I've never heard of some death metal band from Madagaskar...

[toolman]

tool doesnt belong anywhere on that list you anal dwelling maggot. i think the list was ok but it was mostly one long personal opinion with some huge grudges against korn and slipknot. your article should have been called you are retarded if you like korn and slipknot. well little buddy thats the way the world is and until the bands you enjoy listening to stop being terrified of being labeled mainstream then nothing is EVER going to change.

[metalneck]

somebody doesnt have a girlfriend

[Death Of Season]

this really wasn't very funny at all. i thought the nu-metal one was a whole lot funnier, and I like nu-metal. also, why do you have to trash TooL? adam jones is wicked good, and they are definetly a great band.

[emokid182]

I personally thought this was dumb... but i laughed pretty hard at it. lol

[Bluejay451]

Amusing, and yet I'm sitting here wondering where those last 10 minutes went.

Bleh.

[fender rocker16]

most of that was the funniest stuff i have ever read.87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat... especially that lol. i was looking for something to the effect of a 7 string tuned so low that the strings flap off when you play but that will do.
the ozzy thing was bullshit tho cause randy rhoads was ***ing aweesome and anyone who would diss him and compare him to shit nu-metal bands should never even approach a guitar. besides that this article was awesome.

[Charlatan_001]

666 is satanic. Dumbass.

[fender rocker16]

im back. this kid went too far with this. im not mallcore. actually, i hate those types of people. they cant deal with life so they decide to hate everything, listen to untalented nu-metal and wear black and fake chains just because everyone else does...
i do call people fags and i happen to like primus, metallica, and ozzy. i dont listen to my parents and teachers cause its easier not to. people dont go out and pick up these ideas just to be posers. its called doing what you want. heres my idea. this world is full of living things and one creature does not have the right to order another around around just because they say they can. i dont see animals telling eachother what to do so i dont think any other human has the right to say what you and me are allowed and not allowed to do. if you call me mallcore for that than you are a facist mother***er and perhaps you would have been better off in nazi germany around 1935 where you could live out your life involved in a gay relationshit with adolf hitler.

[FlyingFuc!<]

what's "mallcore" and i like ozzy. i don't listen to metal though. they are stupid white trash alcoholic racist red necks.

[masta-bs]

pretty funny, but i dont agree with it all, especially that 666 isnt satanic and that wearing manson shirts in church isnt bad, for God sake the guy tore a mormon bible up in utah. though funny, this guys an idiot.

[Came As I Was]

is all this site is is constant rambling about genres and whats better than what? Then you guys are missing out on one thing. IT IS MUSIC, music the one freedom we all have is the right to listen to what music we want. Get over it if some 13 year old girl listens to Simple Plan, let her. Hell if some 43 year old man listens to Linkin Park in his bathtub, let him. If a 16 year old kid wants to listen to Reload until his ears bleed let him. Come on guys, your a bunch of friggin nazis for stereotyping and slandering others because of their taste in music. Get over it.

[Came As I Was]

Oh, and I didnt see Fender Rockers comment about the Nazi Fascism, but never the less, its true.

[Cutie]

I'm sorry, but I find this article to be very repetative and unamusing. I find people who try to catorgorise people into labels very annoying. The article's emotive language made me register more anger than sarcasm or a sense of being humourous. Better luck next time.

[dez18]

was there a point to all of this, because if there was, I missed it

[BigAndyW]

126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal.
127. You think Brave New World is the best Maiden album.
128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol.

126. Like has been said, he is you twat, do your research.

127. Have you even heard Brave New World?? It's a brilliant album, and it has nothing to do with this mallcore crap or anything like that, you stupid fuck.

128. IT IS YOU IDIOT. This list should have given up at about 80.. after that it gets tired and repetitive.

[Chili_dog]

dude, that sucked. Shut up man, you're are a huge hypocrit! here you are going off about how narrow minded mallcore fans are, how they think they're the authority on everything, as you proceed to put down a multitude of bands. Pantera are a legitemate, heavy band, likewise slayer. I dont care if theyre not ***ing deathmetal, nothing against that genre either. Youre putting down all these lifestyle choices and youre unfairly categorising people. This is a pitifully unfunny rant, its not witty or new, its just stupid. i dont care if you think im wrong either, so dont bother messaging back, please

[Chili_dog]

i just read some comments and id like to say...right on niggers you back this coon

[Define_"punk"]

i agree with chilli dog...btw the first two was amusing this one is just plain crap

[Define_"punk"]

umm ozzy did started metal, 666 is the number of the beast, satan, sinful men, joey jordison is a great drummer, cradle of filth is black metal and what does owning a skateboard have anything to do with ur music?????

[tremontifan]

it's unbeleivable how many people decided to bash this article after the author said it was a joke. and anyway, the one about 666 not being satanic kinda made the fact that it was a joke pretty damn obvious.

[ledlover]

i say yall but thats bc i lve in louisiana what does that have to do with the kind of music you listen to

[guitarist820]

You prob shoulda thought this one out a little more before putting out here.

[annylei]

108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands

Um... no?

[hdawg]

this is funny cos its true i was about to post it but im too lazy to write an article

[giveitaname87]

Funny as anything. Except for the part about Primus. None of these types of kids even know who Primus is. Primus is their own genre altogether.

[afifury69]

Is that supposed to hurt peoples feelings? because i dont care if a metalhead thinks im stupid or wahtever i hate korn limp bizkit linkin park but i do make some of the list and i dont give a ***

[afifury69]

ok one is right but only one #2 you think icp is funny
icp is the gayest thing that ever happened

[afifury69]

#3 my bad

[stubs]

douche

[perfec_circl]

nice try, but your list hardly made me chuckle. The only thing I found funny was the bumper sticker one.

so uh.... congratulations... you win at life!

[perfec_circl]

originally posted by afifury69
icp is the gayest thing that ever happened

hah... I think the 101 rules for nu-metal list included "describing music you don't like as gay" hah...

[Jon reed]

How 'bout .....
132. You post on an internet site 131 ways to tell if your "mallcore"
Knob.

[Second Choice]

If mallcore kids really are so endelssly stupid and futile to you, then why go and make 2 big ass articles about it? Seems to me that you're quite obsessed with mallcore kids.

With other words: for the love of god, stop trashing music genres and their fans, it's their personal choice to like that music, not yours. And if you can't deal with people liking other music genres, then you are as lame as a racist... Hell, you're just a racist.

So please just go in peace an go listen to your music which to your opinion is sooo much better than nu-metal. really childish

[Riaghan]

just for the hell of it, lets say i have heard real metal, but don't like it, I have friends who listen to other types of music (like rap and pop), and myself listen to mostly solo acoustic guitar type stuff like justin king. would that make me mallcore?

[horazonblade]

giveitaname87:
Funny as anything. Except for the part about Primus. None of these types of kids even know who Primus is. Primus is their own genre altogether.

Speak for yourself guy, I own close to all of thier albums and have seen em live twice.

[Kick Me]

This was amusing, i liked number 109.

[fugazi_punk]

Yeah, I agree with some of this stuff, but some is just plain bullshit. Decent article though, some true, most not.

[fugazi_punk]

I disagree with #24 though. I like Incubus a lot, but I don't give a *** if there was a band before them named the same thing. And I live an hour away from a mall. Again, some was funny, some wasn't.

[SecretAgentMan3]

Was funny though 107. You say "y'all." was wrong 'cause I say yall alot & its because I've lived in the south my whole life.

[Rattlehead]

i thought the article was funny until it started dissin korn in every other line. which is realy bullshit. they should delete this article it makes no sense. what about speed metal does everyone forget that? oh as for death metal here's an artist "Obituary". dumbass

[star0nfire]

25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name.

hey c'mon.. are you saying incubus is nu-metal ?

do us a favor man.. shoot yourself

[Zeppelin182]

im not a metal fan myself but i do like a few metal bands arch enemy, black sabbath etc. the only funny one was 39. Best Buy meets all of your music needs.

[LedZeppelin]

funny, I honestly have to admit that I'm not sure exactly what "mallcore" is though I could probably guess from this article. some of it applies to me, however, and...yeah I'm not a total poseur like this implies. and number 107...if you went to the south and read this out loud you'd be chased by an angry mob. with pitchforks. and torches. have a nice day, and next time you write an article, try not to trash every music genre that you don't like. you went from extreme metal to nu-metal to "mallcore" slipknot stuff. might I ask, what do YOU listen to? because you're kind of narrowing down the number of genres that, uh, exist.

[squeakynuts96]

nice article however...

Incubus's new cd blew but their last two were good

what do you have against potheads pink floyd and zeppelin and all those good bands had the help of a certain tasty green substance

...other besides a few other things it was a decent article.

[Towllie]

lmao u kick ass 5 stars.

[guitarhero253]

it sounds like something i would write about my friend
but stil i know slayer isnt the father but i seriously think theyre very talented, and i dont know any german thrash bands but some great ones are from finland and sweden like kalmah children of bodom in flames that stuff

[The Jin]

u forgot to mention.... 132) They guy likes pop-punk and thinks its musically good

[Gurgle!Argh!]

Well, aren't you cool......

[creede]

Yeah.....666 doesn't actually stand for satan, the people in rome around that time played a game that was extremely popular where you had to guess someone's name based on certain numbers, 666 translates to the Emperor of Rome at the time Revelations was written. It was either Caeser or Nero but whichever one it was they were persecuting Christians and that's why his name in code was associated with the Antichrist.

[NightmareCinema]

This article is the only good one that I have read here. It does a very good job of describing what its supposed to. The FUNNIEST part though, is the comments.

Let me clear a bunch of things up. The funniest one was that someone said hes eliminating extreme metal and nu-metal, and thats really narrowing down the number of genres of music. Lets see, as far as metal I can think of a ton off the top of my head..black metal, thrash metal, neo-classical metal, power metal, heavy metal, etc. Thats not even including Jazz, Blues, Country, Classical, Fusion, Rock, etc, and all of those subgenres.

Ozzy is not the godfather of metal, nor is Black Sabbath, but they are one of them, along with Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin, who Im pretty sure came out before them. This guy clearly listens to much better music, such as Dream Theater, Yngwie Malmsteen, Megadeth, Cacophony, Steve Vai, Symphony X, etc. These are the really good bands, and since I know I will probably be criticized, I will tell you why.

Korn is terrible, and they were not the first to use 7 strings, Steve Vai had Ibanez make the first one, but he isnt calling Steve Vai malcore, he is saying that people that think Korn was the first to use them are. If you've even heard of the guys I mentioned, you deserve a little bit of credit, unless you think, "Oh those guys suck, they just think they're cool". As far as Korn and them being musical, they arent. If you want to hear someone musical, for example, that is Metal, listen to even Ozzy Osbourne, but only off of Diary of a Madman or Blizzard of Ozz, because Randy Rhoads was really his best guitarist. he composes his solos well and knows what hes doing, but these other guys dont. Im willing to bet that most of the people complaining about this article play the guitar because they think its cool and that they think theyre good. Im sorry, you arent going to be good. Im commenting here because the people that post here for the most part are hilarious and pathetic losers. Oh my god, I contradicted myself..Oh wait..no, because I do this as a break from the guitar, which Im actually really dissapointed because this has taken too much time. Oh, I need to get a girlfriend? I need to get a life? No, Im sorry, if that was your initial reaction to this comment then, Im sorry, you are the one that is failing miserably. Actually, I stopped caring. Bye.

[the_ocean]

1) What the F*ck is mallcore?
2) Hot Topic is a cool store, even if youre not "mallcore", they have some nice band shirts
3) Even cops smoke weed on April 20th! If you don't your a fag.
4) Like the dudes before me said Ozzy and Black Sabbath did invent metal
5) Like that one guy said tribal tattoos are rad
6) You're a douche

[cheesetastic]

durrhahhahaha, no one cares, idiot

[bean_brain]

Dude, get a life. Seriously, what's the deal with everyone tearing people down. All I ever hear from these articles is "Everyone except me is a poser, but I'm so hardcore." If you were really hardcore, you wouldn't be so threatened or even care about mallcore kids. And in case you're wondering, I'm not a mallcore kid trying to defend myself. To be honest, metal (in any of the forms you have mentioned) is not my cup of tea, but you don't hear me whining about it, do you?

[DaveWithAnAxe]

131 reasons? jesus christ, go play guitar or something!!

[BluePaintCult]

Uhhh. This is pretty flaming stupid.

[erling]

what is a conformist? im not so good at english.lots of funny things but also much stupid things

[erling]

search for mallcore kid on google and u find where he ripped it of from.Looser taking creddit for this shit when it isnt he who came up with it at all.

[dscat12]

Hulk, not good with words! Nightmare write long posting. Make Hulk very angry! HUUUURRHHH! Hulk not like Firehouse!

[hololos]

This article was pretty lame, but pretty true indeed. It was pretty pointless of writing the article, since u read the 101 Nu-Metal Article. Good try tho...

[RMR101]

how about, the first time you heard "kick out the jams" was when rage against the machine covered it.

[DemonicKnight73]

Two things...
84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th. -- Yah thats me actually...
87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat.-- WTF is ZFLAT?

[OpeN WidE]

that was shit... i never really heard of mallcore until now. stereotyping is most always a bad thing. cuz many of these apply to me... and i dont consider myself "mallcore" or whatever at all. I just claim to be me and i like what i like and dont like what i dont like. next time, take what is fact rather than what YOU dont like. Go suck on a shotgun or play patty cake or something....

[Hellraizer31990]

wat is wrong with owning a skateboard...

[Hellraizer31990]

good point jaeger

[fugazi_punk]

132. If you write lists defining mallcore, yet right now most of us consider this pretty stupid itself. Half the time the people who criticize others for not being 'true hardcore rockers!' or crap like that are the people who really aren't. SO WHAT ABOUT MALLCORE? The only one of those who I listen to up there is Incubus, and this thread sure of a hell wont make me stop you dumbass.

133. You're mallcore if you sit here and think of 131 things that can make you a mallcore.

134. You suck.
134.

[irish lamma]

I pitty you hyder. Everyone hates you now, owell haha stupid

[slayingmantus]

tTis dude who posted is just stupid. like so what if you say yall? I say yall all the time, like its much faster to say than you all. And seriously man, deicide is satanic. Dude theyre name means the act of killing god, and yes, 666 is a satanic number. You just have no clue waht your talking about.

[jamesrivera]

How can it be so hard for people to use correct grammar, spelling and punctuation? It's not really that hard, what isn't spelled with the a before the h; if you actually studied in school instead of listening to fake remorseful music you'd actually know how to write. Most of the bands mentioned in this article do indeed bring a bad name to music, Korn, Limp Bizkit, etc.. really don't have a place in music, as they just clutter it up with unoriginal garbage. Music like The Misfits (1977-1983 era), Smashing Pumpkins, Glenn Danzig, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and The Cure have all done something remarkable for music history, but not the bands criticized in the above article. It may seem a bit biased, self opinionated and repetitive, but it truly does make sense. Also, if you aren't fully into Satanism as a practice, don't act like you're someone whose intimidating. Go ahead and send me emails saying how I suck, it doesn't really matter, you're the one's wasting your own time and energy trying to come up with a witty rhetort.
Peace niggers.

[jamesrivera]

P.S. "666" really has nothing to do with Satan, it has to do with John writing "Revelations" in the Bible, in which he had a dream about overthrowing the Romans. It also has to do with Nero, Cesaer, Romulus, Lateionus, and Vicarius Filii Dei.

[erling]

135 u little bastard ,taking credit from other peoples shity work

[February_Star]

I think the number 6 is a metaphore for imperfection(because the number 7 is perfection).
And the number 666 is just to really state it. (repeated 3 in a row) to long article to be interesting, really...

[unforgiven104]

i am with the million other people above me, the writer is a bit of a douchebag. you criticized about 80 different bands, saying that if you listen to them you are a mallcore..... cool.... no...no

[pill2comawhite]

ha great article...funny as f*ck....but why are you dissing the gravity bong?

[the fendernator]

u loser. bet that took you years to type.

[alaskanbassist]

Eminem is a really good rapper just because he beat the black people at their own thing. Besides, you're stupid. No more articles for you.

[B-wiZe]

haha

[thomas_wh]

it was entertaining until nr.50 or so. hehe funny

[fixxxer_928]

did anyone actually read the whole thing?...and another thing, none of those bands apear in my collection, death metal sucks and re-load is a good album just like load and every other album MetallicA have released.

[fixxxer_928]

Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat- AAAAAAAA-FUCKING-HAAAAAAA
AAAHHAHAHAHA

[anykindapunk]

ya mallcore kids are pathetic. funny article

[evilville]

you forgot one...you watch your tv on mute and play slipknot to see if the words match to the tv.

[BleedingFlames]

Hello, this is your daily dose of many different Roberto's. First off not one time did this bastard mention Dwight Yokem, that is one kick arse guy. He is mallcare to the inside of his stomach. So dont go be telling me things about "mallcore" without mentioning its creater. Hyder sounds like my money in different forms of years. I dont know much, but I dont know what I am and thats not a bastard. So f off m'f I f and f the f's up you know. I really loved your article, keep up the good work and satan will glady comdem your ears cause you like my fist in our face after they were the children they became men for this one time and they saved it all and your mom walked in on you jacking off with a video camera and your dad cried for 3 days.

[MindjackPlug]

this article was silly

you see, kids, i happen to live in good ol' VERMONT. anyone who even insinuates (look it up, kids) that they're "goth" or "Metal-Core" fits these terms perfectly. And they're all hypocrites. Whee.

The dresden dolls forever! SO not metal! metal blows! wheeeeee! except for static x. i can dance to that, bitch!

[fixxxer_928]

hahahahaha...i dont get it (above)

[fixxxer_928]

above....to bleedingflames, not mindjack plug (that guys gay)

[MindjackPlug]

indeed i am, fixxxer. and if you think you're clever because you have a silly little "XXX" in your name, stop kidding youself. have a groovy day!

[fixxxer_928]

hahahaha, its a shame i didnt make that name up, its the name of a song u dill-weed

[fixxxer_928]

evilville:
''you forgot one...you watch your tv on mute and play slipknot to see if the words match to the tv''

wow...i never new slipcrack had words in their songs...i used to think they were a bunch of crackheads screaming mumbled words down the mic (well i still do)

[Born2Riot]

COULD YOU OF PICKED ANY WORSE BANDS WOT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!!!!

[RememberMyName]

CORRECTION TIME!!!

1. Mallcores don't dress like that 3. Korn are metal 10. I call people fags if they are 14. Manson isn't gothic by nature, just by appearance 17.What's wrong with tribal tattoos 22. Cops should confiscate pot 23. Korn and pantera are talented. System are VERY talented 24. Some rap is good RATM 31. I like stickers 32. Although much death metal is just hot air, death metal is supposed to be Satanic 36. Reload has some decent song on it, old stuffs better though 37. Some of the Black album is good and could be considered old 44. Outside is a good song and i don't doubt their potential 47. See CT no 1 64. Im not into kid rock but some of his stuff is alright 65. Papa Roach is metal, but Motorhead kicks arse (proper spelling) 72. We are all individual and you are now stereotyping 77. there is nothing wrong with god hates us all, its what i think of 81. no 1 again 93. I know many who have used one and they all hate nu-metal and love the old shit 101. Nothing wrong with 'boarders (except for posers and those who are in it 'cause of the craze), look at James Hetfield 102. many nu-metal drummers are talented and are in my opinion the kings of the band 108. Tool are tlented, they know their shit 120. Slayer are one of the godfathers of death metal and no mallcorer would listen to slayer 124. I'd cream myself if ozzy signed my anything! 126. See no 120 and insert ozzy where slayer is 128. 666 is Satan's symbol.

In conclusion, slipknot do suck and i can't understand them. Marilyn Manson is very smart and very sane. Watch Bowling for columbine because MIchael Moore is a legend and should be supported. The rest is pretty correct. I guess it's a bit late, but PLEASE READ THIS!!!

[THE KORNMAN]

I think I'm 1 quarter mallcore and 3 quarters of some other stuff.

[Cain 777]

21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music."
I'm sixteen and I listen to Old Man Gloom, Melt Banana, Neurosis, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Zeni Geva, Pig Destroyer, Isis, Merzbow, Harkonen, Muga, and on occasion I do listen to some Masonna. Even though Masonna is pretty much noise. Don't believe me? Too bad. go here and listen for yourself

http://www.al
ien8recordings.com/freque
ncy.php3

[letsgomurphys06]

oh god.
this is the only metal ranting/flaming I like. A+ dude. Staind...yeah right.

[PetrucciRocks]

hehe Everyone thats flaming this guy are all mallcore. Whoever gets offended by this shit are retards. It's a joke! Sure it's stereotype, but it's mostly true!

[spiders 32]

lol this ia great

[kriz864_#4]

Z flat - the only thing on the page that made me laugh

[StuartR]

That was a good 10 minuets of my life wasted.

[CaptainCrash]

Man......this was incredible. The only way i could do justice to this, is if i were to quote the whole damn thing. it perfectly describes the "ungreat" people i try to steer clear of.

[slimslowest]

Yea...pretty much penned down the guys that your talkin bout..cept for the yall comment...cant help im southern...its funny how all the mallcore kids are bein offended tho..

[SocialD]

okay did he seriously just write out 131 ways to know!
cuz that my friend is lame ass!
and i thought I had too much spare time on my hands! thats just sad, your all just mad because you know you qualify for thoes rules!
and who really cares!
you shouldn't limit yourself to ONE kind
of music! thats lame!
and if you have to follow 131 rules NOT to be a mallcore kid then your ***ed up anyways!
so if you think this is offending to the mallcore
kids then your ***ed!
and wrong in everyway posible!
its really offending every poser who tries SOOOOO hard not to be this!
and i have to bash CaptainCrash for a moment!

it perfectly describes the "ungreat" people i try to steer clear of.

YOUR so lame!
if you judge people by the music
that they listen to then you suck balls!
along with your stupid meaningless heavy metal!
i just wanted to say that all of you who think this article is revolutionary then you are ALL lame ass poser fuc*s
and stop SHOWING your uneducation in music!
it's hard to take your opinion seriously when you apell band names wrong! :no:

[carpedium]

ok so now I'm a pop-punk pussy and a Mallcore rocker. damnit!!

[Ash-Ock]

I only qualify for rule 15 and 39. I'm a pop punk person, so i find this highly amusing (and sadly true for some people i know)

[glassjawXmcr99]

63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs.

i agree with every single aspect of the article except for that one...i dont see how aeropostale fits in...hilarious article though!

[tyler larsen]

this, for once on UG, is a good article...i bet you half of the people reading this dont know who DEATH, MALEVOLENT CREATION, or PUNGENT STENCH is and watch viva la bam. i give this a 5. good job.

[MrDawson]

unfunny, uneducated, arrogant...
good job

[alexxx152]

very funny lolool

[kapp]

hey, this is one of the shitiest articles ever... try thinking before writing... (we all should)

[0blue skies0]

ADMIT IT GUYS - ITS ALL TRUE!!

pretty f**king funny stuff. I'm a mallcore chick & proud of it - its crazy how many points (not all) are completely true - well observed Hyder.

HOWEVER... the mallcore kid that connects with *most* of these points is actually pretty well-informed compared to your mainstream linkin park, good charlotte metalists - to know about coal chamber, kitty, deicide etc. you have to have read a metal magazine on a good basis.

so there's nowt (nothing) wrong with being a mallcore kid in my opinion. if anyone is MORE informed than that ie. has the facts completely and utterly straight (like you, H) then they probably dont have a social life.. plus they have a good amount on money to spend on checking out new bands. this ISNT a blind diss; seriously the mallcore kid as defined by yourself DOES take take time & effort to get into the metal scene - MORE time & effort spent than this is impossible on a practical level if u want a life.

[0blue skies0]

^^^
(e.g. like if i claim to love metal.. im surposed to know the names of random german thrash bands? w t f??
like i said...a deeper knowledge of metal required not having a life. Plus metal has many many sub-genres... how can u expect us to have the time/effort to delve into them all?? "thrash" is yet another metal sub-genre is is not?

[0blue skies0]

^^^
please allow me to say that "i love beer" without requiring me to taste every make of beer ever made.. in every country it's available in. f**k i love metal, i do. let me be.
--------------------
-------
80's sepultura sucks. for me solos are the guitarist "showing off" - therfore solos are "charming" or sexy; eg.led zep. 80's sep is soloing against max roaring - rendering this type of solo-infused guitar style pointless and un pleasant to listen to unless im drunk or just want to jump up and down.

mallcore, like ANY genre has good bands and crap bands. mallcore is for moshing to in a groovy stylish way... with other people. the verses are a physical rest where you can do sexy swaying, dancing, enjoying the spirit of singing along with people...then the mallcore chorus crashes in and you go crazy, moshing to the beat. Korn, System of a Down, indeed Crazy Town, Deftones, Soulfly, Sepultura etc. are awesome bands. Screw their tv apperances - most of their albums rule. yes, i said rule. yes im a mallcore kid.
but good quality mallcore is sumblime, dynamic, contasty, the voice is an instrument, the passion, soul & emotion can be heavy - u DO NOT have to "sing" to convey strong emotions - a scream can do this. (in fact mallcore will include BOTH singing AND screaming within a single song-superb), secondly u dont need to sing like robert plant or an old blues artist to convey passionate emotions. try screaming. it's harder than u think; hard to keep it up (your throat gets ***ed up) - u can only keep it up if u have the passion to do so... and u REALLY feel like screaming. mallcore CAN be "honest" music. BUT YES - LIKE ANY GENRE - there is crap mallcore that dillutes or obscures the good stuff.

[0blue skies0]

^^^ Korn along with Rage AgainST The Machine created the genre of nu-metal or mallcore. listen to these guys. go back to that time; there was nothing remotely similar to these guys - they were groundbreaking. dont listen to all this crap like taproot, mushroomhead etc. that are clogging up the mallcore scene these days - they DO NOT reflect the spirit of mallcore. they arent charming or spine tingling or political; their simply mall-core-by-numbers created by angry people. check out system of a down with their dynamics, crazy time signatures, gorgeous voice, heaviness, Eastern melodies & fun crazy imaginative lyrics - mallcore can be beautiful if u know where to look. Deftones - the album with "my own summer" - is beautiful and sexy AND heavy. his voice is chillingly gorgeous.

KNOW to look in THE RIGHT PLACES when judging mallcore. REALISE that some bands will suck, others will rule.

[blistabass]

blue skies is an ass. RATM didnt create nu metal. They say completely different things and dont sound alike.

[flameboy88]

quality article, i know so many ppl like this

[0blue skies0]

blistabass - they dont NEED to sound the same; they're dynamics &vocal style were a huge influence.
most bands dont all sound like led zep or black sabbath do they? - but they were HEAVY influences.. and we wouldnt have these bands without them.

[0blue skies0]

^^^ also, they may like to disasociate themselves from the nu-metal genre - with makes sence, as they arent nu-metal. HOWEVER they did create it!! as they were one of its KEY influences. korn + RATM.

[greenguitargirl]

ive never heard of "mallcore" until now..

[punksandrabbits]

okay people, rap rock has been around since faith no more came out in 1983 and the chili peppers got there start in 1984, the genre isn't that new! though rage against the machine is one of the best rap rock outfits ever.

[punksandrabbits]

o yeah, i like some nu metal but not most, a few good bands of the genre are s.o.a.d.,the r.h.c.p., tool, r.a.t.m., and faith no more, pretty funny article though!

[schmoofaka]

That list was ***ing hilarious and so dead-on true, i was amazed! Also, to the many morons replying saying its dumb, and calling him names: you're simply falling into the definition of moronic mallcore kid. Way to prove yourselves, morons.

Now, in regards to the number '666.' Get YOUR facts straight you dense ***s. 666 is actually a number the christian used as CODE when talking about CAESAR NERO. OmG IrOn MaIdEn SaYz ItZ FoR tHe BeAsT!! sAAATaN!!! You guys are a laugh. Also, Ozzy WASNT the grandfather of metal, BLACK SABBATH was. Notice he said OZZY, not SABBATH, you ignorant morons. I dont think anything he listed was far off. Many mallcore angst-ridden retard kids are very stereotypical. Get over it you whiney angsty babies. Way to prove hyder's point. Bahahaha.

[QCQMQBQ]

so, even though i like bands like iron maiden, judas priest, kreator, and megadeth, im still a mallcore kid because i have a soad cd in my collection? and im also a mallcore kid because my collection of cds is less than 300? news to me.

[Nagelfar]

To those who don't know the difference between Nu-metal & Mallcore; It's the same difference between Metal & Hardcore, Although I don't think the Nu-metallers & Mallcore demographic have the same hatred/feud that traditional Metal & Hardcore have with one another. Although maybe, just maybe, Metal & Hardcore fans actually see eye to eye about both Nu-metal & Mallcore.

[VulgarDisplayOA]

Dude, how ignorant can you get?!
Pantera didn't rip off no f*ckin' Exhorder. Your retarded self probably just looked them up on Wikipedia. It says some people claim they did, but those 'people' are probably dumb*sses like you who just say stupid, made-up 'facts' to sound smart.

Even if Pantera did drop the whole glam scene after Exhorder, they didn't have to be 'ripping' them off. Then you're also ripping off millions of other kids who don't like Nu-Metal and write crappy articles about it with googled facts and tons of repeated sayings. I don't like Nu-Metal either, but I don't go on THE guitar website and write sh*t about it. GR! Where the hell did Pantera come into this anyway?! You're lucky people don't know where you live, because by now thousands of Pantera fans would have came to your house and stuffed f*ckin' 30-foot long poles up your a*s.

Dimebag Darrell (RIP): Greatest guitarist that ever walked this Earth.

Philip Anselmo: Greatest vocalist & heroin-addict that ever will exist.

Rex Brown: Okay.

Vinnie Paul: Okay.

Just know that if Pantera had just come a few years earlier, they would be with the likes of Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeth, and Slayer.
Who the hell is Exhorder anyway?!

Dude, and why diss Tool? If you were even as smart as Maynard's dick, then you could say anything you wanted about them. Tool isn't a f*ckin' mallcore band!
That's the stupidest sh*t I've heard this week!

Seriously, I agree with Valhalla, you're an idiot.



-Anselmo.

[nadialeatz_4272]

haha I guess this means I'm a mallcore kid.
awww damn. =]

[grazikon]

This is mostly based on stereotypes. I expected to get quite high on this cos I like Korn and Slipknot and other nu metal bands adn I'll admit I'm a bit of a newbie but I actually got 8 of them if you're picky and 15 of them if you're being generous. There's not really such thing as mallcore. It's just a stereotype.
The only bit that was funny was 87 cos it was actually based on truth just that it was exaggerated.
Nitpicks:
6:Most people who lived in the 80's that weren't metalheads see it that way.
14:very simply, I don't see how this has anything to do with "mallcore"
16:I've never heard that. I've heard people think industrial rock and industrial metal is industrial though.
69 appears to contradict with 111
97:They might be more popular and mainstream than any extreme metal band but their shopping centre airplay is certainly far from "constant"
98:maims
107:so country bumpkins are now "mallcore kids"?

[paintjob]

You may call me a hypocrite for writing this but you are ALL hypocrites who waste their time blogging. I may have spare time but at least I don't waste it like you idiots. Thank you for your time. Have a nice, lonely night.

[ReignInBlood92]

....I say y'all....I live in Texas...it's a habit..

[Toilets]

Someone has too much free time.

[MetalMilitia212]

Jaeger wrote:
and not only that, you're a moron. Ozzy isn't the godfather of all metal? name a heavy metal band that predates Black Sabbath. oh right, you can't. because there are none. douchebag.

Tony Iommi led Black Sabbath and wrote most of their most popular songs. Ozzy ruined Black Sabbath when he was in it, there is no worse vocalist.

Although I think the Pantera remarks are a bit biased, as Cowboys From Hell came out around the same time as Slaughter in the Vatican.

[ilguerriero]

Some of these are funny but most of them apply only to younger fans. The article also indicts people for not listening to shitty genres such as grindcore or viking metal, which apparently you *have* to like, or you're a poser and don't really like metal. It's also pretty dumb to chastize people over not knowing every obscure metal band out there and trying to make Slayer and Metallica sound like mallcore bands because they're popular. This must have been written by that typical annoying kid who forces himself to like bands that no one knows so they can sound musically sophisticated and cutting-edge, while actually being more of a poser than the people he's making fun of. Don't get me wrong, though... there's PLENTY of truth in this list, but there are some great "mallcore" bands - KoRn, Deftones, System of a Down, ill Nino (listen to the guitar work), and Rage Against the Machine.

But yeah, I agree with you on Staind, Tool, Limp Bizkit, and Linkin Park. Blooooows.

[Depression]

Thanks, great article! Thumbs up for you!

I guess I had to answer "Yes" to three of these... Not too mallcore.

[MARIOratchet]

this is great - I do not understand those who are bashing this - it is terribly frustrating dealing with people who hear I listen to metal that fit all these categories - some even try to claim that I do not know anything about metal! though, I do have to disagree with you about Pantera - they were great from the beginning glam day until the end (despite many of their fans)