I have been playing guitar for 6 months now, so I believe I have a right to dictate how other people should learn guitar, my ways have always been seen by myself as better and more successful than that of my numerous guitar teachers. Already I have mastered difficult songs such as "Wonderwall" and "Wheels".
Technique No. 1
Never use the technique which is most comfortable for you these kinds of techniques can create rigidity in your playing style. If ever you feel comfortable with a playing technique always switch to something different, even if you are at a key learning stage.
Technique No. 2
Don't bother learning the fretboard, it is a waste of time, anything vaguely characteristic of scales or progressions is pointless, while flair and style are important. Always copy someone popular or famous, after learning your first couple of songs you should invest in a really expensive guitar, such as a Fender Stratocaster or Les Paul.
Technique No. 3
Brand is power, no one cares about the real sound of a guitar, all they need to see is the money. If you have a Les Paul Goldtop or Custom Shop Strat they will automatically think your amazing, musicians are gullible like this.
Technique No. 4
After 6-7 lessons you can probably sack your tutor, you can write your own songs better than any stupid teacher by now. Just pick several random chords and stick them together in bog standard strumming sequence, all the girls will love it. That's all musicians do, nothing has any real songwriting talent, Jimi Hendrix wasn't a good guitar player, he just knew a few basic chords and then used all of his money to buy effects. This brings us on the number 5.
Technique No. 5
Never play live unless you are using eight or nine effects. Using a guitar without smothering its sound with effects can damage your strings and always sounds terrible. The same is true for your voice when singing. Some of the best effects are ones which generate notes after you play a chord. These help the music to flow better.
Technique No. 6
The best way to avoid mishaps on stage is very easy to master, and this technique was used by none other than the greatest band of all time, The Beatles. It is, simply, don't play live at all. By not actually playing, you can ensure a steadily growing fan base and you will never disappoint them. However I don't believe The Beatles should have continued at all. This technique also helps to keep your guitar healthy.
James and Jake