new proggy(?) song! This is interesting title! [GP5/GP4/MIDI]


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DiminishedFifth
02-06-2009, 11:08 PM
This is another song i've been, and still am, working on for the past week non-stop. The only true time's i've stopped is school, food, girlfriend, and sleep. Other than that... this was all I did.

Anyways... for those of you who saw my last song (see Manifestation in my sig) remember how I said I wanted a long song? Probably not, but I do. And I think this is it :] As of now, it's only 4 minutes, but it just got to the first verse, so that means it's a 4 minute intro. I'm happy about that :]

Don't really pay much mind to the solos. Those are probably going to change. All except the second guitar solo. inb4 "They're too wanky!" that's what I was going for. I'll have more melodic one's later ;] Though if the current one's are good, tell me! ^^

Tell me specifically about the transitions from part to part... I really spent alot of time trying to make them interesting. And I want your opinions on how the different time signatures flow or don't flow.

Like I said it's a WIP, and constantly changing. I'll probably have more added/changed tomorrow.

You may have to give it a couple listens to get everything, since there's alot of little nuances spread throughout ^^

Use headphones and RSE if possible!

Name the influence (there's only like... 1 or 2) and get a cookie.
Name the song(s) and get 5000 cookies!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY!
I have taken your advice and changed some sections, and added another section(s) to it. The section may not fit (you'll know what I mean), but it's like the second movement, if you will, to this piece, and it's supposed to bring in a dark, ominous feeling. That and I like it alot, so i'm probably not changing it too much. Though, I would call it pretty controversial for an instrumental section.

Yet i've hit a problem... I want an instrumental section to begin the second "movement" but I don't know where to go with it. Advice?

It's attached to this post, don't worry ;] I still have the first version there so you can see the differences.

Oh! And if you can tell me what chord I used at bars 154-155 (it's arpeggiated) than you're awesome. And it has nothing to do with the letters of the chord. Like... it won't be like a Dadd9#11b5 or anything like that at all. It has a name ^^

creeping.death!
02-07-2009, 12:42 AM
Intro: Nice arpeggio, and the keyboard melody is very good too, but what really stands out in this section is the awesome bassline. The drums are ok.

Enter teh Metulz: Sorry, but the guitar in the first bar literally made me cringe; it really feels out of place, a slower lick will fit much better. Everything else is spot on.

Begin Piano: Beautiful melody. I Love the use of the string ensemble in this section.

Pre...something: The keyboard is pretty good. Not really much else to say on a four bar section...

Build Up: Adds a dark touch to the song, which I really like.

Guitar/Keys duel: Probably the part I enjoyed the most in the whole song. Pure ace.

Pre-Verse/Pre-verse (all in): Nice acoustic riff. I definitely see some Symphony X here (The Divine Wings of Tragedy maybe? :D ).

Verse: The pizzicato (sp?) strings add a really cool touch to it. Loved the bass too.

Overall: One of the best songs I've seen posted in here. Can't wait to see it finished :).

DiminishedFifth
02-07-2009, 12:50 AM
Holy crap you got the band AND song spot on! A billion cookies to you sir!

What you said about the guitar in Enter teh Metulz: I can see that. I'm thinking about having it do something more melodic. I've been thinking about changing that for awhile? Have any ideas about anything I could possible use?

And thank you for such positive feedback! I've been working really hard on this and will probably end up getting this professionally recorded since I have an uncle who knows people ;]

Wow... that solo was pretty much just an improv that I ended up remembering... maybe i'm better at this whole improv thing than I though?!

Thank you very much death! ^^

EDIT: No comments on the verse itself?
Haha thank you for humoring me :] I'm glad you really like it!

creeping.death!
02-07-2009, 01:16 AM
By the way...


-------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------7--9--10--9--
--------------5------7--9--10--9--7--9-------------------
---5--7--8------8------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------


^Try that on the first guitar bar, they're all eighth note triplets.
Apologies if it sounds like shit :o .

The Spoon
02-07-2009, 11:12 PM
I love the intrumentation here. It sounds very nice, and the keys are insane man. The duel between the guitar and keys is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, the enter teh metulz part kinda shows up abruptly and ruins the intro. but the beautiful piano afterwords makes up for it. i would still recommend changing that part though.

its shaping up to be a great song

9/10

DiminishedFifth
02-07-2009, 11:58 PM
I love the intrumentation here. It sounds very nice, and the keys are insane man. The duel between the guitar and keys is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, the enter teh metulz part kinda shows up abruptly and ruins the intro. but the beautiful piano afterwords makes up for it. i would still recommend changing that part though.

its shaping up to be a great song

9/10
That seems to be a recurring sentiment between everyone... imma see what i can do about it :]

Thank ou for your comments.

jamesdtsx
02-08-2009, 05:28 AM
i dont feel like writing a crit but DAMN dude that acoustic part almost made me tear. that is symphony x quality. that is an AMAZING part. the preverse.

jamesdtsx
02-08-2009, 05:29 AM
oh yeah but on bar 90 on square wave remove the triplets. thats what i did

jamesdtsx
02-08-2009, 05:36 AM
dude im not even kidding everything from pre verse to the end is SONGWRITING perfection. dude do you teach composition? can you teach me? i know a fair bit of theory but im not the greatest songwriter.

juckfush
02-08-2009, 07:54 AM
Thanks for returning crit on Water Colors; it's nice to have it back on the first page ^^

It's pretty late here, but after seeing your reply, I couldn't leave the seat without returning the favour. I'll cover as much as I can, and I'll return tomorrow if I see it fit ;)

The intro works exceptionally, especially considering you're using an odd meter. It's rare to find something melodic in context, let alone melodic amongst complexity of a respect. I found it to be slightly awkward at first, however once the higher end of the acoustic melody entered, it made more sense than without it.
When the synth entered, it added to the melodic sensibilities, and the 5/4 seemed much more natural and free-flowing - if the score wasn't in front of me, I wouldn't have noticed until mathematically calculating the note values.
The choir addition works well, although I hear it as more of a transition, than an actual addition to the song. Nice work though =]
The tempo change it slightly abrupt - perhaps it could descend in tempo? (The term's official name escapes me)
The progression from the inception of the 4/4 (Oops, 7/8! I wouldn't have even guessed ;)) part is magnificent - it doesn't feel as if an even number of bars determine each section of the progression, but rather it's free flowing - ie. You don't just have four bars of one instrument, then four with another added, and so on.
The piano melody works magnificently, and the ensemble is great. Not to mention the chromatic passing notes work wonders. The synth is also brilliant, I might add.

Now... the prog aspect really is evident. You pretty much attacked all 12 notes here - and fairly well I might add. The descending chromatic lines, while tasteless to a point, ultimately allowed for a more melodic transition. And hey, we all need a little bit of chaos. I'll also add that you made quite astounding use of 5/8. Even though your runs consisted of 16ths, the overall flow wasn't interrupted by the odd aspect - timing and note wise. It felt comfortable to listen to, and ENJOYABLE. An aspect that seems to have been forgotten in the prog scene sometimes.
However, on your transition from 4/4 BACK to the 5/8 here, I can almost imagine each second bar of 5/8, for the first 4 bars, being 6/8. I haven't actually tried it, sorry, but the idea is there. It still flows brilliantly though.

Back to the pretties, and it's all good. Fantastic execution of 5/4, especially in the context of hook writing. Again, nothing sounds forced or dissonant. Simple, but well put utilization of arpeggios, and a great way to end the song.
The only disappointment is the abrupt ending, but I'm sure you'll do whatever's best for the piece.

And, uh... is the influence Symphony X?
< . <
> . >
> . <
(Totally didn't steal the answer < . <)

Best of luck, and fantastic job :cheers:

Alex

ultimate-slash
02-08-2009, 12:07 PM
cool=D

that's all I have to say about it:P

some bits where not really meant to be there by my taste, but those were all mentioned, so no need telling them again xD

can't wait to hear the final version=D

DiminishedFifth
02-08-2009, 12:44 PM
oh yeah but on bar 90 on square wave remove the triplets. thats what i did

dude im not even kidding everything from pre verse to the end is SONGWRITING perfection. dude do you teach composition? can you teach me? i know a fair bit of theory but im not the greatest songwriter.

I tried that at first, but it gives it a little too much resolution in my ears. It feels like it's going to end, while the triplet eighth notes add a bit of unresolved chaos until the acoustic starts in again.

I could teach you some of my tricks to songwriting. But you probably do them too ;] I know enough theory to get by, but I didn't even use it unless I was writing for piano, choir, or strings.

The tempo change it slightly abrupt - perhaps it could descend in tempo?
Believe it or not, I actually do have it descending. It's just that since the tempo's are so close it doesn't seem like it. I did change it though, since the descent lasts too long. Thank you for your nice comments :]

The only disappointment is the abrupt ending, but I'm sure you'll do whatever's best for the piece
Then you'll be happy to hear it's not the end at all ;] It's just where I decided to stop so I could get people's opinions on it before I move on.

I'll also add that you made quite astounding use of 5/8
It's about how you think of the time signatures. I've gotten pretty used to writing in 5/4 (as evident by the whole intro) and I view 5/8 as 5/4 cut in half. And 7/8 as 7/4 cut in half. I will rarely use 3/4 in place of 6/8 since, in my eyes, they are the same thing. They each consist of 6 eighth notes. Make sense? :daisy:

And yes, the influence is Symphony X :] A cookie to you sir.

And thank you ultimate-slash for your wonderful review ^^ I'll be posting an update within the month (it'll probably take me awhile... T_T)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone will probably be happy to know, i'm working on fixing that one part, so it'll be changed in a little bit. I'll keep you guys posted ;]

gutsman
02-08-2009, 01:49 PM
I thought it was a bit messy and chaotic overall with all the different instruments and sections following eachother up so rapidly but that could also be blamed to the midi format. still, on the technical side it was a veryw ell constructed piece and if you ever get around to recording it I would love to hear the final result!

DiminishedFifth
02-08-2009, 02:42 PM
I thought it was a bit messy and chaotic overall with all the different instruments and sections following eachother up so rapidly but that could also be blamed to the midi format. still, on the technical side it was a veryw ell constructed piece and if you ever get around to recording it I would love to hear the final result!
Haha yeah, it's the MIDI. It's not a song meant for MIDI, since MIDI, for me, tends to be on the messy side on my computer.

But thank you for the kind words :]

Gizmo Factory
02-08-2009, 03:59 PM
The intro was extrmeley clean and smooth. The layered guitar was nice. When the metal kicks in, it's not so tasty and, the sudden change didn't really feel like it'd be from calm to to a throwdown. A use of all these wicked time signatures is something that always impresses me because when I'm writing the drums I can never ifgure out where I should syncopate the snare, and the accent of the beat. It was good stuff.

Looking at it as a listener myself, I didn't like it so much. Probably just the genre, not my thing so much.

Looking at is as a msuician. It was pretty well designed, some of the keyboard didn't seem like it fit all that well.

8/10

HWFG1
02-08-2009, 09:31 PM
The bass really gets me. O.o Like, throughout the whole song, it's really good, and does more than just second the guitars, which is something I have trouble writing.

Another thing is the the use of Keyboard. It's not overbearing, and it adds a new dimension to the song.

The drums in the intro seem...I dunno. There's a couple of points where they seem too...active.

As for the arrangement itself, the intro sets the mood for the song so far quite well. The point where the guitar comes in during "Begin Piano" seems a bit abrupt, though. "Build up" does just that, it builds up right into the duel, which is phenomenal. The Pre-Verse does the same. It kinda just..it builds on itself into the "All In" comes in nicely.

Crit mine? Song Number 8 (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1062991)

salamander121
02-09-2009, 01:09 PM
Nice intro, you make the 5/4 intro seem regular even when its not. The abss for this part I'm really amazed with how well you got it to fit :cool: .
The triplet melody is good as it wonders around before leading onto the ethereal sound and then the guitar has its go of wondering around, then laying down some chords.

You made the piano intro part very seamless, which I fail to see in other pieces - good job. Once again I hardly noticed the time signature it was in as you made it fit very well. At "Pre-something" I really liked the riff, it has a very proggy noise and the repitition is good. The keys melody in "Build-up" is amazing, not seeming out of place at all. I like it how the keys and guitar play with each otehr before facing off in a sweet wee duel :p: (I like it how both guitar and keys are shredding).

Acoustic part (Pre-verse all in) sounds somewhat folk to me, which is a pretty cool contrast from the previous shredding we heard earlier. The pizzicato strings in the background is a pleasant effect as they aren't invading the acoustic sound at all and seem to somewhat 'cushion' the whole thing.

Good job, - don't change the solo's, time sig's flow perfectly and make this piece of an epic scale and I shall be back to comment on it some more if you re-post it. :peace: 9/10

DiminishedFifth
02-10-2009, 08:43 PM
I have added an updated version to the first post! ^^

Check it out and give me your opinion/advice? Please?!

BlackandSilver
02-10-2009, 09:28 PM
Epic song is epic. 10/10

SOADisdabest
02-11-2009, 10:18 AM
Thanks for critting my piece, man. Appreciate it.

Intro: Very chill acoustic intro, really relaxing. Bass is awesome and definitely gives it that prog vibe. The synth reminded me of Yes, which is a plus.

Enter Teh Metulz: Very awesome way to extend the intro, fits nicely.

Piano part: Incredible, one of the most beautiful piano pieces I've ever heard, the change to 7/8 flows very well doesn't feel awkward at all. Nicely done. Only problem I had here was that the distortion guitar came in kind of suddenly, and I was really enjoying the piano.

Pre Something: Good way to build up tension and raise the general heaviness of the song, again, nicely done.

Build up: Keys sounded deliciously evil the transition to the keyboard/guitar duel seemed a bit sudden, but it fits, I guess.

Keyboard/Guitar Duel: Awesome. Not much else to say there.

Pre Verse/Verse: Easily my favourite part of the song. The Pizzicato strings are fantastic. I actually kept skipping back to listen to it again and again, especially in the verse truly amazing work there. Very very very very very well done.

Chorus: More awesome acoustic work. Nice

Verse again: Loved the sliding on the bass, sounds very proggy and leads to the chorus beautifully.

Chorus Repeated: Very intense, very easy to feel a lot of emotion in this, really epic sounding.

Piano Break: Again, beautiful. I wish I could say more.

Dark part: Definitely captured the dark atmosphere very well, bass was intense. Guitar solo also blended very well, and also sounded very evil. Reminded me of Dark Cloud on PS2 for some reason, and that's a GREAT thing because that game was awesome. The ending didn't feel complete to me for some reason though.

Overall 9.5/10 Awesome work, I'd definitely like to see a recording of this one day.

Carl6661
02-11-2009, 01:16 PM
Intro: Very nice, I like the acoustic guitars like, doign different stuff.
The synth was weird, but cool. The bassline is very nice.

Enter Teh Metulz (or whatever) bit was cool, but the guitar was way too loud and drowned everything else out.

The piano-y bit was cool, sounds like a totally different song now. But that's what progressive is about, so yeah. :D

The drums throughout are pretty cool. Reminded me very much of Mike Portney (DT are one of the few bands of this genre I like.)

The bit in 5/8 was cool, I really liked the leads there. I like the the synth and guitars intertwine.

The keys/guitar duel thing, was generic. But equally good!

I like the call and responce thing going on with the harp and acoustic aswell, that's nice. :)

The verse after that was cool, had a very weird vibe. Not sure how to describe it, but it was cool.

The verse at 105 was even better, I really like the bassline there. Aswell as your chord progression in the chorus.

The chorus with the overdriven guitar was just even better. A highlight of the song for me.

Piano break, it's not anything I haven't heard before but it's awesome. Very emotive.

II was much darker, very cool vibe going on there. The low synths got annoying though.
The high slide on acoustic was a bit dodgy aswell. Probably just MIDI though.

The lead sounded weird, but that's just guitar pro sounds. I'm sure it would sound cool on real guitar.

Overall, so far. 8/10. Pretty cool, just a few bits I would do differently. Oh well, it's your piece.

Of_Wolves
02-11-2009, 09:36 PM
I can't fault a lot on this as most of it is pretty much right up my street ya know. The only problem I have was the square-wave synth triplet thing in the intro (I understand you were probably going for unresolved chaos with that) but honest it just ruins the vibe as the drums come in, and just seems to be off key to my ears, again you were probably going for some weird chords right, but it didn't sit well for me.

In addition to this there are a couple of parts in the strings near the beginning as well were I think you would do well to keep it simple harmony wise.

I assume the ending of the new lot was abrupt because you're not finished, so I won't say anything about that ;)

peace! :cool: