No Escape (Mid/Slow tempo rock song) C4C


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randomthought9
02-23-2009, 04:09 AM
I'm working on this one song. It's kind of a pop/rock song, and I'm almost done with it, but it doesn't feel finished to me. I feel I can improve it, and I need criticism about the piece. I'll do C4C of course.

St.Loony
02-23-2009, 12:30 PM
*Critting while listening to it*
Like the intro solo. But needs something before it. I think it would sound better with a backing to it. Verse 1 I liked. Catchy bass and and the guitar was very good work indeed.
Pre Chorus was good. Didn't see much wrong with it.
Chorus I felt needed more hook to it. Needed to be longer to be more memorable.
The changes to the 2nd verse worked very well. The bass compliments the guitar very well. And I just noticed its harmonized with the vocals (well, kinda) and it works very well.
Intro repeated needs more instruments with it as said before
I liked the build up to the chorus. Needs to be longer though.
Bridge was fine except the way it ended.
Pre outro was good. Guitar 2 was brilliant I thought.
Guitar 2 on the outro was pretty good also. Good idea but maybe vary it a little? I thought the outro could've ended better and alot more powerful

Overall:
Really good song but with the way you was going with it I feel it could've been alot more powerful. Chorus needs to be more memorable in these sorts of songs so try and make it longer and get a lead melody
I give it a good 7/10

C4C?
Link in sig

lordofthefood1
02-25-2009, 02:09 PM
Crit while listening, of course.

I like the end of verse things, they are a nice variation. The choruses are kind of weak, but I like how the second one segues into the bridge, but I don't like how the bridge ends on that long sort of note. The second time around, I hit the 1.25 button during the end of the intro reprisal and liked everything sped up at the end, but that is just me (I like fast songs, hah.)

Sorry this isn't nearly as in depth as yours was to mine (though that could be because you are a better critique-r)

icronic
02-25-2009, 04:53 PM
As I listen

Liked the intro, might be cool with a harmonized guitar part in there though.

Verse starts off fairly well, but it feels a little empty once the vocals kick in. Maybe have either the guitar or bass doing just a little more. Alternately you could have the guitar playing 2 or 3 string chords instead of single notes.

The timing in bar 17 is just awkward, You could try turning both notes after the hammer ons into dotted 8th notes, and make the quarter note and 8th note. Or something along those lines. As it is it definitely disrupts the flow.

Prechorus is alright, but the chorus could definitely use something more to it. as it is it doesn't really sound like a chorus to me.

Guitar bit from 39-41 is nicely done.

Intro repeated is definitely a good idea, but you've definitely got to fill it out this time round. Bass, guitar harmonies, a bit of drums or whatever.

I liked the introduction of the distiortion guitar, although I don't think you should have dropped it from the pre-outro.

The outro itself was really nicely done.

Last thing is that each section is odd lengths long. Your intro is 6 bars, your verse is 13 bars, prechorus is 5 bars, chorus is 6 bars, verse 2 is 14 bars and so forth. In 4/4 time the ear expect things to change in 4/8/12/16/24 bar increments. So unless you intend to keep people off guard with odd changes, you might consider adjusting the lengths of your parts to a multiple of 4 :)

Anyway, needs a little filling in, and some adjustments, but I can see it being a really good song.

If you want to C4C, check out the top link in my sig

Macabre_Turtle
03-05-2009, 02:33 PM
The lyrics are all pretty generic and boring to me, and there's a lot of rests where I would expect longer notes, BUT, I do find the melodies to be pretty unique for a human voice, so I'm curious to hear someone sing this.
I don't see anything wrong with the intro solo, but I think something needs to be behind it.
Verse- I'm not sure what it is, but I really like something about it. Not because of a certain instrument, I just really like the feel about it.
Pre-Chorus/Chorus- I would like to have more than just chords here. You may just be choosing to focus more on vocals here, and I do still find these parts pretty catchy (I find the "extra" unexpected measures pretty cool) but I'd still atleast have SOMETHING going on a bit more special.
Nothing new to say about the second verse. But I think you need more of a transition out of it.
I think the intro repeat still needs something behind the lead.
On the transition into the second chorus, on the second measure of the palm mute notes I would have the other guitar come in with the thirds. But that's just me.
Chorus 2- same as the last chorus. Especially since you're using a second guitar now, there's a lot of potential to add something to it.
Bridge- I don't know if you plan on adding vocals to this, but I feel just plain chord progression doesn't work without a melody.
Preoutro- Nothing wrong with this at all, but I would make the very last measure play twice. More time to appreciate the buildup.
Outro- Nothing to suggest here, really.

Overall, definitely listenable, and I like the feeling of the uneven lengths sections. Just a couple hollow parts could be beefed up a little.