CP-mongona har möte, metal[gp5/4, midi]


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Fettot
06-29-2009, 06:21 PM
Hi everyone. I have this song I don't know what do do with :P Maybe someone could help me?

It's hard for me to tell exactly what genre it is, but I think It's a bit deathcoreish.
Not Suicide Silence-deathcore though, but more like Arsonists Get All The Girls...

:cheers:

EDIT: Choose cpmongona har möte2 now please :P

billybusa
06-29-2009, 07:44 PM
Låter som ett Cp-mongomöte. >_>

Nah, but it was pretty good, not gonna give you a long crit cause I have no songs for you to crit back.

33 sounds really awkward because of the drums.
The riff starting at 37 was pretty ****ing awesome.
There's maybe a little too much odd time signature changes but I guess it could work.

I'd give the song a 7/10.

BlisteringDDj
06-29-2009, 09:32 PM
Thanks for your crit!

I'm really diggin' all your eight notes. Powerful stuff! You've got some kickass riffs here. Nice melodies. Reminds me of Death, somehow.

The part of the first riff in bar 4 just doesn't work for me. The drums at bar 33 could be improved as well.

8/10.

Don't throw this away, this stuff is great!

Progbass92
06-29-2009, 09:41 PM
I'm not a huge deathcore fan outside of Veil of Maya and Born of Osiris, but I'll give it a try.

1-8: The intro is okay. It's a pretty heavy riff, but doesn't draw you in very well. Those blastbeats on the drums can't be possible to play so change them to something half that speed if you still want the blasts in there.

9-14: Interesting use of time sigs and I like the triplet parts. I have an issue with the lead though. I just don't like it. This is just my opinion, so someone else will probably like it, and you may not have done anything wrong in the way you wrote it. I just don't find that bit very enjoyable.

15-28: The first half I didn't enjoy at all. Change the blastbeats and maybe it'll be more enjoyable. The melody is fine and very interesting, but the drums kill it. Find a better way of flowing into measure 19 instead of that whole note filler. The melodies that come after are pretty good though.

29-48: Probably the best part of the song. Cool melodies and you did a good job on the drum part too. Nice idea of putting in the tempo change to get to what I think is probably the best riff in the song.

49-61: Another cool set of riffs. I like what you did with the time signatures using 5/4 and then halving it in the next part.

62-78: Good lead early on but the next riff put me off a bit because it didn't flow well. It seemed like it was just thrown into the mix.

79-88: Again, it's pretty good 7/8 riff. Good use of the time sig and it's really dark. The main issue is that again, it doesn't flow well going into it or coming out of the riff.

91-end: Doesn't flow well again. The lead parts are interesting though. I do like the idea of switching between the guitars and nice harmonies too. I really like the bet from 107-110. That was really cool and you FINALLY used the blastbeats effectively. Work on a better ending though. It just falls off at the end and you could probably think of something a lot better to end it with.

I'm sorry if I was harsh. I tried to crit this totally from a compositional perspective free of genre bias. Your main issue is organization. You've got some good riffs, but the lack of flow kills them. You should also work with moving around the fretboard more instead of staying around the low A# string. Give your music more variety away from the constant chugging.
C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1153380
Be as harsh as you want. I really need it.

Veil Of Osiris
06-29-2009, 10:06 PM
Thanks for the crit.

Nice work with the time sig changes at the start.

Nothing from 9-18 really caught my attention, but the breakdownish riff at 19 was really cool.

I think the part starting at 25 should be tremolo picked, nice progression though.

The riff at bar 29 starts my favorite part of the song.

The part following this was... meh IMO.

It really continued this way until bar 53 came up; nice work dealing with 5/8. I think you should expand on this part.

Bar 62 and 63 were cool, I wish you had gone with the triplets a bit longer before slowing it down at 64.

Bars 79-80 were awesome; really nice job working with 7/8. I didn't like when you put the rests in though.

The breakdown starting at bar 91 was AWESOME, especially when the lead came in.

The outro progression was pretty cool.

Overall a very cool song, especially for Deathcore.

frankibo
06-30-2009, 05:48 AM
I'll crit as i go :)
very heavy intro, like the awkwardness. the lead parts are good too.
19-24 is awesome
i hate the drums in the 6/4 bit starting at 25, it doesnt work in my opinion
29 onwards in surprisingly groovy and it works well!
37-48 is pretty awesome too
49-52 sounds a little too awkward for some reason, maybe its the drums?
didn't enjoy 53-67 too much
liked the return to the intro
79-80 breakdown is heavy as ****, but to make it work even better have it in 7/4 so the bass drum would be the same, cymbals on very beat obviously and snare on 3rd and 7th beats
81-84 is good, 85-88 is boring
good breakdown from 89 but what the **** were those drums doing? ruined the song tbh, please change that!
and the outro riff and tempo change ended was very sinister and dark, loved it

overall thats a very good deathcore song youve got there, nice work.

Fettot
06-30-2009, 07:28 AM
Thanks everyone! And harshness isn't a problem of course;D

Progbass92, maybe you gave me the wrong link? ^^

Progbass92
06-30-2009, 10:09 AM
Wow yeah I did. It's fixed.

GustavLW
06-30-2009, 03:39 PM
Okay, the first few parts feels waaaay too unfocused and random for my taste. However, the riff at 29 is really good, and the following couple of riffs/the breakdown as well. I would probably rate it a 6/10, and that's probably because I don't like most elements of this genre.

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