[GP4/GP5/MIDI] Tired of You [Alt Rock] [C4C]


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Msu_Man04
07-02-2009, 05:11 PM
Hello once again T&C. This is just my latest venture on GP5 [Actually, if you read my topic for Tonight at 10 I mention a song I WAS working on, but paused it to do Tonight at 10. Well, this is the song I suddenly halted].

It's a tad more punk-y, or... pop-punk-y than before, but I sort of mean for it to be a little simpler. A bit more garage-high-school-band-friendly. The verses sort of remind me of Kerplunk!-era Green Day [part of the reason it sounds like this is because Green Day has made its way into my favorite artists lately]

This actually isn't done; I just have it up 'til the second chorus, because I'm not sure where I should go from there. I have an idea for a breakdown-ish thing, but I dunno if I should head right into that, or add in a bridge, or something, so I haven't put it in yet. I haven't finished the lyrics yet either, so it's pretty open ended.

If you guys have a/some suggestion[s] for where to go and whatnot, feel free to voice your opinion. I like hearing ideas.

There's a GP5, GP4, MIDI, and a GP5 and GP4 that are better suited for the MIDI, in case you don't have the RSI installed. [Really, it's just that the drums are a little louder]

C4C as always [on what's actually completed of my song TO crit, anyway. XD].

Thanks in advance, guys.

EDIT: Updated version a few posts down!

HappyGilmore899
07-03-2009, 01:58 PM
Very nice little fun beginnings of a track here. Reminds me quite a bit of Motion City Soundtrack (Which is a good thing). There is not that much to critique here but I do have to say I just don't like the little riff in the first bar at all, Seemed like an awkward transition into the chords. The Octaves at bar 31 were a great touch and the variants Guitar 1 does during the Chorus is also very nice.

The track in my opinion could benefit from a "Slowdown" Clean Type interlude (With vocals behind) and would really fit the tone of the lyrics. Overall its got alot of potential and should really be a nice once you get around to finishing it.

If you get the chance, I'd apreciate it if you could take a look at the new version of my track in my sig (Newest version is near the bottom of Page 1).

Saf1
07-03-2009, 07:23 PM
I loved it, reminded me of the stuff I grew up with in the 90s, Blink 182-type stuff. It's awesome how you've used chord patterns and vocal melodies that are catchy (infectiously catchy!) while not sounding cliched, not easy to pull off.

Keep that drum riff in the chorus too! It may make the song a bit heavier than its intent but it gives it an even more unique and memorable feel. And the way those two guitars work together in the chorus...hot damn.

I can see that this is a work in progress but a quick tip is to use the "Complete/Reduce bars with Rests" tool in the Tools tab. All in all this was amazing and I'd love to hear the completed version! I've made some changes to mine myself, it's even better than before :)

Carl6661
07-06-2009, 08:31 AM
I really liked this piece. I wouldn't normally listen to much in this in genre, but this was good.

I liked the outside sounding Bb5 chord, that was a really nice touch. Vocal melodys are all catchy, nothing wrong at the begining.

The chorus was perfect for the song! :) How it leads off into the next part of the song was awesome to.

Verse to flowed well from the chorus and such, really nothing wrong as of yet. Also, before i forget - I really liked the lyrics to the piece.

It needs finished, please get it done :haha: I want to hear a completed version of this.
8/10 so far, if it's finished I can see that going up to a 10 though ;)

thorbor
07-06-2009, 09:06 AM
Verse: The C powerchord doesnt seem to fit here, I dont like it. the little fills of the other guitar are good, but I would vary them a bit.

Chorus: Melody is quite catchy, liked the drum work and the transition to the next part.

The drums and the chord progressions for both parts are nice, nothing wrong here.
Finish this song, put a bridge and a solo in it, maybe a little intro which can be used as an outro too.

Msu_Man04
07-06-2009, 11:48 AM
Verse: The C powerchord doesnt seem to fit here, I dont like it. the little fills of the other guitar are good, but I would vary them a bit.

Chorus: Melody is quite catchy, liked the drum work and the transition to the next part.

The drums and the chord progressions for both parts are nice, nothing wrong here.
Finish this song, put a bridge and a solo in it, maybe a little intro which can be used as an outro too.

I'm a little confused as to how the C power chord doesn't fit, since the song is in C. Do you mean that you just don't like how up-front and bold it sounds?

While I'm here, I'll upload the newest version. I added a bridge, and up to where perhaps a solo, or maybe a breakdown will go. I've had a guitar solo in my last few songs, so maybe I'll either do a really simple one, or just not do one at all. I'll think about it.

Anyway, enjoy.

EDIT: Updated version a few posts down!

jmpullen
07-06-2009, 12:37 PM
Hey, thanks for the crit on my song. I really liked this. It did remind me a lot of Kerplunk-era Green Day, which wasn't bad. The lyrics we're okay, but not the strongest point. The vocal melody however, was catchy as hell. The verse riff was catchy, and the bass work was very cool. Not your basic root-note plodding. The only part of the song that I really didn't like was the upper-register chording in the B section of the choruses. It got a little grating. Other than that, great song. I'd pay to see it played live.

justtryme
07-07-2009, 07:31 PM
hey man i listened to the song and read the lyrics. i hope you're doing okay bro i dont want you to go hurting yourself over someone especially if its a girl. just remember theres other fish in the sea

rkay
07-14-2009, 11:14 PM
Thanks for critting me man, sorry for taking so long to crit back.

This ones quite catchy. Not good enough to be a hit on the charts but i could see it being in an early blink182 cd which i loved those for a while so thats good. I like the lyrics pretty well too, deff sounds like something a poppunk band would sing.

Sometimes the vocals feel like they dont fit, like the last note doesnt resolve on the root. which im sure when u sing it in real life u naturally sing it better than how u tabbed it. i can never tab vocals very well.

But overall pretty cool poppunky type song. could see it being a filler on a poppunk band album.

Msu_Man04
07-23-2009, 10:45 PM
Wow. Okay. Another small update.

I was stuck after that breakdown part for a WHILE. I had absolutely no idea where to go with it. I didn't want to do a guitar solo, but I caved a little and did one that reminds me of Duty Calls's, where it's not skillful, just octaves. And that's all that I've added, but I think live it'd have a TON of energy, and I'd love it.

So yeah. Crit if you like. C4C.

Now I gotta decide what I wanna do.

EDIT: Yet another updated version a few posts down!

thechad90000
07-25-2009, 01:15 AM
Thanks for the crit on my song. Anyway on to yours. I'm not a huge fan of the constant 8th notes throughout the song. Maybe it's just a personal preference of mine but it just doesn't seem to give enough flavor to the song. I like the little thing you did there in bar 30 with the guitar.

Also the bass part seems to be pretty repetitive. I know with the genre and all it's kinda hard to warrant a really kind of groovy bass part but a complex bass part can add just as much to a song as a really awesome guitar part.

WantsLesPaul
07-25-2009, 04:04 AM
Starts to sound like a professional song. Has great feel throughout the song.
I like the breakdown and the bridge most.

aceral1715
07-25-2009, 06:08 AM
straight off, I liked the main progression. It has that driving feel to it and the lyrics suit it well. The chorus really brings in a lot of energy. The interlude in between the chorus and verse is good and the song slides back into the verse smoothly. The second chorus, I noticed, and loved, the harmonised guitar. I really like the basslines you've got going in this song, especially during the verses. The second chorus has some nice work on the toms with the drums. I really liked the bridge. A lot of energy ;)
Absolutely loved the breakdown. So far, prolly one of the best parts of the song and the bridge right after definately fit.

I'd definately love to hear this song finished and recorded ;)

MattAnderson111
07-25-2009, 01:24 PM
This for some reason reminds me of Christie Road, by Green Day, not the progression or the melody, just the atmosphere.

I really like this, it's simple, and the lyrics fit it well, plus the little leads you put in there every once in a while, that makes it really cool, and gives it a little jump start.

Keep going, for the love of god, keep going, I love it so far.

Msu_Man04
07-25-2009, 01:39 PM
This for some reason reminds me of Christie Road, by Green Day, not the progression or the melody, just the atmosphere.

I really like this, it's simple, and the lyrics fit it well, plus the little leads you put in there every once in a while, that makes it really cool, and gives it a little jump start.

Keep going, for the love of god, keep going, I love it so far.

Actually, when I said in my first post that it reminded me of Kerplunk!-era Green Day, that's the song I was thinking of as well. The chord progression in the chorus of this song is the same as the one in the chorus of Christie Road [except this song is in C and Christie Road is in F#]. And I absolutely LOVE Christie Road. But yeah, the atmosphere is kinda the same thing, too.

But thank you for noticing that. XD. And thanks everyone else for the crits so far, I'm trying to figure out where to go after the bridge/solo part right now. I'm sorta drawing a blank. -_-

Squares
07-25-2009, 11:23 PM
Lol. i keep a folder of songs i like here too :P

Alright, here goes.


Before i say anything, just know that the constant 8th note chugging gets extremely repetitive. you should try to switch up rhythms

I think you also need drums fills.
LOTS of drums fills.


I don't mean to sound a bit like a prick, but in all honesty, this is a very bland song.

The breakdown is cool though. I like the melody.


And the end kind of stops abruptly.


in it's current state i'd give it a 6.5/10
I think it needs a bit of an overhaul, but with enough work this could turn out well.


(Sorry if i sounded a bit harsh.)

Morve38
07-30-2009, 10:57 PM
The verse is catchy, and i like the little E-F lead thing you did. The vocal melody is good, I think it could worked on a little; maybe adding a few harmonizations in would help. I enjoy the chords in the chorus though, I like how you use the different intervals. There were a few too many stops for my taste in the bridge but others may enjoy it. The octave progression in the bridge could be accented well with the right vocals as well, I'd love to see this song when it's completely finished.

Vengynce
08-09-2009, 01:58 PM
Verse: Hopefully when you actually play it it's not that palm muted, maybe its just the midi sucking, but nice little riff for the verse. I think you should add a few open hi hat notes on the drums to make it more interesting.
Chorus: The main part seemed interesting. With vocals it would probably sound even better, the melody sounds good. Loved the guitar in the whole chorus too.
Bridge: I think it might be lacking a bit of something but I don't know exactly what.
Breakdown: Might need some more snare.
Bridge: Loved it, very catchy.
End it with another chorus maybe?

Msu_Man04
08-09-2009, 02:26 PM
Thanks for the crits, again. I wasn't actually done with the song, for those who mentioned how it ended abruptly.

I updated the drums in various places. Added in some hi-hat open stuff in the verses to vary it a little, changed it in the breakdown, added some fills in the second bridge.

I also added a third guitar into the bridge part, and I loves it. I put an end-chorus after said bridge, and added at least SOME sort of ending to the song. Not sure if it'll stick or if I'll want to add something else after the end-chorus, but it's there and at least IS an ending.

I may have edited other minor things that I don't remember. XD. I changed the word "term" to "word." >_>. Just in case you wanted to know.

Best to listen to with the RSE, otherwise the ending kinda sucks 'cause the volume doesn't fade in MIDI and I didn't want to MAKE it fade, 'cause it'd screw up the RSE version. So yeah.

So yeah. Here is yet another updated version. Still C4C.

herby190
08-20-2009, 02:01 PM
That was really impressive; I can see the Greenday influence, but it wasn't overbearing. You had a little bit of their style, but you still did your own thing; I can't think of a band that I would say sounds like that. I can't really think of anything to suggest really; it feels complete. Honestly, when you record it, could you PM me or something? I want to hear it when it's done.
For C4C, anything you can crit from the link in my sig would be appreciated; thanks.

jbridge90
08-20-2009, 10:14 PM
If I remember right you posted an older version of this song about a month ago. Am I right?

Well if it is the same piece, just wanted to swing by and say I've always really liked it.

Msu_Man04
08-20-2009, 10:18 PM
If I remember right you posted an older version of this song about a month ago. Am I right?

Well if it is the same piece, just wanted to swing by and say I've always really liked it.

Well yeah, but all those older versions are right here in this topic, so... well yes, you're right anyway. XD. I like to keep the older versions on the thread just in case. Thank you.

.Joker.
08-21-2009, 08:28 PM
I always respect a piece with vocals/lyrics in it already, shows you put effort into every aspect of the song. Although I never listen to lyrics in music anyways lol, so I can't judge if they are good or not, I'll just say the tune is catchy. First time listening to the chorus I immediately thought of All The Small Things, but it's a fairly common progression so I wouldn't worry about it.
I really liked the bridge, the first 4 bar lead (70-73) was nice, you should have used it again. (86-94) was good too, the stuff between those 2 parts was nothing special but it does the job. I think the drums during the breakdown could have been spiced up a bit, although I don't blame you if you're not a drummer lol. The further I get into the song I enjoy it more, you're adding more leads instead of just power chords which is great.
Honestly everything from the bridge on was good stuff, its a quality song man

icronic
08-21-2009, 09:15 PM
You know, I'm really impressed by this one. It's fairly simple, yet it does all the right things at the right time, and it really shines because of it. The vocal melodies are incredibly catchy. The little riffs and melodies that add on are perfect.

Loved the bridge, and the breakdown was rather epic

Outro chorus... Great. Well, except ending your extra guitar on a D note, that's not so hot :)

Great job.

Morve38
08-21-2009, 09:43 PM
I can't really go into much detail with this crit because I don't have anything to complain about now. You fixed all the issues I had with the original song and made yourself a great song :D good job.