[Gp4/5, MIDI] Event Horizon


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Garb
07-03-2009, 03:39 AM
Wow. It's been a LONG time since I've written anything. And even longer since I've written anything worthwhile. Sorry to say, but I'll the next time I post (which is hopefully soon) I'll have to include "since I've written anything worthwhile." again.

Anyway. Details on the song:

Length-- According to Windows Media Player, 9:03

"Genre"-- Progressive Deathgaze

Time to write-- I'd say approximately 7 to 8 hours.

Things to watch for-- I'll get this out of the way first... Repetitiveness is there because there's no way to make a scream/growl sound in GP.. And I don't have lyrics yet anyway. It can get annoying, but take the repetitions as time to nitpick. Tell me everything I've done wrong.

Bass is not good. My band doesn't even have a bassist.. I just figured I could do it on the recorded version to add some extra heaviness in some parts. That's also why it's pick bass and not finger. There's no way I could play that fast with my fingers.

Drums are not good either. Like mentioned previously, I'm a guitarist. I'm taking this to my drummer soon though. He may be able to write some good bass also, since he does that pretty well too.

One of the earlier parts of the song sounds very muddy and.. well.. crappy. You may want to turn the bass off there and listen. I'm not really sure if that will help. But let me assure you that it is harmonized the way it is intended to be.



I hope you all enjoy it. Be completely honest. Tell me every mistake I made, and what your suggestion is. And of course, if you leave a link I'll check it out. :]

entity0009
07-03-2009, 07:47 PM
The intro was...interesting. It could do with something over the drums, maybe someone just saying random words, or a sound clip from a film or something.

I liked the first riff, a bit fast for my liking, but it sounded good. I'm not a big fan of blast beats though so the break bit didn't really appeal to me much. The riff at bar 73 just sounded too chaotic for my liking, it might sound better with real guitars, and would definitely benefit a different drum rhythm, but you said you're not too good at drums so ignore that.

The acoustic break was really nice, the transition was smooth, and it had a great atmosphere to it. It reminded me of the music of a game I was playing a while ago. The return to the distorsion riff was really original, great job on that. I also loved the siren sounds in the next riff, but the blast beats mde it too chaotic for my liking.

Bar 221 onwards was great, the contrast between the slow and fast parts was nice.

The end was a bit abrupt, you might wanna change somthing veeery slightly in the last bar to indicate it's over, maybe a crash cymbal or a slightly different end note.

All in all, if you improved on the drums in some places it would be a really great song. It's very well named as well, sounded very ominous, very fitting, a great "point of no return" feeling.

Saf1
07-03-2009, 07:57 PM
I like the guitar rif***e from bar 77, and the way you use triplets to give an accel/decelerating feel to the song.

I love the 5/4 section too! Nice contrast to all that insanity. Great tension section from bar 185, but bar 194 onwards sounded like you pasted the section there just to make it longer, it sounded too forced. And I was expecting a change as I could see the next few bars ahead but I was not looking forward to it as I knew it would be more like your insane sections than your 5/4 section.

Which brings me to my main point, you've got good ideas in your head, and I expected madness when you called this song Event Horizon...but it's all a bit too dissonant. Dissonant as in sounding like forced dissonance, and dissonance is a fine art my friend. It's difficult to pull it off without sounding random and out of control, and you need to work on that a bit.


The ending section reminds me of SOAD, haha. Some nice rhythm ideas too. You're obviously a competent musician as your beautiful 5/4 section shows but you need to prove yourself through all the sections of your work! :)

Progbass92
07-03-2009, 07:59 PM
Thanks for the crit.
As I listen:

The drum intro seemed kind of poinless to be honest. In fact, the first 31 measures of the song feel out of place. I think you should start the song at 32. It's a cool riff and it got my attention better than that drum intro and the bit at 23.

The drums at 36 really ruined a cool riff and the strings didn't do it any justice either. Come up with a simpler 4/4 beat and use simple chords in your string parts. It helps fill things up more and makes things a lot less awkward to hear. The riff at 60 is also pretty rhytmically awkward and the offbeat blastbeats don't help it either. I'd completely replace that riff with something else.

The tempo change at 73 was really rough. The dissonance was pretty cool I guess but it makes it hard to judge since the drums really take the attention away. At 77 the drum part finally fit. I see what you did using the same beat as before, but I would change the first one and use the one you have now the second time around. It fits a lot better. Same with the riff at 82.

Honestly I'd scrap everything from measure 91 to the clean part. Keep that bass chord because it'll flow right into the clean part. The clean part itself provides a great dynamic to the song and the string part was very well done there. Nice chords and a really cool bass part. The flute just great. It was really peaceful, but the harmony at 162 had some sour notes so clean that up and it'll be fine.

I actually think that killswitch effect you had going on (if I am right) should be the way you start the song off. Then kick right into the riff at 32. Maybe you should also end it at the clean part. Nothing that comes after it really adds much to the song and you only have one new idea in the entire remainder of the song. I think a softer ending would just be a lot better than what you have now.

I was just being honest, but you can do a lot better. I obviously see that you have potential by that really cool fusion break you had in the song. It all just needs to be put together a lot better.
6/10

cptazad
07-03-2009, 08:19 PM
The main riff at the beginning there bar 36, the drums...seem to "catch" you know? Umm, not sure how to explain it but it seems to stoppy, but since there are no vocals on top its hard to crit that part.

bar 60 had some nice riffing, the drums went hand in hand with it, liked that part!

bar 73 = wtf? I like it, very chaotic. I can only imagine what kind of brutal lyrics would go here haha

the acoustic parts were a nice touch, although the transition in my opinion could have been better.

the panning guitars that come after were pretty cool too, you know how to compose to make it sound like exactly what you want, not a lot of ppl have that talent when it comes to guitar pro.

overall, I can't give this one a definitive score, but its a good song.

My only major complaint is how long the whole thing is.

Carl6661
07-08-2009, 10:00 PM
Sorry if this is late. I didn't se you critiqued what I have of Human Meat Wagon, so far.
Anyway, here goes nothing.

The drums in the into didn't do anything for me atall, cut those. The 'riff' was.... weird. The riff at 32, was a bit Devin Townsendy. The strings, not my cup of tea, I'm afraid. I'm guessing you're going for a chaotic sound?
The riff at 60 carrys on the chaos, again. I'm not fond though, sorry. It sounds better when the bass comes in oddly. 73.. Oh lord, very... unique? to say the least.
The riff at 77 was awesome. :D Then there's that other riff, and the weird bit. The random bass thing at 90 made me giggle, then it goes back into the chaos.
99 and so on, like before. Good riff, but the strings put me off. I like dissonance, but this is too much. 130 had an almost jazzy chord thing going on, very nicely done. I was fond of the part before that though. The leads were good, and the string added nicely One of my favourite parts of the song. The flute at 155 was a nice addition. :) Really got my interest by now, unlike before where I was terrifyed. The harmony on the lfute at 162 sounds odd though. The arpeggiated kind of acoustic part after that was decent. Nothing wrong there, still very eerie and has a good vibe going. 185... oh lord. I like how did the effects with panning in GP. Well done. 194 :headbang: back to the sort of chaotic stuff I guess? Dosen't sound as bad this time, the bit at 202 was odd, and the drums do nothing for me. But it's not bad, as such. 212 was weird aswell. 221 didn't flow atall, although, listening to this - That could have been deliberate, so that's understandable. Then there's the riffy part with strings. Everything untill the end I've mentioned.

Really not my cup of tea. There are some really good parts in there, but there are also some, more questionable parts. 6/10, sorry.

AA00P
07-09-2009, 06:54 PM
I'm really intrigued (9:03 long song titled "Event Horizon" and labeled "Progressive Deathgaze"? What's NOT awesome about that?!)
Unfortunately, GP crashes on me every time I try to open it. :(
Kinda hard to crit solely based on a midi file.

Garb
07-17-2009, 08:09 PM
As far as the intro goes.. I've done away with it. I was originally gonna put something there so it wasn't just drums... But I couldn't think of anything awesome enough to warrant having it there. So it's gone, along with the lead stuff (I'm glad it's gone.. I wasn't fond of it lol) before the chords.

The part that started at 73 was also cut. It was an experiment in the song and after copious times listening to it and reading the feedback, I decided it's for the best to cut it out.

The harmony on the flute sounds off to me too.. But it also sounds like it's good. It's a hard decision.. I'll need to hear it in real life before I make changes I'm afraid.

185... oh lord.
I can't tell if that's good or bad. :p

The drums in the main riff (circa measure 36) sound like they're catching because of how I have the snare and bass. They're grouped in 3s but they aren't triplets, and the snare hits not with the bass.

As for the length of the song, I apologize. I tend to write longer songs because I'm absolutely in love with Dream Theater and Opeth. :p

Everyone keeps saying that 77 is a cool riff, and the drums fit better... It's just a slower version of the riff with the strings, minus the strings. lol

91 to the clean part is there to provide lyrical content, as are the parts after the clean section.

And, thanks Saf. You pointed something out that I've never thought about in my writing before. I almost always use triplets to get a speed in between the two notes (such as triplets eighths to go between eighth and sixteenth), but I never think about how the actual function of the triplet is going to affect my song. Thanks. :]


I apologize for it taking so long to reply to your all's crits. I got myself busy and couldn't find the time to get on here and type all this out. There's a new version of the song in the OP if you want to check it out post-change.

AA00P
07-21-2009, 02:23 AM
Real sorry it's taken so long to get back to you, but at least v1.5 works for me! :D

-Nothing really remarkable about the intro, although I like how you build the tension and introduce the riff under the big chords. I don't really like how the chords cut out though, work on that.
-Main riff type thing at 12: It's interesting. Dissonant. Downright odd. It's got a way of sticking in your head though, so I guess it works. But yeah, the cymbals do sound like they're catching, kinda.
-36 to 48: Very nice, I like the riff and how it goes back to the main sort of bit with the keys, and then back again.
-49: Tempo change, this is downright groovy.
-58: icwutudidthar. Way to bring it back up to speed, I like.
-87: Break-type thing? I like this whole section lots. The synth at 101 really makes the part. Kinda reminds me of certain sections of Shine On You Crazy Diamond or Hessian Peel. Chillax, mellow, darkish.
-113: Like the bass solo very much, quite awesome.
-119: Same goes for the flute solo, it really works.
-149: Lolwtf. I didn't know you could do that in guitar pro. I wonder how long it took you to do that part. XD
-158: AND WE'RE BACK! To the heavy, that is. I like the staccato chords at 166. It works.
-182: Pure awesome, especially the slow version of the riff. Damn snazzy.
-201: Flows alright here, I guess.
-The ending works pretty well.

Unquestionably, 87-148 is the best part of the whole song, I really enjoy it a whole lot. You did great man.

I've looked at some of your other pieces (the "Black metalish" and "No clue"), you've got some real talent. There's some consistency problems you've got (kinda sounds like 87-148 could be its own song, it's so different in feel from the rest of the piece, and the creepy synth parts for your black metal one are fantastic, the rest of that song not so much).

Keep honing this sucker, I'd love to hear it recorded.