[c4c] Our Dying Sun - death metal (gp5/gp4/midi)


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cptazad
07-03-2009, 05:39 PM
Well, only one person critted my last post so I didn't get too much out of it, only one person replied to that thread and I hadn't even critted any of his work! Thanks to him and people like him on these forums for lending a helping hand.

This one's death metal, note that there are 2 leads in the song, only one will be kept for the final version. Let me know what needs fixing up or any comments/critiques/etc.

Thanks a lot, c4c, not that it matters....

edit: new version uploaded, no midi for new version, guitar pro won't let me export as midi for some reason (error).

entity0009
07-03-2009, 07:02 PM
As I listen:

I'm not too fond of that intro riff, the notes are OK but the drum just makes it too chaotic. Cut out some of the drum stuff. I liked the verse riff, nothing else to say there, typical death metal stuff.

By the time I got to the bridge I was getting a bit tired of all the triplets, maybe add in some variation, some galloping or something :shrug:

The slow part after the tempo change sounded fantastic. After the fast triplets, it was a great variation. Slow and simple but really heavy. I also really liked the part the came after that, it sounds a lot like "Legion" (At The Gates cover). The variation(?) to that (Bar 85) was also great.

The solo was...good. It was a bit too fast for my taste but it sounded good. It could be improved on in my opinion, maybe add a little more variation to the second half of it. However, I'm basing this on personal opinion, so take this with a pinch of salt.

The breakdown was good, had a very ominous sound, I liked it a lot. I also liked the lead stuff at the end.

Some good stuff here, just maybe lighten up on the drums at the beginning and add some variation to the triplets.

If you wanna C4C, my thread's floating around somewhere in here, it's titled Enciphered.

Garb
07-03-2009, 07:16 PM
Intro/Main Riff: Drums are obnoxious until measure 7.
Bridge: Bothered me that it's just the main riff again.
Verses: Nice.
Tempo change: I really liked it.
Chorus: Nice groove on the riff and drums.
Bar 51-58: Again, nice groove. I'd leave the faster measures out though.
Solo: Sounds like just a bunch of fast notes put together starting at 101. Before that it was nice. The rhythm was decent for it as well.
Breakdown: Very nice. Very grooving and solid.
Lead: Should have ended at 134. If you're picking just one of the leads, pick this one. Rhythm here was decent as well.

I'm not much for songs that are just a couple of notes picked really fast, which is why I didn't have much to say about the first 3 or so things. But the other parts were nice.

Nice. :]

Care to check mine out?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1155577

Progbass92
07-03-2009, 07:19 PM
As I listen:

Intro- I pity whoever is stuck with doing those blastbeats in the intro riff. Those are insane. It's a cool touch but you may want to tone them down to make them possible to play.

Verse- It's a cool riff. Very old school vibe to it. Just vary it by adding more harmony to it or have a counteracting part going with it. Counterpoint will be a cool thing to add in a death metal song.

Tempo Change/Chorus- It's just okay, nothing really special. I think it could use some kind of melody over it, but that's just me.

Solo- It might be a little too much speed. I know you're going for a death metal sound, but maybe you can use the solo section to add a bit more melody to the song to give it some dynamic instead of just low string chugging.

Breakdown- Finally, a well placed breakdown is put to good use! It's very ominous like said before, and it actually ADDS SOMETHING to the song, creating a great leadin to the next section.

Lead- This one was much better. It had the melody that I was looking for in the song. Good job on this.

Outro- It doesn't really flow well. Maybe try a harmonized lead to end the song or some really good riffing with a cool progression underneath. I just think that the riff you used got stale as it is now and didn't really flow well from the previous part.
Sorry if I was harsh. I'm just being honest.
C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1155297
Be as harsh as you want.

cptazad
07-03-2009, 08:10 PM
Thanks for the crits guys, I will crit all the links you've provided tonight.

Ok, I'll post an updated version of this song sometime tomorrow.

changes being made so far:
-first solo = gone
-counterpoint riff/chugging for verse on rhythm guitar
-chorus now will have a melodic lead a la Arch Enemy style
-better outro
-newer riffs to replace some of the ones that got used more than once

as for the drumming complaints for the first verse, that's just the style my band plays, yes, it ****ing hard to play that on drums but so is vital remains (for example "entwined by vengeance"), it is death metal after all, and cliche or not I like the chaotic snare in there, I have removed that from other parts of the song, you will only hear that snare during the intro and outro now (maybe the outro, not sure yet).

Thanks again guys!

edit: and no, i cannot play that first solo, just some guitar proing at work there =)

BotC
07-04-2009, 12:30 AM
Recommendation for drums: Sometimes simple is better. When you have Cymbal on every half note it really gives the music a groove, as opposed to the blast beats.

This is all I felt like writing at the moment, but, I'll come back with more critque later.

..NEM..
07-04-2009, 06:41 AM
Wow, just wow. Talk about solid death metal-song. If your drummer can pull those hyper blasts off, then fine, it added a nice touch. Those tempo changes were very smooth. :P With great growls, this would be a brutal song.

9/10

thorbor
07-04-2009, 08:20 AM
Overall your song is a bit repetitive but I think vocals may change that. You had some very cool riffs in there, the one before the first lead was really intense.

The beginning was a bit too fast for me, include a little intro or at least a drum fill that will lead into the main riff.

I like the first lead a lot, epsecially the triplets at bar 98
the first bars really have the potential to freak the listener out if you want more "chaos" in there, if you want to irritate the listener just change some of them in the right way

Altough I dont like breakdown in general, this one was quite cool

The first half of the second solo sounded nice but you should try to put some more variation intro bars 131-134 regarding the rythm and tempo, just do something else than shred 16th notes.

The has no real ending imo, your drummer should somehow indicate with a few cymbals or so that the song is going to end, it will make it less complicated.

Overall a nice brutal death metal song, althogh im more into death /thrash than brutal death I quite enjoyed the listen, keep it up.

If you liek please crit my death metal track, it has a lot more thrash in it.)last one in my sig)

cptazad
07-04-2009, 08:38 AM
Alright boys, here's the updated version, its not the final version though, let me know what you think. Check the original post.

BotC
07-04-2009, 03:51 PM
Well, I was actually kind of excited to listen to the revised version, So, lets see how it goes....

Really like the verse now that it has more of a groove to it.

The triplet was good, didn't really feel it though.

I really loved the bridge. The underlying bass just made it for me.
And the chorus, I just loved that. I feel like I could mosh to it. (That's what I mean when I say a 'groove'. It just means I feel like I could mosh to it, lol)

Recommendation for 69 Chorus: Instead of repeating it, why not have it change from Hi-Hat to Cymbal and China? It would make the Repeat sound more powerful. That's just what I would have done.

The bridge at 87 feel likes it's missing something

For the transition / Outro, instead of
0 0 0 1 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 6
Try
1 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 6 0 0 0

I changed it to that and took a listen to it and thought it sounded better. That's me though.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1156071

I put a lot of time into the drums on this song :D