First post, first upload, first appearance so please be gentle.
Take a heed of warning: don't even try to listen with RSE
This is a song that we've been working on with my friend.
We mostly listen to metal and classical, but this is without a doubt our lightest song so far.
This is only a demo version 2.92 so it's not complete. I know we're going to work on the drums, but I feel like editing the guitars too.
Especially bars 43-47 and 109-113 on the track 5 (guitar pan. right). 43-47 are absolute cockroach poo. 109-113 are good but I want to make them even better. 48-49 and 114-115 are something that I don't want to change at all.
Any suggestions for improvements are welcome.
But mostly I want to hear how this sucks YOU in. And is this any good at all.
I'd prefer constructively written criticism, be it negative or positive. (so no; "this is sh*t, make a better!" nor "I love it" -- a better way would be; "I hate bars x-y, 'cause they are as if the song changes suddenly" or "I love it because of the drive that you have on bars xx-yyy")
Anyone who lashes out some criticism with be granted with counter-critic if they want. ...c4c, is it?
07-05-2009, 01:42 PM
Before we begin. This is NOT my type of music, so expect this to be somewhat more harsh than a fan of the genre would give.
The intro is absolutely brilliant.
It's just got this incredibly tense and brooding feel to it. Great use of all the instruments, I especially liked the exchange between the left and right guitar. The slow tempo build also has a really cool effect. The pauses at 26 and 26 were excellent.
Then came the verse, and everything just kind of fell apart.
At this point the theme has gotten old, really old. It's just a single bar melody over and over and over again, and despite the fact you try to change it up, the intervals are always the same, so no matter what note you start on, it never really sounds any different.
Both the drums and the guitars at this point become a little overly obnoxious, and it really takes away the feel and the power of what the intro was building into. It's just got no balls, it's like it's been compressed. Again, the best part of the verse is those two 4/4 bars at the end, because they really pack a punch.
Verse part II is actually excellent for that reason, everything is really controlled and powerful. The change in melody is a good start, but it still feels too much the same, maybe play in a different octave, or even better have multiple instruments playing it all in different octaves. You've got some room to play around with it, so why not make it as huge sounding as you can?
43 until the bridge is pretty awful, but you knew that already.
Bridge is okay, but I've really grown tired of that melody.
The chorus has it's moments of coolness, but for the most part it feels overly obnoxious and random. Bars 82, 84, 86 and especially 87 had some really great ideas.
89-verse was all pretty good with the exception of 91-92 which were just a little too random for me
I didn't much like 109-115 It felt like it would be much more open if the drums and left guitar a little more space for the right guitar. I liked the general idea of the right guitar, but I found the note choice and the timing of it left a little bit to be desired. Plus you keep hitting the same notes in different places.
116-118 was cool, but I didn't really like when you transformed that idea into straight triplets.
Didn't find anything I liked until 132. That bar was very cool, and it was a great way back into that once cool and now highly annoying theme.
Funking section was great, 154 was especially good.
The mini solo at 159 was kinda cool, although no human could play it.
Outro was pretty good, the back and forth between the two guitars worked really well.
In the long run, you absolutely positively need to come up with a few more themes, because it really wore out it's welcome quickly. There were some really cool moments in the song, and some great ideas, but too much of it was a random cacophony of noise and repetition.
Anyway, my stuff is linked in my sig if you're up for a return crit.
07-06-2009, 09:39 AM
Honestly I don't wish to insult you but I knew if i pressed scale finder nothing would come up.
It sounded like a giant mess of disonance excpet the intro it was good. but i duno It sounds like noise to me. And this genre. Im assuming u were going for some sort of metal.. I listen to very hard metal so I dont usually look at things as "Just Noise".. I don't really know where to begin except learn scales and use them. follow some music theory you can break the rules but not constantly.
Sorry. I suppose it was much more creative than my first song i'll give you that no doubt.
Thanks a bunch.
This is exactly why I wanted some previews. I've grown deaf to this already.
Thank you both for tolerating the noice-core -experience. :D
And mtgold; yes, my music education is very limited (Guitar World).
So I learned that too much is too much. :P
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