Choke - not sure on genre - GP4, 5 & MIDI


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Carl6661
07-05-2009, 03:44 PM
musically - this is pretty much completed. i've only got to do vocal melodys and lyrics now. then i can get to recording it. :)

c4c if you desire, just give me a link to your piece or something (if it's in your sig' or something, don't worry), that way i can get back to you quicker because my internet is quite slow at the moment, and it's faster for me to open one link than it is to search through the forum for your piece. thanks. :D

EDIT -

thanks to defiance64 for making me aware of this;
i accidently left the guitar on solo - please take it off of solo before listenening.

.Joker.
07-05-2009, 05:14 PM
didn't you already post this one?...i have it saved on my computer because I liked it a lot lol
did you change something?

just compared both and noticed the outros were noticeably different
Not sure what to think though, I kinda like the old outro better

Carl6661
07-05-2009, 05:28 PM
ichanged the outro quite alot (still the same principle as the old one, just very different with the chords and such) and a few other small parts here and there, i figured it'd be easier to delete the old thread and start a new one for the completed version. so it's not like i've posted it twice and have two threads for it.

the old outro didn't seem to fit in this song, to me. i might change it a bit and save it for another song. just the transition from the Cm based riff into the C major outro (or whatever key it was, I know it had a C major in there) didn't really sound right to me. but if i happen to write a song where it'll work, i'll use it in that. :D

LesPaulluapseL
07-05-2009, 07:17 PM
So for my first crit.

Intro-Verse1
I felt the intro was nice but the kind of mood set was not as attention getting as I would have hoped. It felt stiff, If that makes any sense.

Verse1-Prechorus
I was kind of hoping for some kind of release. Your intro and verse build up and kind of create a suspension and It doesnt really seem to land as predicted. Sometimes the best music is the most simple. People kinda want to have some kind of prediction. Not complete, but some.

Prechorus- chorus
Through this I felt that we dropped in momentum and lyrics would help greatly. It seems like it doesnt fit the awesome intro.

Preverse- I loved this. Absolutely magnificient. The strings entrance was very good.


Verse 2-Prechorus
This was typical and started to gain the momentum again which was nice.


Chorus-
Once again the chorus I feel didnt do the rest of this justice.

To the drum and Bass break-
It was enjoyable. up until the 4th measure. It felt like it had lost direction all of a sudden.

Didnt like the reintro but the outro was very nice. As far as the variation, I got mixed feelings. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I just hated it.

Overall, 7 of 10. I can see some musical integrity in this and with a bit more work I find this to be a piece that can be found enjoyable. Good Luck.

Msu_Man04
07-05-2009, 10:28 PM
Pretty solid up until the chorus, when it's just plain epic [a little in the pre-chorus, too]. The preverse is sweet. I like how the second verse has that other jazz guitar in there. Then the strings come in, and it works perfectly even though you have all those weird notes in there and whatnot.

Go through the prechorus and chorus again...

The bridge is pretty hard-rocking. Awesome.

The little solo thing is great, and so is the beatdown. Love the strings, and that little harmonic. XD.

"I don't know what this is" is really awesome, too. Very creepy and haunting, and it's composed very nicely. The re-intro is sweet, I love how chords are used in place of open notes.

The outro is pretty awesome, just like the chorus, and the drum variation part is even better. The ending is pretty good, too.

Overall, 9/10. This is REALLY good. I'd love to hear it recorded.

Crit mine? Preferably Tired of You, in the sig.

frankibo
07-06-2009, 06:50 AM
war machine/chemical blood in places?
i dunno if its cause i like fightstar and i know you do so im seeing the similarities or if theyre obvious. but its a decent song :)
the strings are beautiful in places :)

Carl6661
07-06-2009, 08:27 AM
i see what you mean in places yeah. it wouldn't call it a blatent rip off. but the inspiration is definantly there, haha. :D

Rory's_strat
07-10-2009, 04:53 AM
Haha glad i wasn't the only one who heard War Machine in there!
Otherwise a very solid piece, very well thought out and composed.

jbridge90
07-10-2009, 06:58 AM
Dude!!!

This song was epic. I'm proud to share these forums with you. Your use of strings was great, and I never lost interest for a second. This had a very 'movie soundtrack' type appeal to it, and I meant it in the very best way. On the part where you labeled it 'I don't know what this is', I would just put it with the Re-intro, because its a really natural transition.


Overall, definitely a 10/10

Would you mind critiquing at least one of my songs?

The Three (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=20673195#post20673195)

turbulenced
07-10-2009, 08:25 AM
I don't really like that style of music, but I must say well written, i really hope you get the chance to record it, and if you do I would love to hear it.
I agree with the comments earlier, it does sound something that Fightstar would do.

Carl6661
07-10-2009, 10:13 AM
where the hell did those last 3 posts come from :haha:
i've had this up for a while and it got next to no attention, and all of a sudden there are a load more crit's, haha.

thanks everyone, i'll get returning crit's right away. :)

EDIT -

yes, i do intend to record it. the only awkward part for me is strings and such, because i only have VSTi's for that, so they would sound a little artificial.

FlyingPooooo
07-10-2009, 12:06 PM
That is an awesome intro, very catchy. I do wish it repeated one time but that's just me talking. I love 'southern' feels in songs these days.

The verse and pre-chorus are very solid progressions. Very well written.

I agree with the poster above me, I dont really care for the chorus. It could be more powerful. I'm about half-way through the song and the drums are the best written part, high five on the drums.

Wow, the beatdown. Just wow. The progression, the beat, the drums the transition. That's class A music right there my friend. Right into my favorite piece.

10/10
C4C?
My first deathcore song. (http:/www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2066871#post20668781)

Carl6661
07-10-2009, 04:59 PM
That is an awesome intro, very catchy. I do wish it repeated one time but that's just me talking. I love 'southern' feels in songs these days.

The verse and pre-chorus are very solid progressions. Very well written.

I agree with the poster above me, I dont really care for the chorus. It could be more powerful. I'm about half-way through the song and the drums are the best written part, high five on the drums.

Wow, the beatdown. Just wow. The progression, the beat, the drums the transition. That's class A music right there my friend. Right into my favorite piece.

10/10
C4C?
My first deathcore song. (http:/www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2066871#post20668781)

thanks, it's good that people like the drums alot. for this song i actually had like, 2 or 3 different versions of the song, only with different drum parts :haha: then i just cut and paste the best parts from each and tweak stuff to make it playable. :)

i'll get back to you with crit' right away.