Asdf (Has RSE's)


PDA

View Full Version : Asdf (Has RSE's)


jbridge90
07-06-2009, 12:08 PM
Hey guys let me know what you think. Its a pretty simple song altogether. Its a modern rock type sound. C4C

jbridge90
07-06-2009, 02:08 PM
Could someone please offer up some advice or something? I can't help notice that 25 people have listened to the dang thing

icronic
07-06-2009, 02:39 PM
Could someone please offer up some advice or something? I can't help notice that 25 people have listened to the dang thing

This isn't a fast moving forum, and posting 2 hours after your original post begging for replies isn't going to help you out any. You want people to crit your songs, you need to crit theirs.

Anyway as I listen

Chorus

Pretty standard modern rock stuff. It's well written, and I definitely like the rhythm, but you're going to need a really strong vocal part to make this stand out amongst the crowd. You could also try having the second guitar playing some kind of arpeggio pattern in the background as well. Maybe not the first time the chorus appears, but perhaps later in the song.

Verse

Again, pretty standard stuff, but still well written. I like the lead part, and there are a few quick chords you throw in in really unexpected places. It's very cool. Also, despite it's simplicity I definitely like drum part. Although, I think you should ramp the drums up the second time the verse appears.

Bars 26-33 are especially cool, but the drums definitely need to pack a little more punch here.

Chorus 2A and B

Same comments as before. I like that you changed it up with the B section, but it still feels a little empty for a chorus.

Break

Great drum line, not much else to be said.

Interlude

I thought the transition into the interlude was a little anti-climactic. Here the end of the Verse sounds like it's really building into something, then bam, empty space. The part itself is really cool though, nice melody, and changing the drum sound was a nice touch.

Chorus 3A

This is what I'm talking about. Much better with the second guitar doing something different.

Solo 1 & 2

This is where your song falls flat. I've no nice way of saying it but they were pretty awful. You almost never hit the proper notes. While your rhythm guitar may only be playing octaves, it still implies a chord. Figure out which notes are in the chord you're playing over and make sure those are the ones you're pausing on. Your phrasing is also quite static and bland, there's just no power here.

Chorus Revisit

I like the idea, especially when you get to the outro part with just the guitars. Although I'm noticing now that the rhythm guitar is actually little bit dissonant. A lot of them are like maj 7th chords without the 3rd. You might consider making them straight powerchords or sus2/sus4 instead.

Anyway, it's a solid song, the melodies and vocals will make or break it though.

jbridge90
07-06-2009, 03:46 PM
This isn't a fast moving forum, and posting 2 hours after your original post begging for replies isn't going to help you out any. You want people to crit your songs, you need to crit theirs.

Anyway as I listen

Chorus

Pretty standard modern rock stuff. It's well written, and I definitely like the rhythm, but you're going to need a really strong vocal part to make this stand out amongst the crowd. You could also try having the second guitar playing some kind of arpeggio pattern in the background as well. Maybe not the first time the chorus appears, but perhaps later in the song.

Verse

Again, pretty standard stuff, but still well written. I like the lead part, and there are a few quick chords you throw in in really unexpected places. It's very cool. Also, despite it's simplicity I definitely like drum part. Although, I think you should ramp the drums up the second time the verse appears.

Bars 26-33 are especially cool, but the drums definitely need to pack a little more punch here.

Chorus 2A and B

Same comments as before. I like that you changed it up with the B section, but it still feels a little empty for a chorus.

Break

Great drum line, not much else to be said.

Interlude

I thought the transition into the interlude was a little anti-climactic. Here the end of the Verse sounds like it's really building into something, then bam, empty space. The part itself is really cool though, nice melody, and changing the drum sound was a nice touch.

Chorus 3A

This is what I'm talking about. Much better with the second guitar doing something different.

Solo 1 & 2

This is where your song falls flat. I've no nice way of saying it but they were pretty awful. You almost never hit the proper notes. While your rhythm guitar may only be playing octaves, it still implies a chord. Figure out which notes are in the chord you're playing over and make sure those are the ones you're pausing on. Your phrasing is also quite static and bland, there's just no power here.

Chorus Revisit

I like the idea, especially when you get to the outro part with just the guitars. Although I'm noticing now that the rhythm guitar is actually little bit dissonant. A lot of them are like maj 7th chords without the 3rd. You might consider making them straight powerchords or sus2/sus4 instead.

Anyway, it's a solid song, the melodies and vocals will make or break it though.

I appreciate the feedback man. I'll make sure and crit a couple of your pieces