A Second Reason- Deathcore- {GP4,GP5,MIDI}


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FlyingPooooo
07-09-2009, 09:46 PM
My first 'deathcore' song. I know there are places i'm not happy with.
Hopefully you guys can help me out with that.
_Caleb J

-UPDATED-
July 14, 2009

I fixed and improved several things.
Updated intro, updated transitions, a new lead line.

tushmeister
07-10-2009, 12:08 PM
I love the intro, but the bit with the tremelo strings afterwards is godawful, it completely ruins the feel, thankfully gets back into some decent atmosphere building after it, I'd change/remove that personally.
Bar 39 feels slightly off, and where that repeats I don't think the lead goes back into itself very smoothly if that makes sense

After that it's fine, if anything it could go on for longer though, it's a considerably short track, moreso considering how much of it is intro material.

I'd say 6/10, but with a few slight changes easily up at 8 or 9

:cheers:

FlyingPooooo
07-10-2009, 01:43 PM
Those are two parts i'm not happy with either. I would completely remove them but I figured I leave them in just for reference for me. This is a new style for me so i'm trying to learn the feel. I haven't spent much time on leads. But yes I agree with you, both of those leads are awful. I just don't know what else to put there yet.

It is a short track because thats actually what it is, its an album intro...never planned on drawing this out.

bkmcrl
07-10-2009, 02:17 PM
it was teh brootalz!!!!

but seriously. i thought it was awesome. the strings and the almost circusy sounding synth part nearly made me **** myself. It definitely brought out a great atmosphere. i agree with what tushmeister said. maybe use some diminished arpeggios in place of the leads?

Carl6661
07-10-2009, 05:07 PM
the link you left me didn't work :haha: so i'll crit this song.

1-4 was very creepy, very well done. when the drums and stuff start coming in, very well done. so far this is shaping up to be a very good piece.

13, was very good, the little synth solo was unexpected and sounded a little cheesy with the GP sound, but it would work better in a recording probably. add a bass track aswell, it sounds empty without one.

21 and so on was good, by now it's a little repetitive, but not that badly.

25 was weird, the transition through to 27 was weird, at 25 you need like, a drum part, even if it's just like, 57, 49 and a 36 or something. just like a big smash type thing. the rif itself at 27 was typical deathcore. but it was still good. the lead at 36 was very good. the breakdown type bit after that, just a gallop type rhythm, nothing special, but it worked.

the transition through to the 80bpm bit with the dissonant chords was good. the riff there was good, very heavy. the dissonant lead was a nice addition.

it's a shame it ended so soon. i don't normally care for deathcore, but this piece was actually very good. i'd like to hear a more finished version. 8/10. if it was finished, that'd probably be a 9 or 10 :)

FlyingPooooo
07-11-2009, 05:02 PM
Thanks alot for the crit, I have a bad habit of not finishing things. I use this just to hone in on my sound...i'll get this recorded. I'd rather spend my time on that.

ultimate-slash
07-14-2009, 05:00 PM
Normally I'm not the greatest fan of deathcore and stuff like that, but I have to say this sounds pretty good to me

not much that I can say about things that could be improved, only that I'm not a fan of the dissonance sound off the chords used in the outro, but that's just me
Not the greatest fan of this type off drumming either, but I guess that for this type off song it fits well

I do have to say however that I really like the lead in bars 40 - 44

FlyingPooooo
07-14-2009, 05:41 PM
Well thanks a lot for taking the time to listen.
I appreciate it a lot.

jimmyled
07-14-2009, 06:29 PM
I didn't like the intro, but it's good, just my taste. The Heavy Delay and Reverb was pretty nice but the harmony kinda ruined it. I didn't like the break. The Solo was kinda annoying. I liked the next break, even though it reminded me of Stripped Raped and Strangled by CC. The Drum break wasn't so good. The outro was kinda annoying but good. All in all good song, but not my taste.
C4C? (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1161997)

Carl6661
07-14-2009, 06:50 PM
Nothing more for me to really say on it, the update is awesome. It ends better than the last one. Awesome work! One of the few deathcore pieces I like. 10/10!

FlyingPooooo
07-14-2009, 07:17 PM
I really don't understand all these 'breaks' you speak of.

EDIT:
Thanks a lot Carl6661.
Nothing else to add to this one I think.

jimmyled
07-14-2009, 07:39 PM
I really don't understand all these 'breaks' you speak of.

EDIT:
Thanks a lot Carl6661.
Nothing else to add to this one I think.
The breaks are where the riff is simpler, more rhythm based.

DudE132
07-14-2009, 08:19 PM
I didn't really like it. The whole song just seemed kinda boring and there was nothing that stood out. 5/10

FlyingPooooo
07-15-2009, 03:27 AM
I wish you'd say more, you've commented on some very well written deathcore songs.
This is my first of this genre, I usually write more melodic hardcore (which is godawful to me now).

Just telling me its boring doesn't help me as a musician.

The breaks are where the riff is simpler, more rhythm based.
Hmm, I'd like to agree with you actually. There's somethings in here I like and some I don't know what the hell to do with them. As in the transition from the intro to the verse riff, in reality the intro is a set intro and the rest is the beginning of a song.

I'm surprised you don't like the solo riff. That one is particularly fun to me.

Veil Of Osiris
07-16-2009, 02:08 PM
Thanks for the crit.

Really nice song. To me it sounded like a good version of Suicide Silence.

I thought the lead at bar 17 was until bar 19 came in, I think you should change that.

I didn't like how everything paused on bar 28.

I really like the lead at bar 40.

Hasn't the riff at 46 been done already? It sounds really familiar, maybe that's just me though.

The breakdown at the end was cool, I just wrote a song that ends a lot like this.