I've got three new pieces for you guys


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jbridge90
07-10-2009, 06:15 AM
Hey Guys,

You may or may not know who I am by having kept up with the few songs I've had the bravery to post in this forum :p: But after reconnecting with my friend I've been jamming with for the past 3 years, we've put a few of our songs together for you guys to look at and critique!

You see, we had been discussing putting together a demo for fun(recording some songs has been a dream for both of us), but I wanted to show you guys a few songs, and see what you think.

The First Song would be the Intro to our demo, it's going to be the only instrumental(none of them have vocal melodies at the moment, I have yet to write lyrics :rolleyes: ), and its one of my personal favorites because it sets a great tone, and I'm just overall proud of the writing I did on it. As of yet, no drum track.

Our Song, finally, is the first song we EVER wrote. The way we wrote it 3 years ago is pretty much the exact same way it appears now. Overall, not a bad song at all, and one of my favorites.

Asdf is a track I've posted before, but it wasn't finished because it had various problems(solo notes off, overall just not having that *finished* feeling), but I think its ready for its second go around. The song goes through a variety of emotions, which is what I wanted. My personal favorite written part is the Revised Chorus, because... well, you'll see :p:


So anyways, I'll appreciate whatever you guys have to say about it. Oh and yes, the song titles are lame, but those are just the working titles. Also, this isn't the order the songs will appear on the demo if we cut it.

Thanks

PS: I would listen to them in the order listed above

J-Edit: I reposted the files with midi types, so that even if you don't have updated Guitar Pro 5, you can at least hear the midi's

Carl6661
07-10-2009, 10:29 AM
I'll go over all 3 briefly, rather than just the one you asked. :D

Intro;
i like the riff, has a very dark feel. maybe add some suttle strings or a 'warm pad' just to fill the sound a little? the bit at bar 9 was good, added to the vibe very well. the lead at 32 was nice, basic, but it served a purpose, unlike alot of solo's you see on here. i can see the fade at the end going nicely into another track. 10/10. not a very technical song, but it does what you want it to do perfectly.

Asdf;
my first thought is that is sounds a bit like earlyish avenged sevenfold. put something on drums in in bar 9, it sounds empty, even if it's just an 8th note snare roll or something basic. i wasn't fond of the verse, it just didn't go with the rest of the song. chorus was a variaton of the intro, but it was good. chorus 2b sounds like it should be the chorus, and chorus 2a could be a pre-verse or something. drum solo thing at 65 was good, i'd be more adventerous with toms instead of riding on one tom for 4 16th notes, that's just me being picky though. interlude was unexpected, as soon as the clean guitar doing chords came in it was very enjoyable. even more at chorus 3a, 106-109 sounded weird, change that 9th fret b string to an 8th fret, or 11th. and the 7th fret b string to an 8 or a 6. i've not got a problem with outside notes, if used right, that just sounded weird though. the solo was decent. nothing that hasn't been don before, but it was alright. part after that has the same weird sounding chords i was on about. the ending was alright, only the weird chords bugged me. 9/10

Our song;
the bass swell was alright, i can see it being more of a pad effect or something on a recording though. intro and verse was good, just a typical metalcore riff but it worked. chorus 1 was good, nothing wrong there. the pickslide effects sound weird, but that is just MIDI, so ignore that. verses, same as before, they work well. again, unexpected interlude, but it worked. bar 87 was dodgy, the 11-13 part on lead, change it to a 9-12 or something. the chromatic bit in 1 of rhythm sounded weird, but that might sounded better in an actual recording. chorus again, after that there's a breakdowny solo thing, that was really cool. it should have repeated and faded out really though, if i'm honest. 9/10

overall, nothing really wrong here. just a few odd sounding notes. besides that, good work. keep it up. :)

jbridge90
07-10-2009, 01:54 PM
I'll go over all 3 briefly, rather than just the one you asked. :D

Intro;
i like the riff, has a very dark feel. maybe add some suttle strings or a 'warm pad' just to fill the sound a little? the bit at bar 9 was good, added to the vibe very well. the lead at 32 was nice, basic, but it served a purpose, unlike alot of solo's you see on here. i can see the fade at the end going nicely into another track. 10/10. not a very technical song, but it does what you want it to do perfectly.

Asdf;
my first thought is that is sounds a bit like earlyish avenged sevenfold. put something on drums in in bar 9, it sounds empty, even if it's just an 8th note snare roll or something basic. i wasn't fond of the verse, it just didn't go with the rest of the song. chorus was a variaton of the intro, but it was good. chorus 2b sounds like it should be the chorus, and chorus 2a could be a pre-verse or something. drum solo thing at 65 was good, i'd be more adventerous with toms instead of riding on one tom for 4 16th notes, that's just me being picky though. interlude was unexpected, as soon as the clean guitar doing chords came in it was very enjoyable. even more at chorus 3a, 106-109 sounded weird, change that 9th fret b string to an 8th fret, or 11th. and the 7th fret b string to an 8 or a 6. i've not got a problem with outside notes, if used right, that just sounded weird though. the solo was decent. nothing that hasn't been don before, but it was alright. part after that has the same weird sounding chords i was on about. the ending was alright, only the weird chords bugged me. 9/10

Our song;
the bass swell was alright, i can see it being more of a pad effect or something on a recording though. intro and verse was good, just a typical metalcore riff but it worked. chorus 1 was good, nothing wrong there. the pickslide effects sound weird, but that is just MIDI, so ignore that. verses, same as before, they work well. again, unexpected interlude, but it worked. bar 87 was dodgy, the 11-13 part on lead, change it to a 9-12 or something. the chromatic bit in 1 of rhythm sounded weird, but that might sounded better in an actual recording. chorus again, after that there's a breakdowny solo thing, that was really cool. it should have repeated and faded out really though, if i'm honest. 9/10

overall, nothing really wrong here. just a few odd sounding notes. besides that, good work. keep it up. :)

Hey thanks man.

You know, its funny you mentioned the verse in ASDF, because thats the only reason why I haven't been sure if it's ready. We have 30 million redone versions, but non of them fit.

creeping.death!
07-10-2009, 02:24 PM
Intro: Not bad; it's nothing special IMO, but, as Carl6661 said, it does what you want it to do very well. I really started to dig it when the distorted guitar kicked in, maybe you could turn it into a full song?

Asdf: Chorus 1A: Nice, but it sounded really generic to me. I think it would sound better if you made a totally different melody for the second guitar to play, otherwise it feels overly simple to me.

Verse 1/Verse 2: I really liked these parts. Guitar and bass are both really good, and the drums are ok. Nothing to critique here.

Chorus 2A: For the most part it's the same as the first one, but I liked how you added a bit of variation here.

Chorus B2: Simple, yet really catchy. No complaints here.

Break: Nice transition, I think it works really well.

Interlude: I really enjoyed it. At first, I wasn't too fond at first and the lead guitar part, but the chords starting at bar 94 gave it a really good feel, and they fit together really well.

Chorus 3A: Pretty good. I like the chords used here, especially the bit on bars 106-108.

Guitar solos: Probably the best part of the song for me. I like it when the first solo starts and change the mood, I thought that was realy well done. If anything, I'd just have to say that they're a bit short for my liking, but that's just me being petty :p:

Chorus revisited: Not much to say here, the change to a distorted guitar (if a bit cliché) works quite nicely.

Overall, it wasn't bad, but I felt it lacking in certain parts. I think that if you worked a bit more on it, it would be a lot better.

Our song: I'm gonna make this one short because I have to go in a bit. It was probably the song I enjoyed the most out of the three. The main riff is certainly nothing original, but I was pleasantly surprised at how it fit really nicely with everything else. The chorus was good but it felt a bit empty, maybe you could add a melody back there? The interlude was really good, I have no complaints here. The outro was well done, and it was a perfect way to finish the song.

Msu_Man04
07-10-2009, 02:28 PM
I love the intro, but I agree with Carl when he says that you might need something to help fill the sound a little. I love the epic feel it gives. I almost feel like each time the bass hits the lone note (that holds for two bars), there should be like a... gong or something. XD. It reminds me of some old game, like Super Metroid, when you're down in Norfair and Deep Brinstar. XD.

Our Song is pretty good, but I facepalmed when the ridiculous bass drumming came in, because quite frankly, I'm sick of it. It sorta ruined it for me a little. I still thought it sounded alright, though. The part after that was pretty good, I liked the drums there. I like the dual-lead in the verse, but once again, there's that speed drumming I see too much of on T&C. I liked the breakdown/outro solo pretty well, and I liked the random drums at the very end.

I've checked out asdf before, and I like it for the most part. It's not too heavy, and the leadwork isn't too insane to make it ridiculously dumb. Some strong vocals could fill out the space in the chorus and whatnot. I really love the interlude more than anything else, especially how you change the volume of all the other instruments to make them sound fuzzy, or like they are far away. VERY nice touch. Neither of the solos were AMAZING, but I really liked something in bar 127 in solo 2. I like how you bring back the notes from the interlude, but in a heavier part of the song. You had some clashing notes throughout the song, primarily at the end of solo 2 and in the chorus revisited, but it's alright.

CarlosAlejandro
07-12-2009, 01:09 AM
Okay, i listened that.

Good jood with the songs friend. In general terms i can put you 10/10 Really really good joob.

About our song, i like a lot.. Its kinda good that song.
I saw in your profile that you're bassit so, im bassit too and i pround you dude : ) I like your job with the songs . And well, about the bass of our songs in all its pretty good.

So, congratulations and keep doing good stuffs.

Greats dude, take care and check my new metalcore song, please :)

CarlosAlejandro
07-12-2009, 01:15 AM
ahmp.. and sorry .. i can write more about your works cus i from venezuela and i speak spanish.. Tu sabes, latino.. So , my english isn't so good.. and i cant write a lot.. Seeya

jimmyled
07-12-2009, 08:33 AM
Intro Song: The bass line was pretty much rubbish until bar 17, you should work on that. The guitar was nice, a little too slow IMO, I think you should have made the second bar of the two a lit little shorter. The part where the lead guitar starts playing is really nice, but same as above. From bar 17 the bass gets better as I mentioned above, but it stops in bar 24 for some reason. The Overdriven Lead was really good. All in all very nice, has a horror movie like quality.
Asdf: Intro was OK, a little boring. I really didn't like 18-26, but maybe it's just personal taste. The Chorus A was a little boring, I liked the P.M. riff. Chorus B was too sold out IMO. Interlude was nice, I liked when the chords joined the Lead. The Solo was Very A7X style, a little too major for me though. I really like the Outro. On the whole, mixed song.
Our Song: Intro and the Verses were really good, I liked the Bass Swell and the riff. Chorus was a little boring. but I can see it working with singing. Interlude was probably the best part of the song, I really liked the guitar and bass. Breakdown was very nice, but I couldn't find any Solo... The drums in the ending were pointless. Very good song on the whole.
C4C/ My Creations (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1160749)
My Other Creation (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=20715769#post20715769)

jbridge90
07-12-2009, 09:09 AM
Intro Song: The bass line was pretty much rubbish until bar 17, you should work on that. The guitar was nice, a little too slow IMO, I think you should have made the second bar of the two a lit little shorter. The part where the lead guitar starts playing is really nice, but same as above. From bar 17 the bass gets better as I mentioned above, but it stops in bar 24 for some reason. The Overdriven Lead was really good. All in all very nice, has a horror movie like quality.
Asdf: Intro was OK, a little boring. I really didn't like 18-26, but maybe it's just personal taste. The Chorus A was a little boring, I liked the P.M. riff. Chorus B was too sold out IMO. Interlude was nice, I liked when the chords joined the Lead. The Solo was Very A7X style, a little too major for me though. I really like the Outro. On the whole, mixed song.
Our Song: Intro and the Verses were really good, I liked the Bass Swell and the riff. Chorus was a little boring. but I can see it working with singing. Interlude was probably the best part of the song, I really liked the guitar and bass. Breakdown was very nice, but I couldn't find any Solo... The drums in the ending were pointless. Very good song on the whole.
C4C/ My Creations (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1160068)

Hey man thanks a bunch for the critiques. On the intro song, the bass is supposed to be boring for the most part, because it really helps supplement the ominous feeling I'm trying to provide. In my opinion, the bass fits the song really well, but of course I'm biased because it's my song haha.

Asdf is supposed to be kind of a generic modern rock song, so I'm not really insulted that you think its sold out haha. Yeah, people say they hear A7x in that solo quite often actually, which is understandable because their Waking the Fallen and City of Evil albums were pretty influential to me.

I really appreciate your critique man.

JesseBlanchard
07-12-2009, 10:38 AM
Intro

Guitarline sounds good. Kinda haunting. Thie bass is fine untill 17. Simple bass is fine. At Bar 32, I would have faded all tracks out to like 5 or 6, while they are still playing, Then at bar 33 come in with a massive epic opening. The guitaring in this track is great btw.

Our song

In the intro riff, I would end it a little differently, just so it feels like it goes somewhere if you know what I mean? The similar riff in verse 1A does that, But yeh, the intro doesnt. Some bits are out of key in Verse 1b. doesnt sound too bad though. Chorus could be improved. I would the guitars strumming, and the drumming more intense. Again, out of key in the interlude. Maybe change some notes to make them in key? Maybe have it finish, rather than just fade out? Not bad for a first song though.

Asdf

Triplets in the chorus feel out of place. Verse 1 reminded me a little of A7X. The chorus needs a lead. I like the interlude with the strumming. Best part of the song. Went out of key and sounded awkward in the chorus though. Solo wasnt bad.

-Flooow
07-12-2009, 01:07 PM
hmm.

aright I'll give it a go.

I really like the intro, although I think its too long.
but all in all it should work.

ASDF :

The entrance to the song is veery Avenged-Sevenfoldish. ;D
But yeah it's a pretty common progression , so nevermind - it works.
the rest is pretty decent stuff, i like it.
its just .. like a song that I can easily listen to while doing homework and stuff,
so this is a good point IMO. ;D
solo is awesome. :)


Our Song

Bass Swell .. hm I'd rather use some Atmosphere-Pads or so , they might fit better.
The bass gives the intro a decent groove which I like.
The rhythm part drives the song along the chorus, so does the kick drum at bar 35 or so.
great climactic structure you got there.
I also love the variations in the B-Verses.
they're adding a bit more complexity and variety to the song.
The melodic part before the final chorus .. I'm not pretty sure about that,
it's a clear contrast to the driving stuff before. which is nothing bad but I'm not
too sure if that works in this piece. The outro solo does.

aceral1715
07-12-2009, 01:31 PM
Intro - Loved it. It has that whole dark suspense feel to it. When the distortion kicked it, it kind of built it up to another level and the fading in bass note at the end would have made a nice start for whatever came next.

Our Song - The compressed drums were a bit unnecessary, so I turned them off, if you don't mind, sounded a lot better :P I liked riff for the verse. The drums were effective and the bassline was simple, but it went well with the song. The second verse's harmony would have been good, but I couldn't hear the second guitar playing the lower notes. The interlude is a surprising change in the song, in a good way. The chorus didnt seem to set the right mood for me after the interlude, but thats just my opinion. Loved the outro solo. Really had that coming to an end feel and the end was smooth, but the little drum riff right at the end was a little out of place :P

Asdf - Again, the compressed drums seemed a little off for me. Maybe it's just my computer. The palm muted bits the first time around really took me by surprise in a good way. The first verse with the high hats was really nice and it really flowed well into the chorus 2A which was really good as well and flowed well into chorus 2B. The break could have been a little better IMO. The interlude had to be my favourite part of the song, going into chorus 3A which I loved too. The compressed drums really were perfect for that part. I liked the solos. They were nice, but could definately have been much better. The next chorus for some reason seemed a little out for me in the chord progression for some reason. Was probably just me since it sounded fine the first time around.

HeavenWillFall
07-12-2009, 01:42 PM
Hey, sorry I haven't that much time now to get deeply into all of your songs, but I've listened to our song and I think it's great!
Good job especially on the drums, that rocks.
Very good man!

retrohelix
07-12-2009, 04:19 PM
Really liked the intro. Tried adding some drums for my own personal amusement, may as well share em eh?

jimmyled
07-13-2009, 01:43 PM
Really liked the intro. Tried adding some drums for my own personal amusement, may as well share em eh?
Nice! I liked it.

jbridge90
07-13-2009, 08:04 PM
Really liked the intro. Tried adding some drums for my own personal amusement, may as well share em eh?


Wow thats an odd rhythm but I like it. Do you think you could track out the rest of the song too?