Incomplete song


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aceral1715
07-11-2009, 03:55 PM
I only have the first verse and chorus for this song so far and I dunno where to go from there. Any advice is welcome, and crit for crit as always.

Lyrics so far:

VERSE 1

Look at me,
Tell me what you see.
Am I the one?
The one you've seen in your dreams.

It's not easy,
It's not easy to pretend,
That I know who I am,
When you won't let me forget,
What I've done.


CHORUS

Do you think I look fine,
When I'm broken up inside.

Gakbez
07-11-2009, 04:04 PM
Oh dude, you should totally make the vocal line a solo

jimmyled
07-11-2009, 04:19 PM
Oh baby look at me,
And tell me what you see,
You ain't seen the best of me yet,
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest.

Sorry. The beginning is similar.
The Acoustic Guitar should be played on Piano, and the melody can get a little annoying at times. Maybe because it's on Overdriven guitar. But great job.

Edit: Edited version.

icronic
07-11-2009, 05:21 PM
That's a really great melody. But to be honest it strikes me more as a guitar melody than a vocal melody. It just seems like too many notes coming too fast for a vocalist, and in my mind I can hear it turning out sounding like a kid going through puberty. Still, I'd keep the part as a guitar melody, and then bring in a simplified version of that same melody for the vocals.

Loved the opening bass line. Reminded me quite a bit of what I did in one of my own songs.

As for where you should go now... Well an intro wouldn't be a bad idea, having the melody jump in that quickly is a bit weird.

Also, the second time you have the verse play you could try having a piano come in and play the original guitar part, and then have the acoustic guitar doing something else.

You could also add a bridge into a guitar solo.

But really you've got your verse and chorus, which are the two main components, what's really left to do is find a way to keep them interesting throughout the song.