Incomplete Metal Song - Cap'n Crunch C4C


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jimmyled
07-13-2009, 01:30 PM
I just wrote this, and wanted feedback before continuing. This song is about a story you can find in the pit in this thread (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1161523&highlight=why+am+i+ticked+off)
EditX2: Uploaded a newer version, with new parts! Yay!

Aaron!!
07-13-2009, 03:22 PM
Holy crap dude....I thought that was really good :p:

Loved the piano bit at the start.
The solo bit after that was excellent, as was the sweep picking.
I liked the part that begins on 65, its nice. Although, I think transition from 64 - 65 could be improved.
The last 8 bars....meh. Didn't really work in my opinion. Lacking compared to the rest of the song, seems like you got a bit lazy with the ending ;)

Overall, great piece :).
Good work :D

jimmyled
07-13-2009, 03:34 PM
Holy crap dude....I thought that was really good :p:

Loved the piano bit at the start.
The solo bit after that was excellent, as was the sweep picking.
I liked the part that begins on 65, its nice. Although, I think transition from 64 - 65 could be improved.
The last 8 bars....meh. Didn't really work in my opinion. Lacking compared to the rest of the song, seems like you got a bit lazy with the ending ;)

Overall, great piece :).
Good work :D
Thanks man! Should I cut out the last 8 bars? And yes, as I've only finished 2 pieces, and they're both less than 30 seconds long, and I wanted a finished piece already, so I got lazy. As for the 64-65, I raised the tempo on bar 63 to 160, so that should work. I'll continue working on it.

Aaron!!
07-13-2009, 04:24 PM
Thanks man! Should I cut out the last 8 bars? And yes, as I've only finished 2 pieces, and they're both less than 30 seconds long, and I wanted a finished piece already, so I got lazy. As for the 64-65, I raised the tempo on bar 63 to 160, so that should work. I'll continue working on it.

Yeah, id cut the last 8 bars out ;) .
Take your time with writing the songs....if you aren't feeling it, leave it and come back to it :p:. I wouldn't rush them if i were you :)

Id love to hear it after you've worked on it!

Please post it :peace:

jimmyled
07-13-2009, 05:43 PM
Yeah, id cut the last 8 bars out ;) .
Take your time with writing the songs....if you aren't feeling it, leave it and come back to it :p:. I wouldn't rush them if i were you :)

Id love to hear it after you've worked on it!

Please post it :peace:
Thanks! I've also added a Piano break in 3/4 and a short Drum solo.

JesseBlanchard
07-14-2009, 01:19 AM
Im guessing the intro piano would be good in a minimalistic atmospheric way. but to me, it didnt transfer that well onto gp. kinda boring. solo was kinda cool.but solos really arnt my thing. i cant stand them. metalcore riff was alright, but didnt really stand out. some of the transitions seemed awkward, but drums would help that.

jimmyled
07-14-2009, 04:04 AM
Im guessing the intro piano would be good in a minimalistic atmospheric way. but to me, it didnt transfer that well onto gp. kinda boring. solo was kinda cool.but solos really arnt my thing. i cant stand them. metalcore riff was alright, but didnt really stand out. some of the transitions seemed awkward, but drums would help that.
Well thanks anyway. To each his own. Have you written anything (can't remember or be arsed to look)?

JesseBlanchard
07-14-2009, 10:30 AM
Yeh, but i was critting you back haha

Zeroxk
07-14-2009, 10:39 AM
Awesome intro
Intro solo really fit (though I'm not sure about the sweeping part)
Need a smoother transition into the heavy riff
The next few bars (83+)seems like you had an idea, then scrapped it, let them repeat a bit more.
In summary, great intro, not that smooth transition into heavy riffing, after that I'm not quite sure where you're headed

ultimate-slash
07-14-2009, 04:40 PM
Thanx for critting my songs (meaning of life and word from above) and thanx for spending 18 valuable minutes off your life on listening to it :peace:

anyways, here goes my crit:

Bar 1 - 32:
really nice, it's got a relaxed sound to it, slowly and gradually building towards the solo, sounds good.
Bar 33 - 40:
Very, very nice solo
Bar 41 - 48:
Solo continues to be very good, and the powerchords backing it up give it a lot of power, but maybe there can be some room to change it around a bit and add just that little touch more to it than just whole notes
Bar 49 - 63:
Another great solo part, really like the sweeping in the beginning to just add that little extra to it, again here maybe some changes in the background powerchords to spice it up a little (not too much though, shouldn't be too overwhelming)
Bar 65 - 68:
nothing to say here, cool riff
Bar 69 - 76:
I really like the sudden transition to bar 69
Bar 77 - 82:
Nice groove going on behind the riff, the only thing I'd change is maybe giving the bass drums a longer rhythm, meaning that you could carry a rhythm that lasts 2 bars instead of just 1 bar like you now do by repeating it.
Bar 83 - 90:
Don't like this part, sounds too simplistic
Bar 90 - 98:
Same as previous

jimmyled
07-14-2009, 05:58 PM
Thanx for critting my songs (meaning of life and word from above) and thanx for spending 18 valuable minutes off your life on listening to it :peace:

Finally, someone understands the transition into the heavy riff! 83 is not that simplistic, have a listen at the bass and lead alone. I cut out 90 onwards and replaced it with a piano break and a drum solo. Also, the Rhythm will be different in real life (same with the drums) so don't take it as granted.

icronic
07-14-2009, 07:23 PM
Thanks for the crit

As I listen.

I like the piano bit, but I'm not sure if it translates all that well into GP. It feels like it's a little slow and drags a bit. This does correct itself when the bass kicks in though.

Intro solo is fantastic. For some reason it's got a vague feeling of David Gilmoure to me. Either way I really liked it, and the way you kind of built up the backing tracks behind it.

Not a fan of the sweeping, but it's by no means bad. I like that the chord changes weren't the ones I was expecting. Drums were somewhat annoying here too. Bass I loved.

57-64 were again good, although I still feel the drums behind them are kinda meh.

65-68 Very nice, but too short. Just as I'm starting to get into it, you change it up.

69-76 I hate this kind of thing. Nothing wrong with it, just my personal opinion :)

The rest of the song though is great. Really cool stuff going on between the guitars, and a very cool bass line.

jimmyled
07-14-2009, 07:28 PM
Thanks for the crit

As I listen.

I like the piano bit, but I'm not sure if it translates all that well into GP. It feels like it's a little slow and drags a bit. This does correct itself when the bass kicks in though.

Intro solo is fantastic. For some reason it's got a vague feeling of David Gilmoure to me. Either way I really liked it, and the way you kind of built up the backing tracks behind it.

Not a fan of the sweeping, but it's by no means bad. I like that the chord changes weren't the ones I was expecting. Drums were somewhat annoying here too. Bass I loved.

57-64 were again good, although I still feel the drums behind them are kinda meh.

65-68 Very nice, but too short. Just as I'm starting to get into it, you change it up.

69-76 I hate this kind of thing. Nothing wrong with it, just my personal opinion :)

The rest of the song though is great. Really cool stuff going on between the guitars, and a very cool bass line.
Thanks! The Piano does seem to drag, pity... The solo is inspired partly by David Gilmour, so I should hope it sounds like him... The Drums are a tough one for me, I have a hard time making them work, and don't want to spend time making them sound good in the first draft. 65-68 is short on purpose, to get into 69 unexpectedly. Thanks anyway!

Disgruntled Gnu
07-14-2009, 08:41 PM
C4C:

The piano intro sounded good but seemed a bit too slow; it also felt very static. I would mainly attribute that to the way the midi notes don't sound very full. This would be much better with real instruments, especially if you had some background sound effects that fit well.

The opening guitar solo was great. The sweep picking solo that followed was okay but not quite as good, it didn't feel quite as dynamic. The riff following the sweep picking solo was also good, I have no complaints about that.

I didn't really like the blast beat part in 3/4 because it felt kind of sudden and unexpected rough compared to the rest of the song. However it did a good good establishing the mood for the riff that followed.

I didn't really like the ending that much. The arpeggio's didn't seem to be going anywhere and it the first guitar didn't seem to contribute anything to the progression either.

Some parts of the song are great but if I were you I would change the ending a bit. The song doesn't really reach a conclusion.

Myung'sMusicman
07-15-2009, 02:39 PM
First of all thanks for the crit!

I liked the whole thing really being it's not complete I am not going to say anything about the last part but my favorite part was the open 16th notes followed by the quarter on D#. Reminded me a lot of Symphony X's Set The World on Fire! Great Job I'd like to hear a finished product when that is done

jimmyled
07-15-2009, 02:48 PM
First of all thanks for the crit!

I liked the whole thing really being it's not complete I am not going to say anything about the last part but my favorite part was the open 16th notes followed by the quarter on D#. Reminded me a lot of Symphony X's Set The World on Fire! Great Job I'd like to hear a finished product when that is done
Thanks! Both to you and Gnu. I've changed it a lot, so most of the parts you're complaining about are already gone.

Butt Rayge
07-17-2009, 01:04 PM
Writing as i listen

Seems like it hasn't really started till the bass comes in.
Guitar is way too loud
Needs drums
Transition for 49*-50 is awesome. Totally wasn't expecting that arpeggio.
Whole intro solo section is pretty good.

Some decent riffage* starting at 65. Perhaps a tad generic though.
I don't reallylike the descending passage from 83. Could be better with drums...

On a whole, this has some potential. The piano Intro needs a bit more movement to keep it interesting. An accompaniment perhaps?
33-64 was certainly the best section in the whole thing. Needs drums though, as i mentioned.

Keep at it :cheers:

EDIT: * changed 40 to 49 *Tried to write riffage but it censored 'fag'

cptazad
07-17-2009, 09:24 PM
Excellent piece.

I'm not going to do a huge crit (seeing as how so many ppl have critted it so far).

Here's my take in short form:

-great intro, great use of piano; have the bass come in a bit early (i.e. take out 8 bars from the intro)

-bar 33, great solo, nice phrasing and pace, I quite enjoyed it!

-Bar 49, once again, great job, loving them arps

-the riffing, sorry to say, just didn't do it for me. The solos/leads and backing rhythm were tight, but when the riffs came in I just wasn't interested. Bar 69 was the only "ok" riff out of the bunch that I heard in there, sorry man, just being honest.

Overall good song and effort, my suggestion would be to add some newer riffs in there but to each his own seeing as how I have no idea what genre this would fall under.

Julz127
07-18-2009, 03:25 AM
Hey thanks for the crit.

Mmm Cap'n Crunch... In Em. Well overall this is pretty good, I must say though I'm sick of hearing those rolling powerchords with 16th note leads over them, some riffs would be nice.

Anyways, The piano intro is way to long, and just too slow, I found myself constantly alt-tabbing to explorer every time I listened to it until about bar 17, around 25 I really started to enjoy the piece. The first solo is really awesome, the whole 33 - 48 section reminded me of P Floyd, great job.

I already mentioned about the 16th leads, shredding or whatever you wanna call it, so this (49 - 46) was probably the lowest point of the song for me. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't all that good. Anyways.

The rest of the song was pretty decent, Nice riffs, I liked the 3/4 section, and the outro could have done with a bit of work though.

supea
07-18-2009, 07:49 PM
The solos were really good :) I liked them :)
Has many great ideas, isn't too mainstream or how should I say it, anyways, liked it :)
9Ĺ/10

jimmyled
07-19-2009, 08:41 AM
Hey thanks for the crits everyone! I understand not everybody likes this, as people like different stuff. Anyway, I'm still working, and I have a solo Piano Interlude, a Drum Solo and a possible 7/8 Bridge. Oh and I also cut the last 8 bars of the Piano intro, and am working on changing the rhythm for the solos.

kaos572
07-20-2009, 12:33 AM
the intro was awesome 5/5 the solo was very cool. the riffs after that arent that good in my opinion a bit too generic and bland IMO the part at bar 83 isnt that good abit boring. overall not that great and intro solo is certainly the jewel in the song

Wolfinator-x
07-20-2009, 01:29 AM
Pretty good! When the guitars came in, it was awesome. Bar 49 was epic. Bar 65 when it accelerates, it gets awesome.

Overall, for an unfinished song, it's pretty cool.

C4C? Link in sig or my newest creation:

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1166039

Its_Rock77
07-20-2009, 01:44 AM
the piano at the start was very well done. simple yet good, although it could use much more variation especially since it was very slow. but once this song picked up I really enjoyed it. some awesome leads in there. I think the little sweeps section could be livened up. it got boring. :/ and the ending was practically nonexistent. but other than that, good job. very enjoyable.

frankibo
07-20-2009, 05:39 AM
i like the piano intro and the solo, it worked very well. sounds very avenged sevenfoldish to me.
then the metalcore riffs are cool, nothing too original but it was fine.
the break was nice and the the outro bit wouldve been better if the drums hadnt vanished.
my only problem with the piece is the durms, id rewrite them if i were you. apart from the drums its a good piece, 7 or 8/10

frankibo
07-20-2009, 05:40 AM
oh its unfinished, forgot to read that :D
well id still rewrite some of the drums but obviously the absence of drums at the end is irrelevant

jimmyled
07-20-2009, 06:52 AM
Well thanks everyone! I'm going to upload my most recent version soon, and another one with an optional bridge, so you can tell me which one to keep.

actaderock
07-21-2009, 01:02 PM
There was something wrong between bars 82 and 83
Solo in the intro=EPIC
This could be the next November rain but with a thrash metal touch to it
There were some dissonant sounds in the piano at the intro

Overall= 9/10

jimmyled
07-22-2009, 07:02 AM
There was something wrong between bars 82 and 83
Solo in the intro=EPIC
This could be the next November rain but with a thrash metal touch to it
There were some dissonant sounds in the piano at the intro

Overall= 9/10
Yeah the dissonance was on purpose, I used Re (D) flat instead of normal. And as I said, I've already changed the part on bar 83.

sfaune92
07-23-2009, 09:06 AM
I think you've got enough crits telling this is awesome, and i agree. I loved the solos and everything really. Both solos, and the bassline was better than most of those basslines over here at UG.

9 of 10

The only bad thing was that it was kind of short.

And can you please tell me what a "linear scale" is?

edit: oh, it isn't finished yet... oh, then it's a 9,5

a7xrocks02
07-23-2009, 09:50 AM
Pretty great!

The leads were very nice throughout the entire song.

Good transition at 65. 75 was very good. I didn't really like 87-90.

Overall, pretty good song.

C4C?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1168331

thorbor
07-23-2009, 10:51 AM
Hey man, nice song about a pit thread, there are great song ideas everyday without anybody noticing.
seriously, this song is bad*ss, the solos were awesome, I liked the piano bit at the start and the rythm was quite heavy, nothing wrong with anything at all.
You really expressed the feelings of the TS, great job :D

thechad90000
07-23-2009, 11:52 AM
Definitely need some work on the ending. Overall I really liked it. I thought the piano part played out a bit too long and was actually off at some points so you may wanna go back and relook some of that; but overally I thought it was really good and I enjoyed listening to it.

jimmyled
07-23-2009, 12:30 PM
I think you've got enough crits telling this is awesome, and i agree. I loved the solos and everything really. Both solos, and the bassline was better than most of those basslines over here at UG.

9 of 10

The only bad thing was that it was kind of short.

And can you please tell me what a "linear scale" is?

edit: oh, it isn't finished yet... oh, then it's a 9,5
Thanks! Linear scales are scales which you play up and down.
Thanks everyone, but as I said I've already changed most of the problematic parts. And BTW I'm the TS of the original thread, but that's a good idea! I think I'll write other songs about UG threads.

defiance64
07-25-2009, 04:44 PM
The notes in measures 5-8 had to take some time for me to start liking them. When the guitar solo came in I started liking the song a lot more. 49 posed a little issue as did the piano lol. Then when tempo picks y ou've got an amazing song :) Perfect for me lol breakdowny part is kinda neat but some of the stuff is kinda offkey for me lol.

8/10 :)

SOADisdabest
07-26-2009, 06:47 AM
Hey dude, sorry for taking so long to get back to you, been a bit busy and stuff.

Intro: Very nice piano, awesome work on the drums, very atmospheric, gives me the feeling something big is coming. Bass is also very well done, and combined with the leads it makes me feel invincible.

Bar 41-64: Builds up the sweeps incredibly, very nicely done.

Bar 65-76: You know how I mentioned how something big was coming? This is it. Simple and (dare I say) a bit generic but the heaviness of the 3/4 riff makes up for it.

Bar 77-82: Nice harmonisation here, fits well.

Bar 83-End: Can't say I enjoyed this part as much as the others but still wasn't too bad, I think a synth over the top of this could work nicely and make it feel a bit fuller.

Overall, 8/10. Good effort.

jimmyled
07-26-2009, 10:47 AM
Thanks everyone!

jimmyled
09-01-2009, 10:55 AM
Updated the song! Yay! Still working on the drums though.

GuitarProPro
09-01-2009, 11:30 AM
This was very, very nice! 10/10. Very mellow and emotional, very proffesional.

But riff B1 was... Wierd. I'd cut that one out :P

jimmyled
09-01-2009, 11:35 AM
This was very, very nice! 10/10. Very mellow and emotional, very proffesional.

But riff B1 was... Wierd. I'd cut that one out :P
You mean the one on the newer or older version? I personally really like the new one. It's intentionally suddenly mellower, and I really like the fade ins. Thanks anyway!

Wolfinator-x
09-01-2009, 05:28 PM
RE-Crit!

Just started listening.

Beginning (piano up to first guitar part) was awesome, especially the sweeping areas.

Solo 4 and Riff A1 were both really cool. Riff A2 was weird, in a good way. Piano interlude was decent.

Overall, I'm not in the crit-mood today as I got back from yet another day at school, but it was decent.

7.8/10.

C4C? Link in sig?

sfaune92
09-04-2009, 05:06 PM
New version is awesome, can't really say anything else... Good work dude, maybe a little short still, but awesome tho 9/10

jimmyled
09-05-2009, 12:32 PM
New version is awesome, can't really say anything else... Good work dude, maybe a little short still, but awesome tho 9/10
Thanks a lot! It's still unfinished though.

jimmyled
09-17-2009, 07:46 AM
Can someone help with the drums please?

Deep*Kick
09-17-2009, 11:03 AM
So... it isn't like Reb Beach's song?

Still, great stuff, I wish i could write piano lines that dont sound crap.

jimmyled
09-18-2009, 07:27 AM
So... it isn't like Reb Beach's song?

Still, great stuff, I wish i could write piano lines that dont sound crap.
Reb Beach? Who is he/she? But thanks.

herby190
09-18-2009, 08:10 AM
Piano Solo: I like the piano solo, but the B in the 6th measure sounds like it should be a C to me.... maybe I'm wrong though.

Bass/Piano Duet: Pretty cool.

Guitar Solo I: Nice; sounds good, and has emotion.

Guitar Solo II: I like this.

Solo III: Good.

Solo 4: I'm thinking you should add in drums here.

Riff A1: Not bad.

Riff B1: This is okay.

Riff A2: I like this; I hope I hear more of it.

Riff B2: This is okay.

Interlude: This is also pretty cool.

My main complaint is that it feels too unstructured IMO; riffs that should repeat don't, and the transitions aren't always smooth. Overall though, it's still pretty good.

C4C? It's the link in my sig.

DiminishedFifth
09-18-2009, 02:14 PM
Critting as I listen (MIDI):

0:00 - Very calming. The fourth chord doesn't sit too well with me. But everything after that is very good. The bass just kind of comes in.. but it transitions in well. The guitar reminds me a lot of Avenged Sevenfold xD I'm not sure why.

:56 - The solo reminds me of Avenged Sevenfold a lot. The backing track is alright, but it sounds like something i've heard before. Maybe change up the sweeps in teh solo a little bit? The constant up and down gets a bit tiring.

1:37 - It's alright... it just kind of comes out of nowhere. Itself it's good, but it's kind of just thrown in there.

1:43 - I dislike this part a lot... the backing comes out of nowhere and seems to have no relation to the song itself. AND it transitions pretty badly. Maybe if there were drums

1:56 - It's not bad, but it just comes out of nowhere for me. But it intros the next part pretty good.. at least I like it.

The piano section was very nice. It still reminds me of Avenged Sevenfold xD I'm not too sure why.

It's an alright song... it DEFINITELY needs drums. That might make the transitions a little better. It still reminds me a lot of Avenged Sevenfold... it's probably your soloing style and chord progressions. Mainly, work on transitions xD

7/10
C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1174205

Grovermans
09-19-2009, 05:40 PM
the piano parts, to be honest, seem a bit simplistic to me. they're not bad, but i just feel like they're lacking a bit. that intro guitar solo is great, but your rhythms could be a lot more interesting, throughout most of the song. it really does feel unstructured as well. don't be afraid to make it longer.

jimmyled
09-19-2009, 08:05 PM
I like the transitions sudden. I don't know why, but I really love that. The last chord is out-of-scale on purpose, same as transitions. A7x were actually a good band until their last album, so thanks. The sweeps were originally made for a friend of mine to play (I didn't write the solo on the guitar...) and he's not the most adventurous musician... I c an change them if you'd like. I know it needs drums.

tiammetadeth
09-24-2009, 03:18 AM
very nice stuff u have in here...
the only thing i would change is bar 42, i'd replace the Db with C...i dont think the harmonic minor feel suits well in here...just a matter of taste...
i liked the diminished chords :D
57 to 60: nice riff in here...
bar 18 reminded of "the spirit carries on - dream theater"...thats ok though
the rest is great... solos are solid...like u said it really needs drums

why not structuring it? :S verse, chorus.....

i give it 7/10...i would give it more if it had drums

jimmyled
09-24-2009, 12:13 PM
i give it 7/10...i would give it more if it had drums
Well, I'm not really good at that. Can you, or anybody else, help me please?

Myung'sMusicman
11-14-2009, 09:30 AM
Recrit
Piano and Bass -intro really does it for me... I love songs that start with these type things!

Guitar Solo 1- I liked it set great moods with the bends plus added interest with the 16th notes. Good Job

Solo2- The rhythm guitar i liked here a lot. Pretty good rhythm and the solo compliments it very nicely. Started as if it were a shred solo then the bends made it pleasing to both of my solo interests! Great Job again

Sweeps- Amazing, reminded me of someone but I can't put my finger on it at the moment. But amazing to me I love sweeps like that and the rhythm and the sweeps go so well together!

4th- The thing i noticed the most in this solo was the bass line... It carries the backing to the solo. Which again I liked a lot, and the final note of the solo (the d) sliding created a wonderful transition into the next section!

So Intro as a whole- 10/10

Riff A1- Really heavy does sound like A7X first cd the song unholy confessions a little bit... and the G sliding down to the open D great transition only thing I can say is this section was a little to short but you said you like sudden transitions.

RiffB1- The chords with the lead fit well together and the bass line makes it even better. I canít really suggest anything to make it much better! Awesome Job

RiffA2-See RiffA1 :-P

RiffB2- The transition was really sudden but like stated before you like thatÖ I liked the chords here and how you had the piano with the walking melody I guess thatís what I should call it.

Piano solo 2- Reminded me of Chiodos first cd they had a lot of piano interludes and stuff. I love piano work great job this section may be my favorite of the piece. 10/10

As a whole I give this song a 9/10 just for the sudden transitions but you like that so I really should give it a 10/10 so that is what Iíll do. Great Job! Again sorry for taking so long to actually check this one out I just recently saw that you did it again! If you could check out my revised copy I would appreciate it I posted the link on your profile!

jimmyled
11-14-2009, 01:42 PM
Recrit
Piano and Bass -intro really does it for me... I love songs that start with these type things!
...
As a whole I give this song a 9/10 just for the sudden transitions but you like that so I really should give it a 10/10 so that is what Iíll do. Great Job! Again sorry for taking so long to actually check this one out I just recently saw that you did it again! If you could check out my revised copy I would appreciate it I posted the link on your profile!
Thanks! critted yours (before reading this). I changed the solo a bit and uploaded it too. Again, thanks!

OctoberWind
11-14-2009, 04:50 PM
Overall it has alot of potential i thought. The solo in the beginning was really stellar. Just seemed like there wasn't a central theme, things kept changing... But I think with drums everything will tie together. Definately want to hear the finished product!

herby190
11-14-2009, 08:08 PM
I'll stay with what I said in my original crit; I thought it was great. As for the drum track, try this out, and tell me what you think.

C4C? Both pieces in my sig could use it, especially Projecta 43.

Fool's Paradise
11-15-2009, 12:59 AM
I think all of the parts are good in themselves, with the exception of the rhythm guitar in bar 42. I don't really feel those power chords with the rest of that great melody. Also, very emotional piano parts, which is great. Mostly it's a matter of transition, like everyone else is saying. Develop and lengthen some of the riffs, and place them in a more musical order.
7/10! :]

jimmyled
11-15-2009, 09:00 AM
I'll stay with what I said in my original crit; I thought it was great. As for the drum track, try this out, and tell me what you think.

C4C? Both pieces in my sig could use it, especially Projecta 43.
Thanks for the drums! I used some of them, but the rest I left. Thanks for the crit too!

Grimmy101
11-16-2009, 10:09 PM
At first I wasn't too sure about the piano in the beginning, but as you started to gradually built it up, I thought it was becoming better and better - and the lead you added in was the last piece of evidence to convince me that it works, nice part. The intro solo is great and the riff to follow at around 1:40 is nice as well.

So far my only complaint is that the part at 1:45, with the volume swells, seems to come on quite suddenly and there doesn't seem to be much transition from the previous part, I think a large part of this is is just due to the MIDI however. I also think that the piano part at around 2:12 could've sounded darker, which may fit the rest of the song a bit better in my opinion, the sound just really didn't mix with me, but that's just me.

Overall you've got some excellent solo, nice riffs as well, and the arrangement is fine right now. The only things I found were really just little things and nothing that horribly takes away from the song, nice job.

jimmyled
11-18-2009, 10:53 AM
=
Overall you've got some excellent solo, nice riffs as well, and the arrangement is fine right now. The only things I found were really just little things and nothing that horribly takes away from the song, nice job.
What little things?

zezikaro
11-18-2009, 11:13 AM
Which one am i suppose to be listening to? :P
Ilistened to the first one;

The intro bars reminded me of zelda, I understand why it is that length, but I dislike it. I like that the bass is introduced before the lead, but I feel the lead is too spontaneous; The lead guitar doesn't flow too well, in my opinion. It's very disjointed, eg bar 36-37

Bar 42 feels like it's really gonna take off and go somewhere, with that fast run up, but it stops after a bend; I feel it would be better that it bends up and down, rather than just straight up. I do like that it flows, but it's like a mixture of ideas, rather than one continous idea progressed. If that makes sense. I'm so so sure about bar 68, the chord seems very high and sticks out for me. I would progress bar 77-80, it ends far too soon and could go a lot better with some work. The bridge of 81-82 doesn't connect well to bar 83. Even it isn't a bridge, it just doesn't fit in well. 87-90 is kinda... In songs sometimes you know where songs are gonna head, so I thought it would go down another semitone, so it's good that isn't predictable.. But i don't like the chord you used on bar 90 xD
The outro just repeats twice; so can't comment there. It feels as if the lead should come in there for some reason, I think that might ruin it, but I just feel as if it would go there;

Sorry that I haven't said what i love etc :P I just noted my thoughts as i listened :)

If you want me to write nice things, I will if you want =']

jimmyled
11-18-2009, 11:34 AM
Which one am i suppose to be listening to? :P
Ilistened to the first one;

If you want me to write nice things, I will if you want =']
Actually, I wanted you to listen to the second one, but never-mind. And no, honesty is important.

zezikaro
11-18-2009, 12:15 PM
Actually, I wanted you to listen to the second one, but never-mind. And no, honesty is important.

Zip one is better. =/

That's honesty for you xD

Victor V.
11-18-2009, 03:11 PM
I really don't have any comment to make on it, it's just amazing.

But as for the tabbing, I beg you, put the right hand and left hand of the piano on different tracks, while you still can! While it is pretty easy to sheet read simultaneously on this particularly case, make that a habit. Every pianist in the world thanks you in advance.

jimmyled
11-19-2009, 05:40 AM
I really don't have any comment to make on it, it's just amazing.

But as for the tabbing, I beg you, put the right hand and left hand of the piano on different tracks, while you still can! While it is pretty easy to sheet read simultaneously on this particularly case, make that a habit. Every pianist in the world thanks you in advance.
I usually do, but I found it unnecessary in this case. Thanks anyway!

The Wildchild
11-20-2009, 04:44 AM
Wow. I really liked the melancholic intro. It reminded me of Shining (which is one of my favorite bands). I also liked the solo when the drums came in. It was very epic.


I didn't like the (metalcore-ish) riffs (65 onwards) that much. They just kinda ruined the epic feel of the intro. Would've done better with like old school (melodic) metal riffs like something that sounds like Iron Maiden or Megadeth (Viking metal riffs would've worked out too, as the sweeps sounded very folkish).

jimmyled
11-20-2009, 03:58 PM
Wow. I really liked the melancholic intro. It reminded me of Shining (which is one of my favorite bands). I also liked the solo when the drums came in. It was very epic.


I didn't like the (metalcore-ish) riffs (65 onwards) that much. They just kinda ruined the epic feel of the intro. Would've done better with like old school (melodic) metal riffs like something that sounds like Iron Maiden or Megadeth (Viking metal riffs would've worked out too, as the sweeps sounded very folkish).
I don't agree, I think those riffs are fine, but hey, it is my piece, so I'm biased. Thanks anyway!

majinbuu1023
11-21-2009, 04:42 AM
I like the riff at 65.
I really like the first solo, the bends in it are AWESOME.
As for the sweep picking, I really liked it and it sounds awesome, but it looks really hard to play, if you can nail that bit on real guitar, it'll be awesome.

I don't really have anything bad to say as I liked the song.

10/10 (I'm serious aswell, I actually listened to it 3 times)

jimmyled
12-03-2009, 06:02 AM
I like the riff at 65.
I really like the first solo, the bends in it are AWESOME.
As for the sweep picking, I really liked it and it sounds awesome, but it looks really hard to play, if you can nail that bit on real guitar, it'll be awesome.

I don't really have anything bad to say as I liked the song.

10/10 (I'm serious aswell, I actually listened to it 3 times)
Thank you! I ca't really play it yet (I didn't write it on the guitar, I made it in GP, and used what I think are guitarist friendly fingerings), but I'll try...

defiance64
12-13-2009, 02:58 PM
Jimmy I already critted this song, sorry, I don't know if you want me to re-crit it or what ? lol Page 2 is where I crited

jimmyled
12-13-2009, 07:59 PM
Jimmy I already critted this song, sorry, I don't know if you want me to re-crit it or what ? lol Page 2 is where I crited
Oh, sorry then. Must have forgotten. Nevermind.

defiance64
12-13-2009, 08:07 PM
Oh, sorry then. Must have forgotten. Nevermind.
You could give me a new song ? lol

jimmyled
12-14-2009, 03:48 PM
You could give me a new song ? lol
A new song?

ultrasonic
12-18-2009, 11:04 AM
Holy Jesus Christ

That was amazing, I would pay for this if it was recorded ;) I seriously think you should get this recorded and sort out some vox, cos that is amazing, blows anything I've done out of the water ;)

Keep it up man ;)

jimmyled
12-18-2009, 11:15 AM
Holy Jesus Christ

That was amazing, I would pay for this if it was recorded ;) I seriously think you should get this recorded and sort out some vox, cos that is amazing, blows anything I've done out of the water ;)

Keep it up man ;)
Thanks!

The Arsis
12-18-2009, 02:57 PM
Piano solo - This is really dull and boring at the same time. Doesn't really do much for the song at all because it doesn't sound creative. It kind of sounds like one of those exercises in though beginner piano books tbh.

Piano/Bass duet - This part isn't much of an improvement. It feels really lifeless and dull.

Guitar solo 1 - It just sounds like a pentatonic practice run. not much of a fan of the solo

Guitar solo 2 - This solo sounds pretty decent. Not the greatest but pretty decent.

Guitar sweep - Sounds pretty cool but doesn't feel the theme or the song.

Guitar solo 4 - Meh-ish. Not really feeling it.

Riff A - Sounds like a generic metalcore riff. Nothing special in my eyes.

Riff B - This just doesn't sound good to me because it is extremely choppy.

I give this song a 3.5/10. This song just sounds like a bunch of random riffs stuck together to make a song. There was no direction to the song and the horrible transitions.

jimmyled
12-18-2009, 03:22 PM
^ :shrug:

Drapte
12-20-2009, 06:32 AM
Nice.

jimmyled
12-21-2009, 12:07 PM
Thanks, but can you go into more detail?

thorbor
12-21-2009, 01:06 PM
man, why wont this thread die? this song is not that special that you have to bump it like crazy. :haha:

The Arsis
12-21-2009, 01:08 PM
man, why wont this thread die? this song is not that special that you have to bump it like crazy. :haha:


I was thinking the same thing. This guy comments to EVERY comment.

jimmyled
12-21-2009, 05:14 PM
I was thinking the same thing. This guy comments to EVERY comment.
:mad:






Cwutididthar?
:p: