Best exercises for...


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pamackie
07-22-2009, 11:21 AM
crabcore? in the style of Attack Attack?

I wanna be able to do the crab walk. What do you suggest? Squats? Swimming?

Martindecorum
07-22-2009, 11:25 AM
practicing the actual walk

pamackie
07-22-2009, 11:26 AM
Don't give me that. I need real suggestions, people.

kylendm
07-22-2009, 11:30 AM
really...

Martindecorum
07-22-2009, 11:31 AM
well if you cant keep your body in that position for at least 15 seconds i believe you fail at life

pamackie
07-22-2009, 11:32 AM
Yeah really.

pamackie
07-22-2009, 11:36 AM
well if you cant keep your body in that position for at least 15 seconds i believe you fail at life

I believe you fail at giving advice. Exercises or GTFO.

luke-bassist
07-22-2009, 11:37 AM
It seems like a real suggestion. You want exercises for it, practice it.

pamackie
07-22-2009, 11:43 AM
Whatever. I can see none of you are serious enough about this question.

Ibanezskater20
07-22-2009, 11:46 AM
Eat a lot of crab. Hook up with a girl with crabs. Then hold a 50lb weight over your head while practicing the walk Only then will you know the meaning of crabcore.

Moonshield17
07-23-2009, 02:32 AM
don't forget the black v-neck shirts and the skin-tight jeans. these pants will only increase your endurance and literally tighten your muscles whilst you exercise.

Siggelump
07-23-2009, 06:10 AM
Good way to ruin my day. :( I was hoping for a god-like thread with exercises sorted by techniques.

And you don't learn how to crab, it's a gift.

Deep*Kick
07-23-2009, 07:01 AM
lol freepower.

I don't get it.

MRavioli
07-23-2009, 10:09 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQVpITyOdc8

1:17 perfect example.

You ever teabagged a guy, TS? Cause it seems to me that it's alot like that.

timeconsumer09
07-23-2009, 10:57 AM
CRABCORE WTF?

Sticky? I don't get it.

MRavioli
07-23-2009, 11:35 AM
You see, when someone makes an absurdly dumb thread, the mods ever so slightly abuse their power and sticky the thread instead of closing it, so as to make the TS the laughingstock of the forum for a day or so

linus.d
07-23-2009, 03:16 PM
Good way to ruin my day. :( I was hoping for a god-like thread with exercises sorted by techniques.

And you don't learn how to crab, it's a gift.

+1, bro.. +1 :(

vartanspartan
07-23-2009, 04:46 PM
8========D










don't kill me, mods... i figured it's a useless thread so i might as well...

srob7001
07-23-2009, 04:50 PM
THIS thread got stickied??

What is UG coming too?

vartanspartan
07-23-2009, 04:55 PM
THIS thread got stickied??

it's a joke...

Kartman
07-23-2009, 05:26 PM
You need moar br00talx

Hoonrith
07-23-2009, 06:17 PM
Whatever. I can see none of you are serious enough about this question. xXxYOU NEVER SAID THIS WOULD BE EEEAASYxXx

TheShred201
07-23-2009, 10:38 PM
Obviously, you need to get a makeover from the crab people:
http://blog.apogee.gr/files/southpark-crab-people.jpg

Benjabenja
07-24-2009, 08:07 AM
xXYoUNeEdToOStArTtYpInGlIkEtHisXx

Life Is Brutal
07-24-2009, 04:21 PM
Lulz.

Nico the Great
07-24-2009, 05:13 PM
I would like to shake the hand of whoever sticked this. This is ****ing great :haha:.

-Mantra-
07-25-2009, 05:56 PM
Just catch lots of crabs, put them in a pool, get naked, hop into the pool with crabs, think like crabs, imitate everything that the crabs do, get into an intercourse with a crab.
If someone starts to mess with you, then attack them with your imaginative claws. They start to shake you off? No problem, just hold on. You will swing around like the crab you are, but it will be worth it. You must not give up, after all you are trying to survive and not end up in a bowl with boiling water. If u fall, snap ur claws and crabrun out of there.
Eventually you will aquire the mind and the skills of a crab and are ready to start your own crabcore band.
If you have any problems, watch Futurama and get some lessons from Zoidberg. Crabspeed young one.

maximumrocker
07-26-2009, 11:05 AM
lolol this is stickied!

TonyIommi2557
07-26-2009, 05:09 PM
(>^_(>o_o)>

killadroid
07-27-2009, 10:37 PM
I don't want to sound mean...But maybe you just need to get into shape?

funkyducky
07-28-2009, 03:55 AM
you need to delve into the deepest stronghold of crabcore. stalk attack attack like there's no tomorrow.

slayerfrk
07-29-2009, 04:37 PM
what exactly is TS asking?

joshmitchell34
07-30-2009, 11:37 PM
Crab People Crab People Crab People Crab People

chainsawguitar
07-31-2009, 06:21 PM
practicing the actual walk

this lol

maninthebox24
07-31-2009, 08:17 PM
Just catch lots of crabs
Am I the only one who read that as meaning something other than capturing actual crabs?

AfroGuitarNoob
08-01-2009, 12:03 AM
Crab People Crab People Crab People Crab People


+1

The.new.guy
08-01-2009, 12:43 AM
:haha GT Just turned into The Pit for a day!

EDIT: I bet it was Logz who stickied this.

Logz
08-01-2009, 08:24 PM
:haha
Not me, freepower stuck it! I dont know whether he wanted to stick it or close it, both options are next to each other!

Ill leave it to him to decide!

Jpboy1994
08-01-2009, 10:35 PM
Just look at how a crab walks and copy it lol

slayerfrk
08-03-2009, 09:31 PM
wtf is crabcore... people have to stop making g@y names for there music to look cool.

LordPino
08-04-2009, 05:57 AM
Practise taking dumps in the forest.

slayerfrk
08-06-2009, 05:05 AM
Practise taking dumps in the forest.

i took a dump on my schools roof... does that count?

epic7734
08-06-2009, 11:49 PM
Well obviously you need high dexterity, balance, and be quite flexible.

You will definitely need something for support for the first few months. We don't want you to be stuck permanently in a limp crab position.

We will call this your Primary Posture.

Start by tieing a rope to a ceiling light, ceiling fan, or any object mounted to the ceiling. And for some odd reason i feel i need to tell you, if you choose to use a ceiling fan, make sure it is turned off.

Tie the other end of the rope to your torso. keep the rope taunt for the first 2 weeks. You should be standing with your feet about 6 inches past your shoulders. You can start with a more "narrow" stance if needed. Toes should be pointing outwards for balance.
Then gradually add slack to the rope, GRADUALLY......don't make the same mistake as many others and think your ready to go without a security line. Should take no longer than a few months, or when your pant legs pull up to about half cafe muscle.

Now the tricky part and this is the part where so many young crab wannabe walkers learn bad technique. You must learn to keep your head in a position that still allows you to see both left and right directions and forward. But no higher than eye heigth with Gay Colman. Any higher than that and you will be called an elitist. Them and all there genre categories. You will be tempted, but you seem to have an aura about you that will keep you on track, you could even be the one from the fore told prophecy of the "Limbo Buddha Crabcore Genius" But that is to be talked about later in your training.

Ok, back on track. You should use a bungee chord(even a neck tie could be used, but it may restrict your crab bouncing) and tie it around your forehead and tie the other end around your genitals. The length of the bungee will depend on your heigth and genital length.

Again, slowly adding slack to the the bungee over the course of atleast 2 months should put you at beginner level. This can be done also while you are practicing the "primary posture" part of your training. Only recommended for people with a high concentration level and a high tolerance to pain.

Wearing a diaper for the first few months is something to consider. They are bulky but are much more reliable then a pair of underwear. Collen strength will increase over time. Quite similar to getting calluses on your finger tips.

Now you should be ready to hold a guitar while you do this maneuver. Don't attempt to impress your friends or the ladies yet. Just play something simply like, "twinkle twinkle little star" or maybe even something a little more advanced like "yankee doodle". You still have to learn wrist technique for both hands, and relearn how to grip the pick. Also your guitar strap should be in its highest position in the beginning of training. About chest heigth. I know what your saying, everyone will laugh at you if you wear your guitar like this, but you must be above the insults to get the results a dedicated "crabcore" guitarist is searching for. You need to slowly lower it down over a long length of time. The Guitar Head should hold its position about 5 inches higher than the top of the body. Once the bottom of the guitar body rests in the dirt, but still being supported by you, you have lowered it to its finally position.

Gripping the pick in this new manner may feel uncomfortable for the first few days but you will get used to it. To find the appropriate grip, get in your "primary position(no guitar) and draw a square, triangle, then a circle in the dirt. After completing the circle the pick should now be resting in your hand in an ideal position. Remember this position. Maybe take a picture of yourself after completing the circle so you will always have it to refer to.

Now you have found the ideal grip for holding your pick you are ready to play more advance music, e.g. the intro to the "Flintstones","Magiver", or even the theme to "Quantam Leap" .
Which all can be found here on UG with beginner videos hosted by "Freepower" and many of our other knowledgeably moderators.
These simple to advanced songs will allow you to tune in your picking technique. Remember to use an alternating picking pattern. Don't let your picking dictate your bouncing rhythm. And please practice your muting on your upstrokes.

Now for your left hand(fretting hand, just incase you play switch/goofyfoot, be sure to tell us, it calls for a completely different approach).

You will have to over come some unnatural discomfort in this position due to the angle your wrist is force into, also known as "goosing the neck, "Upside down fairy wave", and the more commonly known, "The constipated Devil horns grip".
To practice this position with out injury, and without learning bad technique, take your left hand, make the" constipated devil horns grip".
Now reach around to your rear and insert your first finger. (some people claim it is better the come from the front inbetween your legs then insert. But i have heard of many people also saying the chances of Anal Sphincter Lock, "A.S.L.", can be more common and painful.)
Hold position until fatigue sets in. Rest for a few minutes and reinsert. After you can do this for 3 minutes in sets of 10 move on to your pinky. The other two fingers wont be necessary for this exercise. For they should never be extended in the devil horns grip. You will most likely never play anything other than a power cord.

A.S.L. episodes may last up to 5 minutes or 5 days during the first few weeks of training. The episodes should lessen over time. If you experience an episode lasting over 5 days (Hyper Retentive Reverse Suction Sphincter Displacement, H.R.R.S.S.D for short.) contact a bulldozer operator, or any other heavy equipment specialist for immediate excavation of the lodged finger. Learning to meditate will help with the relaxation during the excavation process.

I know many others may argue my methods and techniques, but they have proven to be successful to many guitarist, keyboardist, and banjoist. If you choose to incorporate your own methods on this venture be sure to research and question weather or not if its safe.

Their are many individuals here on this site that will always be helpful and serious with your questions. And there will be those who will insult and belittle you. Just ignore them and listen to the regulars.

To advance further into "god like crabcore walking" i suggest you find a teacher. Be sure to ask your potential teachers many question. Make sure they will teach you the techniques that apply to what you want to learn. Many teachers will teach bad technique and not realize they could be slowing down your learning and causing more harm than good. Remember, you are paying them. Invest your money wisely.

Good luck, and remember. Its not going to happen over night. It takes time, just like anything else. Like learning to be a ventriloquist or an Elvis impersonator. Just set your goals and stay focused.


References:
*The Crabcore Society of "Swimming is for stupid lobster".
*Long Hair and Tight Jeans magazine.
*People Magazine
*My main man Kent Dumplings for being awesome and bringing me into the world of "crabcore". He is a fountain of information on this genre.
*"We be Crabin and Grabin" editor Moe "Dawg" Jenkins.
*"Ass rubbin the Dirt" magazine for there article"You be Gab'n, but we just Crab'n" page 142 by Brian Crustaceans

special thanks too:
*Gravity. Without gravity we couldn't squat. And that means no Crabcoring it up, just pulling our knees up to our chest.

*Evolution. If those little critters didn't make that leap to come ashore then the average non scuba diving Human may not of learned of the awesome potential to be had with naming a genre after a Crab..... Hey a jelly fish. I see potential.

*To our ancestors who learned to harness fire, then boil water. Cause the only thing better than Crabcoring, is Crab munching. Butter please.

*My gun and that one bullet i saved for myself after dedicating so much time to something i know nothing about and probably insulting many people, such as the T.S. and others.

*Anyone who was bored enough to read my "its late, im bored, and wow Freepower stickied this so it must be okay to have a little fun with it,....um right???" post.

*Anyone who can look past the universe of bad grammar and run on sentences and over use of punctuation and under use of punctuation and.......oh, sorry about that.

Final thoughts:
A wise man once said something that i listened to.....but i didn't pay attention. I believe it went something like this.

Crabs have claws .Crabs have shells
Crabs have baby crabs.
Crabs don't have guitars.

Yeah, i know. Deep. Think about it.

P.S.
T.S.. I hope this information is helpful, hell you might already know all this. Most of it is common knowledge to most of us and we are more than happy to share.

popular123
08-07-2009, 02:51 AM
You want exercises for it

Martin Messner
08-07-2009, 03:39 AM
Id say if you want exercises: visit www.google.com or the lesson section on UG...

I dont really know where the problem is :/ guys, just exercises... XD

timeconsumer09
08-07-2009, 09:57 AM
epic7734 is god.

JRex
08-07-2009, 10:25 AM
Can't wait to go home and practise my crab walk technique.
But first, I need to get me a V Neck T-Shirt and some skinny jeans.

Watch out world, here I crab!

you = fail
08-07-2009, 10:31 AM
*Wall*
Holy ****. I was wondering why this thread wasnt closed yet and then you come up and post something that is actually serious

epic7734
08-07-2009, 03:14 PM
Holy ****. I was wondering why this thread wasnt closed yet and then you come up and post something that is actually serious

Im thinking you didn't read past the first sentence....lol.

Waffleguy
08-09-2009, 09:47 AM
Wall of text = win
http://monsterdonut.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/dr-zoidberg.jpg

Royal_Brick
08-09-2009, 11:31 AM
It's more than thinking like a crab... you have to BE the crab.

lordneezi
08-09-2009, 05:19 PM
I Am The Crab!

HoffManCometh
08-09-2009, 07:57 PM
What about lobsters?

Royal_Brick
08-10-2009, 12:40 AM
I Am The Crab!
That's the spirit!

Freepower
08-10-2009, 10:40 AM
:haha

I love the different responses to this. Best abuse of my power for quite some time. :golfclap: