Or Die Trying


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xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 07:45 PM
Never one to be held back or held down
Iíll fight this war until I die
I will achieve because my cause is just and my heart is strong
Anyone in my way I will I will DESTROY

And when men stand strong
There is no hope no
No hope for tyrants

Because I would rather die
Die for something I believe in
Then live in oppression


My determination brings you
ANNILATION

We we will not back down
We will stand tall
We will remain free and if I canít I will die trying

I know this doesn't go here but i want some critque from real metalcore/hardcore fans

JxD
07-23-2009, 07:55 PM
This song has been done a thousand times by more eloquent people/bands.

Okeefe Is Legit
07-23-2009, 08:00 PM
I kind of wish this was a Four Year Strong thread instead...


amidoinitrite?

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 08:01 PM
every song by every metalcore or hardcore band sounds the same its meant to give a very strong feeling or response i don't get when metalcore bands say something like that b/c the lyrics are always ''similar" like i said its the response or emotion you get when listening to it. Plus i think what makes my band different is the engry we bring.

JxD
07-23-2009, 08:02 PM
I guess you misunderstood me, I meant to say your lyrics are of very low quality.

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 08:03 PM
ok fine elaborate b/c our singer just quit so this is my first time writing lyrics. Tell me what i can improve on do different. Also this isn't finish i just wrote this in like 30 minutes.

Frosted Flakes
07-23-2009, 08:07 PM
There's a songwriting forum you know
Just sayin

But to be on topic- I thought the lyrics were meh.. I can't really relate to them at all. And I strongly agree with cakeschmammert

cakeschmammert
07-23-2009, 08:08 PM
every song by every metalcore or hardcore band sounds the same its meant to give a very strong feeling or response i don't get when metalcore bands say something like that b/c the lyrics are always ''similar" like i said its the response or emotion you get when listening to it. Plus i think what makes my band different is the engry we bring.

no, generic metalcore and hardcore sound the same.
that's what generic means.

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 08:13 PM
no, generic metalcore and hardcore sound the same.
that's what generic means.

i wasn't talking about bands i was talking about lyrics
like i said im new at this so i would like any help

cakeschmammert
07-23-2009, 08:19 PM
in my opinion, i would say write songs about the things you feel strongly about, whether it's what the fans want to hear or not.
i mean obviously i don't know you, but i doubt that you're fighting any "war".
just be real.

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 08:28 PM
no i saw a documentary on the history channel about dictators but you can't look at the word war so literally like metallica whole kill em' all album had war related lyrics
i play football and our songs are war or fighting related but there acutually about football or acutally fighting

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 09:00 PM
anyone have any experience writing songs

brandon369852
07-23-2009, 09:15 PM
Yeah, I write. I'll go to the thread in S&L and post there.

Actually, I'll just post it here.


Never one to be held back or held down
Iíll fight this war until I die Cheesy. "I'll fight this war until I die" is bad mostly because it just sounds like poop. Try rewording it to be more edgy and not so boring.
I will achieve because my cause is just and my heart is strong "I will achieve because" is just a plain horrible way to start a line, in song or writing. It's needed to make the message clear, but it should start that way.
Anyone in my way I will I will DESTROY Did you mean for the double "I will" or was that accidental? In a metalcore song, if you did mean to, it would probably work.


And when men stand strong I would say "my men" instead just to make the message clearer.
There is no hope no Meant for the extra "no" at the end?
No hope for tyrants

Because I would rather die
Die for something I believe in I don't like the repetition of "die" at the beginning. Just pause after the first die, and continue on with this line.
Than live in oppression


My determination brings you
ANNILATION :headbang:

We we will not back downDouble "we" wanted?
We will stand tall
We will remain free and if I canít I will die trying Probably gang vox here, I'm sure you agree? Also, the entire last stanza is about "we", or a group of people, so you can't end the piece saying "if I can't I will die trying." It needs to be "if we can't, we will die trying" or something like that, you know?


Overall, I think it could be a good song, but it's so generic, and I doubt it actually means anything to you on a personal level, which sort of takes from the power and energy you could give this song. But good luck.

Hints for future writings: Reread your work, check for flow and mistakes; watch subject/verb agreement, along with time references(past/present/future); PERSONAL EXPERIENCES MAKE THE BEST WRITING.

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 09:34 PM
yea the double are there on purpose

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 09:38 PM
thx for the help is it ok if i email a better version or a new song for some help

brandon369852
07-23-2009, 09:40 PM
Yeah, sure. I might not have time tonight, but I will help you out.

xKill_Em'_All
07-23-2009, 09:42 PM
nah not tonight but sometime ill definitly take ur advice r there any rules for writing songs like must follows in structure or anything like that