The Man Who Spoke in Braile, Progressive Metal/Salsa/Jazz GP 4/5/Midi C4C


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silhouettica
10-10-2009, 12:43 PM
My latest song, a very personal melody about a friend of mine who recently moved away. I combined a lot of varying styles for this piece, and I think it's a pretty good progressive metal endeavor. Mainly influenced by BTBAM, Dream Theater, Still-Life era Opeth, Pain of Salvation, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, and Colma era Buckethead.

One thing to note- Will and I (Zach) switch off on vocal duties- he handles death growls, and I do cleans. So, generally we switch off on complexity of guitar parts as well.

Disclamer- This song does run about 10 minutes long.

Enjoy. C4C as always.

Alloflifedecays
10-10-2009, 02:40 PM
The opening riff is fairly interesting, especially the parts with the layered guitars. The only thing I'd say is the end few notes on each couple of bars seem like they're going in one direction, then the song goes in another. This is probably intentional, but it sounds a bit grating. The power chords with the organ sound and the second and third verses was a nice little touch, kind of gave it a simpler melodic sensibility. The tapping part is nice, it's intelligent and technically impressive, and will sound great if you can pull it off.

The fourth verse sounds good, with some nice harmonies, and the interlude flows well from that into verse five. The chord section sounds fantastic, really reminded me of similar sections by Blotted Science, in a way, which REALLY isn't a bad thing. The jazzier side sounded great. The chorus reigns in the overall melody quite well, and it provides a really nice base for the solo to be built upon - great solo, by the way.

Verse Six is a great tonal shift, but it sounds a bit out of place after the last part. The chorus part is certainly works, and the chord section is very pretty, though the 2-1-2 chord sounds out of place. The solo continues the atmosphere nicely, but it doesn't stand out from the regular melody of that section enough to really qualify as a solo. That whole section dragged a bit, as did the transition into verse eight, but it was worth the wait - verse eight was fantastic.

The part after that seemed tame by comparison, and an odd tonal shift, but it was still alright, as did the chorus part. Verse nine was good, as was the outro, but it didn't end on the kick that it maybe should have, and FYI if you're going to call something an outro, it should probably be a bit shorter, but that's just nitpicking. Anyway, I felt it should have a heavier ending, just because it seems like it ends on what should have been a transition into the real finale.

A consistent "problem" with this is that it' s almost too diverse. It seems a little bit like you've thrown all your ideas into one song, though the coherence of it really shows off the skill of the arrangement. This may, depending on your objective for this song, be deliberate, but the disjointed feel may rub some listeners the wrong way.

Nonetheless, I really like the song, and I appreciate that the criticisms I made may have missed the point. Great work.

rorypearce
10-10-2009, 02:41 PM
How can you speak in braile?

silhouettica
10-10-2009, 03:14 PM
Thanks for the crit Alloflifedecays. I forgot to mention something regarding the second solo- It hasn't been written yet. We each generally write our own solos, and Will hasn't written his yet, but I posted it anyways because I liked the rhythm behind it.

Rorypearce- It's a metaphor. Braile is the written language of people who cannot normally read, because of blindness. What I interpret the title to mean is the divulging of the most important information, yet it cannot be understood. Basically, it's because I had this friend, who very suddenly moved away. She attempted to impart her reasoning to me, but I couldn't comprehend it. It was like she was "speaking braile".

A bit odd, but whatever.

Jarusafes
10-11-2009, 05:54 PM
I'll start off by saying that I don't usually song's the length of this one, but I did enjoy this piece.

The intro sounds really good and the guitar harmonization adds a lot to it. I really like the lead guitar over bars 26 - 33. Bar 41 sounds very BTBAM influenced but I'm not sure if that's what you were going for. Then comes the tapping part, which is awesome. The tritone alternation in the rhythm guitar sounds great and kind of gives it a Rush type sound. I didn't really like the added in tapping at bar 80 but that's just me. The stop - start part at bar 91 is cool but i think could be a little longer. The part at bar 133 made me laugh a little, but it's pretty cool. The entire clean section is phenomenal and gives the song a great break from the madness (good madness). Verse nine sounded a little out of place but it got better when the lead came in.

The only other things I could see to improve are maybe the drums by maybe adding in a few more fills but that's it. Overall a great song 9.5/10.

BoTpBeAtMh
10-12-2009, 12:19 AM
The song is good but your Verse 2 (Clean) riff just sounds way to similar to the riff in Aspirations by BTBAM at 2:30, i mean id say it was probably by accident but the fact that you said that your influenced by BTBAM makes it seem like a bit of a rip-off other than that the song is very good.

track122
10-12-2009, 12:42 AM
The first thing I noticed was the interchange from bar 128 to 129. Very sudden, doesn't flow very well. You could benefit from a transition there, or maybe a fade out.
The change to verse 6 on the other hand is handled really well and I think you nailed it there.

The guitar work in this piece is great, really creative use of the fretboard and you develop your ideas and riffs really well to. Although it ran for quite a while as you said, I never really lost interest in it even without the vocals, it's definetly an engaging song.

The build up to verse 8 is spectacular and the climax is just as good, nice work. I also like the use and variation in time signatures, particularly in the outro, very effective.

I have to say I'm finding it difficult to criticize this piece as far as the guitar pro file goes and I think you've definetly had a stroke of genius with this one. I look forward to hearing the final recording, please send me a pm when it's done. :P

Portuguese_boy
10-12-2009, 08:53 AM
Sorry I took so long to respond to your crit, but for some reason my guitar pro stopped opening at all, so when i reinstall it later today I'll listen and crit this, but from what I read it looks really interesting.

Tom Araya
10-12-2009, 08:00 PM
Man, I checked out your stuff:
I like the first verse, not too proggy-ish, but cool. Bars 60-61 - tottaly made me look like this smile - 0_o These bars are a bit off of this song :( Then - Tapping part - too repetetive. Then horror cover my mind: bars 91-96. What the horrible time measures? Once again I face this smile - o_0. Verse 4 - was GOOD! Interlude sounded pretty cool too. The "Salsa" part - it was funny :) I shook my feet on that part:)) Zach's solo was good...and then...I was bored and..fell asleep o_o...

Stay true - write more stuff!

Victor V.
10-12-2009, 09:25 PM
I love the Bass for this song.

ultimate-slash
10-13-2009, 08:54 AM
First off, thanks for critting my song ;)

I'm gonna crit this while I listen to it:

Verse 1 (death) :
sounds interesting, and the change from crash cymbals to ride cymbals on the drums grabs your attention, only thing is the melody from the "zach" track, it doesn't really seem too complement the rest of the tracks

Bar 18 - 25:
Nothing too say really, sounds perfectly fine to me, keep it that way

Verse 2 clean (zach) :
Rhythm section is good, I just don't like the 7 - 8 - 7 piece on the b-string on the "will" guitar track, drums are good, I like the bass

Verse 3 (death) :
sounds cool, I also have to say I like the switch between different parts in the verse

Rest of the verse (until bar 57) nothing too say here, the same as previous comments about the verse

Bar 58 - 61:
I like this transition, only thing I'd change are the snaredrum-rolls

Tapping part sounds good, but I don't like really like the harmony you used at bar 78-79, I'd use a different harmony if I were you, to grab the attention more.

Also, I don't like bar 86-89, kinda kills the groove you were setting before.

Bar 90-96:
Really random, but for some reason, rather appealing :p:

Verse four (death):
Gives a nice calm feel to it, but I can imagine it giving that epic feel to it with death vocals over it, so that's a keeper.
However, I don't like the harmony from the "will" track in bars 107-108 and 111-112

Will's interlude:
Nice, nothing too special, but still nice

Verse five (clean zach):
The rock organ you used to back up the melody here goes a little unnoticed, you could maybe do a little more with the back-up melody here

Nothing too say about bars 129-132

Maybe vocals (bar 133):
This clean part I think comes at a right time, brings your attention back to the piece

Build up to Glorious Chorus is nothing special, but not bad

Glorious Chorus:
I'm guessing with vocals it will be more interesting, but it sounds a bit empty, needs something epic

Zach's solo:
Fits nicely, isn't the most outstanding solo there is, but I think here it fits well enough

Verse six (clean):
The change back to a verse comes at the right time, nice melody on top also

Chorus B:
Gives a feel that's more like a calm interlude than a chorus to me, but still sounds good

Verse seven (clean):
Same goes here as for Verse six

Will's solo:
I'm guessing the solo is still to come, considering it isn't in yet :p:
The background is great to put an awesome solo over

Chorus B Two (clean):
Needs the vocals to show where the chorus starts, since the transition from the solo background isn't really noticeable, make sure that the ending of the solo is really noticeable, so that you're chorus won't fade away to the background in comparison to the solo

Bar 227:
I'd take out the chord on the "will" track, doesn't fit with the change

Verse eight (death):
Sounds cool, you chose the right time to bring the 'death' back, otherwise the piece would end up being too calm in all I think

Don't really like bar 259, do like the idea of adding a bar in between, but just not this idea

Bar 286-275:
nothing to say here, sounds ok

Chorus A two (death):
Same as for glorious chorus

Bar 292-295:
I like this part

Verse nine (clean zach):
Maybe this verse is a little unnecessary, but I do like it however

Outro:
Sound great, just the melody has a couple of notes that make it a little dull, and also I'd choose to start fading out halfway instead of the ending with bar 340, or you should choose a different chord to end on, because this gives a feel that's a little too happy in comparison to the rest of the piece

All in all, cool song, probably a 7.5/10 also I'd love to hear it with vocals (being played that is) :)

ch715dallat
10-13-2009, 04:41 PM
nice opening riff, but there are a few off harmonies in there. and the second riff is a habit you have that i notice. bars that u use as standalone riffs i thnik that should only be used as say a transition as they arent interesting enough for a repeated riff.

the next tapping stuff was excellent tho with the nice mathy stuff before and after it ;)

the bit called wills interlude is a pretty unexciting melody tbh, so id shorted in and get to the next section wit hthe clean guitar quickly as its pretty sweet, reminds me of An Endless Sporadic.

Could do with a tempo change for that next chorus for something faster

Verse 6 is sweet. and all the clean stuff that follows,

verse 8 again sick, would cut out the next verse and go straight to verse 9 with that transition. and outro no worries, good melodies with good backing rhythm.

basically i rearranged it and changed some riffs and wrote some different transitions in the way i was talking about. maybe you can use some of the ideas, and if you think its all **** then no worries :haha:

and if you could check out my short work in progress mathcore piece thatd be sweet
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1214549

MadAudioMan
10-22-2009, 01:37 AM
Its okay. Not like a super genre defining, era changing epic. But its a hell of a lot better then most 8 minute + songs posted around here. I personally found the whole song had an overall theme and feel to it, even though theres so many different sections, maybe its just a mental thing. But I felt everything clicked together well. However I disliked the solos. They were meh.

Also, some parts could use some more... Odd harmonizing. Alot of the harmonies are in 3rds. But I feel some more interesting intervals and some accidentials could really spice up some of the melodies and chords. Add some 7th chords, maybe some 9ths and other stuff.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1216944 - C4C