fur sie (beginner)


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blackmagician
10-13-2009, 08:32 AM
hi, i started out with music a year ago and could compose this
please do review the song and crit (good/bad). also mention if you find the song pathetic/bad/ok/decent/good,etc. thanks :)
edit: made changes as suggested (drums and misc)

zezikaro
10-13-2009, 01:29 PM
Vid playing or it nuh uh.

blackmagician
10-13-2009, 11:01 PM
hi, i didnt get you

zezikaro
10-14-2009, 03:46 PM
record yourself playing it.

plunkett
10-14-2009, 04:01 PM
i like this, especially the solo around 116.

i think this could be a really nice song, already it's better than anything i could write.

Victor V.
10-14-2009, 04:32 PM
Overall, the song is good. But I'll say this, there is a way to create a very good effect by using a note and an accident of the same note on the same musical phrase. Don't overuse it.

And don't "let ring" a note and its own flat/sharp at the same time, unless you want to create a bizarre effect, which only actually works in very specific situations. While it is almost unnoticeable on Guitar Pro, it sounds really bad most of the times on a real piano.

The bass solo is a bit boring (especially 72-77) to be honest, try making an accompanying Electrical Grand Piano, I bet it'll sound great!

The solo is great, and I'll recommend you to change the last note on bar 119 to a 1 1/4 bend.

andre27
10-14-2009, 04:58 PM
Not really my style but a really catchy song. It sounds very pop-y at some points, but changes a bit to abruptly to be a pop song.

I like your solos, they stick out and sound really nice. Bar 84 on is really kickass, loved it.

However there are things I disliked. First off, not to be an ass, but the drums are not great. In fact they're pretty bad. I know writing drums is difficult, but if you feel that it makes your song worse, ask someone who plays drums to write them for you, I've done it several times. Bar 51, Solo guitar; change the A# to a B or something. Bars 78-83 get a bit boring, either delete it or make the drums more interesting. Bars 96, 100, 104 "Acoustic guitar solo"; this part sounds weird. Really weird.

Apart from that you've got potential, it's a good song. Just keep going!

salamander121
10-14-2009, 05:48 PM
Vid playing or it nuh uh.

wat.

Pure_Morning
10-14-2009, 06:31 PM
Bland, repetive and predictable.

Sorry.

blackmagician
10-14-2009, 11:05 PM
thanks for the crit guys

@victor V .. "And don't "let ring" a note and its own flat/sharp at the same time"
which part exactly did you mean? the intro?
@andre
i am not a drummer and sadly i have no drummer friends or anyone who can program the drums for me :( so all i can do is write more drums and hope to get better ;)
the rest of your suggestions, i will try to change it. those bars, well i got the notes wrong

anymore to come?

mtgold83
10-14-2009, 11:50 PM
i swear i've heard this song before... No offense but i truely think it stolen. Not because its good. Its good composing but intentionally or not. Whole thing sounds too familiar... mind telling me ur influences?

blackmagician
10-15-2009, 01:52 AM
oh lord, one day i was sitting with the guitar and i just came up with the intro. influences could be well.. iron maiden-ish solo in the end.. rest all well i just tried to go with the flow. can you remember the song which you are relating to so even i can hear it? i tried some ac/dc type thing with the guitar riff but didnt turn out so, instead was kinda generic rock thing. rest all i dont think i have taken much from other bands. dont know.
edit: other influences, well you can say deep purple, santana, u2, metallica but i think none of them stand out that well
edit2: and please if someone is sitting jobless, can you help with the drums?
@andre & victor v:
i tried the changes and surely they make it sound better. thanks

Victor V.
10-15-2009, 05:41 PM
There was a G# and a G in the intro, but nevermind, it is sounds better in guitar pro this way. You just have to make sure the pianist knows how to properly use the pedal.

Anyway, the edited version is a huge step forward. It sounds a lot better.

Try changing that bend intensity on the last note of bar 119, like I said before. I tested it on 1 1/4 instead of Full and it sounded good, try it out and change to your own tasting.

DiminishedFifth
10-16-2009, 04:21 PM
Thank you for the crit :]

Well, it's not my type of song. It's very repetitive, which isn't really my style, so i'll only really tell you what I liked and didn't like.

The first and last solo were good, they sounded fine. But the second one was just... bad. I can't remember it at all, and it didn't sound good. Too many wrong notes held for too long. If it were me, I would completely scrap bars 51-55 and write something completely different for it. It just.... doesn't suit at all.

The bass definitely needs to be turned up throughout the whole thing. The bass solo didn't really stick out much. It also sounds very hollow. It needs more backing. Maybe have the acoustic soften a tiny bit and then have it strumming chords behind the bass and piano?

The last riff was alright at first, but got boring after the "climax" at bar 108. Needs more variety. The only real thing mixing it up for this section was the solo. Afterwards though, it gets very boring for me. I had a hard time making it through this section. I really like the piano progression from 139- 141 though! Very good there. But it doesn't seem to resolve to me... it sounds like it ends on the wrong note.

I give it a 6/10. Good job for first try though :]

xxCHANCExx
10-18-2009, 06:17 PM
Begginning sounds very nice and soft. I like the piano for this. Next part is okay, it's pretty interesting, it all sounds fairly unique except for the chord progression, which is a little cliche, but it's not a problem, especially if there's good vocals over it. 64 starts to get a little boring for my tastes, but it's not bad, just a little boring and bland. 85; the drums are... different. They sound a little odd IMO, but it sounds alright. At 117 the guitar solo sounds cool! But to me, it didn't sound like there was enough instruments backing it up. I'm one for more fuller sounds though. Sounded good to me though. Thanks for the crit!