Frustration with my band....wanna quit, but dunno what to do


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EvilAngel93
01-20-2010, 11:05 PM
Hey guys, I know there's prolly a forum like this every day, but this place has never failed me yet. I'm really starting to become frustrated with the people in the band I'm in, for a variety of reasons. For one thing, the lead guitarist is brilliant, but doesn't know jack shit about gear or bandleading, and he seems to have delusions of grandeur. We haven't had a full practice since May....and to be honest, nothing gets done anyway. A typical three-hour practice is about 30-45 minutes of actual music, and the rest of the time, the lead singer and guitarist just screw around, or make out with their girlfriends that they bring to the rehearsals. The lead singer is just not good, and he always tries to do songs that either rape his vocal chords or just don't sound good for him at all. He doesn't try to be himself, essentially. I never got input on the band name or on what songs we'd be covering, I just get it thrown on me. I'm getting really pissed off because the lead singer and guitarist underestimate my brother, the bassist. Musical input? None from me or him. Actually that's inaccurate; I do offer my song choices or ideas, but I get shot down because the two leaders are too narrow-minded. We don't even have a drummer; the last one was my ex-girlfriend, and she got kicked out because she wasn't good anyway, and because it'd be awkward since we ended it bitterly. Really, all this band is is talk; nothing gets done at all anymore. Practice gets put off to the next weekend, then the one after that, and so on. The lead player and singer are tyrants, but still press on and think that we're getting somewhere, and talk of the future like "oh, we'll release a cover album and then my friend will produce it and send it off to record companies, so start designing your custom guitar", and all kinds of other insane ideas that, at the rate we're going, are really far out of reach. I really want to quit, for a few reasons, but I also don't want to, also for a few reasons

Pros:
-I'm currently involved in another band. I'm the singer and play guitar also on certain songs, and I do think I'm good at what I do, and we just seem to fit well together. We've got similar musical tastes, and honestly, in the three practices we've had, four hours each, we've gotten more done than the other band has in SIX rehearsals.
-Practice in band #2 is close to home
-The lead player in band #2 actually has a Mesa to match my own, whereas in band #1, the guy has an effing Vox Valvetronix, and I overpower him even though he needs to be louder.
-We're going slow, taking time, and practicing more efficiently in band #2
-There's more potential in band #2

Cons:
-My brother shares the same sentiments as me, so he'll walk out when I do, leaving band #1 without a bassist and rhythm player (which, again, already lacks a drummer)
-I don't want to lose 2 friends. They're great guys outside of the band, and always fun to hang around.

Help me out guys. What could I do other than quit? And if you think I should, how should I do it?

Thanks

EvilAngel

georgeAM77
01-20-2010, 11:14 PM
Just tell them it's not fun anymore. Any band whose members don't have fun with their music and don't get to live out their passion shouldn't be together. Case closed.

greennblue10
01-20-2010, 11:15 PM
You should quit. If you're not having fun, then there's no point in staying with a group of people who don't share the same vision as you. It's better if you just hang with them as friends instead of bitterly trying to change the band. And it happens all the time in bands when stuff doesn't fit. Go with band #2

AlexRB
01-20-2010, 11:17 PM
Why don't you focus your efforts on your band since you seem to enjoy that and just jam with the other band when they finally decide to practice? That way the relationship remains... Just don't get too worked up about not going anywhere and enjoy the good times you guys have.

MikeShawMe
01-20-2010, 11:17 PM
Confront the first band about the issues you have with them and tell them this other band would be more fitting for you and you hope to still be friends. If they hate you for it then forget about them. You would be in a better band, from what I've seen in your pros.

If you really want to get anywhere you probably want a band with potential right?

AlexRB
01-20-2010, 11:18 PM
You should quit. If you're not having fun, then there's no point in staying with a group of people who don't share the same vision as you. It's better if you just hang with them as friends instead of bitterly trying to change the band. And it happens all the time in bands when stuff doesn't fit. Go with band #2


Quitting would probably end their relationship, which he seems to want to avoid.

EvilAngel93
01-20-2010, 11:25 PM
Quitting would probably end their relationship, which he seems to want to avoid.

Yeah, and while I wouldn't mind just jamming with them, they'd be asking me to learn various different songs for the next practice, on top of all the other things I have going on right now. And if I had to learn, say, 20 (yes, 20) songs for that band, and maybe 10 for my other one, I'd be overwhelmed. AND they want me to get a job at the moment, which I can't do what with academics.
Another grievance is that they want me to buy a seven-string guitar. Even if I could afford one, I'd never use it except in that band. The six string I'm in the process of getting has a Floyd Rose, so I can only use one tuning, really. The problem is, they still think we're getting somewhere.

EvilAngel93
01-20-2010, 11:29 PM
I think I'm gonna have to quit. But I need an opportune moment....like after the next practice, whenever that may be.

AlexRB
01-20-2010, 11:30 PM
Yeah, and while I wouldn't mind just jamming with them, they'd be asking me to learn various different songs for the next practice, on top of all the other things I have going on right now. And if I had to learn, say, 20 (yes, 20) songs for that band, and maybe 10 for my other one, I'd be overwhelmed. AND they want me to get a job at the moment, which I can't do what with academics.
Another grievance is that they want me to buy a seven-string guitar. Even if I could afford one, I'd never use it except in that band. The six string I'm in the process of getting has a Floyd Rose, so I can only use one tuning, really. The problem is, they still think we're getting somewhere.


Oh... Yeah isn't going to work. =/

JAHellraiser
01-20-2010, 11:47 PM
just tell them you're not having any fun and you and your bro are out, but you dont want any hard feelings between you and singer and guitarist. You guys already dont hve a drummer, and if you havent had practice since May, which is almost a year, theres no point.

Jack Darkley
01-20-2010, 11:50 PM
You have two choices here: Quit band 1 amicably if that is possible. If there hasn't been a rehersal in months then you probably don't even have to formally quit, just start devoting yourself to band 2. If the guys in band 1 want to get it together then they can recruit new members. The fact that they havn't recruited a replacment drummer yet says to me they don't really care. If you actually want to continue to be in their band then you're going to need to confront them (amicably) with the fact that these band is going nowhere and they need to get it together. If they shoot you down then it's thier loss. Basicaly, in order to stay in band 1 and have it go anywhere, you're going to need to man up a bit and take some control. Any well-run band is a democracy, and while a democracy may have a central leader, everybody's voice gets heard. I had a simular experience with my first "band" (me on bass and a singer) and I came to realize I was wasting my time with it so I met a guitarist, formed another band with him and quit the other.

On another note there is a base rule that must be established in band 1 (in all bands, really): Unless they are in the band, no girls at rehersal EVER. Don't even respond to a text from a girl, it just slows the entire rehersal down. Anytime spent having to do with the band, be it practice or whatever, should concern nothing but the music. Any non-band member is a distraction, but girls are the worst offenders of this.

chokmool
01-21-2010, 02:26 AM
I posted this to another person on another thread. Band 1 is not a band.

It seems they put off rehearsals whenever they want to. So can you. Just always be too busy to play with them. It would be better to just tell them you are out though. If they can't be friends with you because you quit(you have good reasons)they're not really very good friends either.

captainsix
01-21-2010, 03:00 AM
Birds of a feather fly together, so find musicians with your work ethic.

pistols
01-21-2010, 04:30 AM
it's fairly easy to quit a band in your situation. the other guitarist in my former band did the same thing. he had another band (a few actually) and we hadn't done anything in a while, which means that he should obviously invest more time in the bands that were doing something.

it also sounds like you're probably a main songwriter for band #2, so you can also say that you have a lot of songwriting duties for the other band, as well as your share of any sort of management duties.
basically, if a band isn't doing anything, time shouldn't be wasted on that band instead of getting things done with another.

you might not want to phrase it exactly like that, but that's what it boils down to and i'm sure they'll understand.

AlanHB
01-21-2010, 09:35 AM
I posted this to another person on another thread. Band 1 is not a band.

It seems they put off rehearsals whenever they want to. So can you. Just always be too busy to play with them. It would be better to just tell them you are out though. If they can't be friends with you because you quit(you have good reasons)they're not really very good friends either.

I concur. I think youre also focussing on the gear rather than the attitudes of the people involved. Why would you bring your girlfriend to band practice? They just sit there and get bored if you guys do any actual work (do you have to play that song again?).

The easiest way to quit the band is just say that youd rather be part of a band that practices and gigs. Its fun with you guys, but its just jamming around.

The-Fiction
01-21-2010, 12:32 PM
I'd just say to the guys in the first band that it seems like since the drummer left that all you seem to do is just jam around and not really get anywhere and you'd rather get some work done. Just be firm but not aggressive, saying that you want to be in a good successful band, but it's not going to happen if they are messing about alot.

If after a few weeks of you saying this that things are still the same just say that although you enjoy jamming with them, you are in another band and you want to focus more time on that rather than just messing around.

Like Chokmool said, band 1 isn't really a band. It's a bunch of friends jamming together. Which is fun at times. But not so much when, like you, you want to get some actual work done.

Hope that helps :)

Souls United
01-21-2010, 05:59 PM
Cover album? Get signed by sending that to record companies. What a joke if I've ever heard one. Send originals. And after you get a decent local/regional following. (not always, but in most cases)

Bringing girlfriends to practice? My band immediately learned that's a bad idea at our first practice. We ended up watching Twilight for like an hour and then were just like lets actually play music. Then we were actually productive for a couple hours and recorded a demo of enough quality to get a gig. Often times when starting a band, you can tell from the first few practices if it will go well. I've been in a few bands where I just quit after 2 or so practices. I've also been in like 3 different bands where we've just been pretty good from the start. It all depends on the quality and experience of the musicians and their dedication.

No drummer? Sounds pretty much like a fail to me. Sounds like you guys just should jam in someones basement. Seriously, the drummer holds everything together, at least in my book.

How many watts is this Vox Valvetronix? If its the 100W version, those can get frickin loud. You shouldn't be practicing at that loud of a volume if you're overpowering it on full volume. If its like the 30W version or something (which I have and used to use for practice), it isn't that bad for practice. It can be heard over the drums (and our drummer plays loud). Practicing at too loud of volumes, in 9/10 cases will make you less tight and it isn't good for your hearing.

Losing friends? Don't worry. If their true friends, they will still be your friend. Our guitarist quit, and hes still one of our best friends. Of course, he quit because he felt kinda behind in playing ability and such, and your case is the opposite, where you feel like they're behind you in ability.

Seriously though, just quit Band 1 and stick with band 2.

scguitarking927
01-21-2010, 07:25 PM
Its always tough when you have very good friends in a band, and you want to leave. I think your really over thinking it though, the same thing happened to me. Only difference was that I wanted to leave b/c I just wasn't as into the music and didn't like the songs that we were writing.

So I straight up told them "hey look, I'm just really not feeling this band anymore, my hearts just not into it, and I don't think its fair to you or me if I'm going into this half heartedly, they band can't reach its full potential that way. So I really think you should start looking for another guitarist"

Simple as that, and I'm still best friends with those guys and they don't think anything less of me.

If there going to be childish about you leaving then they aren't that good of friends in the first place. Just be prepared to explain yourself, and try not to get into an argument...I didn't let them speak while I gave that little speech lol, and when I was through I left the rehearsal, and we were hanging out the next day

SomeoneYouKnew
01-22-2010, 05:52 AM
he seems to have delusions of grandeur.the lead singer and guitarist just screw around, or make out with their girlfriendsThe lead player and singer are tyrantsThey're great guys outside of the band, and always fun to hang around. Yeah, they sound like wonderful people. Definitely stay with that band. Your role in life is apparently as a doormat. You seem to be quite good at it. Don't fix what isn't broken. :)

RadioMuse
01-22-2010, 12:41 PM
If you guys haven't had a rehearsal since May that doesn't sound like a band anymore to me. Hell, I basically broke up a band in August but have since jammed with that drummer a couple times and am back on speaking terms with everyone, so by your standards are we still a 'band' even though we have no intention of doing anything as a unit ever again?

I'm in another band and always keeping my ear to the wall for more stuff, but yeah. Unless your completely unmotivated bandmates decide it's time to do something I don't think you need to make an issue of any of this. If you like them as friends just hang out as friends and let the whole 'band' idea fade out on it's own... If they don't have a drummer and they're not seeking out gigs they're not going to find them very often, if ever.

6stringbassist
01-22-2010, 12:52 PM
Leave, and explain to them that your just not enjoying it. I had to kick my old lead singer out, who was, and still is my BEST FRIEND. We're still a band, and we're decently successful for a band that's been together for 7 months and has 7 original songs, and we've played shows. He still comes and supports us.

Simply go to the band that you have more fun with MAKING MUSIC, not when your just chillin'.

EvilAngel93
01-22-2010, 06:43 PM
Yeah, they sound like wonderful people. Definitely stay with that band. Your role in life is apparently as a doormat. You seem to be quite good at it. Don't fix what isn't broken. :)

:haha: :p:
I'll take that in stride.
If my bro weren't also in the band, I'd definitely walk out right now. I just hate being Johnny Raincloud on their hopes and dreams, since they have nothing else in life. I had a talk with the lead guitarist today about actually DOING shit and not just talking about doing it. He didn't seem to take a hint or listen, so that was pretty much the end of my last hope to change something. Thus, I'm quitting Monday. I just don't enjoy it....I hate feeling forced to enjoy it and listen to their narrow-minded rants about how much they hate any music that isn't fast, heavy, and with bad vocals. Don't get me wrong, I like learning certain, FUN songs that we're doing, but I never really envisioned myself in a Whitechapel/Slipknot cover band. I ****ing HATE Slipknot. Nothing seems to be in order and they're thinking waaaayyyy too far ahead of where we actually are. For instance, gigs? He keeps telling me they've found a place and we're gonna start soon. BS. That was two months ago. And his 30 Watt Vox will NOT be enough to gig with.
And, he thinks the vocals need to be at the same volume as the amps. Thus, we had an epic failure at their school talent show, already bad enough considering Motorhead isn't the best choice to play in front of a bunch of parents+a few students. It sounded like an ungodly mesh, and I was thankful that I was a year and a half older than the students there. But that performance went to their heads; me and my bro were the only ones who knew we sucked major elephant dick. Yet there they were, going off about how it was great and how we needed to celebrate and make plans for the future.
I'm quitting Monday. I just lack interest....and I've noticed, it never works out when you have a strict, regimental plan for your band, it sucks all the passion out of it. I don't like being stepped on like this, and I hate being frustrated. Thus, I'm quitting.

For those who want to know, band#1 is mostly Whitechapel/Slipknot covers, while band#2 is Chevelle/Alice in Chains-type music. Yeah, I know, there's a huge gap.

Steve08
01-23-2010, 09:52 PM
well I was going to suggest that you talk to each guy separately, and say in no uncertain terms that you and your brother are going to leave if there isn't anything productive going on, but you said you tried to talk to the lead guitarist already. Maybe do so with what I suggested? seems like a bit of a rut.

Chetbango
01-24-2010, 04:06 AM
I think it is cool that you are trying to be nice about it, but a "band" with no drummer and no rehearsal in 7 months isn't anything you need to "quit". Just put your focus into the band #2, everything will work out as much as you want. If Band #1 gets their shit together, then cross that bridge when you come to it, until then, do what is fun.

dgall91
01-24-2010, 05:29 PM
You and your brother should start your own band. Simple as that.

its_alive
01-24-2010, 05:37 PM
Quit the band.
If you haven't practiced since May then there isn't much of a band anyway.
Enough said.

King Turi
01-26-2010, 05:22 PM
If you want to get out of it "lightly", your best bet would probably be to tell them you're not really feeling the style of music.

Or try asking them if they are as serious as you are about music or something..

frigginjerk
01-27-2010, 05:28 PM
You have two choices here: Quit band 1 amicably if that is possible. If there hasn't been a rehersal in months then you probably don't even have to formally quit, just start devoting yourself to band 2. If the guys in band 1 want to get it together then they can recruit new members. The fact that they havn't recruited a replacment drummer yet says to me they don't really care. If you actually want to continue to be in their band then you're going to need to confront them (amicably) with the fact that these band is going nowhere and they need to get it together. If they shoot you down then it's thier loss. Basicaly, in order to stay in band 1 and have it go anywhere, you're going to need to man up a bit and take some control. Any well-run band is a democracy, and while a democracy may have a central leader, everybody's voice gets heard. I had a simular experience with my first "band" (me on bass and a singer) and I came to realize I was wasting my time with it so I met a guitarist, formed another band with him and quit the other.

On another note there is a base rule that must be established in band 1 (in all bands, really): Unless they are in the band, no girls at rehersal EVER. Don't even respond to a text from a girl, it just slows the entire rehersal down. Anytime spent having to do with the band, be it practice or whatever, should concern nothing but the music. Any non-band member is a distraction, but girls are the worst offenders of this.

the first paragraph is entirely correct. the second paragraph is a bit extreme... but also correct... no distractions during band practice, and rehearsal is not a date opportunity.

i fully agree that you should just be in both bands, since clearly the first band isn't taking up a lot of your actual time... 0 rehearsals a week means you have 7 days available for band #2 at this time. i am assuming that band 1 doesn't even play gigs, have recording lined up, or even know any songs at this point... so it's barely even a band. therefore, it would be silly and overly dramatic to "quit" this band, thereby needlessly insulting your friends and making you look like a prick.

If they have a problem with band 2, tell them to just put together a rehearsal schedule, find a drummer, and you'll be there.

osXtiger
01-28-2010, 08:47 AM
Reduce band #1 to "Jamming band". Concentrate on band #2, and if the guys from band #1 give you shit, tell them some of the stuff you've put in your post, like how rehearsal are always put off ect.

Vermiis
01-28-2010, 10:01 PM
Bringing girlfriends to practice? My band immediately learned that's a bad idea at our first practice. We ended up watching Twilight for like an hour and then were just like lets actually play music. Then we were actually productive for a couple hours and recorded a demo of enough quality to get a gig. Often times when starting a band, you can tell from the first few practices if it will go well. I've been in a few bands where I just quit after 2 or so practices. I've also been in like 3 different bands where we've just been pretty good from the start. It all depends on the quality and experience of the musicians and their dedication.

This isn't really too relevant to the thread, but I just wanted to stick up for girlfriends that go to band practices for a second.

My main practices in my basement and my girlfriend lives with me. We've never watched a movie at band practice. She usually just sits and watches and gets water for the drummer. Once in a while she'll chime in "That was really good." or "Hey I think Sam's right you guys should try that again." or "Seriously guys, play the song right."

She's kind of one of the guys and I think that practices would actually be a lot less fun without her.

Of course it's a problem when she tries to kiss me or whatever in the middle of a song but....oh wait that's never happened. Would be kinda nice..and impressive on my part!

ChadLikesGuitar
02-01-2010, 05:17 PM
Don't leave the band, kick them out.

isaac_bandits
02-01-2010, 05:32 PM
My main practices in my basement and my girlfriend lives with me. We've never watched a movie at band practice. She usually just sits and watches and gets water for the drummer. Once in a while she'll chime in "That was really good." or "Hey I think Sam's right you guys should try that again." or "Seriously guys, play the song right."


It's a little different when she lives with you. You're not just going to say "Band practice, you aren't allowed at your house."

its_alive
02-01-2010, 07:47 PM
After a thorough reading of the thread (I have a tendency to post without reading first), I feel the need to elaborate a bit.
It's been deemed that you are unsatisfied with your band, and would like to quit. However, there are several things stopping you from doing so.
Try and handle things as maturely as possible.
-Confront your band mates to see if you can find a solution that will keep the band intact.
-Be honest. Although you could be effectively ending the band by quitting, you will be doing the "leaders" a favor by telling them why working with them is so frustrating. Hopefully it will help them change their ways and learn to work as a team.
-They will probably be pissed. As long as you're honest (not mean) this should blow over quickly. If you want to sustain friendship, you'll need to put the band behind you.
-Be definitive. If you're quitting, make sure they know it. No confusion.

Band 2 is the better choice here. If you somehow manage to work things out with 1, don't let that other opportunity get away from you. It sounds like it has potential.
Good luck.

MrWright_11
02-02-2010, 01:07 PM
Bands come and go but keep the music alive. first of all tell them whats bothering you if nothing changes start to look elsewhere