Belarus (ProgMetal) WIP


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YoungViking
05-20-2010, 10:49 PM
Its no where NEAR done but i just wanted to get a little feedback on how its goin so far

thorbor
05-21-2010, 07:29 AM
Intro is pretty cool, not only because of the effects.

Due to the speed and the harmonization, the first melody doesn't get boring.

The transistion to bar 24 is flawless, simple but effecite riff, I love the straings at bar 27-28. I'm not sure about the following guitar lick, though. It doesn't really fit the strings. Also, that part may drag on a bit too long.

The next part at bar 36 is also pretty good. You have a good note choice in those melodies, they always resolve nicely and keep the tension.

Bar 43 is also very good.

I'm not sure about the strings chord in bar 47 and the guitar part in bar 48

I liked everything so far, but with bar 53 it's going a bit downhill, the next 2 parts sound a bit out of place. The rhythm in 55 57 59 seems off to me and the higher licks don't fit the mood, they sound too happy imho. They have that classical touch and judging from the intro, your song is about war. I'd change some notes in those licks so that they don't remind you of classical music, but of things you could find in meldoic death if you know what I mean.

Bar 62 soudns too dissonant to me. The melody in that part is okay, but not as good as teh previous ones, I guess it's because the rhythm behind that.

The ending also was pretty bad, too sudden and out of place.

Alright, so all in all, up until bar 50 everything, and I mean everything, was awesome and has epic potential. I really got the feel that the song has something to do with war and you caught that mood quite well.
May sound a bit harsh, but I'd scrap everything after bar 52.

On a side note, it's always good to write drums beforehand. Don't look at drums as an instrument that's just backing up the guitars, thats totally the wrong way to go. Same goes for the bass.

Using the marker function also helps writing crits and structuring your songs, you should do that.

In return, please check out this one http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1315697

YoungViking
05-21-2010, 04:00 PM
Well actually the songs supposed to be a ridiculous Prog Epic with a stupidly complex plot line based off a ridiculous concept, so the songs not exactly about war. Its good to know that at least parts of it are good though, cuz although my and my band decided to make a 15 minute prog song as a joke, we still want it to be good haha. I admit that i kinda just focused on having crazy time sigs and off tempo rythms n stuff, but thanks for the crit. Im gonna try and fix the stuff you said i should

thorbor
05-21-2010, 07:58 PM
actually, why waste good riifs on song that's not going to be taken seriously?

I'd say scrap that idea or at least postpone it a bit and use the first part of the piece for a real song.

btw it reminded me of this one, I guess it's because of the helicopter

YoungViking
05-21-2010, 10:31 PM
Well were taking it seriously, but at the same time were just trying to make it as over the top as possible

YoungViking
05-25-2010, 10:52 PM
Update
Finished first part...i think haha