new post-hardcore song GP5


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-tempest-
05-21-2010, 12:26 AM
so this is the new one i made today. i haven't really revised it, its still pretty much as is since i wrote it. last time i posted a song the ideas were amazing, kudos to those people. you guys can go wild with the ending bass lines and drums at the end of the song. anything creative you think you can add/suggest is welcome. and of course ill comment for comment =] thanks!

Kwonnie
05-21-2010, 02:16 AM
You might wanna try a more standard snare pattern in the beginning. It just doesn't feel right without it. Bar 52; switch the 9th and 11th frets - I like it better that way ;]. Bar 119 on onward feels like it's trying to go somewhere but not quite reaching it. I suggest playing around with that a bit more to see if you can get a nice hook going.

ninja.kitty
05-21-2010, 04:14 AM
I noticed this song is pretty much just four parts linked together

the first part (verse?) - this sounded pretty good. I think it sounds better when you switch them to clean guitars though. Not as clashy and chaotic.

the second part (chorus?) - I actually enjoyed this. You had fun with octaves, and I liked the sound of it. Good job :P

the third part (breakdown?) - I think you could have made it a little better. This pattern is used quite a bit... just vary the rhythm a tad, or maybe tweak the drums.

The fourth part (outro?) - This sounded really good for the first two measures of the riff, but the next two measures always seemed to drag on for too long...

Pretty basic, but you have some good ideas. Work on making it less repetitive though.

c4c? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312615

-tempest-
05-21-2010, 10:38 AM
yeah, its really really basic. im definitely going to play with it some more haha. i was going to use a standard snare beat in the intro but i ended up liking the one i have, just preference i suppose. im definitely going to make things less repetitive. i would have in the first place but i had to leave and do somethings so i just threw this together real quick for opinions. thanks so much!