(WIP) Dialect_of_Molasses (prog rock, some PHC elements) .GP4, .GP5 C4C


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huevos
09-20-2010, 12:12 AM
I just noticed that I like lengthy song titles.

2 versions of the same piece, won't state which I favor.
The chorus's are identical in both, with the verses and such taking different approaches.
I want some input on which one you prefer, why, and what can be done to complete them.

Ultimately, I do want to mix the best parts of both pieces. I just need some advice as to how to do this and which version should be the dominant one.

C4C, do as you will.

Julz127
09-20-2010, 04:55 AM
OK, I'll probably post and edit this a few times while I get it done so don't reply until I say.

First of all, the second one imo is the best, I felt it had a better structure and it seemed to flow much smoother.

if you wanna mix the two, the parts I would take from both are:

D1 - 1st three bars, really cool riff just needs some work.
- The 4/4 riff that starts around 13 has some good bits in it.
- 'Secondary measures' is amazing, definitely use that.

D2 - Pretty much all good, except the chorus.

Also, I'll be honest, the choruses sucked in both songs, I'd try a faster lead part.

So overall, they aren't bad songs, though they just feel a little, unstructured or loose perhaps, idk.

I found it hard, (because of the MIDI) to get a sense of the kind of tones (particularly guitar) that you want to use, Since it really makes a big difference to the overall feel and quality of a song, could you perhaps link some youtube clips of songs with the kind of tones and sounds you imagine for the songs? I can't understand why people would want to use midi, imo there's some great sounds in RSE, you just have to look for them.

One thing that's puzzling me is why you've switched between 8/4 and 4/4 time throughout the piece (at least the second one anyway), you know they are basically the same thing right? 8/4 is like two 4/4 bars stuck together.

I think that's about all, good work.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363090

Of_Wolves
09-20-2010, 08:10 PM
No time for a full crit, but if you want to know the best bits. I prefer D2. But it would be even better if you took the "secondary measures" part from D1. As it is too good to waste. Seriously. I promise I'll give you a decent crit some time haha Since this thing really doesn't count.

But you know. I think you've found your groove ;)

huevos
09-20-2010, 10:21 PM
Damn it mang, so y'all really don't like the chorus(es)?
I could see that they are generally weaker than the other sections, but alright.

The 8/4's thing is all just mild OCD; I hate breaking my 4 bar format when using the 4 bar format.
Although I do break away from this.

And the "Secondary Measures" is too derivative of the DGD "Tree Village" chorus. It's the one section that I really wanted to get rid of.
But as derivative as the "Chorus" is of Closure in Moscow, it's my favorite section.
Idk, the dividing line of hypocrisy is a difficult one to find.

As for guitar tone of the song (if it ever gets recorded), it would have to be the CiM/ATD-I overdriven tone with an audible bass line.
Oh, I also don't have RSE. I use Tux. So there's that...

DragTheWaters11
09-20-2010, 11:28 PM
Alright. To be honest, Imma contradict the previous posts and say that the chorus wasn't bad. It was just a little too chaotic. Maybe set the chorus on a more "repeated" pattern instead of so free flowing. For example, bars 90 -91 (version 2) has that lead part and it doesn't quite fill the deed of the chorus. It should be based on a more set, repeated pattern so the listener can catch the hook. The lead breaks off that hook.

Version 2 was better than version 1, in my opinion. But version 1 had the better riffs. The reason version 1 isn't as good, though, is because the song as a whole doesn't have the potential of the second version. Version 2 was just a little too chaotic, nothing really to grab on to. But if you take the opener riff from version 2 and give it a foothold like bar 9 from version 1, then version two will be better.

Hopefully I helped you out somewhat. I did my best. I'm not really the best at critiquing songs of this style and giving the creator anything helpful. :P

Version 1, for what it is... a solid 7/10
Version 2, for what it could be... a nice 8/10