song idea PHxC GP5


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-tempest-
09-24-2010, 02:20 AM
this is my new song idea. just curious if the sound is cool and if i take this to practice my band and i will be able to write something with it. any kinda feed back is cool. ill C4C and stuffs.

huevos
09-24-2010, 04:58 AM
(This crit is typical of my style of not rating the song based off of anything that is quantifiable, so don't get discouraged)
Now, I don't wanna come off as condescending (because internet rep is soo important), but the styling is very typical of modern PHC.
However, I like modern PHC, especially the DGD, Circa Survive, Closure in Moscow style.
Which you seem to have in spades, especially with Jonny Craig era of DGD.

Ultimately, the real problem I have is that it seems more of a rehash of said bands instead of building up from where they left off.
You gotta have your own signature punch.
The dotted eighths are very much the normal in 3rd wave PHC, to the point that it's been overused for years.
You make the song flourish from this point (bar 34), which is nice. I'd say that the real song begins at that section.
Everything before this is a bit expository; it exists solely to support this riff.
Now, the purpose of an intro is to be expository. The intro of a song is nothing more than the setup.
How you approach it is what makes the difference. Adding a powerful hook at the beginning is what really boosts your songs power and your listeners interest in the song.
Again, I like this song, but there quite a bit you can do with it.
Since it seems that you wanted approval of your musings, I'd say that I must approve of it. Just venture forth and create a stronger song.

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363395

frankibo
09-24-2010, 07:41 AM
You've written a song before with an almost identical chord progression that the intro has.

And what huevos said... I think. Not really sure what he said but it sounded like what I think I'd say about this song.

-tempest-
09-24-2010, 05:15 PM
(This crit is typical of my style of not rating the song based off of anything that is quantifiable, so don't get discouraged)
Now, I don't wanna come off as condescending (because internet rep is soo important), but the styling is very typical of modern PHC.
However, I like modern PHC, especially the DGD, Circa Survive, Closure in Moscow style.
Which you seem to have in spades, especially with Jonny Craig era of DGD.

Ultimately, the real problem I have is that it seems more of a rehash of said bands instead of building up from where they left off.
You gotta have you're own signature punch.
The dotted eighths are very much the normal in 3rd wave PHC, to the point that it's been overused for years.
You make the song flourish from this point, which is nice. I'd say that the real song begins at bar 34.
Everything before this is a bit expository; it exists solely to support this riff.
Now, the purpose of an intro is to be expository. The intro of a song is nothing more than the setup.
How you approach it is what makes the difference. Adding a powerful hook at the beginning is what really boosts your songs power and your listeners interest in the song.
Again, I like this song, but there quite a bit you can do with it.
Since it seems that you wanted approval of your musings, I'd say that I must approve of it. Just venture forth and create a stronger song.

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363395
yeah i hear you. im fully aware the dotted eighths are cliche, and all that jazz. almost all of this will be changed since im only one guy its going to get a bit boring. since im influence by that the other influences will mix and stuff.

haha frankibo, yeah man i know, but its just pieces and im going to actually use this stuff. i wrote those other ones because i was bored really. i still love the drums you did on that piece.

all im asking is if this is a good foundation to walk into practice with. its not a song just pieces i strung together for the sake of simi cohesiveness for the listener.

Rossielle
09-25-2010, 06:24 AM
it is not bad ,but you need to work more,esspecially with the guitars ,with the principal melodic line.

check out my songs

-tempest-
09-25-2010, 04:26 PM
i might delete this because i feel like no one read the OP.