Progressive Metal/(djent?) [GP5, C4C]


PDA

View Full Version : Progressive Metal/(djent?) [GP5, C4C]


Mean Mr Mustard
10-04-2010, 12:37 AM
So I hope this works. This was kinda an experiment for me, for I dont usually write with much keyboards, and I usually do more straight up hardcore and metalcore, but I really like this one. Its pretty long, so hopefully you can at least get to the outro haha. But anyways, Id like to know if there are any parts I could take out or change, maybe some bad transitions, whatever. C4C peace.

Oh theres also a short interlude/solo leading up to this song if you wish to listen to that, I included it. And the MIDIs of both of them. Ive had trouble getting files onto this site before, so tell me if it doesnt work, maybe I can fix it.

patrickaumon
10-04-2010, 01:24 AM
At first I was like :( And then I was Like :) . This is some serious thing you just wrote.

10/10.

But one thing you should change, and it is so little. I would personnally fade out like you did , but more by the end I would just fade In the synth(track 6) from bar 27 to 30.

Mean Mr Mustard
10-04-2010, 12:08 PM
At first I was like :( And then I was Like :) . This is some serious thing you just wrote.

10/10.

But one thing you should change, and it is so little. I would personnally fade out like you did , but more by the end I would just fade In the synth(track 6) from bar 27 to 30.
Haha thanks, Ill fiddle around with that

Jake the Peg
10-04-2010, 04:23 PM
zip file is corrupted :s

Mean Mr Mustard
10-04-2010, 07:00 PM
zip file is corrupted :s
:/ well I dont know what to do about that :( it works for me

Dio10101
10-04-2010, 07:24 PM
Cool song bro. I like the 9/8 part the best.

Mean Mr Mustard
10-04-2010, 07:36 PM
Cool song bro. I like the 9/8 part the best.
Thanks, glad to know that it works for some people at least haha

DiminishedFifth
10-04-2010, 09:33 PM
I'll just start off with saying that the strings are entirely too loud, honestly. They COMPLETELY detract from the song. I put them down to about 7 or 8 and it was much better.

To be completely honest, the intro is my FAVORITE part. I REALLY wanted you to bring it back later. I think you should repeat everything from Bar 11 up until Bar 27 once more though. Really bring it out and make it shine. It sets a nice mood for the song. Only problem with it is you have some really weird note choice in the rhythm. The clean guitar was awesome, but the backing really detracted since one was major, the other kind of... minor-ish.

Though, Calm just kind of comes out of nowhere. Maybe make it a smoother transition? But it goes into Dun Dun very nicely. I like that riff a lot.

The Melodic Way is alright by itself... but get rid of the lead on Guitar 1. It makes everything WAY to complicated and the riff is a lot better without it, honestly. Less cluttered and stuff. It leads very nicely into the Tapping Stuff which is very nice. I really like the chords you use.

Trainquility - the strings are bothering me. The D# in the melody just seems completely wrong and detracts from everything. I think the strings should be more "ambient" rather than their own melody and stuff in this section.

Groove does have a really good groove... I enjoy, a lot. Change is fantastic as well. This is the PERFECT time to reinstate the intro. At Bar 106 put the entirety of Bars 11-26 in, and take out the Strings. It transitions PERFECT. Another thing I'd recommend is to take out the open notes during Piano Break. It transitions better if you do that. On the topic of the piano break... I LOVE it.

Djent afterwards was awesome. I'm gonna have to steal your idea for the Drop ;] That was very clever. Calamity was good as well, reminded me a lot of Dream Theater. Catastrophe was a perfect follow up to it.

I have the same issue with The Melodic Way as before. So I would recommend copying the rhythm guitars riff and pasting it over the guitar melody.

Got Djent is a great thing to come after though. I really like the bass here. Diddly Djent is alright, it serves it's purpose, but I wouldn't remember it at all. Widdly Djent, however, is awesome.

RIFF is good. Not much to say there. With Melody is a great addition to it. As you keep expanding on it it becomes really good and just implodes (that's right: implodes) with epicness. The ending, while good, calls for some epic piano stuff. And the last chord is... a weird ending, to say the least. It needs a piano break like the one earlier and it'll be fine.

So, this was a really good song. I had a lot of fun while listening to it. You listen to TesseracT at all? That's what it reminds me of (at parts). There were some sections I took issue with, but most of it was very good. If you don't mind, I'm gonna upload my edit of the song with the changes I mentioned (with one other as well) :p: The only issue? Now it's just a lil' bit longer and your time markers are off xD

I dub thee: 9/10.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1362457

Mean Mr Mustard
10-04-2010, 09:52 PM
I'll just start off with saying that the strings are entirely too loud, honestly. They COMPLETELY detract from the song. I put them down to about 7 or 8 and it was much better.

To be completely honest, the intro is my FAVORITE part. I REALLY wanted you to bring it back later. I think you should repeat everything from Bar 11 up until Bar 27 once more though. Really bring it out and make it shine. It sets a nice mood for the song. Only problem with it is you have some really weird note choice in the rhythm. The clean guitar was awesome, but the backing really detracted since one was major, the other kind of... minor-ish.

Though, Calm just kind of comes out of nowhere. Maybe make it a smoother transition? But it goes into Dun Dun very nicely. I like that riff a lot.

The Melodic Way is alright by itself... but get rid of the lead on Guitar 1. It makes everything WAY to complicated and the riff is a lot better without it, honestly. Less cluttered and stuff. It leads very nicely into the Tapping Stuff which is very nice. I really like the chords you use.

Trainquility - the strings are bothering me. The D# in the melody just seems completely wrong and detracts from everything. I think the strings should be more "ambient" rather than their own melody and stuff in this section.

Groove does have a really good groove... I enjoy, a lot. Change is fantastic as well. This is the PERFECT time to reinstate the intro. At Bar 106 put the entirety of Bars 11-26 in, and take out the Strings. It transitions PERFECT. Another thing I'd recommend is to take out the open notes during Piano Break. It transitions better if you do that. On the topic of the piano break... I LOVE it.

Djent afterwards was awesome. I'm gonna have to steal your idea for the Drop ;] That was very clever. Calamity was good as well, reminded me a lot of Dream Theater. Catastrophe was a perfect follow up to it.

I have the same issue with The Melodic Way as before. So I would recommend copying the rhythm guitars riff and pasting it over the guitar melody.

Got Djent is a great thing to come after though. I really like the bass here. Diddly Djent is alright, it serves it's purpose, but I wouldn't remember it at all. Widdly Djent, however, is awesome.

RIFF is good. Not much to say there. With Melody is a great addition to it. As you keep expanding on it it becomes really good and just implodes (that's right: implodes) with epicness. The ending, while good, calls for some epic piano stuff. And the last chord is... a weird ending, to say the least. It needs a piano break like the one earlier and it'll be fine.

So, this was a really good song. I had a lot of fun while listening to it. You listen to TesseracT at all? That's what it reminds me of (at parts). There were some sections I took issue with, but most of it was very good. If you don't mind, I'm gonna upload my edit of the song with the changes I mentioned (with one other as well) :p: The only issue? Now it's just a lil' bit longer and your time markers are off xD

I dub thee: 9/10.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1362457
Hey thank you for the AMAZING crit, I cant tell you how much I appreciate it. I wrote the intro and the first 3 parts quite a while ago but recently, ive been motivated to add to it, and you were actually one of my many influences believe it or not haha after seeing your songs on this site. thank you :) I really liked some of your edits as well, ill be sure to save that file and change some stuff to mine later.

Kirborg
10-11-2010, 06:54 AM
Thanks for the crit! sorry for the late return but here it is

First off really awesome stuff, I can see a lot of work has been put into this and it shows. I'll just type out my thoughts as I listen to it again

Intro riff is really a headbanger, perfect way to start off the song. Calm sounds good too though a tad unexpected like the other poster already pointed out. Dun Dun is a cool followup to the vibe the intro gave I'm liking that. The Melodic Way does sound like has a bit too many things going on at once. Guitar I sounds good but not sure if the other guitar complement it well. I got the same feeling from Tapping, where I really love the guitar 1 but the second guitar seems to cause some (intentional?) dissonance especially bar 57 and 58. The quiet part offer great contrast gives you this smooth laid back atmosphere. Flows awesomely into the groove riff again again really cool riff that is. Piano break feels like it comes in a tad early especially because the previous mellow section was so short before that. Djent onward is the best part of the song in my opinion. The synth drop in boom is darn heavy that should sound awesome when recorded. Calamity and Catastrophe are nice DT-style riffs the hectic feeling they give suits well. We Got Djent is my favorite riff with the off-beat tempo really adds a lot excellent stuff. The outro is stand-out too, don't know if you're planning vocals but a cool melody line here could really make it even better.

Overall great stuff there's just some parts (especially early in the song) that feel too dissonant for me. Then again I'm not familiar with "Djent" so it might just be the way that this kind of music is written?

Mean Mr Mustard
10-11-2010, 02:12 PM
Thanks for the crit! sorry for the late return but here it is

First off really awesome stuff, I can see a lot of work has been put into this and it shows. I'll just type out my thoughts as I listen to it again

Intro riff is really a headbanger, perfect way to start off the song. Calm sounds good too though a tad unexpected like the other poster already pointed out. Dun Dun is a cool followup to the vibe the intro gave I'm liking that. The Melodic Way does sound like has a bit too many things going on at once. Guitar I sounds good but not sure if the other guitar complement it well. I got the same feeling from Tapping, where I really love the guitar 1 but the second guitar seems to cause some (intentional?) dissonance especially bar 57 and 58. The quiet part offer great contrast gives you this smooth laid back atmosphere. Flows awesomely into the groove riff again again really cool riff that is. Piano break feels like it comes in a tad early especially because the previous mellow section was so short before that. Djent onward is the best part of the song in my opinion. The synth drop in boom is darn heavy that should sound awesome when recorded. Calamity and Catastrophe are nice DT-style riffs the hectic feeling they give suits well. We Got Djent is my favorite riff with the off-beat tempo really adds a lot excellent stuff. The outro is stand-out too, don't know if you're planning vocals but a cool melody line here could really make it even better.

Overall great stuff there's just some parts (especially early in the song) that feel too dissonant for me. Then again I'm not familiar with "Djent" so it might just be the way that this kind of music is written?
Yes, all those dissonant parts are intentional, Ive grown to like a bit of dissonance
but I can understand where youre coming from. And I still dont know about vocals, I cant decide if it needs them or not. But thanks for the crit :)

JCAshworth247
05-10-2011, 06:44 PM
very cool i liked the section names haha. but how did you upload this when i tried to upload a 7 min thing it said the file was too large

Mean Mr Mustard
05-10-2011, 06:48 PM
very cool i liked the section names haha. but how did you upload this when i tried to upload a 7 min thing it said the file was too large
Do you have winrar? Its a program that shrinks files, so you can put your file into that and can upload it on the forum.

Also, dayum this song is old hahaha