Untitled jazz piece [GP5]


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FacetOfChaos
10-10-2010, 10:26 AM
I was hoping to get some constructive criticism on this jazz piece I just wrote. I've got the theme how I want it but I'm not so sure about the fills at the end of some of the phrases or about the bridge section.
Follows a pretty standard ii V I for the most part and then during the bridge it goes to a IV viio iii vi V7/ii V7.
Kept it simple and only wrote the chords and melody.
So anyways, just wondering what you guys thought or how I could improve the piece.

Thanks~

huevos
10-14-2010, 05:00 PM
You've come to the right place for criticism, as I am the narciss--nvm.

Damn you people with a working knowledge of legit jazz!
I know the progression, rhythm, voicing leading, and all that jazz (pun intended) helps into making songs like this, but I just don't have the intuitive skill to do it on this level.

I think some 16th note hi-hat work and a walking bassline would give this song a lot more depth, but in that area, I just following the steps of my fellow writer Madzaa.
I would search for his previous work; in fact I'll link to it.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1206681

You seem to be in line with that level of writing, so I think his works will help you into crafting your song.


C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1367316

Might not be your style, but I would like you to look over it.

Axe Samurai
10-15-2010, 07:55 AM
Despite being just the piano playing i'm already getting a jazz feel to it which is excellent, the melody is just very cool as it should be.

Ways to improve it? Well as had already been mentioned in the previous post about the addition of a drum kit and bass guitar i think that is solid advice, however i am going to have to disagree huevos idea of 16th hi hat and walking bassline (no offence ment to him). I just think a 16th rhythm on the hi-hats would take away the laid back essence of this song by giving a driving pulse which would certainly happen with a 16th hi-hat rhythm. As for the walking bassline, i know i fell for this in my composition were i assumed a walking bassline was compulsory. In doing that i added just a simple continuous 8th note bassline running down a few scales but again this caused problems as it made the piece seem dull and repetitive.

So overall i agree with huevos on the addition of percussion and bass, but my opinion is a laid back shuffle styled rhythm would be more suited on the percussion and a nice virtuosic bassline sorta Miles Davis esque?. However i could be wrong about the walking bassline huevos suggested so i would give that at least a try before discarding it.



You wouldn't mind criting my song? It's a Jazz Blues piece, might be up your street, might not. Then again i ain't perfect and am needing help myself.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1350948

FacetOfChaos
10-15-2010, 12:41 PM
Thanks guys :)

Wow that jazz album stuff you linked takes it to a whole nother level. Definitely some good stuff to study there.

I don't have any experience writing drum lines and very little for bass. Any suggestions or tips for how to do it? That's probably the main reason I didn't include any of them in the piece and stuck to a chord-melody approach :eek:

Life Is Brutal
10-17-2010, 07:30 PM
Typed a whole paragraph, but went back and lost it all...

Great job, great phrasing, and I really like how your able to resolve Half step/tritone chords.

No problems whatsoever, just continue on with it.