Odyssey 80% Prog 20% Power 100% Metal (GP5, C4C)


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The Buttmonkey
10-13-2010, 12:13 AM
One of my favorite song projects at the moment, this is the fourth song from my currently being written album. Lyrics not written, but I have a subject!

The song is not yet finished, but close. Some parts lack cohesion and transition, but I feel like it's pretty solid. Perhaps I shall update this thread with the finished version if it gets good feedback.

Crits and thoughts please!

patrickaumon
10-13-2010, 12:53 AM
the intro Remind me of james bond kinda song.

Kirborg
10-13-2010, 09:59 AM
nice job man. it's reminiscent of the older prog like Yes (which i absolutely love) with a bit of Dream Theater thrown in there. some really nice ideas in there, lots of memorable riffs. I do feel like the background synth is overused on some occasions though, bar 37 - 47 for example sound more refined without them I think. there are some slight kinks like you mentioned (bar 111 is a really sudden transition and some missing drums here and there) but if you work them out then it could shape to be a really cool piece. would enjoy seeing the full work once you completed it.

salamander121
10-13-2010, 10:33 AM
the intro Remind me of james bond kinda song.

It actually reminds me of the chorus in 'Obfuscation' by BTBAM. Nevertheless it works here and really adds to the old school intro you got going on here that works nicely as a build up.

I like how you hold back on the use of drums but I'd suggest ading maybe some quiet jazzy/dispersed drums to 78 - 86, even if it's just a cymbal here and there played very quietly - adds to the atmosphere to this part in my own opinion.

111 - 112 really doesn't feel like a good transition there. Perhaps hold the last note played by the lead and fade it to introduce the next synth part and bring it's level back up again when it plays the harmony at 114.

I'm really liking 135 - 138 though, good use of chromatics and a good lead in to the Dream Theater-esque part that follows.
I do feel like the bass part could be spiced up a bit though especially 131 - 134. Maybe try the same rhythm but play some arpeggios? Just a thought.

Overall not a bad start, 8/10.

EDIT: No need to return a crit, all my pieces are dead old as I ain't posted anything in a while :haha: .

The Buttmonkey
10-13-2010, 12:47 PM
Thank for your positive feedback guys!

I'll add some symbols to 78-86.

111-112 I think will sound badass with what salamander says. It gets a wierd effect going.

I think some bass going along at the 16th triplets will be fun at 131-134.

My next move is going to be to reprise the whole 111-122 part and we'll see from there.


Im'a deffinately post it back up when I'm done though! Keep your eyes peeles.

The Buttmonkey
12-01-2010, 02:40 PM
The sing is done, and this is what I've got. I may need to fine tune the parts toward the end, but I'm happy with the end result. Necrobump, I know but I didn't want to start a new thread just to show the completed song.

frankibo
12-01-2010, 04:30 PM
the intro Remind me of james bond kinda song.
You're right, it's the intro to Goldeneye I think and a lot of it sounds worrying like it. I think it's just the two half step progressions.

The Buttmonkey
12-01-2010, 10:22 PM
"Worryingly", huh? I've never seen any James Bond movie, let alone heard the music.


OMG! A music stealer, shuuuuuuun!!!!

Quibokk
12-02-2010, 12:33 AM
Okay, well, I can see what people are saying about the resemblance to James Bond, but... that's not exactly a unique progression, it's been used in many songs. So I don't have an issue with it, myself.

On the actual song itself, well, it's not bad. Although I have to ask why the apparent random choice in different voices throughout? :p:
Not really an issue, but it's just weird.

Thought as I listen:

I agree with salamander that some subtle quiet drumwork would be ideal during some of the sections where you drop out drums - it's nice that you've got a fairly broad range of dynamics through the song as a whole, but it feels just a little too absent, dropping them entirely.

Probably the first section that made me go "yeah, this is good," would be starting at bar 60 - relatively simple, but effective rhythm work there, and a decent chord progression.

Didn't see vibes coming at 139, nice work on surprising me there. I do think that you could make the explosion at 159 much, much more epic - it's fine as it is atm, but I think you could create much more of a bang there, since it's asking for it.

182 - 183 could be handled better, I think - a quick fade out or something, but not an abrupt cut like you've got atm. I do like the ending chord there.

Well, there's nothing I would consider bad there at all, but you could work on a few things to improve - subtle drumwork in the quiet sections, transitions and that aforementioned explosion needs to be bigger.

If I had to give this a score out of ten, it would probably be 8 as it is atm. Nice work.

Of_Wolves
12-02-2010, 11:15 AM
The second revision of this reeeeally makes more sense than the first, so good start :)

As some one who listens to a lot of prog myself, I get a real late 70's prog vibe from this. Really cool! But my issue with this is that almost as soon as you get a sections going nicely, introduce some new rhythms, a variation perhaps, you then drop it completely in favour of another new idea entirely. And some how this doesn't sit well in my ears. Its like, you could continue some of these ideas for a few more measures and it really wouldn't slow things down or take away the prog of the piece. In this sense you kind of mess with the flow. Its one thing to keep people guessing in a piece of music, but with out any kind of flow from one rhythmic or melodic idea to another it falls flat.

Of course, everything you have here is mostly pure gold in terms of music. It has everything. But let me go into the above issue in a bit more detail with some examples :)

Up until bar 78, everything is grand. but then you hit that weird transition, the triplet followed by a could of quavers. It make no sense to me what so ever. As a bridge between two ideas it simply doesn't work. I would suggest putting in a second bar after 78 to bridge the gap. To use metaphor, it sounds like the band is going along happily and then drops off a cliff into another musical idea. with an additional bar to bridge between 78 and the new section the flow would really be helped.

everything after that, the solo especially is amazing. but then once again once it hits bar 111 its like it hit a road block, or maybe a child with adhd ;) one thing that bugs me about this transition is the F# that rings out into the next part. there is no kind of conclusion to the last part. Again, progs uncertainty [ie, that way it keeps you guessing] isn't about half finished ideas, with something unexpected thrown on the end. To my ears bar 111 needs an E, perhaps in the bass.

The transition from 134 to 135 is a tad too abrupt, you know, in the sense that it jumps from being nice and melodic to a bit more minor etc. but then again I can totally forgive you for this. I guess it works. haha However as a transition to the "breakdown" keys solo its wonderful. I always enjoy a "proper" modulation.

And that breakdown. I sense a butt load of dream theater haha not a problem though. :D

149 to 151: Starts a reeeeally interesting idea which is just dropped. Either extend it out into a short section, carry that idea into the next section in some way, or just drop it out altogether. Its not doing it for me in the slightest.

152 to 159: Desperately needs a rhythm part chugging away under it, otherwise it just exists and does nothing much else, you know? I would personally use this section to drop hits about the next one. Like subtly bring in the fast rhythm of the next section in in this one to smooth out the transition, it will still have the wonderfully unexpected feel that I can tell you're going for, but would add just that little extra level of complexity and detail. Oh and when I say hints at the next section, I don't mean lift a track out of that section and add it to the previous I mean introduce a rhythm that it significantly similar, or at least leads into that next one, but ... yeahh I'm not sure I know how to explain what I'm saying anymore haha. You get it right?

The rest is fabulous. I really love the idea of a sudden acoustic ending. Well, mainly because throughout this you've really demonstrated that you can right a damn nice acoustic section. Maybe you could display that more in this song? Something to think about for you. If you're strong at writing that kind of thing then by all means show it off dude. Its wonderful.

And that was actually a MASSIVE crit haha. sorry about that xD