Parents Getting Involved


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12-27-2010, 06:19 PM
Well my band was planning on going to a rehearsal studio to do a 4 hour practice session. So I confirmed it with the band members except one, who's parent's said "4 hours is too long"

Even though we are going to a recording studio to record a demo, so we need all the practice possible. I explained this and the band member said "What about health and safety, ears, joints, back" Which I explained to him "That you ears wont get damaged with 4 hours of practice and play through the pain etc"

Now he is just coming up with excuses to not practice for 4 hours only because his parent's doesn't want him to practice for that long.

What should I tell him?

TL;DR - Band members parents saying band member can't practice for no longer than 2 hours because of health and safety.


12-27-2010, 06:23 PM
Kick him out of the band and get someone whose life isn't run by parents.
Holy crap. How can you be in a band and still let parents control your life?

you need a new band member. He, and his parents, are idiots.

12-27-2010, 06:24 PM
I would say something like "Dude, Is this because your parents are bitching at you for practicing too long?!??"

But that's just me.

My 2nd option for you would be to ask Van Hammersmith... He is the UG counselor for problems just like this...

12-27-2010, 06:27 PM
Sounds to me like your friends parents don't like music much or don't want their kid getting too serious into music.

My band practices average around 4 hours and I can hear fine.

12-27-2010, 06:28 PM
Wtf, earplugs were invented long ago, and you can just use any in-ear headphones for that.

This boy is shit, beat the crap out of him and kick out of band for being a wuss.

12-27-2010, 06:32 PM
Well, I don't know what to tell you, but I have a similar tale that led to me leaving my last band.

Pretty much, we were gearing up to record a demo ourselves. It was going to cost us $1000 for everything altogether, and our drummer's dad (whose house we also practiced at) was fronting us the money in exchange for 25 hours of yardwork each (there was 4 of us, so it worked out to 100 hours of labor at $10/hour. Pretty good deal if you ask me).

However, literally the day before we were set to record the kids dad started being imposing on us. First, he wanted the drummer's sister to sing backup on all of out songs. Now, not that she was a bad singer, but 1) None of our songs needed her backups, and 2) Our lead guitarist was trying to get ready to sing backups live so we were going to have him do it for the demo.

After he got pissed we weren't letting her on, he insisted he was going to go to the entire thing to make sure we did it right. Now, after myself getting pissed at him for the whole thing with the drummer's sister, this was too much. In the end, we ourselves were paying for it through labor, and he had no right to direct what we did in the studio. This led to a few hour argument over the computer and through phones with no one really knowing what was going on.

At the end, he was still going to be there and be a dick about everything (literally, this guy went from nicest guy to biggest a**hole on earth in a matter of seconds, and this was one of his a**hole days). and I decided no.

Its a lot deeper than this, and I might sound like a bitch, but I left. There were other problems within the band and his dad had gotten too involved before but I took this as the last straw. They were all pissed with me, but they've all since gotten over it, and eventually the singer left for similar reasons.

In the end, if he is expendable, replace him. I mean, he's likely your friend and it's not his fault, but something has to be done. It sounds like you guys are serious about this and you can't have someone hold you back because you are afraid you're going to hurt their feelings.

Silent Murder
12-27-2010, 06:34 PM
Get a bunch of earplugs.
Sit down in a chair for back pains.
You buy the earplugs. A pack of 20, so if he still doesn't go, you still have them. They are very important if you're exposed to loud noise any length of time. 4 hours is a long time for loud noise. Ears WILL get irreversible damage and if they hurt they need a rest, thus earplugs. They aren't expensive. Also learn the proper way to put them in.

Don't play through the pain unless your ears are protected. Being young though means allot of people will disregard this.

12-27-2010, 06:44 PM
Sounds to me like your friends parents don't like music much or don't want their kid getting too serious into music.

My band practices average around 4 hours and I can hear fine.

I do wear earplugs and so does the band member whose parent's are bitchy about practice times, so I don't know why he is worrying (Excuses not to practice just to stay on his parents good side...possible).

But what really pisses me off is that his parents want us to play gigs. But believe or not, you actually need to practice to play gigs

Unfortunately we can't kick him out, cause we have looked for drummers in the past but haven't found anyone.

12-27-2010, 06:55 PM
Err, I think 4 hours is to long personally. By the time you hit 2 1/2 hours everyone's pretty tired anyway, productivity drops and not much gets accomplished.

That's great you need to practice as much as possible, but it's just as easy to do 2 2-hour sessions on consecutive days then sacrifice an entire morning or night to it.

12-27-2010, 07:07 PM
So do his parents know anything about music? Apparently not if they want you to play gigs but not practice. Also, depending on the gig they can run up to an hour (if you're lucky) and can be pretty loud even with earplugs.

EDIT: And my old band used to have practices from anywhere from 2 hours to 8 hours. Of course, int hat 8 hours, we'd play or 3, go into his house (we played in the garage) and have some pizza, play some Super Smash Bros, and just relax and chill before going back out. But yea, 4 hours straight CAN be much sometimes.

12-27-2010, 07:10 PM
Also, depending on the gig they can run up to an hour (if you're lucky) and can be pretty loud even with earplugs.

What I was thinking was that if the band member can't handle a four hour practice session, I don't think he would be able to handle a 2 hour gig. I think it was Adrian Smith said it once "If you want to play a two hour gig you have got to practice for 3 hours" something like that.

12-27-2010, 07:20 PM
...How old are you guys?

12-27-2010, 07:27 PM
...How old are you guys?

Average age of about 16

12-28-2010, 01:14 AM
well i don't think its fair that the kids parents are being jerks but i don't think its right to get mad at him- you guys are young and it sucks but your rents are still responsible for you. i think they are just making lame excuses for them not likeing the fact their kid is into music. i say try to come to a compromise- say 3 hours of practice? just try to be resonable...if that doesn't work feel free to hit the parents with a two by four.... but don't punish the kid for the parents being jerks

12-28-2010, 03:10 AM
I wouldnt practice 4 hours straight, I'd personally practice about 1 1/2 then stop to write, discuss, and eat/drink something, then go back and put what you talked about into practice. But obviously with a studio you're paying for time, so just go shorter with it. It wont kill you guys, and you might even be more productive. Playing the same song over and over again makes you start to hate it sometimes.

Phil Starr
12-28-2010, 04:39 AM
I'm a parent (boo,hiss). It is just possible there are other reasons for you being in this position. Your mate or his parents might not be giving you the whole picture. If you are 16 or thereabouts you are probably in the middle of exam courses which will affect your whole lives, if your mate is flunking his course(s) then his parents will be worried about anything that takes half a day. Alternatively he may be acting like an ****hole at home. Or his parents might be **** of course.

If his parents have good reasons he should be able to talk to them, compromise, do a deal, be nice to them.

If his parents are a problem are you going to abandon him too?

This is supposed to be fun, and bands who stick together always do better in the end. Is this really something you want to fall apart over or could you do 2x2 hours instead?

12-28-2010, 07:46 AM
Hmmm, 4 hours does seem a little long for rehearsals, I'd personaly do three at the most, but his parents are full of shit. What are they gonna do when he eventualy gets a job and is expected to work for 8 hours a day? Tell his boss he's 'not allowed' to work for so long?

...How old are you guys?

Average age of about 16

Y'see, that's a little disturbing. Why are his parents involving themselves with something like this when by most people's standards he's old enough to be making his own decisions on this kinda thing? I take it non of the other parents had a problem with their sons rehearsing with a band for 4 hours?

Unfortunately, there isn't really much you can, in all morality, do.
It's not his fault that his parents are overprotective, work shy weirdos that want him to be work shy too, so for instance, if you fired him, it'd be because he has strange parents, not because of anything he's done or said, which isn't really a good enough reason to fire someone in my opinion. Remember, people often join bands to give them an escape from stressful situations at home, imagine how stressful your friend's life is with parents like that, so firing him would seem to be just too cruel of a thing to do.
You can't approach the parents and try to make them see sense either, if they're making so much fuss over something like this, think what they'd be like if someone tried to undermine their authority, you could be making your friend's home life almost intolorable without even knowing it.

I think the only real options you have at the moment is to have perseverence and be willing to compromise and work around them, find out how long a practice they will allow and cram as much into that practice as possible.
In just two years time (yeah, I know, it sounds a long way off at the moment but it really isn't) your friend will be 18, a man, an adult, someone who doesn't have to do as he's told by his parents.
It'd be a shame to ruin a friendship instead of putting up with it for just two years.

12-28-2010, 08:50 AM
Dude, this really isn't the kind of issue you work out with random strangers on a guitar forum!

12-28-2010, 10:12 AM

Our practices are generally 2-3 hours. After that, you really do start feeling a bit burnt out. Sure, you can keep going, but you're not on top of your game and therefore, not as productive as you would be by doing two two-hour sessions. I totally agree with AlanHB that this should be explored.

If you try that and his parents still have a problem it should be interesting to see what the problem is. You practice that long all the other times. Why not now? That sort of thing...

Aside from that... in ANY workplace that is potentially has "health and safety" risks, those risks are identified and steps are taken to mitigate the effects. In this case, a health and safety officer may well suggest that it is too noisy and that standing for four hours is potentially problematic. A solution would then be implemented - earplugs, and time for a break to allow time to sit down, or working while seated. At this point, with the dangers mitigated, the "all-clear" would be given, and work would be allowed to progress.

So, mitigate the dangers and see if you get the all clear. If you don't, what else will they come up with?


12-28-2010, 11:23 AM
maybe split it into two sessions of two hours each? everybody wins