Breaking up a band -need advice

[TJHague]

Hi everyone,

So I have a band, I was really excited about it as it's my first band (I'm a junior in college). I got a few of my friends together and we decided to go with it. It started as me and a bassist and then I found a guitarist and the bassist found a drummer (the guitarist is one of my best friends).

Unfortunately, it is not working out. Through an entire last semester, we had only 3 practices. This is mainly due to our bassist. Every time we would say we were going to practice (we even had a day and time every week set aside) he would make up a pretty lame excuse about how he can't make it. I have gotten really frustrated as I have had very hard schedules class-wise and work-wise and I still made time for it. This semester he has stated that he has "no idea" when he will have any free time. Our drummer also probably won't have much time either (legitimate reasons, running track and other things).

I also got frustrated because the few times we did get together, we discussed some easy songs we should learn just to get the feel for playing structured songs together (we jammed *extremely* well). But, when we had gotten together, I was the only one that had even so much as looked up how to play the songs (let along learned to play them).

The other guitarist and I have been talking and decided that we need to just break up the band because it isn't going to work. Unfortunately I don't know how to do this. Not that I don't know how to say "it's over" (obviously with a better choice of words and more explanation), but I need a means of communication. I want to do it face to face, but I tried to get a band meeting together and our bassist didn't even respond to my text asking when we could get together. (our drummer was going out of town for a track meet, so i understood that)

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I want to do it face-to-face because I consider it to be somewhat akin to a relationship, it's just distasteful/disrespectful to do it over text, facebook message, or phone. But, I might not be able to do that for a long time and I don't know what to do. Suggestions?

tl;dr Need to break up a band, bassist won't respond to text messages for when we can get together. Wait til I can get him to tell me when or be a jerk and do it over phone or facebook? If you want any more details, ask and I'll explain.

-Thanks

[Weaponxclaws]

If you have guys have only had three practices and have not really jammed songs together or written any material, then are you really a band? You don't need to go about being all professional and respectful with a 'breakup'. You guys just happened to get together to jam, that doesn't make you a band. I'm sorry this sounds harsh but seriously just tell the bassist and drummer that you want to be a serious band and that you want to go separate ways.

[TJHague]

Sounds reasonable. About the being a "band" thing, I somewhat agree with you. But we had stated that we were "a band" so I thought I ought to treat it as such since that is what they think it is. I'll probably talk to the other guitarist and see if he has any problems with me doing it that way.

[EzzyBender]

Just start looking for new members and pretend its a separate thing which it is. And then never look back

[Mithaearon]

Yeah I hate to break it to you but if you have only practiced three times in that amount of time you are not in a band, you are just a group of friends that occasionally get together. If the other guitarist is dedicated keep him and find a new bass player and drummer and start the band proper.

[SlackerBabbath]

The band is fizzling out anyway, just don't arrange any more meetings or rehearsals. Eventualy everyone will simply assume it has ended.

[Ethanb08]

how about you just quit the band... and encourage your guitar playing friend to "quit" with you... Its like that whole idea of "its not you its me..." You want to play.. he appears to not want to...

[Avalanchi]

Why do you need to "break" the band up? Just quit and start a new band.

[Cowless]

Why do you need to "break" the band up? Just quit and start a new band.

This.

[tofuhead]

I'd say just quit man,
The one thing people have to realise and why they spend 5 years f*@king around then go "oh damn i've gotten nowhere, havn't really accomplished much with my playing or my 'band' is because of situations like your own. Sure there is a level of friendship and ideal of commitment to the band... but really if you don't have the balls to leave or do what you need to do yourself to progress and reach your goals than ur going to be blaming urself for wasting your time later down the track.

If the bass player wants to miss 90% of the pracs, either find a new bass player or dont feel bad because you want to put in effort and he doesn't and tell them how it is.

I wish you best of luck in your decision. If you leave, don't look back or feel bad in the slightest

[guy_tebache]

Just tell him how it is. The rest of you arent satisfied with his level of commitment and you want him to either start showing up or you're going to find someone else.

[TJHague]

Thanks for the advice guys. My guitarist and I decided that a facebook message would get the job done because the bassist didn't even respond to a text message when we asked him to meet us in person to talk.
Hopefully it will go well. We expressed that we would like to end it because of we hadn't practiced much and that we would be still open to jamming, only just as friends, not with the intention of being a band.
I suppose my main reason for asking was that I didn't want to hurt feelings or come across as a jerk because I am good friends with these guys and don't want to change that.

Anywho, it's done and thanks :)

[Weaponxclaws]

Congratulations. See it all works in the end. Now you know for next time. You aren't really a "band" if you have jammed together a few times but just a couple guys having fun and if you stated that in the message, they should understand. They aren't going to be like, "what the hell? we were going places, how could he leave?" because clearly that's not the case. Good luck to you and hopefully you find a band with a little more drive and fire haha