Internal issues within my band..


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Scowmoo
02-03-2011, 04:25 PM
First off- THIS POST WILL BE LONG. So read everything if you want to help please :)

Alright, so here's the deal. We're a 6 peice band. Vocals, Bass, Lead, Rythym, drums and keyboard/synth.

The keyboardist (our friend camilia) is REALLY good.
So is our lead guitarist (he's a classically trained pianist, and a techdeath metal/neoclassical style influenced.)

Anywho, Camilia (keys) is the newest addition. Problem is, our leads girlfriend hates camilia, for some stupid petty bullshit that happened 2 years ago.

Our lead is also ignorant to the fact that he is whipped so hard,his ancestors bitch at him, AND to the fact that his girlfriend is a controlling bitch.

His girlfriend recently found out about Camilia being in the band, and i'm guessing she bitched to him about it. (he had no problems with camilia prior to this, they got along fine). Yesterday, I was informed by him that being in a band with camilia isn't going to work. (his girlfriend being controlling,and forcing her hate for camilia onto him.) He want's us to make a choice- Camilia or Him.

How do I get it through to his head that it's none of his girlfriends buisiness as to who is in the band? Her hate for someone shouldn't influence him to make such a rash decision. He is ignorant,and I can't convince him otherwise.

I don't want to have ANY of us choose between them, because not only is it unfair to everyone in the band, but it's unfair for his girlfriend to put him in a sitiuation like this.

We need both of them btw, he adds technicality and camila adds those "eerie black metal keys".

What should I do? I don't want to make this desicion,I'd rather convince him to stand up to his girlfriend and say enough is enough.. but I don't know hwo to get him to do that.

Sorry for the really long post.

Punkrokkboi
02-03-2011, 04:31 PM
Well the obvious solution to this problem is death. by fire.


On a serious note, I'd say tell the guitarist he's gunna get kicked if he doesnt control his bitch. Guitarist are one of the most common musician, so he can be replaced. Of course he sounds really good but... you kinda gotta make a choice between the two players, whether you want to our not unfortunately.

Arby911
02-03-2011, 04:35 PM
,I'd rather convince him to stand up to his girlfriend and say enough is enough..

It's not going to happen unless he chooses to do it on his own, and clearly that's not the case here. Trying to tell a guy how he should run his relationship is a major breach of man rules, and likely to get you beaten about the head and shoulders, especially as things have already come to a head.

You're going to lose one or the other, might as well figure out where your preference lies. You can't 'win', but you can cut your losses.

Gulli05
02-03-2011, 04:39 PM
Out of pure curiousity I want to know what sort of style are you going for? I'm guessing you got some Technical/Progressive thing going on with (neo-)classical influences and more.

As for the problem itself. I suggest you speak to the guitarist about this, point it out to him that he had no problem with Camilia joining before. I can't see the problem here, it just seems his girlfriend is a controlling needy woman that is obsessed with something that happened long ago.
As for his girlfriend, tell her to deal with her problems and stop living in the past.

If it comes to having to ditch one of them, I'll tell you one thing, replacing a guitarist is about 100 times easier. Keyboardist/Pianist who owns good equipment and is a good player and willing to play in Metal band is a rare thing. At least where I come from. ;)

I'm really sad to see this problem man, I hope you can work around it and keep both musicians. It seems like a unnecassary situation.

Scowmoo
02-03-2011, 04:46 PM
Technical Death Metal/Thrash with black metal and neo classical influences.. So I guess Death/Thrash?

And You don't understand -JUST- how good he is. He's only been playing for a year, and if our entire band had to rank him between three virtuosos, we agreed that he has the emotion and tone of Vai, the technicality and efficiency of Gilbert, and the sweeps and speed of Cooley. And chops of a god. He's gonna be pretty freaking hard to replace, he's the best guitarist in the seven county's around us.

And I'm willing to break the man code, because he's my friend, and his relationship is SERIOUSLY unhealthy.

diofan88
02-03-2011, 04:48 PM
Do you really need two vaginas in the band?


Which one defines your sound more. If they can't work it out, boot one

AlanHB
02-03-2011, 04:48 PM
Like punkrokboi suggested I'd kick the guitarist. Who knows which member the girlfriend will hold a grudge against next. Additionally in my experience, band members who are whipped by their partners tend to be unreliable, showing up to practice late, leaving early etc.

Religulous
02-03-2011, 04:49 PM
This sucks man. I hate when my friends get girlfriends.. I haven't had a jam with my best friend for almost half a year since he got this controlling bitch girlfriend.. We never even ****in talk anymore. I haven't seen him in ages cuz he's always with the "love of his life".

Don't worry dude, at least you can maintain band practices and at least he isn't so obsessed that he forgets you and everyone else even exist.

Also, this girlfriend vs new girl thing is just stupid drama... Who cares if she doesn't like him? She isn't in the band. The only person her opinion matters to is her boyfriend. You shouldn't care, especially if this keyboardist is amazing.

You see.... women... they get jealous..... easily..... and hold grudges forever... (SUPER generalization) :) don't take me TOO seriously now

Arby911
02-03-2011, 04:50 PM
And I'm willing to break the man code, because he's my friend, and his relationship is SERIOUSLY unhealthy.

Your call, but remember that no good deed goes unpunished...

Gulli05
02-03-2011, 04:50 PM
Technical Death Metal/Thrash with black metal and neo classical influences.. So I guess Death/Thrash?

And You don't understand -JUST- how good he is. He's only been playing for a year, and if our entire band had to rank him between three virtuosos, we agreed that he has the emotion and tone of Vai, the technicality and efficiency of Gilbert, and the sweeps and speed of Cooley. And chops of a god. He's gonna be pretty freaking hard to replace, he's the best guitarist in the seven county's around us.

And I'm willing to break the man code, because he's my friend, and his relationship is SERIOUSLY unhealthy.

Try to talk things out then. Seriously I really don't see a problem, if that girlfriend of his learned to shut her mouth there would be no problem.

Oh, btw, you got a link to MySpace or somewhere I can hear your tracks? :D

z4twenny
02-03-2011, 04:51 PM
Like punkrokboi suggested I'd kick the guitarist. Who knows which member the girlfriend will hold a grudge against next. Additionally in my experience, band members who are whipped by their partners tend to be unreliable, showing up to practice late, leaving early etc.

this, a million times over

Scowmoo
02-03-2011, 05:03 PM
Try to talk things out then. Seriously I really don't see a problem, if that girlfriend of his learned to shut her mouth there would be no problem.

Oh, btw, you got a link to MySpace or somewhere I can hear your tracks? :D

We haven't gotten anything recorded yet, but my multimedia teacher came to one of our practices once,and heard 3 of our originals...He liked what he heard.

He's also a talent scout for RoadRunner Records, and Metal Blade Records. He said once we get at least 6 written (we have 4 and a half now) that he'd take us to his studio and record a demo, and send it in to Roadrunner and Metal Blade.

So.. yeah. We're thinking doing some rough recordings soon though, i'll add you and let you know when we do. :)

If I can't work things out with the girlfriend, then I think I'm going to talk to the rest of us and vote that camilia leave, just because hes kinda the secondary songwriting force.

Gulli05
02-03-2011, 05:08 PM
We haven't gotten anything recorded yet, but my multimedia teacher came to one of our practices once,and heard 3 of our originals...He liked what he heard.

He's also a talent scout for RoadRunner Records, and Metal Blade Records. He said once we get at least 6 written (we have 4 and a half now) that he'd take us to his studio and record a demo, and send it in to Roadrunner and Metal Blade.

So.. yeah. We're thinking doing some rough recordings soon though, i'll add you and let you know when we do. :)

If I can't work things out with the girlfriend, then I think I'm going to talk to the rest of us and vote that camilia leave, just because hes kinda the secondary songwriting force.

Definantly let me know once you get some recordings done. :D

I seriously hope you can figure this out without losing any members in the band. I think you guys can really do this professionally and don't let some girlfriend who isn't in the band interfere.
Also the guitarist of the band doesn't have to agree with everything his girlfriend says, did she limit his free will or something? :haha:
Although, sadly I have to admit AlanHB has a point.

Scowmoo
02-03-2011, 05:11 PM
Definantly let me know once you get some recordings done. :D

I seriously hope you can figure this out without losing any members in the band. I think you guys can really do this professionally and don't let some girlfriend who isn't in the band interfere.
Also the guitarist of the band doesn't have to agree with everything his girlfriend says, did she limit his free will or something? :haha:
Although, sadly I have to admit AlanHB has a point.

I will man :P

And yeah...basically. She's so controlling, it's like he doesn't know what free will is, or how to makehis own desicions when she's involved. He's fine when shes not involved with something.. but she's just so..manipulative.

SadusAttack
02-03-2011, 05:15 PM
I would smack that stupid biatch across the face.

Get him to man up and leave her if she's just going ot be a hinderance. He's putting her pussy on a pedestal, and the ball n chain is tight. Seeing as this is death/thrash..there's not really any room for keyboards. But if you can get rid of the PMS monster that is his girlfriend, that works too.

Avalanchi
02-03-2011, 05:18 PM
Be upfront with the other members about what's going on. People are unreasonable so there probably won't be an EASY solution. In that case figure out who's more important to the band LONG TERM. Lead Guitarist of Keyboard.

There's no room for bullshit drama in music. Either people learn to compromise or you boot them out.

racman92
02-03-2011, 05:27 PM
Here's my rule- never, NEVER, leave a band for a chick.

If you are really serious about this band, and he is willing to do this then he WILL be a problem in the future. He has shown you where his priorities lie, so you need to show him where yours are. If his chick is going to effect the band, its best to get rid of the problem now before there are recordings or money involved.

EDIT: Also, my last gf was like that, she didnt want me in a band because she didnt like the singer. In a relationship you have to just man up and say "Yo biitch, you dont own me. There are are like 150 million vaginas in this country, and if being in this band means i have to find another, then so be it."

WantsLesPaul
02-03-2011, 06:54 PM
Tell the bitch to be rational.

/unhelpfulcomment

Natrone
02-03-2011, 09:02 PM
If he's your friend, sit him down and talk this out like rational adults. Find out, for sure, why he's wanting the keyboardist to leave. If it comes down to his girlfriend, then, as a friend, tell him to grow a pair.

This can help him in 2 ways. Number one, he'll learn that he needs to hold some kind of control over his life. Number two, he'll learn that decisions in bands are not to be made by anyone other than legitimate members of the band.

Dark Raven X
02-03-2011, 09:40 PM
Tell him you're not kicking Camilia because of his girlfriends opinion.

Tell him that if he needs to leave the band because of that, then that's how it's got to be, but make it very clear that you want him to stay, and if he does go, it's because of his girlfriend, not you or Camilia.

axemanchris
02-03-2011, 11:21 PM
Tell him you're not kicking Camilia because of his girlfriends opinion.

Tell him that if he needs to leave the band because of that, then that's how it's got to be, but make it very clear that you want him to stay, and if he does go, it's because of his girlfriend, not you or Camilia.

+111111

CT

suburbanrampage
02-05-2011, 11:07 PM
Dude who cares? They both should be in the kitchen...

Sorry, I had to

Ethanb08
02-06-2011, 02:25 AM
I would say something about not dealing with ultimatums and that you are sorry he has chosen to leave the band for what appear to be floccinoccinihilapilification* reasons...

Like previously said its seems its his girlfriend that is controlling him or has a controlling opinion over him... And its seems he would rather have a girlfriend than be in a band... after exiting the band he'll realize hes stuck with this controlling bitch and he may come back to you guys after resolving that issue... or he will be stuck with some controlling bitch for the rest of his life... either way thats not your problem...

Its looks like this to me...
In the event the Guitarist leaves or is kicked: guitarist left because his girlfriend controlled who he was aloud in a band with.
In the even the keys leave or is kicked: You were kicked because we let the guitarists girlfriend who is not a part of this band decide to kick you out.
..It seems rather obvious which is the shit option...



...*finally got to use my word of the day...

krypticguitar87
02-06-2011, 04:03 AM
honestly he could be the best guitarist in the world, but he still isn't worth it. what if two weeks after you kick out the chick on keys his girlfriend suddenly has a problem with you for putting up a fight and he gives the same ultimatum to the rest of the band, then what? clearly if they see things as "he's irreplacable" then you can kiss the band good bye.

even if he knows the most about music it isn't 'the (insert your guitarists name here) band'. you shouldn't be letting him/ his girlfriend make all the calls. the only reason I would keep him over her is if she violently raped his girlfriend or if she killed his girlfriends entire family infront of her, but for some reason I don't think thats the case. I'd be willing to bet that it was some sort of 'high-school' drama queen crap.

basically every musician is replacable so if he wont play get someone new, it's his call, but the keyboads stay because it isn't fair to her.

SlackerBabbath
02-06-2011, 05:56 AM
First off- THIS POST WILL BE LONG. So read everything if you want to help please :)

Alright, so here's the deal. We're a 6 peice band. Vocals, Bass, Lead, Rythym, drums and keyboard/synth.

The keyboardist (our friend camilia) is REALLY good.
So is our lead guitarist (he's a classically trained pianist, and a techdeath metal/neoclassical style influenced.)

Anywho, Camilia (keys) is the newest addition. Problem is, our leads girlfriend hates camilia, for some stupid petty bullshit that happened 2 years ago.

Our lead is also ignorant to the fact that he is whipped so hard,his ancestors bitch at him, AND to the fact that his girlfriend is a controlling bitch.

His girlfriend recently found out about Camilia being in the band, and i'm guessing she bitched to him about it. (he had no problems with camilia prior to this, they got along fine). Yesterday, I was informed by him that being in a band with camilia isn't going to work. (his girlfriend being controlling,and forcing her hate for camilia onto him.) He want's us to make a choice- Camilia or Him.

How do I get it through to his head that it's none of his girlfriends buisiness as to who is in the band? Her hate for someone shouldn't influence him to make such a rash decision. He is ignorant,and I can't convince him otherwise.

I don't want to have ANY of us choose between them, because not only is it unfair to everyone in the band, but it's unfair for his girlfriend to put him in a sitiuation like this.

We need both of them btw, he adds technicality and camila adds those "eerie black metal keys".

What should I do? I don't want to make this desicion,I'd rather convince him to stand up to his girlfriend and say enough is enough.. but I don't know hwo to get him to do that.

Sorry for the really long post.

Ethicaly, it's obviously unfare to fire Camilia because of the guitarist's girlfriend. If this was a position of employment, if someone was fired simply because the firm director's wife didn't like a new employee, they'd have a lawsuit on their hands for unfair dismissal, and righfully so.

The choice really isn't yours to make, it's his. It's not a case of 'him or Camilia' it's a case of 'him standing up to his girlfriend or him letting his girlfriend make him leave the band'.

I know you really don't want to lose the guitarist, but if he's allowing his girlfriend to call the shots within the band, then he's too much of a liability to the structure of the band. In other words, if his girlfiend gets her own way on this, she's gonna start thinking she's somehow involved in the band's internal politics, and she'll get worse and worse.

You simply cannot allow that to happen and if it means he has to leave, then he has to leave, because the band integrity is more important than any one member. But make sure he realises that he's leaving of his own accord because his girlfriend wants him to, not because any of you want him to.

I was once in a similar situation in a band I was once in a long time ago, the drummers wife didn't like the guitarist for some unknown reason, the drummer told me that it was getting to the stage that either he would have to leave the band or the guitarist would, even though he personaly had nothing against the guitarist and even liked the guy. I told him that it would be better if his wife left the band, to which he replied "But my wife isn't in the band." to which I replied "That's my point entirely."

He actualy ended up leaving and we replaced him with someone who was just as good a drummer but didn't come with all the extra baggage of a dominating partner, which I'm pretty sure you could probably do as well if your guitarist ends up having to leave because of his girlfriend. After all, there are probably more guitarists out there than any other kind of musician. Put it this way, it would probably be easier to replace a great guitarist than a great keyboard player.

Edit. Yeah, basicaly what everyone else seems to be advising here.

Scowmoo
02-09-2011, 05:23 PM
Welp, what ended up happening is that he left the band, because I went face to face with his girlfriend and told her straight up that since she's not in the band, she has no right to make desicions for it. Not that nice...with alot more obcenities...:haha

Apparently, he didn't like that, but whatever. We now have a new guitarist who is just as good as him, if not better. So I really don't care. :p:

Thanks for the help guys.

krypticguitar87
02-09-2011, 05:51 PM
Welp, what ended up happening is that he left the band, because I went face to face with his girlfriend and told her straight up that since she's not in the band, she has no right to make desicions for it. Not that nice...with alot more obcenities...:haha

Apparently, he didn't like that, but whatever. We now have a new guitarist who is just as good as him, if not better. So I really don't care. :p:

Thanks for the help guys.

see he was replacable! good for you man and keep on rockin!

kangaxxter
02-09-2011, 10:46 PM
"Yo biitch, you dont own me. There are are like 150 million vaginas in this country, and if being in this band means i have to find another, then so be it."

Best. Breakup line. Ever.




Also, TS, I'm glad you solved your guitarist problem.
If my band's lead guitarists' girlfriend pulled some shit like that, I would just call her a "Yoko" and glare at her constantly whenever I was in the same room as her. But I could have pulled shit like that cause I was sort of "the talent" in that band (though if you called what I did talented, you would probably consider 'monkeys throwing poop onto a canvas' art).

SlackerBabbath
02-10-2011, 04:52 AM
Welp, what ended up happening is that he left the band, because I went face to face with his girlfriend and told her straight up that since she's not in the band, she has no right to make desicions for it. Not that nice...with alot more obcenities...:haha

Apparently, he didn't like that, but whatever. We now have a new guitarist who is just as good as him, if not better. So I really don't care. :p:

Thanks for the help guys.

Sorted! Congratulations, but it could have been done better.

Rather than getting all up in his girlfriend's face, or even all up in his face, you should have calmly discussed the matter with him, (not her) that way his decision to leave would have been a more amicable one because he would know that he left because of his girlfriend, not because of an argument with you.

It may not sound important now, after the event, but occasionaly bad splits can come back to bite you in the arse, people with grudges spread malicious gossip, rumours spread throughout musical circles, ect.

Still, at least you've managed to stabalise your band, which is a great accomplishment. Well done.

8/10. ;)

Gulli05
02-10-2011, 08:40 AM
Welp, what ended up happening is that he left the band, because I went face to face with his girlfriend and told her straight up that since she's not in the band, she has no right to make desicions for it. Not that nice...with alot more obcenities...:haha

Apparently, he didn't like that, but whatever. We now have a new guitarist who is just as good as him, if not better. So I really don't care. :p:

Thanks for the help guys.

I'm glad you managed to solve this and get a new guitarist. :D

If you have a band website and when you get demos or recordings up, send me a pm or something. :peace:

Scowmoo
02-10-2011, 11:26 AM
will do man :)

HalfDose
02-10-2011, 01:45 PM
When people act like children, the best thing to do is treat them like adults. Continue on as though you aren't even aware that there was a problem and approach each situation as a individual incident involving only the person acting out.

So, it sounds like you did the right thing. Just be sure that in the future you don't let the lower quality people around you dictate how things will be... go Dog Whisperer on them if you have to.