New PHC Song, WIP (c4c)


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Seb1uk
02-05-2011, 04:51 PM
Being crippled right now, I had some time to try making some new stuff, and this is just what I got so far. Listen from the start till the end of the chorus. I'm not sure if I like the chorus, and I dunno about Verse A.

EDIT: I spent a bit more time on it today, I feel I kinda rushed it a bit. I'm still not too happy with the chorus itself and the transition into it. And I dunno how I feel about the bridge to the interlude, and the bridge out of the interlude. It's v9.

EDIT: Finished it, well, I've gotten to the end but I'm not happy with it. v12

BigBigWater
02-06-2011, 09:24 AM
Just had a whole crit typed and Chrome crashed, fuuuu.

ANYWAYS, again now...

Love the intro, the 'massive' feeling the chords have is great, plus the little tapping licks and the rhythm itself is awesome. Very sexy.

Post intro is great, love the feeling throughout it.

Pre-verse is good, love the chords and rhythm again here.

Now, I understand your worries on Verse A. The high bits in 22 suddenly for some reason, to me at least, make it feel like a completely different song, plus the riff after, although great as it is, seems very out of place.

The bridge is sick, love the chords in here. The slight bit of dissonance while still feeling fairly consonant at the same time, and also keeping the previous 'emotion' from throughout the song.

Verse B is great, unique sound but fitting and sounds really nice.

Pre-Chorus is good, nice buildup kinda, would work nice with vocals.

Chorus, again, I can see your concerns here. It feels more like another verse than a chorus to me, and is also very short for a chorus. Also, with the constant fast paced feel throughout the song, by now you're (at least I was) expecting a slower part around here big chords, little fills, and the such. Or maybe even just something less spontaneous, rather than slow. I tried copying and pasting the intro where the chorus is and it doesn't sound too bad, sounded more like what I was expecting, could work well modified a bit.

Overall though, as with pretty much everything you seem to do, I really like this. Always an awesome unique sound, it sounds... grand? Like if Las Vegas was made into post-hardcore music, this would be it. Now with that awkward description, I must say I'm kinda curious what kind of influences you have in writing stuff like this, cause I feel like I must be missing out on something...

ANYWAYS, if you wanna crit back on something of mine I'd love some feedback on something of a very different style that I just posted: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1409030

Christopher S
02-06-2011, 09:43 AM
A fantastic piece, dude. It's just as good as proper post-core should be, and I love you manage to capture me with this endless pattern of higher pitched chords and notes. Fantastically well written, and more or less the only thing I could put my finger on was that I thought the pre-chorus was a tad bit too long. Might just be me though. It'll probably work a lot better with vocals, I guess. :)

Are you going to write in a vocal melody aswell? Would be neat.

BTW: how do you know all those chords, I've never seen half of them. Might just be they're typical genre-chords (like in jazz and funk), but they are without a doubt beautifull.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1409313

MayoFTW
02-06-2011, 01:29 PM
Just commenting as the song goes on...

-I like the fuller chords being used in this
-Love all the little riffs in the verse (23-24, 27-28)
-I like the rhythms in verse B

This reminds me of Dance Gavin Dance/Emarosa, keep it up =P

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1409403

Seb1uk
02-06-2011, 01:41 PM
Cheers guys. Ha bigbigwater, that's why I don't use chrome. I've actually got another version saved where the chorus goes into something a bit slower paced like the intro. As for influences, I've been listening to a lot of periphery, haunted shores, monuments and protest the hero recently. But I'm a big fan of closure in moscow, dance gavin dance, he is legend and broadway. Probably the closest bands I could name to which I sound like,

And lol christopher I actually have no idea what those chords are. I'm just a very pratical writer, I have pretty much no music theory and I don't listen to jazz either ha. I just sit there and try different shapes until I like what I hear. Oh and I do plan to write a vocal melody.

I'm not home right now so ill probably get to returning your crits tonight if I have time, or later in the week coz ill be quite busy

smokeysteve22
02-06-2011, 09:30 PM
Overally i enjoyed that alot. Not sure what else to say hahaha. Great stuff

Eastwinn
02-07-2011, 12:20 PM
After listening to a couple things by you, Seb1uk, I'm sure you're pretty proficient at the twinkly post-hardcore style. I think you should use your skills to branch out and do something new. Not just new to you, but new to the style altogether.

dylann
02-07-2011, 01:28 PM
i dont really like it..but you made me appreciate it.. like i "like" it but it just isnt for me but still its very diffrent and for the genre it is very good!.. check out a band called HORSE the band sort of reminds me of it minus the keys haha even though its very diffrent :S

Seb1uk
02-07-2011, 03:04 PM
Cheers again.

Eastwinn, I'd like to but I just dunno how I'd do it, and what I'd do. It'll happen eventually I hope, but I just gotta wait for when the ideas start coming in my head.

And dylann I actually listen to HORSE the Band a fair bit actually, they're quite sick.

I spent a bit more time on it today, I feel I kinda rushed it a bit. I'm still not too happy with the chorus itself and the transition into it. And I don't like the bridge to the interlude.

Seb1uk
02-08-2011, 02:36 PM
Alright I've finished it, well at least I've gotten to the end, but I don't like it really. Feedback?

EDIT: Having another listen to it, I actually think some parts of it are pretty terrible such as the bridge into the Interlude and the Outro.

Uber Man
02-09-2011, 04:50 PM
The only thing i didn't like about your song was that on at least half of the riffs, the lead parts follow the same rhythms as the rhythm guitar parts and drums. Like the intro for example. Also the constant snare roll on the pre-chorus is probably a little much, it would probably be better for just the last bar or two.

I thought Verse A sounded fine. It wasn't like anything super special, but a song should have somewhere the vocalist gets to outshine the guitars :P

The bridge into the Interlude is a little odd. The two options i would choose from is either; Remove it all together and maybe and an 8th rest to the end of Verse A. OR (what i would probably do) change the drums halfway through (measure 77) to be a more constant, regular drumbeat with snares on the 3rd beat

The outro was one of my favorite parts... :S lol. I think the song really needed a slower melody like that one, and the rhythm guitar under is really nice as well.

One thing i can't figure out about you is if your a really good non conventional drummer, or if you don't know how to play drums xD Either way don't change what your doing, contrary to what you might think to my crit, really liked the drums.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=26408087#post26408087

Seb1uk
02-09-2011, 05:32 PM
Thanks man.

Not trying to get defensive, but isn't 'half the riffs' a wee bit of an exaggeration? It was something I kinda wanted to avoid, and looking back on to the piece, I only thought the intro and Verse B had both guitars playing the same rhythm, except from any sections when both guitars play the same thing.

But yeah I've actually got a version of this song saved where the the drums start playing a kinda slow beat halfway through the interlude.

I listened to the outro again and yeah I kinda like it myself now actually, it just felt a bit odd the last time I listened to it.

As for the drums, I'm not exactly a drummer lol. I can play, but I couldn't play my songs on drums ha. I spend a lot of time writing my drum tracks though, and I would've thought what I write is quite realistic as I'm kinda just sitting there imagining how to play it slowly. I know some parts are pretty ridiculous to play, but the drummer for my band is pretty sick and he follows my tabs pretty accurately, and just slightly changes some odd sections into something more realistic.

Uber Man
02-09-2011, 06:09 PM
don't get the wrong idea, i did like it, and it may have been a bit of an exaggeration, I was mainly thinking of the intro and verse B, but the first bridge with the 5/4 kind of has it, and half the chorus. Its not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it gives room for vocals.

I hope i didn't offend you more xD lol. btw i'll check out that other song, i don't have anything else i direly need crited, but i like your style :D

Seb1uk
02-09-2011, 06:20 PM
Ha don't worry no offense taken, and cheers :)

patrickaumon
02-22-2011, 12:31 PM
I really enjoyed the whole song. I have the opinion that even if the instrumental lack something even after so much work, the vocals will make it for it.

For the interlude part, it all depends on the vocals.
It match the song perfectly imo.


*what do you means hating 4/4 ?

Seb1uk
02-22-2011, 12:46 PM
My bad I mixed you up with some other guy on the forum ha.

Erra93
02-22-2011, 03:19 PM
Wow, I totally love it! Do you play it on your guitar before you write it down or do you write it in Guitar Pro? <3

Seb1uk
02-22-2011, 09:16 PM
Cheers! And yeah I always play it on guitar first, I don't think I could write music in a non-practical way.

Erra93
02-23-2011, 05:30 AM
Cheers! And yeah I always play it on guitar first, I don't think I could write music in a non-practical way.

Ah, yeah.. I mostly write my tabs in school, lol :<