Untitled Song (Rock) - GP5/GP4


PDA

View Full Version : Untitled Song (Rock) - GP5/GP4


ngSyn
02-15-2011, 07:30 PM
So this is really a roughish draft, as vocals haven't been added yet (we're working on it) and we might add keyboards to this song as well. Me and the vocalist in my group (the other songwriter) meet every tuesday/thursday to write, and I'd like to know what you think of this so far. Also, I can't write drums, and neither can our vocalist, so a little help with that would be nice. If you want to help with drums, the way we see it, it would be:

1-24: No drums
25-72: Yes drums
73-80: No drums
81-88: Maybe drums, can't decide if it would work
89-112: Yes drums
113-end: No drums

If you see an error with the bass matching up or something, please let me know. I will definetly review your songs too, just leave a link.

Thank you! :)
--------------------------

Attached updated version. Updated version is only GP5

corrda00
02-15-2011, 10:56 PM
Good job mate.

You got some catchy rythms there.
The guitar parts are pretty solid, my only complaint would be bar 65, you should get the dist guitar to do a different rythm. Theres too much doubling. Also theres some notes at bar 90ish that dont work, try using chord tones.

The only thing that I think you really have to work on in this song and songwriting in general is writing bass parts. The intro was good but the rest of the song it seemed kinda lacking. Try less doubling of the guitar and have a seperate melodic bassline that focuses on chord tones.

Ive included a new bassline for verse and drum parts. Enjoy. Crit for Crit?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1412720

ngSyn
02-15-2011, 11:29 PM
Thanks, great review. I've only been playing bass for 8-10 months, and its mostly jazz bass, so I didn't think it would work here. And yes, I will definetly crit yours. I plan on changing the dist guitar rythyms during the chorus, but first I have to put new tubes in my amp. Right now, I've been stuck with my acoustic.

corrda00
02-16-2011, 09:21 PM
Thats cool.
Im a Jazz Bassist too.
I'd defininantly say that jazz bass works well in rock songs and metal songs. Remember being creative is thinking outside the box :P

ngSyn
02-16-2011, 11:49 PM
I'll remember that. Definetly for any of our softer songs, I want walking bass.

herby190
02-19-2011, 07:14 PM
Overall, this piece is okay, but without vocals, is pretty boring.

A change that I feel could help is changing the Am chords to A; the C in those chords sounds completely off to me, and I feel that it works better as a C#.

Anyways, I took a shot at adding drums to it, before I saw someone else had done it.

C4C? The link in my sig needs it.

ngSyn
02-20-2011, 10:23 PM
AMaj does actually sound better, thanks. And the vocals are being worked on, but our lead vocalist likes to complicate things with weird vocal harmonies, so it might take awhile. And I will take a look at your piece, but probably tomorrow, as I haven't eaten yet, and am tired.

nexteyenate
02-20-2011, 10:30 PM
Sorry it took so long to crit this, but here it goes:

I like the intro. It serves well as the "theme" of the song if you will. The chord progression in the verse and chorus sounds fine except for that Am which should be an AM, but that was already mentioned. The only thing I really had a problem with was the lead guitar. I feel that a clean guitar would work much better for this song instead of a distorted guitar. I also think the lead guitar needs to have a rhythm that contrasts the rhythm of the rhythm guitar (that is probably the most times i have typed "rhythm" in a single sentence). Those are my only problems though. I actually quite liked the song as a whole.

ngSyn
02-23-2011, 12:15 AM
I made some edits to the song, and will update the original post. I changed basslines and lead lines, and a few minor changes to drums, and changed all Am -> AMaj. No Vocals yet, the only part we have down is the intro, which is actually before the intro here, as the song has about 4 measures of vocal intro going on. Guitars also have a different rhythym pattern now, so the lead and rhythym guitars aren't doubled up.

Erra93
02-23-2011, 05:54 AM
It's hard to say without any vocal parts, but up until Verse 2, there's not much variation (could be that I'm not that great at hearing the bass though).
But from verse 2 and on, it's pretty great. I'm sorry I can't make a better review, I don't know anything about music theory and I'm not so much into this type of music, all I can say is that it seems pretty solid to me :)

ngSyn
02-23-2011, 09:18 AM
The beginning is supposed to be like that, starts softer (intro) gets a little more upbeat at verse 1 and then distorted guitar comes in at verse 2. Then at the end, it feels like it slows down, then ends soft again.

Erra93
02-23-2011, 10:21 AM
The beginning is supposed to be like that, starts softer (intro) gets a little more upbeat at verse 1 and then distorted guitar comes in at verse 2. Then at the end, it feels like it slows down, then ends soft again.

I guess it's a lot different if I'd hear it live, I agree however :)

MetaIronForce
02-24-2011, 01:19 PM
First of all, the acoustic intro sounds like Fade to Black. But the bass in the intro sounds great. On the acoustic guitar, I dont like how you repeatedly use those 4th fret notes. It needs more variation every 4th bar, maybe something like this:
E E E E E E E E
E||--------------------------||
B||--------------------------||
G||--------0-----------2-----||
D||-----2-----2-----4-----4--||
A||--------------------------||
E||--0-----------2-----------||
(you can import that tab straight into GP5.)

I like the dead notes in the verse intro, they really do add to it.
Verse seems the same as verse intro.
I'm sorry to say say I lost attention a bit after this until the lead came in. But I do have a short attention span. Causes problems at school...
The ring out lead added a bit to it, enough to get my attention back, but it was the same thing at different pitches depending on the chord behind it.
Interlude, its the Fade-to-Black-ish acoustic thing, but the bass makes it sound like One. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you've listened to Metallica :p:

The bends in bar 86 sound out of key. The rest of the lead was pretty good

The "Last Chorus Variation" did help to keep it interesting, as you changed what every instrument did, and it sounded good. Though it vaguely reminded me of I Want It All by Queen.

Overall, I think this song really needs vocals, which you can sort of do in Guitar Pro (it even supports lyrics). You haven't got a lead melody part throughout except during the interlude and intro, so it can get a bit boring.

C4C? Its a rock ballad.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=26535402

Erra93
02-24-2011, 01:52 PM
First of all, the acoustic intro sounds like Fade to Black. But the bass in the intro sounds great. On the acoustic guitar, I dont like how you repeatedly use those 4th fret notes. It needs more variation every 4th bar, maybe something like this:
E E E E E E E E
E||--------------------------||
B||--------------------------||
G||--------0-----------2-----||
D||-----2-----2-----4-----4--||
A||--------------------------||
E||--0-----------2-----------||
(you can import that tab straight into GP5.)

I like the dead notes in the verse intro, they really do add to it.
Verse seems the same as verse intro.
I'm sorry to say say I lost attention a bit after this until the lead came in. But I do have a short attention span. Causes problems at school...
The ring out lead added a bit to it, enough to get my attention back, but it was the same thing at different pitches depending on the chord behind it.
Interlude, its the Fade-to-Black-ish acoustic thing, but the bass makes it sound like One. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you've listened to Metallica :p:

The bends in bar 86 sound out of key. The rest of the lead was pretty good

The "Last Chorus Variation" did help to keep it interesting, as you changed what every instrument did, and it sounded good. Though it vaguely reminded me of I Want It All by Queen.

Overall, I think this song really needs vocals, which you can sort of do in Guitar Pro (it even supports lyrics). You haven't got a lead melody part throughout except during the interlude and intro, so it can get a bit boring.

C4C? Its a rock ballad.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=26535402

Me too, lol. I try to focus on listening to the teacher, but two seconds later I start thinking of something else :<

ngSyn
02-24-2011, 08:06 PM
Actually I dont listen to Metallica... it reminded me and my singer a little of Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. I prefer ABR and AILD to Metallica. The bends will probably be replaced, I don't like bending on my SG with heavy strings unless I'm in drop C or drop B.

ftf109
01-08-2012, 03:39 AM
To start off, the chord progression can get a bit repetitive by the end, but i'm not very experienced with this genre so it may be just be me (and vocals might help). A few specific things, the chord progressions were very smooth flowing, so that was very well done, the lead coming in at bar 51 sounded a bit acward but, transitioned well into the more constant lead part. Bass line seams to fit well but I didn't pay too much attention to it. Over all sounds solid

C4C? http://www.mediafire.com/?kfkrs15fi60b99c

darb0114
01-08-2012, 01:06 PM
I enjoyed this. It sounded a lot like something I might write. I do think that some parts might get repetitive, but thats common with everything, trust me I do it as well. A big thing I would like to see change is the ending of the lead solo part. Don't repeat the same thing the second time through on the fast 16th note sections. You could really change it up and make it a really big part into the final chorus section.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1510292
Its for my 12 string, kinda similar to yours. I just started, so its just the rhythm guitar.

Axe Samurai
01-12-2012, 09:00 PM
Overall this draft is a pretty solid foundation for a singer to come to and begin adding his/her melody over.

Without that being present it can be a little repetitive listening to the guitar pro file but sure i'm used to it because i've just written a rock song I'd like you to check when I finish this crit.

Intro:
Very nice arpeggios to start the piece off. I can definitely see what other people are talking about because before I had even read the other comments I thought it had a little Metallica - Hero of the Day ambience to it. Love the bass line that comes in at bar 7. It's damn smooth. I think it would be a good idea to back of the volume of the guitar just a bit during this intro section so the bass is more prominent. As you mentioned about the potential of keyboard I think straight away this area would benefit immensely from a string synth just following the chords.

Verse 1 (Bar 19-43):
I'm not entirely sure why you've named the sections the way you did (perhaps to remember them while playing?) who knows it was your call and you can do what you want because there's no wrongs per sé. Nevertheless, I don't actually like bar 19-26 so I think you should actually cut them and change bar 18 slightly to move into bar 27 more effectively. Overall this would leave you with a 16 bar verse which is pretty "by the book" kind of structure. As for what you actually composed the rhythm the acoustic guitar is playing is pretty solid and the chord progression sounds grand so i wouldn't change much about it at this point. Yet again the bass melody sounds really good! there are however a few hit and miss harmonies. For example at bar 28 when your guitar is playing an F#m chord (F#,A,C#) the bass guitar hits a D note which clashes with the C# in that chord. It was noticeable to the point i paused to see what was going on.

Chorus:
I think this section may need to change quite a bit unfortunately because even though the chords are different I didn't even feel like we had went into a new section. Starting with another Bm chord i think is the main culprit. The guitar is also playing the same rhythm from the verse so by this point it's starting to become a little mundane. Few things you could do would be to try moving to a new chord progression (say in your relative major or dominant) with a new catchy melody on the guitar (remember the chorus is usually a hook).

Verse 2 + Chorus 2:
I'm afraid none of that guitar is sitting well for me at all during the entire section. I tried looking at the harmonies and am not sure what you were aiming for. Obviously you don't have to follow keys or any protocol but it's just very dissonant (if that is what you wanted that fire away).

Now the new melody in the lead guitar i'm liking! It's a breath of fresh air and sounds cool. If you wanted the cliché clean-heavy-clean-heavy kind of format you should use this for chorus 1 as well and cut or dramatically reduce the volume of the acoustic at that point. There are some wee parts of the runs and bends that i am not too fond of but that's your call again.

Interludes:
I don't think you transitioned smoothly enough into this section to the point it seemed to jump out of nowhere. By the time i get to interlude 2 I do think it's a nice idea so do try and keep it. The lead guitar yet again is hit and miss for me. There's some parts i really like such as bar 86-87 (bar the bend) and 91-92 in interlude 3. Throughout the entire track the bass guitar has been pretty good and still is during these sections.

Last Chorus + Outro:
Actually a section I wouldn't change a thing in. Has a really good climactic feel to it and the lead guitar line blends the two sections together perfectly. Very well done on this section!.

There you have it man. You wouldn't mind checking out my rock song the revolutionary in my rig please? cheers :peace: