Accidentally taking over a band


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valennic
02-16-2011, 10:18 PM
Hey guys, I have a bit of a moral dillemma on my hands here.

A few weeks ago I was invited to come jam with this band by a friend. Me and my girlfriend were invited rather. Well, without consenting the rest of the band, the same guy who asked us to come jam with them asked us to jump in on a few songs for the next gig they had. Now I find this a bit weird, but what I find weirder is that it seems like he's trying to hand the band to us, unintentionally.

Me and the gf got to talkin to the rest of the band, and they really want to do some sort of metal project with me and the gf. Without the guy who invited us.

I feel bad that I seem to have just, broken up this band without meaning to. They plan on leaving this band to join us, the drummer and the bassist that is.

This guy's my friend, and I don't want to steal half of his band, and ruin our friendship. but they really don't seem to want to be near him anymore, they can't stand playing music with him.

What should I do here guys?

rocker222
02-16-2011, 10:27 PM
take the band and run, yea.......

Hydra150
02-16-2011, 10:29 PM
Why dont they like the guy?

Demonikk
02-16-2011, 10:33 PM
Are the drummer and bassist any good?
Do you work well with them?
Would you rather do the metal thing or what you're doing now?

In the end, if they don't like playing with the guy, then it's gonna end one way or another. If you answered yes to the above questions, I'd make the most of a bad situation and take them with you, no sense letting good musicians go to waste

yellowshirtguy
02-16-2011, 10:33 PM
I probably wouldn't do a band with them if they are wanting to do the same genre of music as the current band they are in with the friend.

For me, being in multiple bands at the same time has never been a problem. I can write and be focused on a couple projects at the same time with no problems, as long as they aren't all the same genre of music. If it's two similar sounding metal bands one of them will get the attention and the other wont get what it deserves.

valennic
02-16-2011, 10:37 PM
@Hydra150: He's no good at playing, and he's sort of an ass when it comes to songwriting.

This is their words.

@Demonikk

They're young but severely talented. In my mind its well worth it to take them and run with em, because they don't even seem to like what they're doing right now.

They play in a punk band, and both the drummer and the bassist want to play metal.

@Yellowshirtguy

See above^

They're currently in a punk band, we're wanting to form a metal one.

krypticguitar87
02-16-2011, 11:23 PM
what does your friend play?
can you find something for him to do in a metal band?
have you tried talking to him?
and what is better for you music or not getting into an arguement (look I hate to seem like an ass but how can you make other people happy if your not)?

honestly if this dude is your friend he will forgive you for it. if he doesn't he's not really a friend. maybe he'll be mad for a bit but he'll get over it.

valennic
02-17-2011, 12:01 AM
He's a guitarrist.

He's really not good enough for any form of metal, and I'm not trying to sound condescending. He's really just not good enough.

I have not yet, I will though.

SlackerBabbath
02-17-2011, 05:48 AM
Hmmm, tricky one.
I think the best way to persue it would be to talk to the band, tell them of the awkward predicament that they have placed you in and make it a condition of you joining them that they keep him for the time being, to see if you can all collectively train him in the hope that he'll improve.

If he doesn't improve, they can fire him at a later date, just so long as they don't involve you in the deed.

For the band's part, the best way to approach him now would be to tell him that they will accept you and your gf into the band on the condition that the band now goes in a new direction and that he at least attempts to improve his playing.

This may even result in him arguing with the band and splitting from them, leaving you with no moral predicament, but the point is that in the interest of fair play, he should at least have some form of warning before being fired.

Samzawadi
02-17-2011, 01:42 PM
What SlackerBabbath said. Definitely.

Thereisnotry
02-17-2011, 05:16 PM
What SlackerBabbath said. Definitely.

I agree. Seems like the least awkward way to handle your situation.

axemanchris
02-17-2011, 07:06 PM
Slacker droppin' the wizdom!

CT

valennic
02-17-2011, 09:13 PM
Alright Slacker, I'll give that a whirl.

Thanks :cheers:

kangaxxter
02-18-2011, 03:07 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Pump your brakes there, Casanova. Did you just tell us that you plan on starting/joining a band with *your girlfriend*? Did nobody else catch this? Seriously?

Buddy, that is a one-way, express ticket to more trouble than anyone should ever have to deal with. By joining a band were you are already more inclined to favor the thoughts and opinions of one band member over all the others will put you into all sorts of compromising situations. It might be fine now, but just remember, at some point in time, you will have to choose between the band and her. Hopefully, the band (or, much less likely, her) will respect your decision and understand the choice. If not, then prepare to come off as a real jerk and lose a few friends.

SlackerBabbath
02-18-2011, 04:09 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Pump your brakes there, Casanova. Did you just tell us that you plan on starting/joining a band with *your girlfriend*? Did nobody else catch this? Seriously?

Buddy, that is a one-way, express ticket to more trouble than anyone should ever have to deal with. By joining a band were you are already more inclined to favor the thoughts and opinions of one band member over all the others will put you into all sorts of compromising situations. It might be fine now, but just remember, at some point in time, you will have to choose between the band and her. Hopefully, the band (or, much less likely, her) will respect your decision and understand the choice. If not, then prepare to come off as a real jerk and lose a few friends.

That really depends upon the relationship. The term 'girlfriend' can mean a whole range of things from someone who you only met last week to someone who most would consider to be more of a common law wife. Personaly, I have a 'girlfriend' that I've been with for 13 years and who I've raised a family with. (we just simply never saw the need to get married)

If she's just someone that he's recently started dating, then yes, I'd be inclined to agree with you, but there's no reason why a more mature couple who have already been together for quite a while cannot successfully work together in a band. (or any other business for that matter)

I've known several couples who play together in bands, they tend to come as a package, if one joins/leaves the band so does the other. A couple who's been through all the childish arguments that a lot of young couples go through and learned how futile it is can often bring a much needed level headed approach to a band, they'll see the drummer and the bassist falling out like a pair of children over something trivial and rather than the situation escalating into a band split situation, they'll diffuse it simply by telling them how childish they're being.

Now, I may be wrong, but from valennic's first post, I get the impression that him and his girlfriend are a little more mature than the band. That's not necessarily an age thing, just an attitute thing.

cheapr2keepr
02-19-2011, 08:36 AM
Just imagine...

This sounds like your good friend's GF/wife just offered herself up to you, and told you "ah, he doesn't mean much to me. Let's do it. He won't find out, and I won't say anything..."

Hmmm... Do you tell your buddy that his lady wants to cheat on him with you, even at risk of breaking up a relationship that is obviously over?

Hell, yeah.

Let your friend know that his band seems to be dissatisfied with him, and that he needs to talk with them. They might just man up at that point and give him the boot and/or he tells them pack sand. Now the GF/wife (band) is single and fair game. And your friend respects your loyalty for opening his eyes to a bad situation. He goes off to jam with 2-3 new bands every week, and you pull down his sloppy seconds. Your band puts on about 80 lbs, squeezes out a couple of new members, and in a few short years you'll be chewing on the business end of a shotgun praying for the sweet release of death.

Seriously, tho, talk to your friend. Let him know there is trouble in paradise, and that you won't get in with the band unless he's cool with it.