Metalcore / whatever song (GP5)


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Erra93
02-22-2011, 06:27 AM
I just want some criticism on this, since I'm not sure if I'm happy with this or not.
I haven't spent so much time on the intro, but it had a weird feeling to it when I just now came up with it :p (took around 2 minutes :( )

I want to make it clear that the intro is going to be changed!

It's the first song for my band and it would be great if you could tell me what I could improve on :)

Edit: Uploaded new version

ngSyn
02-23-2011, 12:49 AM
These are my first impressions late(ish) at night. Expect a possible re-crit of this tomorrow.
Will also look more at theory related things tomorrow.

I like that intro though. Sounds pretty cool. Just weave it into the song more and it would fit fine, in my opinion. I feel like the fill at 17 does not fit too well. At this time, I have no suggestions on how to replace it. Perhaps get rid of it entirely and just jump straight into the chorus?

Now onto the chorus. I like how it changes from a slower feel to a faster fill. It needs drums. The whole song actually needs drums, but I can't write them very well, so I'm no help there. Also, in measure 32, the G octave over F# sounds bad.

For the verse, I like it, but it needs the drums. And a bass. Other than that, I'm fine with it.

Prechorus is kinda short, its more of a small interlude IMO. However, it does seem to go into the chorus well.

The interlude comes on kind of suddenly. However, it sounds very cool.

No breakdown? I'm sad, may cry =( I love breakdowns.

Even though this crit might not be that great... C4C? Its in my sig.
Plus, free bump for you...

Erra93
02-23-2011, 06:54 AM
These are my first impressions late(ish) at night. Expect a possible re-crit of this tomorrow.
Will also look more at theory related things tomorrow.

I like that intro though. Sounds pretty cool. Just weave it into the song more and it would fit fine, in my opinion. I feel like the fill at 17 does not fit too well. At this time, I have no suggestions on how to replace it. Perhaps get rid of it entirely and just jump straight into the chorus?

Now onto the chorus. I like how it changes from a slower feel to a faster fill. It needs drums. The whole song actually needs drums, but I can't write them very well, so I'm no help there. Also, in measure 32, the G octave over F# sounds bad.

For the verse, I like it, but it needs the drums. And a bass. Other than that, I'm fine with it.

Prechorus is kinda short, its more of a small interlude IMO. However, it does seem to go into the chorus well.

The interlude comes on kind of suddenly. However, it sounds very cool.

No breakdown? I'm sad, may cry =( I love breakdowns.

Even though this crit might not be that great... C4C? Its in my sig.
Plus, free bump for you...

I've changed the second guitar on the intro completely, and I'm rather happy with how it is now, changed the fill as well :)

Drums will be added by the drummer I suppose, and on bar 32 I had the second guitar play another chord to make it work :)
Bassist and drummer will add drums and bass to the verse :p
Kept the prechorus as it is :<

Added a changed version of the verse to a small "pre-interlude" to make it a little less sudden, a breakdown will be added later :)

Thanks a lot for the criticism, wish I could return the favor betterly :< but I gave it a try at least :)


EDIT: uploaded the new version :)

ngSyn
02-23-2011, 09:15 AM
It got better, great. I think you should get your drummer and bassist in on this, it would sound great with those instruments added.

Erra93
02-23-2011, 10:25 AM
It got better, great. I think you should get your drummer and bassist in on this, it would sound great with those instruments added.

Too bad I couldn't attend to yesterday's band practise, apparently they took one of my other intros and changed it up a bit and now we're going with this.. generic thingy :p
And I wanted a melodic intro and finally managed to make one, god damnit!
I'm such a baby. lol. Their works just fine too, but it's not what I was going for :p
And I think they're making a completely new chorus as well, or the chorus is going to be the same as this intro, I'm not sure :p
Anyway, whatever :)

Radman_Paiza
02-26-2011, 06:24 AM
Your band's version is not only generic, it's boring. The intro doesn't have enough power because of the chords used so my suggestion is to switch the last subdominant chord for the dominant one (a F#5-chord). This makes the progression a little more natural. You can also just mess around with the chords to make it sound more original, e.g. a 1-3-2-5 progression.

The original was better sounding, I dunno why you didn't go with it.

Lycka till, nonetheless. :)

blake1221
03-17-2011, 05:28 PM
There should have been a breakdown :p:

But it was good, I think you hit your stride best when one guitar was going a little heavy and the other stuck to more ambient, higher notes. It had a really good vibe going.

I think the poppier parts could use a bit of transition, to make them more cohesive with the rest of the song but it's a really good start.

Also, it needs drums so I can get a better picture of what it would actually sound like haha.
But good job nonetheless!

Erra93
03-23-2011, 08:09 PM
There should have been a breakdown :p:

But it was good, I think you hit your stride best when one guitar was going a little heavy and the other stuck to more ambient, higher notes. It had a really good vibe going.

I think the poppier parts could use a bit of transition, to make them more cohesive with the rest of the song but it's a really good start.

Also, it needs drums so I can get a better picture of what it would actually sound like haha.
But good job nonetheless!

Haha, yeah, I sort of discontinued it though, since my band didn't fancy it :p

Thanks a lot! It's the part I love the most :)

Yeah, I kind of suck at transitions, haha

I'll upload a version with drums tomorrow though, they're already sort-of-made, I just forgot to upload the new version :)

Mean Mr Mustard
03-23-2011, 08:14 PM
^Your band is stupid, this song could be rewritten or at least cleaned up to sound very good. For example, the Intro, Chorus, Pre-Interlude, and Interlude were all very great and I dont see why your band wouldn't like it. It could use some bass and drums also. But yeah, the fill > Chorus transition wasnt too good, you should work on that.

Erra93
03-23-2011, 08:17 PM
^Your band is stupid, this song could be rewritten or at least cleaned up to sound very good. For example, the Intro, Chorus, Pre-Interlude, and Interlude were all very great and I dont see why your band wouldn't like it. It could use some bass and drums also. But yeah, the fill > Chorus transition wasnt too good, you should work on that.

haha I know, I was in a rush to make just any kind of a transition :p
and maybe it's not that they don't want it, they just don't like guitar pro tabs that much, it just doesn't seem like they like it when I show it to them and they never mention it again (but then again, I could have mentioned it..)

hahaha, I'm probably the stupid one, I'm sorry :p

But! I think I will definitely try to clean this up, you and blake1221 gave me enough inspiration to at least give it a try :)

Mean Mr Mustard
03-23-2011, 08:32 PM
haha I know, I was in a rush to make just any kind of a transition :p
and maybe it's not that they don't want it, they just don't like guitar pro tabs that much, it just doesn't seem like they like it when I show it to them and they never mention it again (but then again, I could have mentioned it..)

hahaha, I'm probably the stupid one, I'm sorry :p

But! I think I will definitely try to clean this up, you and blake1221 gave me enough inspiration to at least give it a try :)
Well thats good to know. And people always hate guitar pro the first time they listen to it (happened to me too), but they get used to it and they start to imagine how it would actually sound. Plus, it helps if you have drums and bass :p: (I think the drums are the most realistic instrument on GP)

Erra93
03-24-2011, 06:16 AM
Well thats good to know. And people always hate guitar pro the first time they listen to it (happened to me too), but they get used to it and they start to imagine how it would actually sound. Plus, it helps if you have drums and bass :p: (I think the drums are the most realistic instrument on GP)

Indeed :) the reason they hate guitar pro though, is that "it isn't real", and what they mean by that is I should come up with my tabs by playing them on my guitar first, but seriously, who cares, if it sounds good, it sounds good :<

And yeah, drums are definitely the most realistic, I kind of love them :p

Edit: Uploaded version 3!

gabrielcev
10-13-2011, 03:03 PM
Extremely creative song, very original. I never heard anything like it and I can appreciate that but I agree with the others when I say you need to clean it up in some parts.
The intro was decent and enjoyable.
The chorus was beautiful but you need a transition part before you get to the chorus part to make it sound like a song instead of a bunch of parts glued together. Helpful crit on my song thanks. I hope everythign goes good with your band I myself am starting a band and want to get a recording before the end of 2011 hopefully. I just got a job so im saving up for a new guitar a bass and some recording equipment.

Erra93
10-14-2011, 03:25 AM
Extremely creative song, very original. I never heard anything like it and I can appreciate that but I agree with the others when I say you need to clean it up in some parts.
The intro was decent and enjoyable.
The chorus was beautiful but you need a transition part before you get to the chorus part to make it sound like a song instead of a bunch of parts glued together. Helpful crit on my song thanks. I hope everything goes good with your band I myself am starting a band and want to get a recording before the end of 2011 hopefully. I just got a job so im saving up for a new guitar a bass and some recording equipment.

Haha, I left this song to die a long time ago, wrote this 8 months ago, when I still was in a band :p: (though thanks for the crit even though I didn't ask for one)
Also, I've decided to take out parts of the song for other songs where they fit better with the rest of the song like you said :)

Thanks a lot for the crit and the kind words and good luck with getting your recording equipment and your other future endeavours :) also! Would be cool to hear the finished recording! :)