Sludgey Doom piece (GP5/4/x, midi) C4C


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robertito696
02-25-2011, 10:11 PM
I started this a few months ago, finally finished it today. Inspired primarily by Mastodon and Neurosis (I stole their tuning). Its pretty simple but I'm quite happy with it. I think it could use a few lead lines but I'm awful at writing them.

I don't play bass or drums so, while I want criticism, take that into account. I think it gets repetitive, so I might cut down the number of times each riff is played, any suggestions on what excess to trim will be appreciated.

In the conversion to GP5/4 some of the grace notes on the drums got messed up but it shouldn't effect anything too much.

Alright, Have at ye! C4C of course, the more detailed you are the more I'll be.

EDIT:
The drums at bar 75 is going to be a fill, I put the cymbal as a place holder and never changed it.

And the riff around bar 77/78 sound different on real guitar, it may or may not be cut/replaced.

Erra93
02-26-2011, 07:26 AM
For the most part I think it's good, it's not something I usually listen to, but I still liked it. Just one thing though, the whole song felt like a giant build up to some amazing solo / breakdown / awesome section, but it just never came :p

tomas_almeida
03-17-2011, 01:01 PM
First of all thanks for the crit. I've since tried to adress some of the issues you mentioned, and uploaded a new version.

Now for your track.

I think you said well when you said this could sound a little repetitive. The thing is, I find it more repetitive because of the constant octaves than because of the times the riffs are played. I think it would be refreshing to have a different interval put in there, or every riff will sound a little to similar. This, in my perspective (and you already saw how my perspective is somewhat unique), so take it just as an opinion.

I liked bars 42 to 75. I like the "slowdown" and the part that comes after it sounds nice to me. It would sound great with that sludgy and overgained doom guitar sound. The drums are my favourite thing in this part, I really like them.

79-94 doesn't fit and is the weakest of the riffs IMO.

95-110 is my favourite part. The things I like the most about this part is that it clearly is keeping the listener tense, making him antecipate something, and this is achieved by both the note choice and the inconstant rhythm.

I'd say that you have nice potential on some of those ideas, but maybe you could try scrapping some of the riffs and coming up with a new structure.

Keep up the good work.

NegiTom
04-26-2011, 01:04 PM
Quick summary: really digged it, definitely felt the influence, but not in a ripped off way. Was nice and old-school, angry and doooooomy!

Drawn out review: I agree with you that it's so hard to review doom on guitar pro, cause if you tune down to Drop G like you did, it sounds a bit, so I played it in real life to get a better idea, and it was a shitload better, so that put my doubts to rest on this.

Intro was cool, nice and slow, drums were cool, was all building up nicely at this point, guitars are cool, riffs sound sweet in real life! Bar 23-35 was awesome, loved this! great riff, awesome build up, I knew what was coming next, but I was looking forward to it, if you know what I mean. The bit after, feels loads bigger and is exactly what I was hoping for. It drags on quite a lot, but changes in the drums help, and with vocals I wouldn't even notice it was so long so that doesn't count.

I really like the slow bit, where it drops tempo a few times, really digged that, the riff after was my favourite of all of them I think, was so flowy and dark, it's also where I felt the mastadon influence!

Riff after with the octaves was okay, not quite my cup of tea, but it fitted in with the song well.

Bit after was cool, would work well with vocals, bit dull on its own, but all doom is! The rest of the song is repeats of earlier riffs, but they worked well, liked this song!

I agree maybe a killer solo could work at some point, but awesome vocals and great tones will change that!

robertito696
04-26-2011, 03:57 PM
Thanks for the crits. I haven't touched this in months so i;m sure I can make it much better now.

I think the problem with the octaves riff ~bar 80 is the drums, I threw them in as a placeholder and and never fixed them, and they don't fit. It sounds a bit better in real life.

NegiTom: That's awesome that you played some of the riffs!

I'll fix it up and possibly upload the refined version, otherwise I'll go straight to recording, I need new pups for my baritone first though.

NegiTom
04-26-2011, 07:10 PM
Doom on baritones sound immmmmmensely cool, what pups you looking at? And I kind of had to play em haha, they looked fun!

robertito696
04-27-2011, 10:32 PM
Not sure yet on the pups. I've been thinking about a Dimarzio Crunchlab for the bridge, but recently I considered SD P-Rails, I've always wanted P-90s so they'd be cool. IDK

I constantly play other people riffs when I crit stuff, I was just pumped someone tried some of MY riffs. I'll message you if this song ever makes its way to original recordings if you want.

NegiTom
04-28-2011, 10:38 PM
You thought about bareknuckles at all? They're amazing if you wanna lash out several hundred (insert currency here) on them! I'd really dig that if you let me know if it gets recorded!

mikhailster
05-02-2011, 02:34 AM
I like. It's simple and I enjoy most of it.

7 - 22: Needs a lead over top. Playing one note over and over again is never good.

23 - 34: Use of 3/4 makes otherwise standard riff interesting.

35 - 56: Again, Time signature changes = continued interest in song. A riff like that would sound like crap in 4/4.

I love the bass riff at 61-63. Takes me back to my hardcore roots.

64-74: Two words: shorter, faster.

75: Use 4 hihat hits, not 7. The riffs before and after may be in 7/4, but that is because they are being carried by the guitar. Don't throw the listener off by using an awkward number of straight drum/cymbal hits.

77-94: Crap.

95-110. I don't understand the rhythm. Crap.

111: Correct. Do something like this in bar 75.

The rest of the song I enjoy, but it needs a more sinister ending.

Improve your style. Use more original riffs and further your understanding of time signatures and rhythm and I may buy your future CDs.

robertito696
05-03-2011, 02:29 PM
Thanks for the crits so far.

The drums at bar 75 is going to be a fill, I put the cymbal as a place holder and never changed it.

And the riff around bar 77/78 sound different on real guitar, it may or may not be cut/replaced.