Untitled WIP (proggy instrumental metal) C4C


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BigBigWater
03-24-2011, 12:04 PM
I haven't been here in a while, been working like 10+ hours a day so I haven't really had time to do anything. ;( Just wrote all this in the last hour pretty much though and think it's coming along well, better than my previous stuff probably. Just thought I'd get some opinions.

(I don't usually post songs without any percussion or anything either, but oh well.)

Thanks for any feedback and leave a link if you want me to crit something back please. <3

Edit 1: Updated with a little bit more stuff, still definitely not finished, also wrote some pretty awful drums that follow no real pattern and probably don't exactly fit (I realized I used a crash cymbal like every .5 seconds, so I definitely kinda needa change that, lmao.) but oh well.

Edit 2: Added more parts, wrote up some bass pretty quick, other weird things. Now has a working title 'An Everest Beneath And An Ocean Above.'

Feel free to unmute the third guitar track and listen and given me feedback on that as well, it's just some strange stuff, some of which is definitely really nice (Left Right section, Moon section).

The synth section... ignore. lmfao.

Madzää
03-30-2011, 03:12 PM
Iīm sorry I canīt do big crits right now because of work, but Iīll commend at least a little bit on this one.

I see youīre developing more homogenous melodies - I think that is a step into the right direction. While I wasnīt too shure about the rhythm of the intro, it seemed better than the work Iīve heard of you before. My main issue with some stuff of yours is that some notes donīt fit the progression. I donīt believe that one should restrict himself to solely using notes that are found in the scale you play the song, but your melodies should add to the effect of the chords, and not dimish it. par exemple the B in bar 85. sure, a major 6 can have its effect if used at the right time, but in my opinion it didnīt fit here at all. Sometimes there was a little bit too much going on in the same frequency spectres, try to get a little bit more "air" in your sound.

Iīm sorry I couldnīt analyse this as much as it would have given, but some crit is better than none!

Erra93
03-30-2011, 04:40 PM
On bar 85, in my opinion, it would sound better to have 14-15-14 (like it is already), and then 12-13-12 (instead of 12-14-12), it sounds smoother in my ears :)

Sorry if this is the same as Madzää said, I don't know music theory well enough to understand his post :<

The song reminds me of Scale The Summit, which is a good thing :)

Tarbosh
03-30-2011, 04:50 PM
Just to clear it up for OP or the guy before, a major 6 is the interval consisting of 9 half-steps, for example from C to A.

Erra93
03-30-2011, 04:59 PM
Just to clear it up for OP or the guy before, a major 6 is the interval consisting of 9 half-steps, for example from C to A.

No idea what you're talking about :<
9 half-steps = 9 frets, right?
No idea about C, nor A, nor any of the other letters :<

Tarbosh
03-30-2011, 05:23 PM
Dude, how do you write music if you don't know the chromatic scale even by letter name?

BigBigWater
03-30-2011, 06:42 PM
Dude, how do you write music if you don't know the chromatic scale even by letter name?
by fret number? ;P

Also, thanks for the feedback guys, i'd say more but I'm at work.

Erra93
03-31-2011, 08:01 AM
Dude, how do you write music if you don't know the chromatic scale even by letter name?

\/

by fret number? ;P

Also, thanks for the feedback guys, i'd say more but I'm at work.

Indeed :p

Seb1uk
04-01-2011, 08:50 PM
Cheers for the crit man.

I dunno why you're complaining about your drums, I thought the intro was pretty sick, the drums really added to it. I enjoyed the chord sequence and lead melody of the intro. I thought the chords seemed quite odd from bar 30-45 though, probably personal taste.

The change in feel was nice at bar 46, didn't quite like the drums here though. Kinda sounds Protest The Hero'y. The harmony is a nice touch. The drums are pretty poor from bar 65 onwards as well hah, sorry. I felt this section kinda dragged out a bit, just before the fade in at bar 83. The next section is cool, I liked the chords, and the lead was good for the most part, but some notes sounded funny.

The lead parts for the next few dozen bars were really nice. I really liked the clean break, especially when the drum beat came in. But I do think you could work on the drums here as well. I know you said you did an awful job, but it's not terrible, I'm just picking out the worst parts.

So far so good. I think with better drums it would really improve, but generally not much wrong. Nice one!

If you don't mind, I've done a little more work on my song, care to have another look?

Life Is Brutal
04-01-2011, 09:58 PM
Cool stuff, reminded me a bit of some Dream Theater. I really liked bars 54-62. 83 was a cool transition, and had a great feel to the following parts. I found individual bars much easier to define than the song as a whole, and it seems that its held together by individual parts along a central idea, than a central idea itself. Don't get me wrong, theres great material here, but there isn't much actual structure in the piece, so there isn't much to hold onto.

I was writing this as I went and noticed parts of note, and bars 149 and on, that section was awesome. Had a really unique sound to it, and was a fantastic end to the piece. :)

But yeah, rethink your structure a bit. The music itself is great, but its not centralized enough. I hope that makes sense.

Its also might help to learn the actual notes and how they correlate to scales and key changes, rather than playing off the numbers on the string. :haha:

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1428338

BigBigWater
04-04-2011, 12:29 AM
HEEEEY.

First off, sorry to the people who did link back (and Sebiuk's case too) and I haven't yet. Been working 11 hours a day and such, not much time, I WILL get to it soon enough though, I promise.

Posting because I updated it with bass now too and a very odd 3rd guitar track that you can unmute if you want and listen through and tell me what you think of it (the bits in the Left Right section and Moon section seemed really great IMO).

I also, as that bit suggested, labeled every section with a title kinda thing, so it should be easier to crit if you want.

;D

HaydenHohns
04-04-2011, 05:52 AM
Alright, this is my first critique on a music forum so I'll do my best (I've un-muted the other tracks BTW).

Bars (1-16): Excellent and fusion/prog-based intro which sounded nice.
Bars (17-25): This section, while good, needs to be darker IMO, maybe a different chord progression that sounds more depressing and ominous or adding in some flat 5ths and augmented chords.
Bars (26-45): If the previous section is made darker than this would be an excellent follow up.
Bars (46-62): Good to see a break from the melodic section and see some riffs.
Bars (63-86): Excellent work here. Reminds me of The Little Mermaid as far as the keyboards go.
Bars (87-104): I don't particularly like this section. If I hear a minor chord fading in then something more chaotic and frantic would be more suitable. This would also add more variety to the piece. Something like Black Metal or Thrash Metal etc.
Bars (105-140): I'm starting to drift off now. I've noticed how much this has in common with Scale The Summit but the problem with Scale The Summit is the lack of dynamics/variety.
Bars (141-181): Nice contrast, and the keyboards are particularly effective. Nice melodies, no problems here.
Bars (182-209): Excellent build up here and riffs sound good too. No problems here.
Bars (210-217): This should be where you either place a riff/theme from a previous section or a variation on the build up you had before, like a solo or modulation etc.
Bars (218-243): The song should have at the end of here in my opinion.
Bars (244-262): Not required.

Overall, you have some really good ideas (It's a solid composition) but the song requires some more variation and better structure in order to really set it apart from contemporary musicians in this field (I am right by making comparisons to Soundtrack/Scale The Summit/Instrumental Metal, right?).

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1428453

HappyGilmore899
04-28-2011, 09:18 AM
First off, thanks for the crit on my track :). I've listened through twice now and am very impressed and definitely hear the Early Coheed influence (Maybe just me) with the epicness. Here's a short little rundown by section.

A Mirrorscape (1-16) - Nice solid intro to the track. Does a good job of setting the mood and the forthcoming flow of the track.

Stormy Sea's/Prevailing Glimmers (17-29) - The interaction between the Bass and Chords at Bar 28 is a great touch.

A Grand Battle (30-45) - The first "hiccup" in the track I think is the Snare hit at before the final rest in Bar 35. Really kinda nitpicky but it either hit's off beat in a non-meshy way in my opinion. Such a minor detail but it threw me off enough the first time listening that I did stop and go back a couple bars to see if I heard it right. The rest of this section is solid and the rest of the Drum's in this section are Ace.

Gnomes/Huh (46-62) - The guitar's shift to give a sense of urgency/ beginning of a buildup for the first time and its a nice touch. The Harmonizing starting at 54...Very nice.

We May Float (63-86) - Kinda disappointed at first when the buildup prior didn't lead into an epic chorus'y type section but that was quickly quashed. Bass and Guitar Interaction throughout, Especially about midway through the section, was spot on. Conventionally you wouldn't expect the section previous and this one to mesh just because they both seem to have the same purpose but F' that, It works!

You Are The Kraken (88-104) - There we go! Big Chord oriented Chorus/Payoff. Short but sweet.

Sun Eating Horizon/Reflected Trials and Tribulations (105-136) - Honestly I think the first four bars (x2) could've just been left out. I know *why* you did it to give a little pause in before the Lead Guitar picks back in but I honestly think it sounds a TON better when it goes straight from Kraken into Bar 109 with the Lead.

Paradisaical Atmosphere/Planets/Stars/Life (137-177) - A little abrupt shift but it's one of those things I'm sure would sound alot smoother Recorded than it does on MIDI. Melody is great and the interaction between the two guitar tracks reminds me alot of Minus the Bear lol...thats a good thing.

A Million Miles Left (178-181) - I love the chords here and how they lead into...

Bow ba bow bow/smile/left-right (182-213) - Appropriately titled first section lol. Definitely got the Coheed feel here.

Norwhal Unicorn Of The Deep/Norwhal Dos (214-239) - Great lead work in here and again the chord's are nice.

The Moon Is Following Me (240-End) - Noooooo! Builds up to nothing but unfinishedness :(.

Overall it is almost great, amazing, awesome all rolled into one but for a couple minor hiccups along the way.

Not going to be everyone's "Thing" obviously and is more of an acquired taste given that it is a long and epic track but not amazingly technically challenging just to be challenging or overly proggy but it's definitely a style I dig alot. Once it's finished and a couple of the minor things get addressed this would definitely be a really great piece of work. Record this one day bro, it's definitely a winner.