Adromeda Syndrome (GP5, C4C) Prog/Power Metal, with small jazz influence.
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04-12-2011, 02:25 PM
Not been working on this too long, but I smell something great. Tell me what you think. One of the transitions is pretty bad (Bar 96-106) but I'm going to work on it. Tear my creation apart, lads!
Mean Mr Mustard
04-12-2011, 05:33 PM
Well, while I feel that it contains some pretty nice writing, and some very beautiful parts, it kinda suffers from poor songwriting. A lot of the parts came randomly, and there were some not so great parts that you could weed out I think. It lacked concise structural feeling, even taking into account the nature is supposed to be like that. Theres still better ways to transition between the parts I think. Like bar 62, that was off.
Also, the drums seemed poorly done in my opinion. Especially in the sections where there wasnt a lot of instrumentation, it stood out to me, like bar 26 felt a little weird, and bar 34 was pretty bad. So was bar 45, a simple bass drum beat on those crashes would work well, so would a snare right before it.
But moving on to the good parts: I loved the guitar's melody at bar 54. I liked those chords at bar 66 too and I LOVED that riff at 70, however, they kinda transitioned poorly. The bright and happy section at bar 107 was very nice, put a smile on my face, and the part afterwards was quite epic.
SO overall, yes there are some great parts here, I was really impressed with some of it. However, you really should've taken your time with the songwriting; the parts can be random at times, and the transitions can be poor. I think that with some more work, you could really make this better. It has a ton of potential, but for now its only about a 6 out of 10 for me.
Could you C4C this (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1430237) please, no ones looked at it.
04-12-2011, 05:51 PM
Thanks for crit, but for now it's just the rough draft. I like to get the shell and structure figured out and then flesh parts out, and I'm not even done with the structure yet. My plan is to reprise the original chord (arpeggio) progression with the feel of the more epic feel of the last bits here.
Going to go return crit now.
04-12-2011, 07:16 PM
The intro was really cool. Modulation at bar 11 was awesome. I'm just wondering, is this at all influenced by the band Andromeda? I kinda see some similarities between this and Two is One.
I actually didn't mind the drums at bar 26.
At 34, definitely want to add some kick drums or something. As you said though, this is still a rough draft... So I'll try to emphasize things that might not be simply due to the rough nature of the work.
Definitely need to improve the transition in 46, though I dunno if that's the effect you were going for - the sudden stop of everything. I'm not sure something like that works so well so early in the song - You killed any momentum you had going on. So perhaps you should include some drums at that part?
Loved the solo, nothing really wrong there.
Liked the change to triplets at 62.
And bar 70 was awesome :eek: Nice sudden transition back into 4/4. EDIT: I mean out of triplets. It was in 4/4 the whole time.
The key change thing at 78 sounded cool, but I'm confused as to why the guitar dropped out at 82. It makes the transition into 86 sound disjointed; it ruins the momentum, once again.
Bars 91-106 were amazing, though the transition from 89-90 needs to be fixed.
Bars 107 on came out of nowhere... Did they have any relevance to the previous stuff? The sections were definitely good (especially bar 142, that was awesome), but I'm just wondering if you inadvertently strayed too far from the original material... Maybe it will make more sense if I listen to it more? I dunno.
All in all, I agree with Mustard. While there were really good parts, I feel like it could really be strengthened with some structuring. Even the parts from 38-89 kinda sounded random together, but that may be due to the weak transitioning. Either way, I see lots of potential in this, so keep working on it!
EDIT: Loving the avatar btw. :p:
04-12-2011, 07:48 PM
Thanks Reddeath, haven't you done crits on some of my past songs? If you did a crit on Odyssey, I'm actually done with it now if you remember it.
EDIT: Regarding Andromeda, I'm actually somewhat familiar with them (My pandora plays them all the time) but I was subconsciously trying to channel a band called Anubis Gate, who aren't that different from Andromeda. After you've mentioned it, it does sound alot like Two is One 0_0 haha.
04-12-2011, 08:09 PM
No, I don't think I've ever heard Odyssey, but I'm listening to it right now. It's similar to this one in a way - Impressive individual parts, but weak transitions. I used to have the same problem. I'll try to crit it sometime soon, but right now I'm kind of dead.
And ah, yeah, those two bands are kind of similar in a way... In fact, I even started getting into them at a similar time. Andromeda's material is a lot more familiar to me though.
04-12-2011, 09:07 PM
I actually haven't posted the finished version of that one, but I could post the finished version under Odyssey's thread.
Life Is Brutal
04-12-2011, 10:11 PM
Very cool stuff, with some great atmosphere at times. But, I can't give much of a crit for the moment.
Great, interesting material at points, although it seems to lack enough structure to keep the ideas intact. Clean this up and centralize it, and you would have a truly awesome piece.
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