Comment on my WIP? Progressive/orchestral metal (c4c)


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Portuguese_boy
04-23-2011, 12:49 PM
Still not finished but i'd like to get some feedback on the work I've done so far. Ignore the sections for now, they're in relation to the lyrics I wrote for that song.

Also, please turn off RSE and listen to it in MIDI, otherwise it will sound too cluttered because there's like 8 instruments playing at the same time in some parts.

C4C

Edit: I just noticed I put orchestral with progressive.. It's not orchestral yet but it's going to have a huge orchestral part soon like most of my other songs.

bokma
04-23-2011, 01:25 PM
:eek:

I am envious of your song writing capabilities.

YesterdaysToday
04-23-2011, 04:20 PM
Section AI: This made me want to mash extremely bad. :P I really like this, it reminds me of some of the newer BTBAM stuff. The only suggestion I have here is to turn down the volume of the toms as they are slightly overpowering.

Section AII: I like the jazz feel here, but It kind of feels overcrowded, and once again the drums are overpowering.

Psychedelic Dreams is really good, I would keep it how it is. Good work!

Section AIII: I love how it changes feels and rhythems so smoothly here!

Measure 75 and on is AWESOME!!!! It makes me wanna hardcore dance!

Measure 96 feels as if it needs more depth, try adding bass here but playing the same thing an octave down.

I like the reverb effect in it too...

Measure 108-the end were really cool, but since it is a work in progress, it still needs more.

Overall, really good job! I like it! Keep up the good work!

8/10



Crit mine?

(http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1435131)

Portuguese_boy
04-24-2011, 12:17 AM
Thanks guys.
I'll crit yours in a couple of hours when I get back to my computer.

MattAnderson111
04-24-2011, 04:54 PM
This was great, I'm not a fan of the genre, but I do like BTBAM, so, I guess I am, but not all the odd parts (Bar 69, etc)

It is good, and well put together, and I wish I could just, write like this, in the sense of, I don't know how you write off-time stuff this good, since it just sounds stupid when I do it, but you got it down.

The Transition into Temporary Escape Into Reality is ****ing amazing, this is my favorite part, yet the whole song is great in the musicianship sense. I will probably really enjoy it from a listening perspective after I listen to it a few times, but I can see it being 8 or 9 minutes long, completing that "progressive" feel.

Portuguese_boy
04-24-2011, 10:24 PM
Thanks, I used to have trouble with that off-time stuff, but studying some PtH and BtBaM songs really helped me.
Not that I can write like them or anything.

Life Is Brutal
04-25-2011, 12:15 AM
Opening bars are great, although some of the randomness in melody throws it out of whack, which was the intent, obviously. Sweeping bars were nice.

Next section is great, very nice sound and transition into "Psychadelic dreams". Which is an awesome section, an the piano backing is great.

Transition to nightmare is awesome, and at 83, when its in full swing, I can call it epic.

The section at 96 is very unique, and I like the use of the triplets. At 108, I like the transition back into the brighter material, as its done well in a kind of resolve sense.

Thanks for the crit on my song, and it was no problem for yours.

Portuguese_boy
04-25-2011, 05:30 PM
Yep, I didn't really focus on a melody in the first part, tried to make it sound as chaotic as I could.

HaydenHohns
04-26-2011, 01:53 AM
Ok, here we go.

Bars (1-5): Nice opening bars, and I love the frantic harmonies and lush-sounding chords.
Bars (6-24): Excellent pedal riffing, however you can make that easier to read (I'm being incredibly picky). I mean if you tie two 16th notes, that's just an 8th note right? And if you have a 16th note followed by a 16th note rest, thats just a staccato 8th note, correct? Anyway, the only bar I dislike here is 10 and any other bars that are identical to it. The dotted notes feel like a breakdown to me and I really hate breakdowns.
Bars (25-38): Love the chords here. Might just borrow those for a composition sometime down the road. The piano in particular sounds very good. I suggest that the Cynic-esque fill at the end of each phrase be palm-muted until the final time its played when the other guitars come in, then let out it loud.
Bars (39-55): Once again, you are very capable in chordal movement but I feel that there needs to be a more intense transition between bars 38 and 39. There was all this energy building up and then it became such an anti-climax. Add some extra shreddy leads or a new melodic section that is really obnoxious. Then go to the Psychedelic Dreams part. Besides, the longer your songs, the more street cred you get among Prog Circles, right?
Bars (56-90): Hey this is really cool. Like Final Fantasy mixed with The Nightmare before Christmas. If you want to make it really creepy, I suggest adding in trills by the lead guitars when they come in and perhaps some panned volume swells.
Bars (91-114): Absolutely spectacular transition here, keep that up. Following riff sounds good and comfortable, not jarring at all. The amazing chordal work at 108-111 is begging for a super melodic and technical solo, I'm so surprised you didn't fully develop that stuff. Unless your saving it for the end of the piece. Either way, that riff is to good to be in the piece for only 3 seconds (Come on, you'll get more street cred for lengthier songs). Last few bars sound like they're set up for a breakdown, which is not my cup of tea as stated earlier.

My only real advice to you is to develop your ideas. You have so many ideas which are begging to be extended yet they go on for only a few bars. Hope that helps.

Portuguese_boy
04-26-2011, 07:21 PM
Thanks, and I'm hardly done with the song, i just like to post it when I'm still in the start so that I can get good feedback and directions on where to go from there.
and trust me, the mini breakdowns make a lot more sense when there's vocals.

HaydenHohns
04-27-2011, 04:31 AM
@Portuguese_boy: If it doesn't work for me instrumentally, then the vocals aren't going to change it, but it's your song, so I can't force you to do anything. It's from the instrumental standpoint that I dislike them. I have nothing against extreme vocals (Opeth, Psycroptic, Ihsahn etc). From my standpoint, a breakdown makes me feel lethargic and on most occassions have little to no musical merit and can get the same point across with a far more musical option, thus leading me to believe the musician is lazy (Or far worse, incapable). Again, this is just my opinion so don't take it the wrong way, but that's just how I see it, not trying to offend anyone here.

Portuguese_boy
04-28-2011, 10:53 AM
I agree with the breakdowns are a sign of laziness, I hate songs that have those chug chug breakdown guitar parts going on for a whole minute.
and no offense taken, I actually kind of agree with you and I'm considering changing that part now that i relistened to it.