04-24-2011, 12:00 AM
I've kind of hit a road block with this thing I'm working on.
Attached to thread.
I'm mainly a guitar player, so I'm not really sure if the drums I have there work.
Would really appreciate a crit, and will be happy to return one.
04-24-2011, 12:30 AM
That's pretty sweet. Keep up the good work.
04-29-2011, 11:00 PM
Thanks for the praise, man, but I was sort of looking more for criticism. I can't seem to develop the thing further, but at the same time I'm not satisfied with it.
05-01-2011, 12:38 PM
Ok.... it's got interesting parts, but I think it loses more steam than it builds up.
The bass rhythm is ok, but it drags on unnecessarily. I think if you cut off the big chord sound you have at bar 3 and finished the bass intro at bar 4, the intensity would be improved.
This is a pretty decent take on a fairly generic approach. I think the biggest weakness here is that there isn't much variation on the melody. Almost every measure here starts with an E-E-F-E figure, and that gets dull. Since you've got an augmented seventh, you can really play with the half steps and maintain that same sort of feel, but you get to explore different chords and whatnot.
The biggest trouble people have with harmonic minor and other augmented keys, I think, is that they really don't take advantage of the opportunity to use augmented chords and stacked minor thirds effectively. That's where the interest comes from, as much fun as the major seventh to minor sixth, anyway.
I do like the punchiness of the melody, especially in bar 12. I commend you for that, though I do think that, again, it could be spiced up some.
This is where it really loses steam. You've built a melody around punchy sixteenth note runs and now you're making the listener sit through longer notes without any real transition. This passage just feels arbitrary, like filler, between the two big sixteenth note bits.
Decent melody, again, it suffers from you taking an overly scalar approach, I think. The first half of bar 21 sounds really good and it shows that you definitely could do more with that idea, but you didn't follow through on it. Bar 22 just sounds awkward.
This is another seemingly arbitrary bridge between two sections that has no real context. It was ok for a single measure, but that rhythm just isn't conducive to more than that.
This just doesn't work at all. It has all the irritation of the last part's rhythm and all the boredom of a tired chord progression. I will give you this much: the last two measures were good, especially having the lead guitar resolve first and let the rhythm parts follow through.
I think your biggest issue is that you didn't really take advantage of the augmented seventh here. You could have done a lot different here, but aside from a few good measures, this just feels kind of arbitrary.
One thing you can do to break that up is to decide upon a chord progression beforehand, write it out so you can see where the chords fall and where the resolve. Then decide which beats you want to emphasize. Most music in 4/4 time has the strong beats on 1 and 3, so you might want to put the focus on building tension on strong beats and resolving on the even beats. Play around with the idea of an augmented scale some and try to really take advantage of that accidental, since it opens up some interesting opportunities for tension and resolution.
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