Beyond the Wall of Sleep pt. 3 (Progressive Metal C4C)


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Geldin
04-24-2011, 04:56 PM
Here's an idea I've been playing with for a while. It's kind of bipolar, but I want to get some second (and third and fourth and so on) opinions on what I need to work on.

Take a listen, let me know what you think, C4C as always. Just post a link to what you want critiqued.... yadda yadda yadda.

[GELDIT]
I should probably say that this is a work in progress, so treat it as such.

[GELDIT2]
OP has newest version in a .zip along with a midi of the latest version.

zbest
04-24-2011, 05:02 PM
where is the song?

Geldin
04-24-2011, 05:07 PM
Check again. I had a little trouble with the uploader.

Johnny_Reano
04-24-2011, 05:17 PM
Pretty cool meng, I like it. Not super adventurous, but it has some nice ideas and unity (it doesn't just meander). If anything, I'd say work on the ending (it feels... kind of arbitrary? Almost like it was still trying to make it's point). It's hard to judge simply from a guitar pro recording of course, but I think that, if treated right, this could come alive in a studio.

EDIT: Oh, as far as C4C, just check out my profile, I've got some prog and classical and techno, whatever. Check out Universe, I'm really happy with it.

zbest
04-24-2011, 05:18 PM
This music isnt my cup of tea so I might not be the best suited to crit it but I did like the overdriven guintar that the start. While I likes the piano part a lot, something felt off with the bass there, it might of been guitar pro so idk but it sounds a bit 'wrong' for the part. I love how it builds up the tempo again and the guitar that comes in at the return to form section is sweet. Ill give it a 8/10 but again, I'm not into this type of music very much. Hope i could help :)

RedDeath9
04-24-2011, 05:37 PM
Alright, critting as I listen:

In Fig 1, that lead doesn't really sound like it goes with the chords so well. Just make it fit better, follow the roots, and it's fine. The part after also sounds like it drops out a bunch of layers too quickly, maybe let some stuff ring out? Then just fade it out and have the rest of the tracks keep going.

The drums for this section (Fig. 3) are kind of iffy; the way you synchronized the toms with the riff is cool, but you seemed to really neglect the snare. Just insert some in there if you can.

At Fig 4 it really picks up. The drum part is damn cool, definitely way better than before, and the riff is nice. I like the variation at 65, it continues the feel effectively.

Transition at 88 doesn't seem to work so well. The part is cool, but the key change is too rapid, maybe consider putting some intermediary measures before to lead into it? Measure 104 sounds a bit weird. The bass doing Bb clashes with the rest of the stuff going on, just make it C or something and then it sounds fine. Same goes for 108.

Cascades, now that is a cool sounding part. Reminds me of something Liszt would do. Can't put my finger on exactly what it reminds me of. I think it's one of his transcendental etudes, but whatever.

132 has...too much going on, it clashes. Cut it down, make it work a bit better. It's alright to have a lot of stuff going on, but make sure it all fits.

The solo is alright, but once again, some of it clashes, especially towards the end. I also think you need some sort of outro, rather than just...ending it. I'd put the thing at Fig.4 followed by Fig.5 there, then round it out with something else, but still related. Just an idea.

All in all you have a pretty good song here, some of the parts need a bit of cleaning up, but structurally it works and it's overall a satisfying listen. Think you could drop a crit on this collaboration piece I did with another user on here?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1435476

Geldin
04-27-2011, 12:29 PM
Alrighty then.

I've worked on some of the rough spots you guys noted. An updated version is in the OP.

BigBigWater
04-28-2011, 04:38 AM
Fig 1. \m/ Loved it.

Fig 2. Felt really empty to me. Needs something to make it feel more 'full'

Fig 3. Even more empty feeling.

Fig 3-2. Well there's something to fill it up! Though I've sorta grown out of enjoying excessive sweeping, this bit is fairly well executed.

Fig 4. I was sitting there the whole time like '**** YEAH HERE COMES THE OCTAVE HARMONY.' There was never an octave harmony. ;(

Fig 5. Not bad. A bit enjoyable.

Fig 4-2. ALMOST WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR BEFORE. Not bad again.

Transitions. A bit awkward, but not terribly so. Does it's job in the end.

Softly. Rather enjoyable.

Cascades. Yessss. I love big octave plays! This part was great, ESPECIALLY measure 122, super loved that.

Up tempo. Little odd, but enjoyable enough!

Return to form. Feels a bit blah to me, it's just not coming together in a way that could ever be memorable.

Stop n' Go. Yum. Absolutely love this.

Heard It Before. Absolutely love this even more! ****ing great.

Solo. Was kinda standard sounding. Just kinda a metuhl solo. *shrug*

Rehash. Works well here. Definitely a great time to reuse something.

Chorus. Feelin' empty again. ;(

Sweepy chorus. Still empty with some cliche feeling sweeps. ;'(

Ending is really abrupt feeling to me and does not feel like it should end there.


Overall (I understand this whole crit sounds negative in general, I really didn't dislike it as much as I probably sound like I did) it was fairly good. My main issue is that it seemed way too focused on technicality through out, which I guess I have kinda grown out of. There is quite the lack of focus on any melody at all throughout to release any tension or give it a different feel, no interesting chords or really much of any chords, something I think that could help fill up some bits.

I honestly feel there is a ton of potential in this that could easily be brought out with just a bit of revision. Then again, I should repeat that this is quite possibly just not my sort of music either, haha.

If you care to C4C: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1436419

Geldin
04-28-2011, 11:59 AM
What do you mean by empty? Since that seems to be the primary concern you voiced in the part-by-part review, I'm wondering just what that means.

If you just mean the mixing, that's something I've always struggled with when using Guitar Pro. I usually do a really rough mix job and get to writing down the riffs that come to mind.

If you mean that lack of harmonies, again, that's something I've always had trouble with. I don't like using third harmonies much, since I find them overused in contemporary rock and metal. I tried a few other harmonies using the guitars as a tonal center and the piano playing around it, but I couldn't really find a part that really fit the bill for that kind of work.

On either account, I'm open to suggestions.

BigBigWater
04-28-2011, 02:32 PM
I not sure how to really explain it well, it just feels really 'thin.' With both guitars staying so far in the low end staying at a rather constant fast pace, usually playing the same thing, it just lacks a full sound... Maybe I'm just crazy, haha.

I took a shot at messing with the whole thing once myself, I'm fairly sure you will agree with about nothing I did, but oh well! I didn't really touch up drums for I changed either, so they may not fit as well as they could.

Geldin
04-28-2011, 03:13 PM
I actually do like some of your ideas. I think I'll try to implement a couple of them. I especially liked the chords during the chorus and the octaves in Fig. 2. I'm going to change it a little and keep the rhythm guitars essentially the same, but I'm going to see how those parts sound on the piano (that way, the harmonies there are kept in the center rather than being hard panned in either direction).

To strengthen the piano, I added a second track with the same bits. I also reduced the hard panning on the rhythm guitars to bring the sound into the middle more. I don't know how successful I wast, since I have trouble hearing the difference. The update is in OP, as always.

actaderock
05-02-2011, 10:07 PM
let me tell you your an idiot for saying bass is unimportant, because it made an awsome job in in this song

piano at bar 65 was kinda meh

unlike the one at 89, which fits really well

the section ''cascades'' is incredible

the tempo increase fitted well

i REALLY enjoyed the solo

the chours with different sweeps were nothing really special compared to the other sweeps, if it qualifies as ''other sweeps'' it should be something more different, but im not saying it was bad though, but it actually lacks that variety


overall, you did an awsome job! 9.5/10


and remember the C4C

Geldin
05-02-2011, 10:15 PM
let me tell you your an idiot for saying bass is unimportant, because it made an awsome job in in this song
I think you might have missed my sarcasm a little teeny bit.

If you could link a piece for me to critique in return, that would be great.