We Become (Shoegaze Indie Rock)


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rage__against10
04-30-2011, 03:59 AM
Another Indie song because people enjoyed my last one - Anny constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged with a C4C . Hope you enjoy!

herby190
04-30-2011, 12:49 PM
Overall, I liked this piece. It was pleasant to listen to, and original.

I loved the intro. Nothing else to say there; it was interesting, and rather pretty.

The "Build" section feels like it needs a stronger drum part; something with maybe an eighth note feel or something similar backing it (as in, on the hi hat or ride or something).

For the section at Bar 137, I don't think you should just keep playing that A chord. Have the whole notes that are held change to different chords, to make it more interesting.

At 145, I don't like the dissonance of having Track 2 (the jazz guitar) play a D7 chord while the rest play A.

Starting at bar 186, I feel like the rhodes piano should continue what it's doing with the octaves, but move it to a different progression than the one it's doing, to add some change.

As I said, I liked this piece; I just feel like some changes could be made to improve it.

C4C? The link is in my sig.

Joshua1207
05-03-2011, 02:03 AM
Intro was pretty awesome. When the acoustic guitar came in, kind of reminded me of Built To Spill. Same thing once the overdrive guitar comes in.
Half-chorus kind of came in loud of of nowhere, but I liked it for the most part. I liked the full-chorus. Sounds like it'd be pretty amazing with some vocals in it. Although I didn't care too much for the piano part in it.

I didn't really like the bridge too much. I mean it was okay I guess, just feel like you could of done something else. The happy riff part afterwards makes up for it though :p
I like the last chorus, the piano sounds better here. I was expecting something different for the ending. I was hoping for a little bit more playing from 'track 2' instead of just holding onto that E note. Aw well.

Pretty good song though. I liked it a lot.
If you want to return the critic http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1438379

actaderock
05-04-2011, 08:01 PM
man thats a great song, and the synths and the melody do really add a lot of magic to the song (next time dont use let ring on the synths though)

and the hues you used were really good

and i think the song ends up just perfectly



9.5/10

C4C link in my sig

goatsock
05-07-2011, 02:27 PM
This is really nice,

Love the intro

Half chorus is sweet, love the synthy part

I like the lead in the verse but IMO it sounds a bit too random, maybe structure and repeat a bit more.

Bar 70/78 etc. on the bass change the F to a F# it sounds better.

Love the bit leading into the full chorus, very smooth. The full chorus itself is great too, can imagine some catchy lyrics over the top completeing it.

I'm not so sure about the bridge... if I'm honest it doesn't seem to fit although I could be wrong, because lyrics over the top could change it completely.

Happy riff IS happy! XD

And to top it off a great ending.


C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1439794