Our Love is God. Let's Go Get a Slushie (Post-Hardcore, GP5/4)


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guitar_jew
08-07-2011, 10:14 PM
So I spent a week with my best friend at his grandparents. We brought our acoustic guitars, and wrote some stuff. This is the only one we finished. I just wrote the lyrics a second ago, haven't gotten them approved by my buddy yet, but meh. I know it's a cliche to write about 'lost love' and all, but I had to get this one out. Very personal and whatnot.

A couple lyrics and the title are quotes from (different) movies. Anyone who catches all of them gets 1,000 cool points and 500 appreciation-for-good-movies points. One rule to guess the quotes, though- you have to leave a crit of the piece. Kinda annoyed me last time when I got a bunch of responses ignoring the piece and just guessing the reference in the title.

If needed, I can export a MIDI file.

Interesting (not really?) bit of trivia, before I came up with the title, I saved the file as 'fart sandwich,' because at the time of writing, I was eating a roast beef and provolone sandwich and my friend told me it smelled like a fart. Regardless, the sandwich was delicious.

EDIT: Also, any of you forum-wide album people who are now extraordinarily pissed off at me for working on this instead of my piece for the album, like I said I would... sorry. But I do plan on writing for that next. Gotta get into a habit of jumping on Skype every now and then.

corrda00
08-08-2011, 06:26 PM
You seem to really have a good sense for time. Theres a lot of odd changes but they feel natural. I like it.

Lovin the drums n' bass in this one. Especailly the drums. The polychords in the chorus are great. Its great that you got the vocal line written out. That will help you imensly in the future.

The 8/4 bars I think the bass could do a little more at the end to fill back into the riff. Also the bass should end on an octave insted of a PC at the end. It will be too muddy.

Other than that this is a solid song. Not much I can say.

c4c?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1468761

AngrySockMonkey
08-09-2011, 09:54 AM
This is an odd piece, I'd much prefer to hear it recorded (so get on that). I'll crit as much as I can though.

In general nothing sounds bad, which is important when venturing into complex timing and structure as you have. It did take me a couple listens to appreciate all parts of the song.

The verse ending, always placed before the chorus, is so cool sounding. I love that. (Or B I guess, just saw that again)

The chorus itself is extremely interesting and I've grown to love it. It, however, was not something I immediately registered as catchy.

As you've told me, dissonance and odd scaling is used extremely well. The overall mood is very strange. How post-modern.

Overall, after a few listens I have grown to enjoy this song a lot and think it would benefit greatly from a studio.

No clue on the movie quotes, not enough British Comedy.

guitar_jew
08-16-2011, 03:12 AM
Well first, thanks for the positive crits. I'm surprised- this is one of the only songs for my current large project that was written in a relatively short amount of time. My friend and I worked out the first minute or so, and then I took over and added all the other instruments and structured it and that was that. Two days and the thing was done.

This is an odd piece, I'd much prefer to hear it recorded (so get on that)

I NEED ME SOME MONEYS!!! But I'm only two or three songs away from having the album finished. After that I just need to put lyrics and vocals on some of the songs that are missing them. Once all that's done, the next step is definitely recording.

huevos
08-16-2011, 03:41 AM
Love me some 3/4 jives brotha!

I gotta say, the intro threw me off. I wasn't really sure what I was in store for. The context of what comes before this is gunna very important, as it seems like a very media res intro.

Once the vocal line at B tethers it, the opening riff made more sense to me.

But the chorus is what really clinched it for me. I just love the big sound that this section has. And the accenting helps as well.

When you introduced the opening riff again (A), I noticed that it was a bit, off. It might be the timing or the harmony, if not both. I do realize that it plays to the heaviness of the riff, but it was just really unappealing. That's why I had a problem with it in the first place.
Might just also be the midi. If I heard a recorded version of that riff, I think I could forgive the "ugliness" of it.

Interesting (not really?) bit of trivia, before I came up with the title, I saved the file as 'fart sandwich,' because at the time of writing, I was eating a roast beef and provolone sandwich and my friend told me it smelled like a fart. Regardless, the sandwich was delicious.
Cool story, bro.

JunKDepot
08-16-2011, 01:09 PM
PRetty solid song man, i muted the vocal line, mainly because they irritate me (not just you, most GP vocal lines)

i don't have much to crit on, everything seems to be perfectly laid out for each instrument.

also, the chorus has a very, very nice progression.

good job.

frankibo
08-16-2011, 07:42 PM
I have to say you've got some really interesting riffs here but I feel like the drums are really detracting from the piece. With all the changing time signatures the drums need to provide something tangible to make the riffs make sense and I don't think they do. I really like the verse and the chorus, especially those two 8/4 bars. I know there's nothing spectacular going on there but there's something about the toms and the chords and the whole lot, just the execution of that section is amazing. I really can't explain what it is about that bit that I like so much, it's just really good.
I really do like the originality of these piece though.

I've attached a tab of the drums at the beginning changed. I think something along these lines, in other places in the song as well, would help a lot. Just an idea.

pol315
08-17-2011, 12:18 AM
Sounded great! Like that you added vocals to it too! The one thing I could really crit in this piece is the vocals in the chorus seem... out of scale, or just off in my head. They don't mathc as well as they should. But everything else was really nice! The dead notes gave it a really cool feel :D

guitar_jew
08-17-2011, 12:27 AM
Sounded great! Like that you added vocals to it too! The one thing I could really crit in this piece is the vocals in the chorus seem... out of scale, or just off in my head. They don't mathc as well as they should.

First, thanks for the crit, I appreciate the feedback. There is an accidental in the vocal for the chorus. Instead of the D note that's in the key of the rest of the song, I used a D# in bar 45. Isn't your thing, I can respect, but I feel it really does contribute to the way the second half of that phrase sounds. :)

Jake the Peg
08-23-2011, 07:17 AM
thanks for the crit man

i really like the feel of section C but i think you could bring it back later in the piece with straight 44 cymbals and snare. It'd feel nicely syncopated and pushy but wouldn't be as brainless as a breakdown :)
I think the chorus vocal melody and chords are the best section of the song - the most catchy at least. I think over the ending, it'd sound cool if you made one of the guitars play the vocal melody from the chorus as a final soloey lead thing.
In the verse, I really like the second chord used, but I think the first is a bit too dissonant to start a phrase. I changed the guitar on track one to play an open C# on the bottom string and I thought that although it sounded more predictable it did feel a lot more natural. In most cases in this song (and in a lot of your writing i think) you get away with using odd and unnatural chords in places in which they are very close to sounding contrived and jazzily pretentious... but they don't. Except for this chord! I really don't like it, haha

overall, a really solid song, and i'm sure the vocals really contribute to it well irl, as midi oboe is such a shoddy imposter.
how on earth did you write this on an acoustic???

guitar_jew
08-23-2011, 03:30 PM
how on earth did you write this on an acoustic???

Well 'A,' 'C', and the chorus part for the left-panned guitar were written on acoustic. The right-panned chorus I wrote in GP to complement the part that had already been written.

The first thing I came up with was the first two bars of A, and the rest of that section was formed by trying to add to that bit. 'B,' the verse bit was mostly done by my friend on guitar pro, and I added the left-panned guitar to complement the lead-ish line he wrote- he wrote it, so it's on him to learn it. I was a little frustrated with all the movement in the part that he did, so the part I added to it was just simple eighths, so I could focus on performing the piece rather than playing it- you know what I mean? It worked out well, I think, a lot of people have liked that section.

And the vocal was also written in guitar pro- I always get the music done first, no vocal in mind, and once that's done, I put the vocal on top, referring to where the chords change, etc. Once that's set in stone, then I write the lyrics for it.

ThexUnblindx1
09-03-2011, 08:08 PM
Good song. I really like how you messed around with the time signature to create something more unique than your average post-hardcore (although to be honest I don't listen to much haha). I think my favorite sections have to be the verse and chorus. They lead into each other really smoothly and compliment each other well. Section A is probably my least favorite just because it's a little too choppy, but it still sounds good. I think the song could use a boost from a new section between the second chorus and third verse instead of repeating A and C. Or you could still keep them there but add another new riff after. In any case this is still a great piece. Nice job!

STONESHAKER
09-04-2011, 05:45 PM
Cool work dude.

As far as the song goes, I don't really have critiques but I can tell you specific things you did well (to my ear, anyways).

During movement A, there is cool riffing abound. I like that tremelo picked semi-tone bend as what I would call a "cliffhanger". One thing I like to use as a cliffhanger is guitar feedback, harmonics, or maybe just a dissonant interval. One thing I might add is that if you pulled the drums out from underneath that specific bar, it really adds to the "cliffhanger" effect.

Love the lyrics and vocal melodies. A line I can especially relate to is, "Even if we never speak again, please know I'm forever changed." What movies are these lines from?

A word on the harmonies; good. This was enlightening for me personally as I love harmonies in my riffs, my thing is that I overuse it a little too much in a given passage (i.e. riff, then later riff comes back harmonized throughout). You do a good job of mixing up the harmonies and selectively harmonizing throughout the song.

Also, on movement C, I love the use of time signatures in the rhythm, one of my favorite rhythmic ideas is adding a beat to the bar to introduce a quick transition or dropping a beat from the next bar to add rhythmic interest. You do both of these things well here as well as in other parts too.

So yeah, sorry I really don't have critiques, mainly just that suggestion that cutting the bass and/or drums under certain "cliffhanger" parts is an effective intensity manipulation technique you could experiment with.

Also, who are some of your musical influences? As far as post hardcore goes, the only band I know is ATD-I but I love their music, I just haven't been introduced to any bands that sound like this.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1476999

This is a progressive blues/rock tune I just put up. It's pretty melodic, although the rhythm section isn't very interesting. If you scoot around my bandcamp website, there's a song called "Maquinahombre" that is a bit heavier, still melodic but kind of boring as far as the rhythms go, and then there is a song called "Untethered (The Breaks)" where I started messing with time signatures a lot more.

guitar_jew
09-05-2011, 11:21 PM
Love the lyrics and vocal melodies. A line I can especially relate to is, "Even if we never speak again, please know I'm forever changed." What movies are these lines from?

Also, who are some of your musical influences? As far as post hardcore goes, the only band I know is ATD-I but I love their music, I just haven't been introduced to any bands that sound like this.

Let's take these one at a time. First, thanks for the crit. I really appreciate the feedback.

Second, the movies. Well, no one's gotten them or really even guessed, so might as well just drop the ball, I guess. The title of the piece is a line from the movie 'Heathers.' It has a very unique style of dialogue, and though at times that detracts from the film, for the most part, it's excellent. The lyrics 'Even if...' and 'I've spent every day...' are both from the Kevin Smith flick 'Chasing Amy.' Great movie, very heart-wrenching without sacrificing on the humor. Not Smith's best film, but easily his most explicitly emotional. The former lyric is a little chopped up, I couldn't fit the second half of the line into the melody of the song. The whole line is 'Even if we never speak again after today, please know I'm forever changed by who you are and what you've meant to me.'

Third, influences. I listen to all kinds of stuff really, and I'm sure that everything from my ambient tastes to my death metal tastes to the jazz to the punk, the hardcore etc. etc. plays into my sound on some level, but when I think post-hardcore, the bands I listen to most, and connect with most are D.R.U.G.S., Craig Owens-era Chiodos (the vocals are an acquired taste, but once acquired, they're great), From First to Last (again, their first two albums' vocals take getting used to), Saosin, definitely, and on the heavier side of things Underminded and Underoath, ESPECIALLY the latter. I can't emphasize enough how awesome their most recent three albums are.

STONESHAKER
09-06-2011, 08:48 PM
Those lines are from Chasing Amy? Shit, I'd never have guessed from the mood of the song. Kudos to you for pulling that off because those lyrics are catchy as hell the way you've written them into the song.

How long until I can hear this with actual instruments?