Alternative/post-hardcore influenced track [GP5&6] [C4C]


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mka12992
09-18-2011, 10:38 PM
Just finished this piece, and I'm pretty happy with it, but I'm looking for feedback. I wrote almost all of this without touching a guitar, in a matter of 2 days. I will gladly give feedback to anything you want in return, as long as you link me to it.

If you can, I'd highly recommend you check out the GP6/WAV version over the GP5 version. A lot of effects and things got lost in the conversion from GP6 to GP5, but it's still essentially the same song. If you don't have GP6, but want the better version, I can email you a WAV copy.

Thanks!

tissue-box
09-18-2011, 10:46 PM
midi because im so outdated. and i lovz the post-hardcore

mka12992
09-18-2011, 10:54 PM
midi because im so outdated. and i lovz the post-hardcore
You wouldn't be able to do WAV/MP3? I'm down with converting to midi, and all, but I think it'd take a lot away from the song. And yeah, I'm very selective about my Post Hardcore/Heavier music, but I love it when it hits me the right way.

MorbidAngel1989
09-19-2011, 08:58 PM
Nice piece overall. It really reminded me of Shai Hulud at times with the two guitar parts. Only gripes I found is that with the intro guitar part maybe more echo can work there? Though I dunno how to do that on GP6. And the parts with the dead notes just kinda messed with the flow of the piece if you know what I mean. Maybe if done in real life with real instruments it may be done better but here in GP not so much. Not having too much exposure with post-hardcore (only Shai Hulud, Fugazi, At the Drive-In, Fall of Troy, and La Dispute), I thought that was good otherwise.

guitar_jew
09-19-2011, 09:51 PM
Critting in return. Thanks for your crit, btw.

The intro is odd. The rhythm there didn't feel natural at all, IMO, and when it repeated, I wanted a light drum beat to come in, but didn't get one. I mean, I recognize that you can't do that with a repeat sign in GP, but that's what my ears expected.

Once the rest of the instruments got going, though, it's pretty sweet. I like the top lines throughout, and the chords supplement it really well. I could definitely hear an Adam Lazzara (Taking Back Sunday) style vocal over this, for sure. The bit at 58 is excellent, again, I have to complement the lead line.

Speaking of TBS, the guitar line at 88 really sounds like part of the vocal to their song 'Twenty Twenty Surgery.' It's in a completely different context, though, so I think it's fine as is.

I like that the whole thing is very consistent in its feel and style. I like fusing genres as much as the next guy, but for simply kicking back and listening to a piece, it's nice to stay in one place for a while. Good job on this one.

mka12992
09-19-2011, 11:05 PM
Nice piece overall. It really reminded me of Shai Hulud at times with the two guitar parts. Only gripes I found is that with the intro guitar part maybe more echo can work there? Though I dunno how to do that on GP6. And the parts with the dead notes just kinda messed with the flow of the piece if you know what I mean. Maybe if done in real life with real instruments it may be done better but here in GP not so much. Not having too much exposure with post-hardcore (only Shai Hulud, Fugazi, At the Drive-In, Fall of Troy, and La Dispute), I thought that was good otherwise.

Thank you very much. If I ever get around to getting a proper recording of this done, I will definitely make that intro part sound much better. As it stands, that's the part of the song that needs the most work, in my opinion. As for the dead notes, there are times where I probably do go too overboard, and I most certainly intend on making the piece flow better, if recorded. In terms of post-hardcore, I think you hit the mark with ATDI and La Dispute in terms of the sound of this piece.

Critting in return. Thanks for your crit, btw.

The intro is odd. The rhythm there didn't feel natural at all, IMO, and when it repeated, I wanted a light drum beat to come in, but didn't get one. I mean, I recognize that you can't do that with a repeat sign in GP, but that's what my ears expected.

Once the rest of the instruments got going, though, it's pretty sweet. I like the top lines throughout, and the chords supplement it really well. I could definitely hear an Adam Lazzara (Taking Back Sunday) style vocal over this, for sure. The bit at 58 is excellent, again, I have to complement the lead line.

Speaking of TBS, the guitar line at 88 really sounds like part of the vocal to their song 'Twenty Twenty Surgery.' It's in a completely different context, though, so I think it's fine as is.

I like that the whole thing is very consistent in its feel and style. I like fusing genres as much as the next guy, but for simply kicking back and listening to a piece, it's nice to stay in one place for a while. Good job on this one.

You're welcome, man, thank you. As far as the intro, I don't mean to make it sound like an excuse, but I definitely made the intro a little disjointed/unnatural feeling on purpose, and if I put lyrics over top, they'll probably relate to that feeling. I'll keep the idea of the light drum beat in mind too, thanks.

It's funny that you bring up TBS, because I wasn't even thinking about having the piece SOUND like them, I definitely wanted it to be structured like an early TBS song in a way. Opting for an extended bridge at the end, rather than a third chorus, if you know what I mean. But I definitely am happy to hear that influence shows, as I really like TBS. And the bar at 88, that's completely coincidental, I'm guessing you're referring to the "I don't need you like you think I do" line in that song?

And thank you again, I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it and thought it was consistent.

guitar_jew
09-19-2011, 11:23 PM
I'm guessing you're referring to the "I don't need you like you think I do" line in that song?

No, the guitar line sounds similar to the melody being sung during the first verse, "The view from this side's not what..." I think the notes being sung in that song, and the notes the guitar are playing at 88 are the same.

Although that bridge section you referred to is awesome. The whole song is, really.

mka12992
09-20-2011, 12:25 AM
No, the guitar line sounds similar to the melody being sung during the first verse, "The view from this side's not what..." I think the notes being sung in that song, and the notes the guitar are playing at 88 are the same.

Although that bridge section you referred to is awesome. The whole song is, really.
Now that you mention it, they are very similar... Don't think that's gonna make me change it though, in all honesty. But yeah, great song.

Mean Mr Mustard
09-22-2011, 09:51 PM
Hey sorry for taking so long to get back to you man, I've been a little busy. Anyways, thanks for the edits to my song, I didn't go with hammer ons and little fills, but I laid some delay on that track instead and changed up the drums. Thanks for the crit there though.

I listened to this piece back when it was first posted and my first impression was that it was a good post-hardcore song. Now I'll go more in depth with that.

- Intro is funky as I'm sure you know. It sounds awesome when the band comes in, but the intro itself is a bit weird. Which is fine. But I think it would make the intro perfect if you had either some sort of fade-in of that one track, or a staticy sound to it or something when it's just playing by itself.
- I love the part at bar 15, really. The lead is catchy, and I like how the chords feel with the lead.
- Bar 19 is a nice bass lead into what is by far my favorite section. That riff is so good, and catchy, it really does make me want to get up and move. And considering that I haven't been in a great mood today, and hearing that made me quite happy, I would say that you did a great job there :)
- Bar 28 would need a drum fill or something unless you have vocals overtop that will bridge the two parts better. Either of the two and it would be fine, but I'm not sure about the transition as it is here.
- Bar 41 is a perfect post-hardcore interlude. Great sound to that, and it leads into my favorite part haha.
- Random but I agree with guitar_jew about some TBS style vocals sounding great
- At 86, I felt like a regular 4 or 8 bar fadeout would have fit better.
- 110 was epic, maybe try to hit that crash once every bar before going back to those fast snare rolls?
- 138 was a ncie way to end the song, but throw some "let ring" on that.

Overall, it was great. Consistent, and maintained a very happy feel to it throughout. If you manage to get this recorded (hows that coming?) then I will definitely love to hear it, and play it all the time in my car. Really, tell me if you do.

Erra93
09-25-2011, 10:01 AM
I'm too tired to say anything constructive, so I'll just say I love it. The melodies are awesome, it's just all in all a great song. Please, if you ever get this recorded, could you send it my way? :D

SOADisdabest
09-26-2011, 07:12 AM
Hey, thanks for the crit, sorry to keep you waiting.

I like the main melody and the time signature change seems pretty smooth to me. Although the second open hat in bar 7 sounds a bit weird to me, I think it sounds better with a rest in its place but it's not a big deal really, it's probably just me.

Love the bends at bar 20. I think the transition at bar 28 could do with some sort of drum fill or something at the end of the bar to help it flow a little better, maybe coming in on the last beat.

Not sure about the transition again at bar 57, maybe try changing the time signature? I'm thinking maybe 2/4.

Liking the drum rolls toward the end, I think adding some more dynamics to it would make it sound much better though.

Overall it was pretty good, definitely felt the emotion coming through which is what really counts (to me at least).

jtaf
09-27-2011, 07:51 PM
Thanks a lot for your crit, sorry for being so late.
Anyway, I liked your song. I really liked the part that begins at bar 110,its really, really good. Congrats on that. However, I did think that the rhythm of the beginning was a bit disorienting, and not in a good, tasteful way. It seemed that it was just weird for the sake of it. Also, I thought that the part that begins at bar 88 sounds incredibly empty. You should add a bass or a distorted guitar playing full notes behind, in my opinion, just to fill up the sound.
But overall, really good job.

mka12992
09-28-2011, 01:35 AM
I haven't had time lately to get to any individual replies, I will get to them later. To everyone wondering why the bridge starts so "empty" with just that one guitar, it's because there is HEAVY DELAY on that part in GP6 format. So anyone who hears it in GP5 doesn't get that because it wouldn't translate for some reason. :\ Unfortunately, because I feel like some of the effects that get lost help make the song.