Two Incomplete Ideas (Progressive Tech Death, C4C)


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Life Is Brutal
09-22-2011, 01:38 PM
Its been awhile since I've posted in here, and I come back with two new ideas I've been working on. I've ran into a wall of where I should take these pieces, but I'd like some opinions on the sound of them.

Untitled Dark is one of the darkest things I've written in a long time, very heavy, chromatic, and dissonant, which makes it really awesome overall IMO. Thats up for debate, but thats an opinion. :haha:

Could use some crits on the riffing and soloing. Some genre classification for the solo could also help. :)

Untitled Wholetones is the result of a Ron Jarzombek/Exivious listening marathon. :haha:

Some very tasty material in each of these pieces, so feel free to say anything about them.

C4C as always.

JCAshworth247
09-22-2011, 04:46 PM
Both these songs are pretty cool.
For the first one you continue with more riffs
For the wholetone one, you shoukd go into a djent section
Heres a short addition for the first one, you can use it if you want

-I also like the scales you use, very unique

robertito696
09-24-2011, 07:42 PM
Thanks for the crit
Untitled Heavy: I'd build off what little there is of "Main", I think you could do some cool disjointed runs over a droning rhythm guitar. I think you could then return to that early riff in bars 5-11, maybe with some chords for extra beef, a faster tempo too. What you have though is very cool. Almost too dissonant for my tastes, and all the rests give it a very disjointed feel. The whole think is off kilter so it's hard to wrap my head around it, in a good way.

Untitled Wholetones: Not a fan of this one. Very dissonant and chaotic. The stuff starting ~bar 30 was easy to comprehend but the rest was too technical for me. I'd be curious to see the final product but as it stands it isn't my cup of tea.

Kaz3-6-0
09-25-2011, 01:24 PM
Thanks for the crit!

Untitled Heavy - The intro was pulled off well, and was a smooth run in into the next section. I liked the technical part at "****ing minor 9th harmonics!" and the contrasting guitars were pulled off well. At bar 26, I feel maybe you could use some fret hand muting during the rests in time with the snare, just to give it a little more "kick". The lead "solo" parts was nicely done, it was smooth but still had an ominous vibe to it. "Both leads in" had the two guitars nicely contrasting, without sounding horrid to the ears. Some of the notes harmonized with each other, and it was a nice touch. Overall, great song, can't wait to hear it recorded!

JazzDeath
10-06-2011, 04:09 PM
I like the intro for the first piece, the beggining is really ominous, but again... as with most of your pieces, the drums just kill the build up that I was hoping for. You need better drumlines dude!

I like everything up to the Lead In section and then I find it kind of falls apart into too many ideas that are badly sectioned voice-wise.

Generally in a classical context if you decide to do counterpoint, first off the counterpoint is between different voices and generally has a theme and a counter theme, and the voices are very clearly distinct, in this case the voices jumble into one blob of chaotic dissonance which confuses the listener and really does nothing to captivate the imagination. I just don't understand any of it, what the notes are, what each voice is doing, what the emotion is, what the point of the piece is, at that point I just don't understand anything anymore =P.

Second piece, again, the intro is great, very clear and concise, not too much going on and it all makes sense.

When the bass comes in it still sounds good, begins to get borderline into overly chaotic but still listenable, so its great.

Then the next section starts... I love the double note riff on guitar one, but the ring out notes just sound too chaotic and out of control, I'm unsure as to what the purpose of them is. The riff is cool, the ring out notes just sound inprecise and detract from the great riff in back.

Life Is Brutal
10-06-2011, 05:33 PM
I've gotten slightly better at writing drums, but I'm still shit at it. :haha:

The lead backing is rather strangely voiced, but I thought it created a good atmosphere. That aside, I'll try to rework it. How well does the lead itself work though?

Maybe the point of it was to create massive misunderstanding?

That wasn't what I was going for, so I'll have to alter it somehow. :haha:

The ringing notes in the back add an atmosphere to it that isn't quite the same if you mute them. They also outline all the Dominant seventh chords and key changes. The purpose of them is also to add some chaos, but likewise they supplement the main theme. I do find it to be a riff in itself also.

That might seem completely hypocritical about what I said about your piece, what with seemingly excess notes and what not, but you don't have to listen to me if you don't want to. :haha:

JazzDeath
10-06-2011, 06:59 PM
Well here's how I hear it *For the second piece*

Basically the ringout is fine but the fact it's on distorted guitar makes it sound bad, I think it would sound better clean honestly so you can hear the chords and the color it brings instead of just a wall of noise.

The drums ruin the feeling of it, honestly, I mute the drums it sounds better

And your bass lines are something I have trouble understanding also. It's like your songs have no pulse most of the time, there's no emphasis on any beat or another, the bass is generally doing quarter notes and a counterpoint but it has no rhythmic motif that makes it stand out, it's basically a long string of notes that never ends so your brain has difficulty associating a rhythmic foundation to it, therefore confusing the listener.

It's hard for me to word how you should do this, because every composer has a different view as to how rhythms should be emphasized, it's an important part of a composer's musical identity and it's not something that's an absolute, every one does it differently. I just think your songs in general lack that rhythmic cohesion, those rhythmic motifs that stick in your head. Both guitars have them, the drums and bass do not, and they should be the ones that have the strongest rhythmic foundation, not the other way around... if anything, try to accentuate the rhythmic accents your guitar lines are doing as to make those sound better. I dunno. I could try to give you an example I guess.