Oblivion (GP5, C4C, Short Heavy Idea, kinda strange)


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KirkChicoHammet
10-19-2011, 03:31 PM
So... I don't have much to say about this, I was aiming for something heavy and insane, I guess...
It kinda reminds me of some japanese rock/metal bands...

Also:

1 - If someone could care to enlighten if the bass I wrote in this track is actually possible to play :D

2 - I don't know about the Piano I put in there, I'd like to keep it, but I don't really know about creating interesting lines, if you can give some help '-'

3 - I'm not too good with drums, but the rough idea is there.

Thanks in advance :D

Edit : I changed the crazy bass on the beginning to a synth, the song is now longer, but it is far from being finished. I like it a lot, though, and I have high expectations for this song xD

Also, Bar 30 and on are just some riffs that I might put on the song when I finish it.

Radman_Paiza
10-19-2011, 03:56 PM
You'd need a ridiculously good bass guitarist if you want it played like you have written. You confused me a little with the first three bars (+the repetition on the two second). In my opinion, scratch the first bar, keep the repetition on the two second bars (I changed the structure to this in the attached file). It's up to you though.

I really like your riffs, it all flows very well too! Keep writing on it, I'll gladly take a look at the finished piece.

Oh, and if you could take a look at my... thing... I'd appreciate it: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1489022

StrumThatFender
10-19-2011, 04:06 PM
I didn't really like the riff on bars 1-3 but it's alright I guess. The bass on 4-5 was pretty nice. 6-9 was cool as well, I especially like the drums in it. The rest of it from bar 10 was definitely my favourite, really nice melodies, its great. Finish it off I'd like to listen the whole thing.

CanIbeDanny?
10-27-2011, 10:35 PM
Thanks for the crit. I like it, man, but it needs a little refining. Specifically, bars 10 through 13. It's a good riff, but it just messes with my ears because of the odd repetition. I'd either drop a repeat or add a repeat. The bass is crazy, but it works well because you made everything around it slow, so it doesn't sound over crowded. Bars 15 and 16's bass sounded kind of out of key, too. I would really like to hear a finished product.

jayfrancis
10-28-2011, 09:28 AM
I'm liking it a lot man! The bass from 6-9 is absolutely nuts though. Aside from that, I think its really solid. I like the little piano part in there too, really nice little melody. Let's hear a finished product! You can go in many different directions with this.

FrauVfromPoB
10-28-2011, 07:25 PM
That weird lead thing starting at 14 felt wrong, and unattached to the rest of the song. I would recommend scrapping that, but the rest of the song is glorious, especially that part where to just play those 4 bar chords over and over, it sound really good. And the crazy bass part's actually not that crazy.

Shaharz
11-04-2011, 05:36 AM
Alright, critting as I go :D


First riff: Unlike most people who cirtted, I think it's great. A bit strange maybe, but that makes it that much better. I think you should add more of it, it's too short. That bass thing after that is good.

Second riff: My God that bass is insane! If you ever really play this, your bass player will be dead tired after this :haha:
The guitar doesn't really play anything complex, but nice chord choice there, I liked it.
Now, the above was writted while listening to this riff with muted drums. When I unmute them, the riff sounds like shit :p:
Rewrite the drums, and please don't use drumkit 16 for this. It's really not a good idea.

Third riff: Well, the drums here are better. Nice riff. Too bad the bass is missing there, but hell - The bassist needs a rest after that last riff :haha:

Last Four Bars: Um... I dunno, sounds nice. Not much to say really since it's clearly very unfinished...

"Song" In General: Well, the flow is good, riffs connect pretty well. Only problem is that everything is too short. As soon as you start liking one riff, it turns into another.
Still, lot's of potential there. I like where you're headed with this, keep writing

KirkChicoHammet
11-05-2011, 10:01 AM
Well guys, thanks for the crits :)

So, looks like everyone here wants me to finish this thing...
Well, I'll probably have two versions of this when I finish, I have a lot of riffs and everything, I just don't know where to go with it, an I'm planning to put some vocals over it (I have some of the lyrics written already), but I just can't fit anything :(

As for the bass, I will change to a synth or something, but I think this riff still will be hard for anyone to play :D

And Shaharz - you actually criticized my "song" :D
You talked about the drums, I wrote this some time ago and I'm better at drums now, but I still can't write something better to change it '-'

And you said they were bad in the first riff, but they got better in the third riff - They're the same actually :D, I just changed the double bass drum to a "double closed hi-hat" or something, and changed drum kit 16 to drum kit 0 :D
I guess that drum kit 16 is the problem here xD

Also, you said about the riffs beng too short - I think that's one of my problems, I write a lot of riffs and don't pay attention to the ones I already have... I think this will help a lot now, thanks :)

Shaharz
11-05-2011, 05:24 PM
I had a similar problem once. I wrote just short riffs and went from one riff to the other, and that was the way my songs were constucted.

When I decided I've had enough of that style, I just took an excercise and checked how far I can go with one riff, just building it up more and more, and never changing it. I actually learned a lot from that excercise. You should try that too sometime, no harm can come from it

KirkChicoHammet
11-05-2011, 05:43 PM
I'm actually trying it now - I have a lot of abandoned GP files with my "compositions"
I'm looking at them again and trying to complete them - Some riffs that I haven't put much hope are now turning into songs :D

KirkChicoHammet
11-30-2011, 12:34 PM
Updated the OP :D

MorbidAngel1989
11-30-2011, 07:33 PM
Thanks for the crit. I am guessing the synth is playing the so called insane bassline that you originally had. It reminds me of something Dream Theater would do on keys. The bass playing that one whole note on 5, maybe having the drums doing a build up to the next measure can sound good there. The riff at 10 would probably sound better with real guitars as the palm mutes are almost non existent due to it being GP. Considering how you kinda changed your bass line to the synth bass, you other bassline at 10-14 is just kinda there not making a big difference other than making that section sound kinda off. The riff at 22 sounded pretty cool. I am a sucker for melodic tremolo riffs :D But the transition to the next part from there sounded very natural I liked that. On measure 49 I dunno if leaving the guitar off a measure early was part of the plan but it would sound better if the guitar went to 49, too. And ofcourse add a little drum fill or something there that makes transferring to the next part less disjointed. I was disappointed that the guitar riff stopped as you haven't made anything past that part cuz I liked the whole synth bass playing the riff then the piano, then the guitar playing that riff. If you follow the pattern of your last riff and make it go go higher and end the riff there it would sound epic then maybe go back and forth between the piano playing and doing some varied variations on the guitar riff after. Interesting piece. Not heavy but strange in a good way. If done with real guitars don't put too much distortion it would sound awesome.

MetalCommand
12-01-2011, 08:22 AM
Nice keyboard bit near the beginning. Heavy tremolo picked riff is good, lead part at bar 30 is very nice. Like the guitar/keyboard unison at bar 50, and the piano part after that contrasts nicely as a bit more delicate. You should finish writing the bass guitar for the rest of the parts. Drums are pretty decent throughout, especially the fills. There are lots of good parts to the song, although it changes very quickly between them. You manage to get it to flow ok, to so something different perhaps you could try developing and changing some of the parts rather than going to completely different ones. At the moment it kinda randomly flits about, of course if that's what your going for, that's fine.
Anyway, I enjoyed it. It's good and original and different which is nice to see.

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1500443

Christopher S
01-02-2012, 01:55 PM
Not really my sort of music, but I'll give you a short review anyhow. :)

I really like the synth arpeggio's, don't know why, but I just do. They add something completely different, without being obnoxious in any way. As previously noted, you'd need a crazy good bassist to pull this tune off, but there are certainly bassists out there good enough.

Seemingly, it's lacking in parts due to not being finished (?), but I would like to see it done.

KUTGW!