"Under the Moon" [Pop-Punk][*.gp5/*.gp4/*.mid] Crit4Crit


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Rokkstar
10-25-2011, 03:43 PM
IMPORTANT! If you like my material, please go "Like" my Facebook fan page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dustin-Daigle/143989382322257?sk=wall) to keep updated with my music and to receive immediate updates when tracks are out. This will also help me see how many people like my music... :) Thanks

So I got a band together!!! :D We're a pop punk band! :) I always knew when I got to college there would be plenty of musicians around!! We actually sound pretty good. This is going to be like our first song. I know it seems kinda lame generic chugging in the verses. But it's overall like a great pop-punk song in my eyes... (I haven't showed the guys this one yet...) Tell me what you think!!!! :D Especially the outro. :D The lyrics below are inaccurate (slightly) as vocal melodies are going to be re-written by the band I presume. :)

UPDATE:

Really rough single acoustic recording:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJpO4-R6_6Y&feature=related

Please leave feedback on the YouTube video and here? :) I would love you. :D

Mean Mr Mustard
10-26-2011, 11:24 AM
Pretty good stuff. All the parts lead into each other pretty well, and the chorus has that intense punch that the song needed. I hope your singer has got some raspy vocals, like Living with Lions or Latterman, because those type of pop-punk vocals would go PERFECT over top of this. I wasn't too fond of the break around 2 minutes though. I would just have a clean guitar strumming the chords instead of all the picking and stuff. Same with the outro, it sounds a bit too cluttered. I'd keep the drums the same, add in some rhythem guitar playing the power chord parts, and keep the vocal melodies. I liked how it ended slowly.

Overall, it was very enjoyable as a pop-punk piece. Personally, I'm more fond of the less poppy stuff, but given the right vocals, this could sound amazing. My major complaint is the outro, it just sounds out of place, almost like you were trying to incorporate your old style into this song, which I advise against.

If you could C4C, you could look at one of the songs in my sig, they're pop-punk too!

Saint78
10-30-2011, 10:41 PM
That was one of the better songs I've seen on here actually, the only things I can think of is during the verses and the pre-choruses during the palm-muting instead of accenting by hitting on all three strings, un-palm-mute, because that will sound more punk, and if you want to make it groove a little more, put the accents in different places. That's really all I can think of.
C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1492160 :cheers:

Joshua1207
11-05-2011, 10:54 PM
I liked the intro a lot, very nice vocal line. I especially enjoyed the chorus, very memorable. Crossover was a pretty good transition to the verse.
Bar 90 comes in greatly and is probably my favorite section of the song. Very nice piano lines. The outro was very nice too and fit perfectly.

I wish I could find flaws in this, but I can't =/ The only thing I didn't like really was the vocals at bar 114 to the end but eh.
I didn't really have much to say, but if you still want to critic back... http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1492189

Rokkstar
12-18-2011, 10:25 PM
Just got around to returning critiques! Please continue feedback! :D Also here's a really bad recording of the song in single acoustic mode:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJpO4-R6_6Y

LRCGUITAR
12-19-2011, 06:02 PM
This is really, really good. I'm not much of a pop-punk person but I really enjoyed it, it's definitely something I'd listen to if it was properly recorded. The only thing that bothers me as such is that it seems a bit crowded, it could have done with a few breaks, perhaps between verses or something, just to give the choruses more distinction, if that makes sense :p:

If you have time, it'd be great if you could have a look at this (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28761898#post28761898).