Metalcore Song (GP5) Need Help


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jayfrancis
10-27-2011, 07:21 PM
I have this song but I think i need a little help in making it more coherent, I was wondering if i could get some help regarding that (like where to add a new riff or take one out). Any critique is welcome! Drums are just there as a filler really, it was my first try at writing drums.

scarter1192
10-27-2011, 07:57 PM
Pretty good man. I thought it was solid. It reminded me a lot of Ascendancy era Trivium, aside from the breakdown.

Syphirous
10-27-2011, 07:58 PM
I'ma just say that it's ****ing sweet. (y)

KirkChicoHammet
10-27-2011, 08:05 PM
I think this is really good u.u
I wouldn't change much aside from the drums, but they're already better than mine, and you're saying it was your first try.

Also, this is awesome.

BloodReverence
10-27-2011, 08:50 PM
You need to change up the drums man. Almost everything in that song had a 16'th note rhythm. slow it down in a few places man. guitars were pretty good in most places though, super fast.

frankibo
10-29-2011, 06:12 PM
You need to rewrite the whole song and make it not the most generic metalcore song ever.
Also that C5 chord breakdown was atrocious.
Also the whole riff following the breakdown shouldn't be a bar of 7/8 and then 4/4, it should all be 4/4 with the C5 (and subsequent G#5 and A#5) chord(s) pushed one quarter note duration from the bar previous.

MattAnderson111
10-30-2011, 06:53 PM
As our lovely Frankibo stated, the song is pretty generic. I mean, it's interesting but I can tell you that most of these riffs sound very similar to a few VERY big metalcore bands.

The whole C5, G#5, A#5 is so overdone, it's ridiculous. It makes me mad that some bands still do 2 bars of C5, followed by 1 bar of G#5 and 1 bar of A#5. (0-8-10, If that makes it any easier) with the pedal riffs using those as roots.

Now, it's not a bad song, it's composed well, but the idea is too stale. I think so many people write it because it's so damn easy.

Change up the keys you use for a song, you might find some cool progressions that sound fresh. Try not to do those very boring 8th note riffs. (Bar 63 is a good example) Mix in some chords, but try to stray away from convention power chords.

I'm not saying this to bring you down, this is how I originally wrote metalcore too, but maybe some of the things I said will spur some creativity.

PM me if you ever have any questions.

frankibo
10-30-2011, 07:19 PM
As our lovely Frankibo stated...

...Change up the keys you use for a song, you might find some cool progressions that sound fresh. Try not to do those very boring 8th note riffs. (Bar 63 is a good example) Mix in some chords, but try to stray away from convention power chords.


Firstly, thank you :)

Secondly, that's what I would have said if I wasn't a douchebag

MattAnderson111
10-30-2011, 07:23 PM
Titans of T&C

:cool: